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Wrong to do a "Secret" ultrasound?

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Joined 31-Mar-09

30-Apr-09 4:40 pm

Hi, i'm 17 weeks along- my next ultrasound with  my Dr. is May 12th- i can't wait!!! I called and made an appt. to have a 3D gender ultrasound done this Monday. The thing is my husband will be out of town all next week and my daughter in school. I'm torn! I dont plan on telling anyone about the ultrasound appt. i just made for Monday. Part of me thinks i should wait and have the ultrasound done w/my husband- the other part of me wants to have it done alone, so this way if i hear "girl " i can have time alone to adjust to this news. I know this sounds so secretive and wrong. But i dont want to be disappointed in front of my husband, plus everyone knows about the ultrasound on May 12th and will be calling wanting to hear the news- i feel like i should do it alone, so i have time to come to grip with the news (i have a feeling its a girl again)- am i wrong? Then part of me thinks it would be easier to have my husband and daughter for support if it is another girl! (my husband doesnt care either way and my daughter wants a sister) arrggh!!! I dont know what to do ? Any opinions?

 

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30-Apr-09 4:42 pm
I'd say it's tempting but I could never do it without telling my husband. I did have an elective u/s done at 15 wks with my DS#2 when DH wasn't there (I work in a children's hospital and they did it as a favor) but I cleared it with DH ahead of time.

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30-Apr-09 4:46 pm

 I understand exactly how you feel and I actually did the same thing and scheduled a scan at 16 weeks that I wasnt going to tell anyone about, I wanted to find out and have time to adjust myself if needed without anyone else around watching my reactions.  It turned out that I had a pretty big scare and it turned into an emergency scan anyway so my hubby knew about it but due to business constraints I was still on my own when I found out.

 

Good luck with your decision.

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30-Apr-09 4:57 pm

abbylee2:

Hi, i'm 17 weeks along- my next ultrasound with  my Dr. is May 12th- i can't wait!!! I called and made an appt. to have a 3D gender ultrasound done this Monday. The thing is my husband will be out of town all next week and my daughter in school. I'm torn! I dont plan on telling anyone about the ultrasound appt. i just made for Monday. Part of me thinks i should wait and have the ultrasound done w/my husband- the other part of me wants to have it done alone, so this way if i hear "girl " i can have time alone to adjust to this news. I know this sounds so secretive and wrong. But i dont want to be disappointed in front of my husband, plus everyone knows about the ultrasound on May 12th and will be calling wanting to hear the news- i feel like i should do it alone, so i have time to come to grip with the news (i have a feeling its a girl again)- am i wrong? Then part of me thinks it would be easier to have my husband and daughter for support if it is another girl! (my husband doesnt care either way and my daughter wants a sister) arrggh!!! I dont know what to do ? Any opinions?

 

 hard decision and Im telling you what I would do, I wouldent want to do this behind DH back but its not like its a really bad thing so... I would go for the secret u/s.. why not? that way if they tell you its a gril you will have time to sit back think about it and share the news later.. If your anything like me its very hard to hyde disapointment on your face.

With my DS2 I so wanted to believe I was having a girl but my gut kept telling me boy.. we waited until delivery to find out and there he was, to my suprise I burst out with tears of happiness. No GD whatsoever so even if you hear girl again, when you see that little face looking up at you you wont be disapointed.. 

Do what you think is best for you to cope with. Happy dont be so hard on yourself, your not commiting a crime.

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30-Apr-09 9:31 pm

/quote

With my DS2 I so wanted to believe I was having a girl but my gut kept telling me boy.. we waited until delivery to find out and there he was, to my suprise I burst out with tears of happiness. No GD whatsoever so even if you hear girl again, when you see that little face looking up at you you wont be disapointed.. 

This was me too..i was so proud and happy when i saw him, no GD whats so ever.

You know what ide do it if i was you, none of this GD is easy, and if you can help yourself by being prepared then i say go for it! and i wish you all the luck :)

 

 

 

 

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Amber

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1-May-09 8:47 am

 I know and understand that 11 day seems like so far awa, but I would NEVER go behind my hubby's back and schedule a scan for the pure intention of finding out what the gender is. 

I had an u/s for emergency reasons before my gender scan. I happened to find out. Hubby was elated but disappointed that he couldn't be there with me. He has ALWAYS been there with me for all of my scans. The fact that it was an emergency scan made it impossible for him to be there at that time though.

This is news that you should be sharing together and not hiding from each other. What happens if it isn't the gender you want? He's going to wonder what is up and why you are down. If it is the gender youare hoping for...are you really going to be able to keep it from him? Or will you spoil the big surprise?

Honestly, I would wait. It would only be an extra 8 days and you would be savi9ng that money that could be used to go toward something for the baby. Remember that you and your hubby are going through this all together. As a team, he ought to be at least made aware if you do go through with the scan on Monday.

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1-May-09 9:38 am

Ok im with all4girls4me, she makes ALOT of sence, your in this thick and thin with Dh, see it though with him. Youll be ok either way.

Save that money all4girls4me is right and buy the baby something.

What if it is the DG and he isnt there to share.

takecare and goodluck in deciding!

 

 

 

 

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ttc girl, see what happens.

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1-May-09 11:13 am
i would do it because when we had #2 i cried when i found it he was a boy and dh got mad it me and i wish i could have just heard it by myself first. i was happy the next day but it took some time.
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1-May-09 11:19 am

I don't think it's "wrong" exactly, and I understand how the wait can drive you crazy, but I do think that you'll find yourself wishing your DH was with you for support regardless of which gender you hear.  8 days isn't so long to wait even though I know it feels like an eternity.  It would be hard for me to resist, but I don't think I'd want to find myself alone in that room without my husband to help me celebrate or to comfort me afterwards. BUT, if my husband didn't understand GD and wasn't going to be comforting...I might just cave and find out so that I could deal with it and put on a happy face for him at the next sono.


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1-May-09 11:22 am

I don't think it's wrong if the circumstances are right. BUT if you hear what you are wanting to hear then it might be hard to keep it in!! Good Luck!

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1-May-09 11:32 am

I did it with DS#2 and I am glad I did!  DH DID NOT understand my GD and still doesn't fully.  I KNEW how he would react if I hadn't have found out and he was to see my reaction to a wonderful blessing of a baby.  I needed time to pull myself together and "act" like I was thrilled to have DS#2.  I would not have been able to do that had I not known what I was having before everyone else did.  I only told ONE person.  A very good friend who COMPLETELY understands and shares my GD.  She was enough support to get me through the next two weeks before the big gender reveal at the Dr. 

Anyway, I had a really hard time deciding what to do at the time, but I needed to know.  DH now knows that I had that US early and already knew what we were having before anyone else.  I told him this about a year after DS#2 was born while we were discussing whether or  not to try for #3 in an attempt for him to understand my GD and reasoning for wanting to sway to get a girl.  At that point, he was not upset nor surprised about my secret US, after all it was a long time ago Happy Wink.

GL

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1-May-09 12:44 pm

Thank you everyone for your advice!!!!!!  This forum so helps since i have no one to talk to about this! I'm still not 100% sure what to do, but i'm leaning towards canceling the appt. on Monday and waiting for the ultrasound, so my DH can be there. You all made ALLOT of sense. Thanks! :) 

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2-May-09 9:56 pm

I will NEVER go without my DH to the BIG U/S!!!

Good luck on what ever you decide.

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2-May-09 10:09 pm

 I'd Go... but that's just me. DH has never been there for the GENDER u/s (can't get away from work) , and he wouldn't be offended either way, as long as I brought him a picture. But if your DH will be mad, I'd hold off. Shedule a lot of shopping trips, picnics, lunch with daughter, etc to get your mind off these 10 days! They will fly by anyway.. 

(I'd still go... I'm impatient, LOL) Good PINK luck!!




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3-May-09 8:15 pm
At the end of the day its YOU carrying the baby and YOUR wellbeing is important for yours and the baby's sake.

If you feel you need to go do it then do just that.

My only thought would be to be 100% honest with DH.

Tell him what you are doing and the circumstances why. You don't need to justify to anyone else and lets face it, how often are you pregnant and have the opportunity to do the scan anyway?

Well well, you never know!
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