Forums  Gender Selection Gender Prediction Gender Disappointment Gender Odds

Anyone with both genders still have some GD?

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6-Jul-12 11:52 am
A little background, I currently have 1 of each. We thought we were done with 2 but found out I was pregnant earlier this year (surprise!). I didn't think I cared what gender this baby was since I already had 1 of each. When we found out the gender, we discovered we were expecting a boy. I felt disappointed and it caught me off guard since I thought I didn't care. I guess since this baby and my DD will only be 2 years apart, I started having visions of my 2 little girls close in age, growing up together as great friends and sisters. I never had a sister and always wished I did. This baby and my DS will have a large gap (6+ years) so I don't know how close they will be. I get that many of you have all 1 gender and would give anything to have a mix, I mean no disrespect to you. I know I'm very lucky, so I guess I don't get where these feelings of disappointment are coming from? I found out the gender a couple months ago and am still feeling this way. I know I will love this little boy more than anything and I feel terrible for feeling this way. Anyone else ever felt this way? Just looking for some reassurance that this is normal and will pass. I haven't admitted my feelings to anyone IRL.
Baby Boy - 2006 Baby Girl - 2010 Expecting a Baby Boy in the fall of 2012
 

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6-Jul-12 11:57 am
I'm not in your shoes, I've got two sons. But, I think both your kids will love having a little brother. I think your DD will dote over him, and be a little mommy. I think if this baby was a DD, the girls would have more conflicts over the years than your DD and this DS. I hope that helps ease some of your dissapointment! That's how I see it anyway :) When you meet that little boy, and see his sweet little face, I think your sadness will melt away :)
3 boys would love a girl!

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6-Jul-12 12:32 pm
Thanks LTB. I hope you get the lil' girl you are hoping for when you start TTC. And I'm sure their dynamic will work out once he gets here and I won't be able to imagine my family any other way. I guess when you are pregnant, the baby is just an intangible idea until they actually arrive, so its easy to get caught up imagining your family a certain way, and then it takes a little getting over when the reality is not quite what you imagined. Hopefully my DD will love being the only princess and will have a great relationship with her lil' bro. And you are right, sisters fight. I need to keep that in mind. ;)
Baby Boy - 2006 Baby Girl - 2010 Expecting a Baby Boy in the fall of 2012

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6-Jul-12 12:49 pm
I have two older brothers. They have always been close, today they are 31 years old and 28 years old and they still hang out and go to movies together. It's great to see as I myself have 3 boys. My boys are so close and play together all the time, I hope they grow up as close together as they are now. Instead of being sad your DDis not getting a sister, rejoice at your DS getting a brother! Brothers are amazing!

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Aimee

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6-Jul-12 1:12 pm

While I'm not in your situation, I just wanted to add from experience that there is never a guarantee( obviously) that two sisters will be close. I think a lot depends on the personalities of the siblings. I have a younger sister and a younger brother. My sister and I are very different people and have never been that close, but my brother and I share and amazing bond. There is a 4 year age gap between myself and my sister, a 2 year gap between my brother and sister, and a 7 year gap between myself and my brother and let me tell you that it is my brother and I who are the closest!  I think 2 brothers are really special and I'm sure your new little man will fit right in the mix. Congratulations!

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Jen

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6-Jul-12 1:21 pm
i do but having a boy didn't cure me like i thought it would. i mean im so glad he's a boy and my cuddly little man and i get to experience raising a son which after my girl history i never thought i would get.. but having my desired gender was not a magic cure all. its just another child to take care of. there was no confetti or marching band. seeing a penis doesn't make me any happier. it didn't make me a better mom, it didn't make my husband love me more, it didn't make my girls any happier. it just made me a little more frazzled. i love him don't get me wrong and i can't imagine my life without him but i can say now.. i would have been just as happy with either gender.

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6-Jul-12 4:17 pm
My kids are spaced out in ages, my oldest son is 6 years older than my 2nd ds and they mostly get along, my dd is 4 years older than my youngest ds and she adores him, my brothers are 5 1/2 years apart and they have ALWAYS been the best of buddies they are grown but still have a great relationship, kids don't care what gender their siblings are most of the time, it's the parents that seem to care what gender the child is. Good luck.

Angela

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6-Jul-12 5:35 pm
I don't have my dd yet- but I can say my first two are 7 years apart... And are so close both boys. My younger two are two years apart and r so close both boys. My youngest and oldest are 9 years apArt and close... My brother is 3.5 years apart and we were always close. U can't think ur kids wouldn't be close. I'm sorry u are feeling GD but I think GD is based on things we have in our head- like newbaby said. Or how society makes us *think* we need one of each or sibling for our kids etc.

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6-Jul-12 7:17 pm

This exact thing happened to me, so yes it can be normal IMO.  Like you, I was kind of thrown off gaurd at how upset I felt that DD wasn't going to have a sister close in age.  However, it turns out that DS2 is actually the child with whom I have the closest bond, and he is the sweetest, cutest thing ever.  So, I promise it will get better.


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6-Jul-12 7:37 pm
Although I don't have my dg yet, I can understand your disappointment because you are allowed to want what you want, and being disappointed when you don't get that is normal.. But I can tell you from my own experience that a big sister/little brother relationship is incredible. I have an older brother and a younger brother (I'm the only girl) and my little brother is one of my best friends. We've always felt really protective of each other (me because I'm the older sibling and him because he's the man). Our relationship has always been strong, and even as we've grown up we have always stayed close. I can't imagine had he been a girl how different our relationship would be. Our sister/brother bond is one I'll always treasure.
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6-Jul-12 8:50 pm
I am in your exact spot. DS is 4. DD is 20 months and DS is 4 weeks. This is the first time I've visited this board since his birth. At the time of his arrival, nothing mattered to me except his health. As he lay on my chest, all I asked and all I cared about was: is he healthy? GD is starting to creep back though. However, now it's not in the form of hoping he would be a she, but it's a fixation that if we have a fourth, it'll be a DD and then I'll have the "perfect" balance. Before I knew his sex, I imagined two little girls, dressed alike and being so close. Never having a sister, and being the middle of two boys myself, I dreamed of the boy girl girl family. However, I love this new little baby entirely. While my GD toward his sex is gone, I'm still trying to nix the idea of a fourth. So while the desire for 2 girls may not disappear, you will love him fully!

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6-Jul-12 9:39 pm
maimai:

While I'm not in your situation, I just wanted to add from experience that there is never a guarantee( obviously) that two sisters will be close. I think a lot depends on the personalities of the siblings. I have a younger sister and a younger brother. My sister and I are very different people and have never been that close, but my brother and I share and amazing bond. There is a 4 year age gap between myself and my sister, a 2 year gap between my brother and sister, and a 7 year gap between myself and my brother and let me tell you that it is my brother and I who are the closest!  I think 2 brothers are really special and I'm sure your new little man will fit right in the mix. Congratulations!

This is true and be careful to not set expectations of what you dream, because there is always the case it'll not be what you think it will. It's really based on their personalities. Plus two boys are great as two girls are, I don't know why so many people think negative to that, and there are many advantages to both..so think of it that way. Your girl has two brothers whom she can form a good bond with, and plus if it makes you any better, she won't have to share the spotlight too often as she would with a sister haha.  

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Megan

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6-Jul-12 11:11 pm

newbaby2011:
i do but having a boy didn't cure me like i thought it would. i mean im so glad he's a boy and my cuddly little man and i get to experience raising a son which after my girl history i never thought i would get.. but having my desired gender was not a magic cure all. its just another child to take care of. there was no confetti or marching band. seeing a penis doesn't make me any happier. it didn't make me a better mom, it didn't make my husband love me more, it didn't make my girls any happier. it just made me a little more frazzled. i love him don't get me wrong and i can't imagine my life without him but i can say now.. i would have been just as happy with either gender.
 AgreeAgree For months and months I obsessed with getting my DG. I did hours and hours of research. Both my dh and I swayed hard for a long time. I thought I would be absolutely over-the-moon if I was able to have a DD. I am happy to say that my sway worked, but it definitely wasn't a cure all. I had all of my unhappiness in my life centered on the fact I didn't have a daughter. Well, I set myself up for a fail with that because although I have my DD, love her with all my heart, and feel very blessed I still deal with GD! It's something I can't fully explain, but like newbaby says, nothing really changed. My boys were my boys, nothing changed with my hubby, and I often wonder what life would have been life if I had carried my m/c baby which I am sure was a boy. The worst part about GD is longing for what didn't happen. I know that if I had had another sweet little boy I would have kept on obsessing over getting a DD and even though I do have a DD I often think about boy #3. Long story short, don't pin all your happiness in life on getting you dg because sometimes there are other things mislabeled as gd as well.

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6-Jul-12 11:22 pm

newbaby2011:
i do but having a boy didn't cure me like i thought it would. i mean im so glad he's a boy and my cuddly little man and i get to experience raising a son which after my girl history i never thought i would get.. but having my desired gender was not a magic cure all. its just another child to take care of. there was no confetti or marching band. seeing a penis doesn't make me any happier. it didn't make me a better mom, it didn't make my husband love me more, it didn't make my girls any happier. it just made me a little more frazzled. i love him don't get me wrong and i can't imagine my life without him but i can say now.. i would have been just as happy with either gender.

Newbaby you are always so good at hitting the nail on the head! When I stop and look at my boys I can't help but think "what would be different if I had a girl? How different would my life be?" I mean I would still live in the same house with a loving husband and 3 wonderful kids, I would still enjoy playing with them, life would still have it's day to day stresses, everything about my life would be the same! My family wouldn't be any better, kids no sweeter... the only difference would be buying different clothes/toys and wow that sure is a profound part of life right? The clothes and toys the kids play with? Is that worth depression and obsession? My bond with my children would be just as strong and I couldn't be any prouder of my family if it included a girl.

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7-Jul-12 8:32 am
Thanks so much for all the replies. You've all made some good points, there is no guarantee she would be close to her sister if this were a sister, and there is no guarantee she won't be close to her little brother. My DS and DD already have a great bond. She is literally the only girl in the family, all the cousins are boys too so I guess I got hung up on giving her a little girl to grow up with without realizing it until we were told, "its a boy". But maybe she will love growing up as the only princess. This baby is definitely our last, but I hope our family dynamic will feel just perfect once he arrives and we actually meet him. And thanks for letting me know I'm not crazy for having these feelings.
Baby Boy - 2006 Baby Girl - 2010 Expecting a Baby Boy in the fall of 2012
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