Forums  Gender Selection Gender Prediction Gender Disappointment Gender Odds

CRUSHED!! need advice!

Posts: 156

Joined 28-Jun-12

4-Jul-12 9:44 am

Last night I got an email from a family member saying DH cousin is in fact having a boy! NOT his third girl. They had a 20 week scan and it confirmed it regardless of what the first scans all said.

I cried. I didn't sleep well at all. Tossed & turned and thought about what Id post on here for advice.

My DH bless his heart... he was all "good for them!" and "I bet she is happy!" and followed it with "Don't you dare be upset we have a beautiful daughter & a beautiful life and a beautiful new baby coming and we dont know the sex because the sex DOES NOT matter! We planned this baby to add to our family not for a boy... we are adding not something to grieve about"

I then caved I was out of my mind shaking and totally like "she's going to have a shower that I wont be invited to but all your family will be a buzz about her BOY! and im having another girl I just know it I know it our nub shots are exactly the same as our DD"

he then said "if you were invited would you go?" i said "NO!" and he said "exactly who cares??"

I dont get along with his cousins wife. LONG story she is drama and likes to come inbetween happy couples. Stir the pot and watch what she's created type of woman. She obviously is very bored and miserible thats what we all think it is. ALL meaning all of his family thinks that. So no I will not  be invited to her all blue all boy baby shower extravaganza. But that I dont care about. It's the comments that are going to be coming my way now. It's the "oh they got their boy maybe this will be your turn too!" type of stuff.

My DH wants me to just to say "we are adding a baby to our family... we dont care boy or girl so it would  be appreciated you didnt compare our family dynamic to someone elses."

He then reminded me of all the things I have going for me in my life that this woman blessed with a boy does not.

That list kinda made me feel better.

So this morning when my DH saw I was not sleeping at 6am. He said I let things bother me and I shouldnt do that. That if I need the next 4 months to get over my GD we go to our 3D scan have them put it in an envelope & then go to a nice restaurant with our DD and open it together as a family and boy or girl who cares.... we'll know what to throw me... he said he wants to give me "sprinkle" if its another girl since i was on bed rest and missed my shower with DD. That made me feel so much better. My sister would be so happy to organize it. She has already stressed how upset she is that she never got to pamper me at my shower the way I pampered her. She said I made her shower fantastic and she wants to do the same for me. Very sweet.

My DH also said this isnt our last if it's a girl. He is totally ok with going for a third and maybe IVF considering I have a condition that makes my pregnancies difficult with breach babes and csections and going for a 4th for a  boy would not be an option. So I know one day I will get a boy.... maybe now. maybe in a few years. But there will be the pitter patter of boy feet sometime in our future. That makes me feel somewhat better. but doesnt make it go away.

I sat down and thought when is the next time I may see this woman I now envy... and the answer is never if I choose. We dont do holidays with them.... and we dont invite eachother to our kids functions and parties. So why am I still so upset and angry and hurt????? She is nobody to my small family. Ughh I am so sick to my stomach I havent even eaten. It's THAT bad. HELP

Baby Girl2010

expecting a Baby Boy 12/12

Our family will be complete! The pigeon pair!

 

Posts: 1,896

Joined 9-Jul-08

Top Poster
4-Jul-12 1:12 pm

Aw hon, I couldn't read and run...(((((((HUGS)))))))!!!! Sad I SOOOOO know the feeling, believe me! I've seen everyone, and I mean EVERYONE around me have baby girls- my brother/SIL, my best friend of 20 years, almost all of my boy-mom friends, literally everyone I know on FB that are PG are having girls... I used to torture myself and rant and cry, and it's totally okay to do that for a day or two- but don't let it eat you alive! You may very well be having a boy right now for all you know, but I have to say that having 2 (or 3, as I have) of the same gender is SO VERY SWEET... you can dress them the same, they are interested in the same things, etc. And your dh has basically said you can go HT, so you're almost guaranteed a boy one day. :)

Those 12 week scan are tricky. My 12 week scan with DS3 got half boy and half GIRL votes, with even one of the techs saying girl. My 11 week scan had gotten ALL girl votes. 

I think the 3D scan/envelope idea is a GREAT idea! Or better yet, do the envelope before you do your 3D, so the 3D can be more special since you'll already know the gender, and then you can start to become attached to her (or him). I had 3D scans with all 3 of my kids, about 8 weeks after finding out the gender. Those 8 weeks gave me time to cry and mourn and complain about not having a girl, and then pick myself up and start to love and get excited for my boy that was coming. When I saw each of them on the 3D u/s I cried each time and fell in love. Hearts

It's OK to be feeling bitter or angry or jealous.... like I said been there MANY times! Try not to let it consume you though...and remember, you don't want their son, you want your son. This thought helps me whenever I feel GD...I remind myself I don't want THAT little girl, I want MY little girl, one who will look like her brothers and a split between me and dh, with the same light brown curly hair and big eyes...kwim?

HUGS!

Baby Bear Boy '06 Baby Bear Boy '09 Baby Bear Boy '11

I'm in no way "disappointed" that I have sons, I just want the chance to raise a daughter as well. Happy Wink

Want to try for a Baby Bear Girl early next year! Pray

formerly Saggyrl11

Readyforbaby3

Posts: 959

Joined 28-Dec-10

Top Poster
4-Jul-12 6:28 pm

 (hugs) you know I'm kind of in the same position.  My dh's cousin recently had a girl after two boys.  I am pregnant after two boys and we don't know the gender yet but it still crushed me when I found out they were having a girl. My dh doesn't get it and he keeps telling me that I told him I wanted a third regardless of gender and he says I lied to him and just want a girl.  I didn't lie, I wanted three kids since we got married, before I knew the genders of any of them.  However, after two boys it would be nice to have a girl.

Although, in my situation, I get along with his cousin's wife.  For you, it sounds like you really won't have to see this woman too much so it may be okay for you.  I'm glad your dh is okay with having a third so that is something to look forward to, especially since he is willing to go high tech.

Baby Bear Boy  2007 Baby Bear Boy 2010 Baby Bear Girl 2013

Posts: 6

Joined 29-Jun-12

5-Jul-12 12:45 am

 I am sorry you feel that way. I really wish you have your boy that you want.My two sister have both sexes and I have 3 boys. I really want a girl. I am ttc for last 4 months. I some times feel sad that they have girls and boys and I only have boys. I know with all my sons I did the deed day the 14th day after my period. I wish you luck and (((((((hugs)))))))))) I wish you the very best!

Posts: 156

Joined 28-Jun-12

5-Jul-12 11:13 am

Thank you all for your kind comments. I am bracing myself everyday to open the envelope and hear my DH say girl. This way I wont be so disappointed.... idk.

I am going to go for a 3D scan later in my pregnancy too. I did with DD. It was awesome. I loved it. Her head was in the placenta and we joked she is going to love hats haha. I am looking forward to having the same type of experience with this one too.

I will love and cherish my LO either way. I just would reallly love a son of our own. Like you all said.

Baby Girl2010

expecting a Baby Boy 12/12

Our family will be complete! The pigeon pair!

Posts: 1,093

Joined 4-May-12

Top Poster
5-Jul-12 11:54 am

 awww its going to be ok...I feel you:(. I have been coping with this gd for a bit but I think I finally am ok..that is until i find out for sure..im so scared to find out now....Ive had two boys, my dh has three boys and one girl...I want my own girl and this is our last due to numbers and well my body just cannot handle it anymore..i just get worse and worse... guess that is why i was told I wont ever have babies..ANYWAYS....we had a 16 week scan and the tech was not nice...but i finaly convinced her to look for me and the legs were crossed and hands were down there and well needless to say i left more confused then when i walked in..we saw both girl and boy looking bits so the tech said prob boy:(...happy that its healthy..sad that i may never have a girl now...ANYWAYS...found out my sil is having her first baby and its a girl...my dh ex is havn yet another girl and has once again stolen another of my baby girl names...and now...my only little sister is pregnant..i love her but she makes me so jealous....she does nothing in life and gets everything...and even tho she wants a boy first something tells me shes going to get the first girl grandbaby of this side...and i am so upset about it..especialy since i came up with a new name cuz of dh ex stealing my other one and now...shes using parts of the name i picked if it is a girl and no one cares that i am even pregnant....shes gettin a baby shower..i never even had a baby shower ever.....and wont get one now regardless of boy or girl.......so i feel you....at least you do not have to deal with your person and you seem to have sooo much support. DH seems wonderful!..mine understands..but he doesnt....he knows how bad i want a little girl, he wants one real bad too...hes even been wierd about my belly since we heard might be a boy wont touch it like he did my other pregnancy....so i know he feels it a little but he does not feel it on my level..he has his little girl....hes always had her...i havent... i get her now but she will never be mine...and then his ex is gettn girls left and right and stealn my names...just to spite me....so i hear all these names and talk bout their little sisters...and i keep thinking those were my babies.....and then his sil everyone is so excited for her...but not a word to us..because it prob a boy....so now i never want to go see anyone because all i hear about is her...and now my side of fam all il hear about is my sis baby...no one got excited for me not even with my first....no one offered a baby shower..no one offered me help....so im not very happy at the moment....even more scared now to find out..i have a scan in two weeks..il be 28 wks..and im so torn now....I really hope you hear blue, but i really hope that if you dont, you will be able to get over it easily and accept her for her:)....Im giving you alllll of my blue dust..i think thats all ive got lol..but u can have it all especially since im never havn anymore and u said one day you guys are going for blue again so good luck! I really hope things work out for you and your small family.

Posts: 156

Joined 28-Jun-12

5-Jul-12 12:52 pm

Oh Lilli your story hits very close to home. We def can relate to eachother! I have a similar experience with my DH when we found out it was a girl with our DD. He stopped any interest in my baby belly and really it tore us up. It was a horrible experience. But DH is 110% different this time around. he is making a sincere effort and he really just wanted a sibling for our DD so she is not alone. He does want a boy just like me so we will go for a third but will have to go HT because we def do not want to chance it again.

It's really awful when people make such a big deal about one gender over the other. I remember when DD was born people would actually say sorry! to my DH! and say well maybe one day you'll get your boy.

Ive been trying to stay so positive but i do go back and forth and get negative too. I cant help it. Sometimes I sit and think about the people who have boys and think well maybe they wanted a girl... like you. And I feel a little better knowing there's GD with both sexes not just with having girls.

I am so sorry people can be so ignorant and cruel. I am dreading the conversations about this woman getting her boy with my DH family.

Last night we were with his other cousin and they didnt say a word about it which was nice. It didnt even feel like the elephant in the room or anything. IDK if my DH said to keep it off limits or not but either way I was glad the convo never swayed to that.

The crazy thing is... my family never ever favored a boy with DD. My sister & mother never had a preference and when they found out it was a girl they were genuinely happy. It's my DH family... they are the ones all about the BOY! It comes up every time I see them. They want to know if we found out yet or if we are going to open the envelope. It's such a pain and I wish they werent like that. I will be in the same boat as you if this baby is a girl. Nobody will care. They will think a "sprinkle" shower is classless even though I was on bed rest for my DD's and it wasnt a shower at all! (Once people found out I wasnt going to make it they bailed on my mom last minute it was awful some sent gifts others didnt at all). So I will get drama from them if my DH & sister insist a sprinkle to make me feel better and give me that experience. I will go to the way side... no more questions. No more caring. It will just be theyre having another girl it doesnt matter because it's not a boy. And I know that some who are close with the woman having a boy will laugh and make jokes. Because they are MEAN girls. I almost want to find out but then not tell anyone. Even if it is a boy. I feel like their behavior shouldnt be rewarded if it is a boy. They shouldnt know. If people want to act like children then we should treat them like such and keep them in the dark.

My sister told me that she doesnt care if we have another girl because she knows that girl will be treated like a queen not even a princess and be given two fantastic loving parents unlike the boy coming to that woman. LOL it made me feel a little better. *shrugs* but the feeling better is short lived. I am begining to hate the people make such a fuss about us having a boy. If it was that easy I would have been on the boy line months ago! But fate gives us what we get.... there's no store to go and pick one out! ughh

Baby Girl2010

expecting a Baby Boy 12/12

Our family will be complete! The pigeon pair!

Posts: 156

Joined 28-Jun-12

5-Jul-12 12:58 pm

I get the feeling from his family sometimes that they werent too happy about us expanding our family. So if this is a girl they are just going to view it as a mistake and just something they werent on board with. But who made them rulers of my uterus?! They really suck.

Baby Girl2010

expecting a Baby Boy 12/12

Our family will be complete! The pigeon pair!

Posts: 1,093

Joined 4-May-12

Top Poster
5-Jul-12 1:54 pm

 aww yes I would say we hit close at home with eachother, as so many of us on here do.:( I wish this was not so though..it is so sad and so hard on us mothers...Does no one care what they are doing to us which in turn is doing to our unborn babies??? Cant they just let us be...it hurts us too but here we are trying to be strong and happy and everyone just wants to bring us down...I am so sorry...I would be much happier that everyone ignored us then always brought it up...I finally did get to the point that i told people that I do not want to hear it anymore...it is is what it is and i love it and if you dont who cares we dont need you and that they want me to be healthy and the baby to be healthy then leave it all alone and keep the thoughts and comments away from me because i just cant handle it anymore...well thats prob why they arent interested in this pregnancy lol....they have someone else to fawn over...and shes the baby anyways..so it was going to be that way anyways..i just hope she doesnt get my girl and i dont...im not sure i will be able to visit her...not that it be her fualt...but i couldnt handle seeing everyone dote on her and her little girl and ignore..once again...my boys....plus she wants a boy lol...i so want her to have what she wants...then at least i wont feel jealous she got a girl and i never did...il still be jealous that her boy will get more admiration than mine ever will but...i already know that will happen without her having a baby..my last one get nothing form them..only my first cuz hes the first grandbaby...the rest are all oo well its another boy...:( so sad...they arent even the same either...:( two completly different unique lovely boys and still...they just get thrown on the back burner....well my youngest does...my oldest is still fawned over a tiny bit...more so than any of the others....even my step children:(...only my dad and step mom treat them all equally which is nice..they want a girl too but they felt bad when they realized what they made me feel like telln me better be a girl....i mean come on obv i want a girl...i dont want to hear how bad everyone else does too i hate feeln like i let ppl down and feeln like this baby wont be loved...even tho it will be...so ya....:( I hope we both get our wish and ppl just drop this crap...and let us all be happy.... good luck:(

Posts: 156

Joined 28-Jun-12

5-Jul-12 3:13 pm

HUGS!!!

sending you all my PINK baby dust your way!! I certainly do not want pink baby dust lol I'll take all your blue dust! hehe

We can have faith and if it doesnt go in our favor then I hope we learn to deal with those who give us grief. Good luck to you too!!

Baby Girl2010

expecting a Baby Boy 12/12

Our family will be complete! The pigeon pair!

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