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Found out i am having our 4th boy and feeling devastated :(

Posts: 10

Joined 14-Jun-12

18-Jul-12 4:04 am
I don't really know where to start, my mind and heart are full of mixed emotions right now. After having 3 wonderful sons, I have just found out we are expecting a 4th. You have to to be joking, 4 boys.....this was not how it is supposed to be! Don't get me wrong, I know I should be more than grateful to even have been blessed with 1 child, let alone 4. Still, I feel like my heart has been ripped out, I am completely devastated. Am I not worthy of a little girl? We were so sure, our parental instincts were stronger than ever and we honestly this baby was a girl. Right now, it's hard to appreciate my baby, when I begrudge him for not being a girl..... Bad mother I know! I feel sad, angry, guilty & ungrateful all at once. How do I pull myself together and get through this? I don't want to tell anyone the sex of the baby, our 3 boys are desperate to know if it's a boy or a girl..... I cannot face anyone so have just told them that " we couldn't tell". I need to be stronger before I am able to even contemplate talking about our new baby boy. What message am I sending my boys if they see how devastated I am to be having another boy? I try hard not to cry around them. I have loved and do love my boys more than anything, it's not that I dontbwant another boy, I just want a little girl so much more!!! Our family does not seem complete now. I feel completely robbed, my perfect little world has been turned upside down. I feel like I am grieving the loss of a baby, the pain in my heart is excruciating. I never thought I would be this upset as I was never this sad when I found out our second or third sons were boys..... So why now? Any advice from anyone who can relate would be appreciated, thanks in advance .

Baby Bear Boydecember 1996    Baby Bear Boymay 2000    Baby Bear Boydecember 2000

Heartbrokenm/c october 2004     Heartbrokenm/c november 2011

expecting a surprise babyBaby Bear Boydecember 2012


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18-Jul-12 8:07 am

I couldn't read and run, just wanted to give you some BIG (((((((HUGS)))))))! Just tell people they couldn't tell and that baby's legs were are not obligated to tell anyone until you feel ready! I know your boys want to know but maybe prep them by talking about how awesome it will be if baby is another boy, etc.

You're not a bad mother and it's okay to have all these fact, you seem like a great mother! I think those of us with 3+ of the same gender in a row deserve to get a chance at raising the opposite! It's not fair when others get mixed genders so easily. If I had gotten a girl and boy right away, I wouldn't have cared what #'s 3, 4, etc were. As long as I got at least one of each.nk

There are several wonderful ladies on here who found out recently they are having boy #4...not to single them out, but Julianna, XXDreaming, and a couple of others...I hope they will post here and offer support!!

Is this sweet baby boy your last? You never know, it may just be in the cards for you to have 5 kids, and that 5th will be your bundle of pink. ;)

Remember, GD is always worst when you first find out gender...give yourself time to grieve for the baby you thought you were having, so that you can learn to accept and get excited for the one that's coming! xoxo

Baby Bear Boy '06 Baby Bear Boy '09 Baby Bear Boy '11

I'm in no way "disappointed" that I have sons, I just want the chance to raise a daughter as well. Happy Wink

Want to try for a Baby Bear Girl early next year! Pray

formerly Saggyrl11

formerly 'Tashy'

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Joined 7-Jun-08

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18-Jul-12 8:44 am
Oh my goodness, I know just exactly how you feel...exactly!!! My first 3 boys I really had no disappointment at all. Then I just KNEW number 4 was a girl,,just knew it with all of my heart, soul, and strength. But no, I was wrong. And I was beyond devastated. I spent most of my pregnancy crying and wanting to avoid people. Why wasn't I being allowed my heart's desire?????!!! I was angry!!! I hated those around me who were getting girls, just hated them. These emotions drastically changed who I was as a person and I hated myself too. But slowly,,,I started accepting this little baby boy of mine. We chose a name I adored (after thinking there was NO WAY I could choose another boy's name!) and it helped me to bond. Once he was born, wow, what an absolute angel. He really was. It was as if he tried his hardest never to upset me because he knew I was disappointed. I apologized to him over and over while cuddling him. How on earth could I have wished he was anything other than who he was??? I felt so guilty!!! He actually made me feel complete. I've never had a more contented baby,,I even took him to the doctor once to ask if it was OK that he never cried!!! He is now a very active toddler who is more BOY than all of my boys put together!!! SO FAR from being a girl!!! And this makes me love him that much more. I know a little boy isn't what you want, but what I found out is that my little sweet Jonah was exactly what I needed. It makes my eyes water now thinking about how depressed I was during pregnancy. That experience has definitely helped me with this pregnancy as I am now pregnant with boy number 5 and although I had a slight gender 'preference' I know that this baby is who he is and it doesn't matter what the heck is between his legs. I know you'll get through this!!! Don't let these nasty hormones make it worse!! Ignore them! This little boy number 4 is going to rock your world, I promise!!! xx PS How blessed are we!!!??? Imagine 20 years from now surrounded and protected by all these amazing men who are crazy about their mom??!! Seriously awesome :-)
Baby Boy 1995 Baby Boy 2002 Baby Boy 2005 Baby Boy 2008 Baby Girl 2010 Baby Boy 2013


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18-Jul-12 12:11 pm

wow big congrats on 4 of a kind! i know you feel sad right now but imagine telling people you have 4 boys! be proud sweetie and screw anyone with a negative comment. i had 4 beautiful daughters. then i was told the 5th was yet another girl. i cried and cried and i didn't want to be pregnant anymore. God granted my wish and took her away from me. now i would give anything in the world to hold her again, just once more. i proudly tell people i have 6 daughters! ( just because one lives in heaven dosen't mean she isn't still my daughter). you rock mama, be proud of your family

p.s. girls won't make you happier, they aren't cutier, they aren't made out of glitter and fairy wishes. i don't love them more then i love my son. a baby is a baby, don't be sad over something hidden in a diaper.

Baby Bear Girl01, Baby Bear Girl03, Baby Bear Girl05, Baby Bear Girl09, Baby Bear Girl10Heartbroken, Baby Bear Girl11, Baby Bear Girl11Heartbroken, Baby Bear Boy12, Baby Bear Girl13Heartbroken and another little born sept 4th!!

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Joined 14-Nov-10

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18-Jul-12 8:57 pm
I was in your shoes a few weeks ago when i found out I was having my 4th daughter. I learned to let go of the why me syndrome. I am not having any more children and didn't want to spend the rest of my pregnancy sulking about it. Yes I still have sadness and I still cry here and there. I how ever want to enjoy my last pregnancy with out all the fuss of feeling sorry for my self. I love my girls so much and they have made me one proud mama and i know this LO will also bring me the same. Just had to let go of a life long dream. I hope you can move past this soon, it isn't easy but remember you are not alone there are many of us with 4 of the same sex. HUGS

My princessesBaby GirlBaby GirlBaby GirlBaby Girl My family is 4DDs no more LO's and moving forward knowing there will never be a little boy in my life.

Posts: 22

Joined 16-Jan-12

18-Jul-12 9:06 pm

LoveHopeFaith's response is EXACTLY my experience with my 3rd/final boy.   I cried (here too!) for months after looking at our envelope after the 20wk scan.   I was so disconnected from the pregnancy -- I felt every thought you describe, Loveshoes.  The thought had simply never occured to me that I wouldn't have a girl.  I didn't care at all that #2 was a boy and I didn't even actively think, "next one will be a girl."  I just felt deep down, unconsciously even, that we all get both.  So ridiculous.  My GD did ease a tiny bit as the third pregnancy went on, but never went away.   I ended up dealing with it by just telling ppl that we didn't find out the sex (we did not find out in the scan, so it wasn't much of a stretch).  I'd say, "I don't know what it is, but my hunch is a boy."   For some reason, it let me get used to saying boy without having to deal with the comments.  And, it still left some excitement for the end bc I'd get to reveal it once he was here and no one would even think anything negative while looking at a beautiful baby.    Fast forward to his was the best day of my life.  It was an amazing birth and once he was held up for me to see, I cried the most incredible tears of joy.  I'm tearing up just thinking about it.  He was a gorgeous mix of my 2 boys and the love was instantaneous and immense.  I'd never have believed I would feel like this.   And, I was disgusted at myself for all the negative thoughts I'd had and how I'd wasted my final pregnancy with them.  He is only 10wks old now, but he is the sweetest baby ever.   So funny what LoveHopeFaith said abt her #4 working 'extra hard' for her -- well, here too.  It makes me even more sad to think of it like that!   He never cries, never squirms, sleeps like a champion (I'm talking 7pm - 4am by 6wks!), and gives me the cutest little gurgly smiles.  He is the easiest baby I've ever seen.  I could not ask for more.   But, to answer the loaded I said I don't have a daughter?  Yes, of course.  I don't think that will ever go away.   But, I would not trade this child for a daughter.  And, I really did not think I'd ever be able to say that when I found out he was a boy 20+wks ago.   I hope that helps.  Lots of wonderful thoughts to you and I hope you can find a way to try to enjoy your pregnancy.  If you can't, don't beat yourself up.  Clearly, it is a normal reaction...   

#5 coming July 2015 ?

No dots!

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18-Jul-12 11:19 pm

 I am sorry you didn't hear girl but Congratulations on your son!   I found out at my 20 wk scan that I was having my 4th boy too..  

I know how you feel, as I was in your same shoes a month ago.. it gets easier I promise.  Go ahead and cry.. I did.   LOTS...

I still cry. But I cry now because I will not have a daughter.. NOT because he is a boy. I saw him again today on the ultrasound and OMG, he is beautiful and I can't wait to meet him. Hearts

I wish we all lived by each other so we could give each other a HUG!  Hugs Violet


ColeBaby Bear Boy 2004     CaidenBaby Bear Boy 2006       KodyBaby Bear Boy 2011    JaceBaby Bear Boy 2012  My UNplanned home birth baby... ♥
Baby GIRL due July 19, 2015  

 "Boys are meant for kisses and hugs, For watching rainbows and catching
bugs, For sharing all of your favorite things, For books to read and
songs to sing.  Blue jeans and trucks, scrapes on his knees, Running in the Dirt, and being a tease. Making a face, and build and destroy. There's nothing like just being a BOY!" ????


Posts: 10

Joined 14-Jun-12

19-Jul-12 5:57 am
Thank you so much ladies for taking the time out to offer me beautiful words of support & encouragement! Reading through your messages made me cry knowing that you all completely understand my feelings. You have all offered me fantastic advice and shown me the light at the end of this depressive tunnel. You have all described exactly my thoughts and feelings, it was like you are all talking about me, not yourselves, lol!! I know now that I will be ok, one day..... There all always be a sadness in my heart for not having a daughter but the joy and love my sons bring me,far outweighs that. My new baby will add to this love and joy. I can see that in time my heartbreak will ease, who knows, I may even realize that I never truly needed a baby girl to complete my life..... I am not sad that he is a boy, just sad that I will never have a daughter and disappointed that I let myself believe in my heart and soul that it could possibly be a girl and mad at myself for thinking I desperately NEED a daughter...... Realistically my wonderful boys and husband are ALL I need! I will read your messages of hope every day now, they give me strength & hope.... One day at time! Sending you all hugs, thanks & best wishes for your families Xxx

Baby Bear Boydecember 1996    Baby Bear Boymay 2000    Baby Bear Boydecember 2000

Heartbrokenm/c october 2004     Heartbrokenm/c november 2011

expecting a surprise babyBaby Bear Boydecember 2012

Posts: 155

Joined 29-May-12

19-Jul-12 10:39 am
It dose get better hun, hugs..

Baby Boy 11/16/2004, Baby Bear Boy 10/03/13

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19-Jul-12 10:46 am

 I keep getting told that it gets better and we are going to be ok and i believe it...and believe it will for you too....I just found out yesterday my last baby is another little boy as well so I can feel your pain and I am so sorry:(. We can all pull through this and when our handsome little boys..OR girls...are finally here I am sure we will all be cured of this horrible pain..I truly do hope and think that this little prince might be just the one I need to fix my broken heart and I cant wait to hold him:) good luck hun....


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Joined 28-Dec-10

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19-Jul-12 1:47 pm

 ((hugs)) I'm sorry you didn't hear girl.  I am pregnant with our third and last child and this is my last chance to have a daughter.  If I hear boy I'm gonna be devastated.  And like you, not cause it's a boy but because it's my last chance to have a girl.  I didn't care that my second one was a boy but this time I'm gonna really be upset.

Also, I'm curious, are you glad you found out at the ultrasound?  Or do you wish you waited until birth?  I still can't decide what to do.

Baby Bear Boy  2007 Baby Bear Boy 2010 Baby Bear Girl 2013

Posts: 10

Joined 14-Jun-12

19-Jul-12 5:37 pm
Wildwood days...... Most definitely glad I found out early. I actually said to my husband , through my unstoppable tears, " I'm so glad I found this out now, rather than feel this devastated right after the birth, that would just be horrible". I do have the thoughts of wanting to turn back time & going to back to not knowing cause now that I do know, the pain is unbearable:( The up side is that I now how 20 weeks to strengthen myself emotionally and grieve for the baby girl I will never have. I would much prefer that than having my baby and feeling like I do concern for waiting is that it would have triggered post natal depression. What I am feeling now is most definitely depression. Hope this helps, I wish you lots of pink luck xx Strange that I would've shouted it from the roof tops for the whole world to know if I was having a girl, but now that it's a boy I just want to hide away and tell no one. I feel safe at home with my family not having to discuss it or face the truth, until reality bites and I feel terrible again. I Want off this roller coaster ride of emotions, but unfortunately I have to ride it out.. After all of your advice, I am not going to tell anyone, they will find out when he is born. Until then, my husband and I are the only ones who need to know. I am dropping little hints to prepare my sons (they are15,12 $ 8) for the possibility of a brother instead of a sister. Lillithriven......sorry that you are going through this also, sometimes life just seems so unfair! Hopefully our pain will subside soon, I believe it will always be there, we will just learn to hide our emotions. Like death, we never truly get over it, we just learn to live with it. Once again, thank you all for your encouragement, it helps to know I am not alone with my crazy thoughts. Xxx

Baby Bear Boydecember 1996    Baby Bear Boymay 2000    Baby Bear Boydecember 2000

Heartbrokenm/c october 2004     Heartbrokenm/c november 2011

expecting a surprise babyBaby Bear Boydecember 2012

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Joined 2-Aug-09

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23-Jul-12 2:20 am
Hey Loveshoes, there isn't anything I can add that hasn't already been said but if you ever need a friend feel free to email me. Congratulations on your 4th Baby Bear Boy Happy he'll be FAB! Hearts.

PrayBaby Boy for me one day (via adoption) if I can get my operation in New York and it's successfull!!...NEVER giving up!

. My dream! #BELIEVE everyone.

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24-Jul-12 8:10 am
Loveshoes, Just to add that we did what you are planning with your 4th boy with DS3. We found out but told everyone we were Team Green. It worked really well. When we announced his arrival and he was so beautiful with a gorgeous name, we got nothing but positive, joyous comments.Sadly from what I've seen/heard, that is not always the case if you disclose the gender of baby before they are born.
Love my babies

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Joined 22-Dec-11

3-Aug-12 7:59 pm
I am holding my 4 week old 4th boy right now. He is perfect. His brothers are over the moon although previously they were sad they weren't getting a sister. It was a long road for me to get to the point of acceptance, but I got here. I don't come to this website any more. This is the first time since my last post. Read my last post and you'll know how hard it was for me and how far I've come to get where I am now. Right now I'm only here out of curiosity and a little boredom but not because I am sad. Best of luck to you and those four boys!
Baby Boy7Baby Boy5Baby Boy2  due in August with Baby Boy
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