Forums  Gender Selection Gender Prediction Gender Disappointment Gender Odds

How do I handle my friend's obession with having a girl?

Posts: 8

Joined 4-May-12

9-Jul-12 10:05 pm

 I have a 7 month old baby boy named Colin. There was no swaying involved with him (surprise baby). My husband and I plan to sway for a girl in a few months. My friend has struggled for 2 years to get pregnant and she almost did IVF but ended up getting pregnant naturally right before the procedure! I was thrilled for her and she was beyond happy. The issue I have is that ever since she found out she was pregnant....all she does is make comments about how "I really really hope its girl"...."this better be a girl"...."I want a little girl so bad". When I say in a playful voice, "What's wrong with boys?".....she laughs and says "Oh you know I love Colin. He is so adorable! Its just that I really really want a baby girl. I want that mother daughter experience and I want to be able to get all the fun girly clothes and stuff". Its really annoying that almost every time I talk to her she makes a comment about her baby being a girl! She has the girl name picked out and says that she hasn't even thought about any boy names. Its like the the possibility of having a boy hasn't even crossed her mind! She is only 4 months pregnant and hasn't found out what she is having yet. However, all the purchases she has made have all been pink items! I ask her, "But what if you found out its a boy?"....her response is, "Well I guess I will just return the stuff but I just feel its a girl!". Then I say, "Do you actually feel its a girl or do you want it so badly to be a girl that you are believing its a girl?". She replies, "I think its a girl". I am like blown away at how confident she is but I am also highly offended about it too. I have a baby boy and he is wonderful. What is wrong with having a boy? Am I being too sensitive? I just feel like she thinks having a boy is like complete crap when she makes comments like "This better be a girl". Well what if it isn't? Is it the end of the world? I guess what makes me the most mad is that she couldn't even get pregnant before...now all of a sudden she has a strong preference about the gender?! How about being grateful that you are having a baby at all in the first place! Sorry I needed somewhere to vent about all this lol. Anyways I understand having a preference for a girl or a boy (since I am going to try and sway girl on the next baby) but I feel like she is taking it to a whole other level! #1 she had fertility problems and she be grateful just to have a baby in the first place...#2 Its only her first baby! There is no pressure! There is still next time! She already expressed that she wants 3 children. So even if this first one is a boy it is not the end of her life!
So long story short she finds out the gender of her baby this wed. She is going to text me what it is. Is it mean that I want it to be a boy? Am I a horrible person? I want her to be happy with what she gets but part of me wants her to learn a lesson and learn what really is important in life. I dunno. i honestly think she will prob have a girl but if she calls me up crying that its a boy...how do I handle that? I feel like she is going to want me to console her about having a boy when really I don't think it is a bad thing in the first place! What do I say without completely unleashing it on her?! Thanks for reading this and helping me out!!

 

Posts: 156

Joined 28-Jun-12

10-Jul-12 12:50 pm

You will have to be sensitive to her GD if it turns out she is having a boy. You may want to unleash on her because you have a son but not everyone has wishes and dreams for the same gender and as her friend you will have to be sensitive to her GD. What Id like to hear from a friend when I was convinced I was having a boy with my DD was how they understood my disappointment but followed by encouraging words of how having a baby is going to be great regardless of gender.

Maybe you can add how your sons can do sports or groups together one day or how they'll be playground buddies etc.

Be sensitive. Don't unleash is the best advice I can give you. Being I was once in her shoes (if she gets the opposit of what she wants.)

Baby Girl2010

expecting a Baby Boy 12/12

Our family will be complete! The pigeon pair!

Posts: 87

Joined 30-Mar-09

10-Jul-12 1:57 pm

Ugh, she annoys me and i don't even know her. I would be quite offended by her comments, she really should know her audience,she seems a little clueless. However,  she will probably be insufferable either way. If she gets a girl she will be so in your face gushing about it and if it is boy she will be all sad and vent to you about how unfair it all is. I don't really know what you can do about it other than try to change the subject and talk about anything other than gender to her. Can you avoid her? 

I totally understand where you are coming from. I also understand wanting a particular gender ( and it doesn't bother me on this board) but I admit that in real life it bugs the crap out of me when people have such strong preferences especially if it the first kid or if they already have that gender.

 

 

 

Posts: 1,187

Joined 17-Jan-11

Top Poster
10-Jul-12 2:22 pm
Well I also hope it's a boy! keep us updated!
Proud mommy of 2 wonderful little boys! would love to add a girl to our family in the future. probably with girl-diet.

Posts: 8

Joined 4-May-12

10-Jul-12 3:57 pm

Well tomorrow's the day. I will let you know what she is having! 

Posts: 117

Joined 3-Mar-12

10-Jul-12 6:26 pm
HopeFaith:

You will have to be sensitive to her GD if it turns out she is having a boy. You may want to unleash on her because you have a son but not everyone has wishes and dreams for the same gender and as her friend you will have to be sensitive to her GD. What Id like to hear from a friend when I was convinced I was having a boy with my DD was how they understood my disappointment but followed by encouraging words of how having a baby is going to be great regardless of gender.

Maybe you can add how your sons can do sports or groups together one day or how they'll be playground buddies etc.

Be sensitive. Don't unleash is the best advice I can give you. Being I was once in her shoes (if she gets the opposit of what she wants.)

I tend to agree with this. It sounds like your friend is suffering from what could possibly turn into gd. And if it turns out she is having a girl, congratulate her, but don't feel obligated to hang around her if she is continually insensitive and rubbing it in your face.. It's okay to distance yourself from her for a while.
Baby Bear Boy March 2009 Baby Bear Boy November 2012

Posts: 117

Joined 3-Mar-12

10-Jul-12 6:29 pm
P.s. Now I'm eager to find out what she is having. I do hope if it's a little boy he will be just as loved as a girl would have been...
Baby Bear Boy March 2009 Baby Bear Boy November 2012

Posts: 156

Joined 28-Jun-12

11-Jul-12 11:26 am
Usa/CanadaHybridBabies:
P.s. Now I'm eager to find out what she is having. I do hope if it's a little boy he will be just as loved as a girl would have been...
Agree

Baby Girl2010

expecting a Baby Boy 12/12

Our family will be complete! The pigeon pair!

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Joined 4-May-12

Top Poster
11-Jul-12 11:38 am

 I can say I understand and feel similar to you...and it is not wrong to feel this way..BUT..be sensitive to her..she is your friend..shes full of emotions...she means nothing against your little boy...maybe she wants all girls???? we all have preferences...even if it is hard for her and she should be thankful...sometimes we just cant help but want what we want....she will need you if it is a boy..she will need you to support her and give her hope..not rub it in her face...imagine being in her position...ya she might want three...but...maybe shes being realistic and realizing three may never happen since she has issues having babies...so maybe knowing she might never have another..she really needs/wants a girl..shes got ur boy to spoil already:P......all i am saying is just imagine being in her shoes..what if u had troubles gettn preg...and yes ur dreams were filled with lots of children..but realisticly how many do you think she really will get to have...wouldnt you be torn????what if this next time for you proves difficutl and all that work you put into having a girl turns out to be another boy???? You will feel the same way I am sure..at least for a few minutes....so just remember...this is just what she wants..shes not said boys are bad??? she even said she loves yours..but this is her baby..this is what she wants...and if her dream is crushed it doesnt mean that she wont love the baby cuz it a boy....it just means shes scared she might not get the chance to have her girl....just be supportive of her...its ok deep down for you to feel this way and maybe even feel better if she gets a boy..but does she really need a lesson taught to her?? Im sure in the end she will love it either way....and she will need someone to bet here to help her get over that pain and tell her its all going to be ok and hopefully one day she will be able to try again and if not this baby will be so precious...just remember how it feels to be pregnant....were so full of raging emotions....dont ruin a friendship...or her pregnancy by rubbing it in her face if it is a boy..and forgive her if she accidently rubs in ur face its a girl..she cant help it..id be so happy to find out im havn a girl...and im sure to some it woudl seem im being mean..but we dont purposly do things like that or say things...just let her be happy...i wish my fam would of let me be happy ive had such a bad pregnancy its taken me 25 weeks to finally accept and enjoy it...

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Joined 4-May-12

Top Poster
11-Jul-12 11:42 am

 and i dont want you to thnk i am dissing on you because I feel the same way at times with others....but..i try to tell myself..im not them..i dont know how they are feeling what they are going through.....so its not my place to judge them....and like i said...prego's are emotionally dangerous lol....so if shes a good friend...just ignore it....Its good you came somewhere to vent its ok to feel this way...i got a sil who I just want to slap silly...more so cuz I think deep down im jealous...but she wanted a girl..and shes getting one...and idk....she should be happy to be pregnant as she is similar to your friend....but she kind of rubs it in my face its a girl..but i just ignore it....and deep down....i keep hopn pops out a boy lol..but...in reality i dont want anyone to be hurt...its just my hormones and jealousy..maybe a part of it is jealousy for you???? maybe deep down you wanted a girl only???? maybe the fact that she is so confident its a girl makes u think it is and makes you wonder if you will ever get your girl??? could any of this be the problem????

My family is complete ???

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Joined 29-Mar-10

Top Poster
11-Jul-12 11:53 am
lillithrivan:
maybe the fact that she is so confident its a girl makes u think it is and makes you wonder if you will ever get your girl??? could any of this be the problem????
I agree with this. It's not that you don't want her to have a girl.....it's just you want a girl too. I hope it's a boy cause if she's like this before she finds out the sex I can't imagine what she'll be like after if it is a girl. She doesn't seem to take other peoples feeling in to account. She has what I call "Foot in mouth Syndrome" lol. I would tell her how hurtful her comments are though and ask how she would feel if you said that knowing she had a boy. It's not nice to hear someone talk about boys or girls like that. Hoping you also get your girl xxx

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Joined 17-Jan-11

Top Poster
11-Jul-12 1:29 pm
no update yet?
Proud mommy of 2 wonderful little boys! would love to add a girl to our family in the future. probably with girl-diet.

Posts: 73

Joined 9-Jul-12

11-Jul-12 1:40 pm
I think it sounds very much like she will deal with some GD if it is a boy. And perhaps you are also questioning if you will get your girl. Things like this are tricky. I have to say, I get really offended when people make comments about "not wanting a boy" because I think boys are fabulous and I can't imagine why they "don't want them." But I understand that not everyone has a desire to have a son. I can respect that. As long as they can respect I adore my sons and don't want someone looking at me saying that boys aren't as good as girls (which has happened). I hope that whatever her baby is, it will be welcomed happily. You are in a tough place though :(
A: Mama to my darlins' L Baby Boy & K Baby Boy

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11-Jul-12 5:12 pm
still no update? well then i get the feeling it is a girl after all.
Proud mommy of 2 wonderful little boys! would love to add a girl to our family in the future. probably with girl-diet.

Posts: 8

Joined 4-May-12

11-Jul-12 5:29 pm

 Well she just texted me this morning. Of course she found out she is having a girl. She sent me like 5 text messages before the appt saying.."Omg omg I am SOOOOOO nervous right now!". I texted her back being like, "Why are you so nervous?". Deep down I was just begging her to say something negative again about the baby being a boy so that I could yell at her .........but she didn't respond to my text. Then she texted me like an hour later saying that she was having a "precious princess baby girl". And then she went on and on about how relieved and happy she was...and how she is going to go out tonight and go on a "girly shopping spree" and "bake pink cupcakes". I was livid and wanted to say something but I was at the beach with family and didn't want to get into it on the phone there. So I texted her back and said that I was very happy for her and that she got what she wanted. I dunno guys I am just so livid and depressed right now. I just feel like there is no justice in the world. Why does someone who act like that end up getting what they want? I am so upset about this and I can't talk to anyone about it because my husband said he doesn't want to hear my complaining anymore. I don't blame him because I talk about it a lot.......but I still can't help it. She makes me feel bad that I have a baby boy and she already knows that me not having a girl is a sensitive subject. I am also sad because I fear that this will def change our friendship. I am going to sway my heart out on this next baby but if its a boy again I honestly don't know how I am going to stand being friends with her. She is going to make comments like "Oh I'm so sorry its another boy". I can't be around that. I think if our next baby is another boy that I will prob take it very hard and be really upset for awhile. Not necessarily because the baby is a boy but because the dream of ever having a girl will be gone. This next baby will be our last because my husband only wants 2 kids. So this is it. If the next baby is a boy I need people around me that are going to be positive and supportive and help me realize that having all boys is great. She is just going to make things worse. My husband thinks I should talk to her now before we start ttc for baby #2 in a couple of months. He thinks I should tell her how I feel and everything. I agree that maybe something needs to be said but I am not sure how to go about doing it. I feel like she is going to immediately jump to the conclusion that I am just completely jealous of her that she got a girl and that I am a terrible friend who isn't happy for her. That is not the case. I am happy that she got pregnant after years of trying and I would never want someone to not get what they want but I felt like her behavior, comments and preference for a girl were way over the top...especially in front of me when she knows I have a boy and nervous about possibly never having a daughter. I dunno what do you guys think? I read this and if I didn't know me I would think this was totally crazy. I SHOULD just be grateful that I have a healthy baby boy and not be so obsessed with this gender thing. Babies are born everyday with health problems and thousands of couples struggle with infertility and are never able to have kids. How can I be so selfish? God what is wrong with me. Nothing is ever good enough. I am so lost right now.

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