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so confused

Posts: 1,093

Joined 4-May-12

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30-Jul-12 7:22 pm

 I wasnt sure where to post this but I cant get it off my mind. Im not really upset anymore that my little love bug is indeed another boy...however I am facing a new dilema...It was so much easier when I knew for sure ths was our last baby but when dh told me he kind of wanted another one...I definetly have mixed emotions now. I am so happy he wants to try again I want to too..I think...One big fear though....if dh and I both want we only truly want to because we want a girl or because he wants me to have my own little girl...??? Would we truly be ok if it was a boy, we both say yes but do we mean it..IDK...and I am so torn now....idk why...but i am....part of me felt horrible this was the last..maybe cuz i didnt feel ready...but now given the option i cannot make up my mind....part of me thinks we should be done and i should get fixed but the other part of me says im not ready to be done i do want one more one more try for a little girl even if it is a boy...but i cant tell if i just feel that way because i am scared of taking that final step....or if i truly feel that way..and on top of it i only have a month to decide according to my dr if i want my tubal or not.....and that makes me feel even more insecure about our decisions..I dont want to choose out of pressure and then regret it either way....I know for a fact Niether of us wants another one soon...I need at least five years...but...seeing as we always seem to end up preganant when we are trying not to get pregnant..and never when we are trying....i am afraid of another ooops....:(..if we do this I really want to try this time I want to plan for a baby not go crazy trying but say hey its that time you want to try for one and maybe even (if it even works) change it up a bit so our chances of girl might be higher...even if they dont mean crap i feel that trying cant hurt as long as i dont take it too far and rely to heavily on it....but maybe changing things up cant hurt my chances for having a girl..might not make them higher but def wont make them lower lol....but I just cant decide..I truly cant decide if its the emotions and hormones and the left over gd that has me all worked up and not ready for it to be the "end"...or if i truly do want one more go at it...and if i do..what the hell do i do to keep away the OOPS for five years lol without a lot of hormones cuz me on going to equal JUST ME and no DH...anyone else feel this way feel confused...I know there is a lot who have to make this one their last..and i was in that boat just few weeks ago....and i was having a hard time accepting it..but now im having a hard time accepting either option..and i just dont know wht to do...any advice please....i feel so confused and dh sucks at this stuff...he makes me feel even more confused because well...hes just as indecisive as i am....and i cant tell if hes only doin this for me or if this is something he truly wants regardless of sex...idk...ugh...sorry...


Posts: 150

Joined 13-Jun-11

30-Jul-12 8:38 pm

if u r really not sure dont have ur tubes tied. u need to be free from stress and hormones messing with ur emotions to decide. it will be a while til u r in that position because once u will have the new baby blues etc may follow. take ur time for that important decision. maybe an alternative would be to have ur dh have the procedure done. its far less invasive and easier to reverse for men. i wish u the best. im confused about what i want too. i understand, we all understand, so please dont apologize for ur post.....for ur feelings.


Posts: 980

Joined 28-Dec-10

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30-Jul-12 9:23 pm

 Well if you don't want another one for at least five years, you have plenty of time to think it over.  And when you do decide make sure you' d be okay with another child, not just to try for a girl.  GL!

Baby Bear Boy  2007 Baby Bear Boy 2010 Baby Bear Girl 2013

Posts: 333

Joined 9-Sep-08

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30-Jul-12 10:10 pm
My opinion would be to go for it and have another. I don't know anyone in real life who has had another child be it planned or an oops and regretted it. I do know plenty of people who wished they had had another and regretted it. You may feel differently in a few years but if you think you may regret not having another then I would be going for it. Good luck on whatever you decide!
Baby Boy 2007 Baby Boy 2009 Baby Girl 2011

Posts: 15

Joined 11-Jul-12

30-Jul-12 10:12 pm

if u r really not sure dont have ur tubes tied.

I agree. My husband and I have been through a 5 year waiting period, er, well, we will have been through more than a 5 year waiting period when he's back from deployment. We've had so much time to spend with our "baby" and she's enjoyed it as much as we have. I didn't do the long wait for the same reasons as you. I wasn't sure that I wanted another child, no matter the gender. I have infertility issues and wasn't sure I could handle the emotions tied to that all over again?
I've floated in between "yes" and "no" for years, but only recently has it become a for sure "yes". It's been nice to be able to have that time to be so sure about our decision.
I think, in your case, that time would be wonderful for you. You're going through so many emotions right now. And, as you know, those hormones/emotions are even worse in the first 6-12 months after your new baby is born. Take time to soak up the baby currently in your womb. Then, you'll have all the time in the world to decide about having another. I don't believe the decision to have a baby should be an "eh, maybe?" decision. You should know 100% what you want, and your husband as well. Good luck to you and congrats on another beautiful boy! (The children in your siggy are gorgeous!)

Posts: 333

Joined 9-Sep-08

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30-Jul-12 10:15 pm
We both wanted three and I must say I love having three and we would have stopped at three regardless of gender. I look at them now and have no regrets whereas we both knew after the second we were not done. I think also you have to look past the gender too and ask if you want another child or would you be ok if it was another boy. I think you know when you are done with kids.
Baby Boy 2007 Baby Boy 2009 Baby Girl 2011

Posts: 325

Joined 14-Jun-10

Top Poster
30-Jul-12 10:23 pm

When I was pregnant with DD3, I was contemplating having my tubes tied as I knew I would be having a c-section. The doctors told me that unless I was 110% positive that I wanted no more children that I should definitely not have it done. It can be reversed but is not always successful. I would consider other options.

Posts: 1,093

Joined 4-May-12

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30-Jul-12 10:43 pm

 I think part of my issue is not only the gender thing because in the long run Im sure I will experience a bit of gd if have another boy but I know in the end I will love him regardless my problem is accepting reality I think...I am young I am only 25 I am in college in a wonderful relationship and I have a son from a previous relationship many years ago and dh has four from a previous relationship...and together we have one and one on the reality..we have quite a few children. We do not have all four of his children all the time, however we do want to get custody of them for their I am torn..I know that in societies eye there is no way we should even be having this baby let alone thinking about another...even though he has a good job and I am going to school to get a good job...I guess I still feel the judging eyes of that and family judging the size of our family...does not help my decisions. I know I shouldnt let others opinions affect me but at this time i just cant seem to control it lol....with that being said and knowing that I am only 25 so still many baby years ahead of me and I technically have only had two..soon to be three I just feel so torn that I just do not feel ready for it to be over but part of me thinks maybe we should be...and the other part of me feels like I do want one more regardless of sex, yes I want a girl of my own...BUT...i know in the end I would be happy with either as long as healthy but I do not know if I truly want another baby because I want another baby or if i dont want one or if having so many has made me scared to have more because of others opinions and i just do not know...................i am so confused now i really am... Icant tell what my heart and mind is telling me its telling me both and you guys think it is wrong to have more kids with how many we already have...i/we do our best for them all..but i guess in reality can we truly afford college for all of these i giving them a bad life if i have one more....i mean we dont want one for few years..not til all the kids are in school and i am out of it lol.....idk...i just want to do the right thing....but im not sure what is right for me anymore:( so confused...I know for a fact that if we got prego on accident would be really bad....and i think that is scarng me too....we cant handle it I cant, he cant...but in a few years maybe we can...and I think im afraid to take that possability away....thanks for listening sorry for the just so confused.....Im startn to feel like a bad mom...............

Posts: 56

Joined 12-Jul-12

31-Jul-12 4:39 am
Lilli my advice would be don't do anything permanent unless you are 100% sure you will never want another, and now whilst u are feeling so low isn't really the best time to be making these kinds of decisions....... We decided after no 3 my hubby would have 'the snip', he bottled out at the last minute, and I'm so glad he did, I'm now on #6. I love having all these kids and like you I've yearned for a little girl. Devastated isn't the word I felt on my last pregnancy when we found out he was a boy, but he is so amazing I know why I was sent him, he honestly makes me smile everyday, he's so different from my other boys, loving and gentle and a proper mummy's boy. I know I will have GD again when they tell me this ones a boy ( which I'm 100% sure they will) but I know I'll get over it, i think it may hurt abit more this time tbh as I'd been reading up on swaying and wanted to give myself the best possible chance, I'd discussed it with hubby and we decided the next month we'd start trying and swaying,.....well that next month never came cos that's when I got my bfp!!! Anyway back to the point, if u were to decide at a later date that u actually did want another baby regardless of gender u may not be able to have the procedure reversed or u may find u can't get pregnant at all, which would then be devastating! Please lilli think carefully, give yourself time and I'm sure whatever you decide will be what's best for you. X
Dd, ds, ds, ds, ds, *****Ds #5 due jan 13

Posts: 88

Joined 17-Jul-12

31-Jul-12 7:25 am

 my wonderful doctor HIGHLY advises against tubal ligations...can cause permanent pain and terrible hormonal imbalance/depression. i would research the hell out of it. and Lilli, you are such a baby still! only 25....i had only 1 child in my 20's then 2 in my 30's and now my last at 42. i personally found space between them the greatest gift to them and myself; it provides ample time for the body to heal inside & out :)

Posts: 2,457

Joined 3-Aug-09

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31-Jul-12 8:52 am
You could always have the non-hormone coil fitted, I think that is fitted for at least 5 years, and then review. I wouldn't do anything permanent until you are sure. We will prob use the coil when we are done as my DH does not want the snip and I don't want my tubes tied either.
Love my babies

Posts: 370

Joined 8-Apr-10

Top Poster
31-Jul-12 9:17 am

You could always have the non-hormone coil fitted, I think that is fitted for at least 5 years, and then review. I wouldn't do anything permanent until you are sure. We will prob use the coil when we are done as my DH does not want the snip and I don't want my tubes tied either.

This exactly. Don't get your tubes tied but find a more secure form of birth control. An IUD can be put in place for up to five years,  alot of my close friends have them put in and they all love them, their periods are lighter or non existant and they don't have to worry about an oops. My one friend has used them her entire married life, 17 years and when they want a baby she has the dr take it out, and usually within three months she's pregnant. I would not get your tubes tied if you are not 110% sure, you are young and things may change for you. I've known a few ladies IRL that have gotten their tubes tied because they "thought" they were done and one did try to have the reversal done, but the tubes were too badly scarred. They are always other options, just think clearly before jumping into something like permant birth control.

Posts: 1,093

Joined 4-May-12

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31-Jul-12 11:59 am

 Is the IUD safe for people who have endrimitriosis? Will it cause me to be hormonal at all?? It was something I just started thinking about but I read horror stories about it fusing with your tubes and what not and I am just terrified either way. I cant do the pill, I cant do the shot..I cant do anything that requires a lot of hormones...Does the IUD hurt or slip out or anything?? I guess it would be nice to hear it from ppl who have actually used it before rather than random ppl on review sites that I dont even get responses from....I really dont think I want to get fixed...when I told dh we need to know now if we are doing this or not he didnt seem to understand and said well just get fixed and reverse it later cuz he doesnt want one now, he says he does want one later on way later but right now we just cant afford another child and my body wouldnt handle it i def need time to heal so his thoughts were that if i got fixed we wont have an oops....but he doesnt seem to realize that if i get fixed there might not be going back and thats what scares me...i dont want to spend all that money reversing t and then finding out that it wont work now....i would be way more devastated by that then getting another little boy, which I honestly think i would be ok with after the initial shock, I am happy now i have my moments still especially when I see and hear about step children's new sister and the name I had picked origionally for my first little princess...always seems to bring the sting back and i wish i could just forget it but thats hard sometimes...she did it on purpose and i dont ever let her know it hurts me at all but it i really think thats a big part of my gd now I know even if we did have another and was a boy i know i would be happy still...i just need to gurantee that I wont have an oops baby any time soon..and i thnk im scared of that...i dont think dh can handle that...i just dont know i hate this feeling.....

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