Forums  Gender Selection Gender Prediction Gender Disappointment Gender Odds

starting to get depressed again..

Posts: 1,093

Joined 4-May-12

Top Poster
20-Jun-12 5:53 pm

 I am so happy for all the mommies out there getting their desired babies..I know I am not alone on how I feel right now as I am not the only one with a house full of boys dieing for her little girl so its hard seeing all these moms going in for scans and after two or three boys actually getting their girls..I am so happy for them but it makes me sooo jealous too...and then I feel bad...I dont even know these woman and I have no reason to "hate" them. I know they do not do this on purpose and I know this was their desire to but its hard..I just dont want to fully accept it I guess that this is probably a boy....I thought I was ok....Then I saw someone else who is in similar boat as me and she is devastated now.....i feel so bad for her...and it made me think and worry how i was going to feel when I found out for sure...I just really wish I could push this out of my mind but it is begging me and I am seeing so many now all of a sudden getting their girl...which statistacally only means theres got to be a few more that dont get her..........and I am almost sure I am one of them...I am litteraly torn in half...I have a us that doesnt convince me but it doesnt convince me otherwise either...I just wish the tech would of taken more time and at least checked to see if that was cord or hand which i still think hand but then again....so many ppl said look like their boys....but so many OWTS say girl...and my heart wants one so bad that i think it has confused me on what it really is...that or i know and i just cant admit it to myself....I just dont know...considering staying away from the site now...but i really dont want to because so many of you have been there for me already and there are some of you that I am following very closely...i just dont know...

 

Posts: 443

Joined 14-Jun-10

Top Poster
20-Jun-12 7:23 pm
I'm sorry you are feeling this way. Was looking at your siggy, and wasen't sure if you had a girl already and want to give her a sister? Or if she is a step child and you want your own? Doesn't really matter just wondering. I know even though I had one boy I wanted another one so bad! With DD2 I was so upset when they told me she was a girl, and it took me a while to get over it. But all your kids are beautiful, I'm sure boy or girl this one will be too! When is your next scan? It doesn't seem like they were too sure on the other one. I know it seems so unfair to see other people get what they want and being left with the feeling why me? It sucks but this little one is going to love you so much and you will love them too when they get here. I hope you are doing ok, and we are all here if you need to vent! No judgements I've been there with those feelings before.

Baby Bear Girl-10/03 Baby Bear Boy-10/05 Baby Bear Girl-11/07 and finally Baby Bear Boy 10/26/10.... my family is complete!

 I love my kids no matter how much they drive me insane...

Readyforbaby3

Posts: 964

Joined 28-Dec-10

Top Poster
20-Jun-12 8:25 pm

 You are not alone.  I am only 8 weeks along with #3 but I feel like it could be another boy and I am actually starting to feel anxious about it.  Maybe it's just me but I've seen just as many people on here NOT get their DG as get it, maybe even more.  Don't stay away from the site.  I need people like you to help me through my own gd.  I wish I had more advice but I am in the same position.

Baby Bear Boy  2007 Baby Bear Boy 2010 Baby Bear Girl 2013

Posts: 1,093

Joined 4-May-12

Top Poster
20-Jun-12 9:08 pm

 tdurand10, the little girl in my siggie is my step daughter..I love her to death..infact all but two of those kids are my step children not that I do not love them all equally as I really do. Its just not the same..especially as I never even got to hold her as a baby..i never got that connection with her..i have a good connection with her....just not the your my mommy..Im mommy katie..not mommy...its not the same...And thank you I think they are too hehe...And I know it will be i just want to see what my girl would look like..i know what my boy will look like...just like daddy lol...but i keep dreaming of this little girl...shes so beautiful..and i wake up crying...my next scan is july 18th il be 28 weeks...and I got one pic but baby kept legs crossed  and hands down there and tech said saw both girl n boy parts which tells me...prob boy but im still in denial even with the pic lol........cant help it..:(I have my days though..sometimes i feel ok..then other days its just worse and i want to cry all day...i love the baby to death i really do i look and smile but when I see everyone else getting girls or their dg's....it makes me happy for them but sooooo sad....so unfair and i feel bad..

Posts: 1,093

Joined 4-May-12

Top Poster
20-Jun-12 9:17 pm

 wildwooddays...I know I am not...I spend a lot of time on this site though lol I fell in love...I know how you feel ive felt this way since the beginning...this baby was an oops...well all of mine were lol...my first son was oops but i was so happy...second son i had just gotten with my fiance and he had kids of his own and I had my son so i thought hed be upset and leave me since he had plenty of kids lol...but he was happy...so i was happy....then we lost a twin with that pregnancy so i said i wanted one more...just one more especially if baby was a boy..but my last one we wanted to have when all kids were in school..and we wanted to plan it for the first time ever lol...but i was just getting off the depo shot and trying to find something with less hormones in it that i was comfortable with but ended up prego...and i was in major denial..i ignored it for month then finally took a test...and even then said it was stress not prego lol...and ive had so many complications already so this pregnancy is just been rough on me and it doesnt make it any better when I see all these people with girls i keep wishing the ones that dont want a girl that are getting one would switch me lol...:( some days i am ok..some days its jsut wayy too much...i thoguht i was better...i dont think so though...

Posts: 3,079

Joined 23-Oct-07

Top Poster
20-Jun-12 10:56 pm
I just wanted to say im sorry your going though this. I have 1 dd right in the middle of 4 boys and I wanted another little girl sooooo bad with my last. I didn't want to believe that he was a boy. I came on here and posted his 13 week nub and almost everyone guess boy. I felt so gutted. I just didn't want to believe that it would be another boy. I had it in my head already that I would have another girl. Sure enough he was all boy! I cried the whole 45 min drive home after finding out. It was really hard on me for a while but for the most part I quickly got over it and as time went on I felt better. Once I was able to see him and hold him in my arms all of that went away. He has been an amazing little boy. I cant say that the feeling of wanting another girl went away because it didn't and here I am again having another little one with my fingers crossed praying that I get one more girl. Im 100% done either way after this. I do hope that you feel some peace with this soon and know that you are not alone with your feelings. *Hugs*
DS 10 ? DS 8 ? DD 7 ? DS 5 ? DS 3 C-Section #6 **IT'S A GIRL!!** Diagnosed with Placenta Previa & Percreta :( ~Chloe Paige~ born @ 32 weeks 10/29/12!!

Posts: 1,093

Joined 4-May-12

Top Poster
21-Jun-12 10:47 am

 

 thank you love my kids....I know i am not alone..and for the most part I think I am ok...some days its just worse than others..especially when my depression kicks in...most of the time i dont even think about the sex i just picture a cute baby...love watching my belly move makes me feel all warm inside but there are just some days I cant handle the idea that this baby wont be my lttle girl....i dont think it would be so hard if i had my own girl already....or if i got to be apart of my step daughters life from birth or close to it so i could develope that bond....but i dont..so my desire is strong especially with everyone around me having girls now....my dh ex...my sil...a couple of friends of mine...and watch...my sis prob will too and it will be the first girl grandbaby of my side the family then.....i tried askn dr to giive me something to help me with my stress and mood swings and depression...and something to help me sleep cuz that makes it worse..im beyond tired and i cannot sleep...i just cant...i lay there all night from 11pm to at least 5 am....not sleeping...tossing and turning sometimes crying...and dr wont... i know they can give me somethng other than anti depressents anything to ease my pain and mental suffering lol....its been apparently makiing me a monster according to dh....and it bugs me that he thinks that....idk...i guess just too much right now and some days the gd just is harder on me..seems to be this whole week actually...maybe its cuz dh is gone for work...left all alone wth all the kids except my oldest son who is with his daddy for the summer:( I miss him too and that doesnt help.....sorry..i ramble alot....at least you guys dont have to hear it and can skiip past it if it is annoying lol...poor dh...hes gone for so long and i dont get to talk to hm during the week cuz his work hrs so he comes home wanting to relax and i just unload almost all my thoughts on him....all but the gd...he knows to a point how i am feeling...but ive not been completly honest about it with him..i dont want to push him away from the baby more.....i just dont know...thanks for listening though everyone...its nice at times to just let it out...

Posts: 28

Joined 19-Jun-12

21-Jun-12 11:03 am
You have been describing my feelings to a T. I agree with you - I am sure it is the depression making it worse. And I know that some of how I am feeling has got to be chemically related because I shouldn't cry this much... or this randomly! But the triggers that seems to make me feel the worst are when issues of gender comes up. Which in turn makes me feel like a petty idiot which then makes me cry more. Ahh! After having a long talk with my husband I feel like my outbursts of insanity are more well accepted than I thought, though I still feel bad for being crabby to someone who is being so supportive to me. Most of the time I think I am doing okay, but one little trigger or bad day and the witch switch gets flipped and look out! Then I act like a surly teenager for awhile and hide and bawl because even I can't comprehend why I am so upset. And I just want to get over it all before the kid comes... Hang in there. I'm trying to hang in there too.
Baby Bear Boy July 2007 (Down Syndrome diagnosed after delivery) Baby Bear Boy July 2010 Baby Bear Boy due October 2012 - born September 27

Posts: 1,093

Joined 4-May-12

Top Poster
21-Jun-12 11:42 am

 yes..that is exactly how i feel....soout of control and pathetic....especially since i do already love this baby and i cant seem to get over it all....and i dont even have a hundred percent that it a boy...

Posts: 443

Joined 14-Jun-10

Top Poster
21-Jun-12 8:08 pm
I understand that having a step daughter isn't the same as a bio one. I really hope that this is a girl for you! I've heard from a tech when I was prego with DD1 that 9 times out of 10 if baby has it's legs crossed or closed really tight it's a girl. Maybe that will be the case with you, it was for both mine... I'll send you all my pink dust! With my last pregnancy I was on Zoloft for the last month because I was so overwhelmed with everything. It's not that bad and they said it wouldn't harm the baby and my son turned out just fine. It helped me a lot. Sucks that your doctor won't give you anything, I would think they would rather have you not so depressed and stressed out then anything cause that causes stress to the baby too. GL I will be watching for an update! I really hope you get what you want, you seem like such a wonderful mother!

Baby Bear Girl-10/03 Baby Bear Boy-10/05 Baby Bear Girl-11/07 and finally Baby Bear Boy 10/26/10.... my family is complete!

 I love my kids no matter how much they drive me insane...

Posts: 1,093

Joined 4-May-12

Top Poster
21-Jun-12 8:46 pm

 

 Thank you Tdurand10...I really hope so but i want to just be happy...My dr isnt very good i should of switched like i was going to but I felt guilty for some reason..cuz shes nice sort of lol...idk...the other dr i see hes nice..and i hate male drs..my first experience was bad....real bad.... wasnt sure what a catheder was thought it was the tubing for IVS which it is and he told me  needed one and said let me do my job and i was freakin and said what are you doing down there and he told me to shut up and then boom  had a catheder in me...and it hurt and scarred me for lfe lol....i hated him too anyways he didnt deliver my son i refused him and he was there at the hospital i got a nice prego dr instead:D..then my other dr was female..not best not worst...I guess i just dont get good drs lol...this one just dont want to do nothn to help me...she says risks out weigh the bennefits...and i dont want anti depressents but i know something that my dad is perscribed would be safe or somethng lke it volumes and zannex or zannie or whatever it s and they calm his temper and stress...but apparently im not stressed enough?! with this many kids n u dont think im not stressed enough lol....wth school on top of it two puppies and this horrible pregnancy i mean really lol...then financial issues lol... i guess my house needs to burn down before they will consider it...By way i am in better mood tonight...wasnt earlier but am better right now...i have a full tummy lol even with a migraine and crying baby i feel ok right now...odd lol...i hate how my moods change so drastically..ten minutes ago i was on the verge of burning my house down myself lol..obv not literally but you get the drift...

Posts: 443

Joined 14-Jun-10

Top Poster
22-Jun-12 3:20 pm
Oh yes I get that. Sometimes I feel like I'm going insane and I only have 4. I think the meds you are talking about is Xanax it's pronounced Zanex. It's used for anxiety disorders or anxiety cause by depression. And I have no idea if it's safe or not during pregnancy. Maybe you can talk to your regular physician about it? I'm sorry about your first Dr he sounds like he was an ass. Have you looked for other Drs? Maybe one will take you now if you want to switch, I wouldn't feel bad you need to be able to feel comfortable with them. I always had bad mood swings when I was pregnant. My poor DH put up with it too. LOL I would go from yelling being so mad to tears in what felt like minutes. Even now sometimes I feel like pulling my hair out! School has been out for a week and I'm like are they going back yet? LOL I'm glad you are feeling a little better, I know coming on here makes me feel better like I'm not the only one going through all this stuff. Sometimes I still get depressed and it feels so hopeless. Like everything is building up on top of me and I can't get out from under it. Especially financially, it sucks. They make it so hard for people to live these days. Are you in the USA? I am we live in Connecticut of course one of the most expensive states...LOL But it's all good. Hope you are feeling good today too. I know how hard it is with being so stressed.

Baby Bear Girl-10/03 Baby Bear Boy-10/05 Baby Bear Girl-11/07 and finally Baby Bear Boy 10/26/10.... my family is complete!

 I love my kids no matter how much they drive me insane...

Posts: 1,093

Joined 4-May-12

Top Poster
22-Jun-12 4:36 pm

 tdurand10. I hear you..poor poor dh...when i went to ask for help from dr and said was mostly anxiety and depression after she left he said not just that you got some other..probs too lol..i was like what..hes like that....apparently i snapped then too lol..so glad he still loves me lol...idk why i have fear of changing dr...i think too much..i aim to please too much..i hate makng ppl feel bad...I have issues lol..I do not like change...I just dont handle it well...I like slight change like not always sitting at home..i want to be out all the time...but as far as life changes...idk...i just dont cope well...I have a lot of trust and fear issues...for the most part i trust this dr....i just dont feel...idk...like i am getting the full attention i deserve but once again...thats just something im used to and im not really good at standing up for myself...NOW FOR MY FAMILy...ooo...i have no problem unleashing hells fury on someone if they insult or offend my loved ones in any way lol...but me..im just so used to it i guess..prob from the years of abuse as a child and adult...idk..i try to stand up more but im also very quite and like i said i am a pleaser...u have to really hurt me or piss me off for me to get loud or demanding..unless i love you to pieces lol...once again..poor dh...lol...idk i really need that therapist the dr talked bout maybe they can help me get over these issues so i can get over all the other issues lol...i thnk part of not wanting to change drs now is im pretty far along and most drs wont take u after certain points at least not here in Illinois...ugh..only lived here few months and hate it...never again cant wait til lease is up...i had hard enough time finding a dr in general and on top of it i ahve to drive hr away to see one...no one wanted to see me cuz they all thoguht i was way further along then i was at the time...so makes me wonder if i can switch now...and then i keep putting it off out of fear i guess idk...which makes chances even less likely...i kinda ruin things for myself lol...i guess im a bit self destructive in that aspect..not good..lol...i really dont need a therapist..i know myself very well..and why i am way i am i even know a lot of how to handle it...not all but a lot...so really all they can do is prescribe stuff for me and i really dont want that...altho right now i do becaus I really am just beyond the norm for me...and i am worried that this kid isnt gna want to come out cuz all it will know is stress and pain...im have take foreceps and drag it out lol...i know that therapist wont be uch help anyways not for a while...i have to trust someone before il let it all out...poor dh...getting tired of me unloading on him the same...hes not mentioned it..but i feel like hes tired of hearing it so ive stopped letting it out...plus hes been gone so much for work..i dont get to let it out...i really am pretty alone..you guys on here are all i have..i dont make friends easily..not in person...so i have very few friends and they all live 100s of miles away cuz we move for work....and they have hectic lives themselves so i cant really unleash on them like used to...i cant add to their burden...i dont mind listening to theirs doesnt bug me at all ive actually been very helpfull apparently...but i just cant bare the thought of throwing mine on someone else i care about...i already hate doing it to dh..but hes all i have...and like i said ive not been doing it because im afraid eventually he wont take it anymore...i want someone to truly listen..truly understand...no judgement..and not get tired of listening to it....i am a very bad repeater lol..as im sure ppl can tell from my posts..im also a rambler...which gets annoying..even to me lol...and im very forgetfull of train of thought because i am a rambler...so i can only expect so much from dh lol...i dont have as much prob opening up on here because no one is judgemental..and no one knows me...i can feel free...i think that is why i spend so much time on computer...i can hide and still be free....like i said im full of issues...i just wish could be normal and just relax..for five minutes...ive tried yoga..ive tried all kinds of things..nothng works..infact the more i relax the more i feel stressed and the more panic attacks i get...its horrible..and now ive not been sleeping for a week...idk how much more can handle...

Posts: 443

Joined 14-Jun-10

Top Poster
23-Jun-12 4:12 pm
Geez you sound like me.... I always just take everything and don't really stand up for myself. I have a hard time telling people stuff if I think it will hurt their feelings or make them mad at me. I DO NOT like confrontation. My DH makes fun of how I always have an answer for everything he says, telling me I should be a lawyer or something since I I don't agree with him on like anything. LOL But he is never home he has his own business so he's gone form 8 in the morning till 4 in the afternoon and then home for 2 hours and leaves again at 6pm and doesn't get home till like 12am or later. Then it's back to the same the next day. I do work on Saturdays though so it gets me out of the house for a few hours (save a little bit of my sanity) I feel like I'm always yelling at the kids cause I'm so stressed I never get a break from them. I've always had at least one kid with me at all times except work for like 6 years now. Then when DH is home he wants all my attention, feels like I never have time for myself. I know what you mean too about knowing what you can do to handle things but you just don't. LOL Like I don't feel like it today maybe tomorrow, hahaha. And I don't have very many friends either. I have a hard time making friends that I actually keep making plans with. Other then that I live like a half hour from where I grew up so all the friends I had all have new lives. And most of them are just now having kids so they don't understand where I am, we are at too different parts of life so it's like they don't understand yet. Then I had kids young and so i never really had time to go do stuff and have fun. Not that I mind too much I wouldn't trade my kids for anything, but I do wish sometimes I could just be alone. Then I'm so tired all the time I could sleep forever, LOL Sucks that you live so far away, I could see us getting along great! Do you have like facebook or anything? Maybe we can be friends on there and be able to talk too, if you want. Tanya Durand if you want to look me up. Be a pic of me and DH at the beach. LOL I'll be glad to listen to anything you want to talk about, I tend to ramble too. LOL

Baby Bear Girl-10/03 Baby Bear Boy-10/05 Baby Bear Girl-11/07 and finally Baby Bear Boy 10/26/10.... my family is complete!

 I love my kids no matter how much they drive me insane...

Posts: 1,093

Joined 4-May-12

Top Poster
23-Jun-12 4:33 pm

 I will look you up:D mine will be lillith rivan even though not my real name its the name i use for almost everything lol.It is too bad we dont, be nice to have someone to connect with that understands me because you and I are way to similar lol...I unfortionatly am not working at the moment, I was but cant afford daycare right now with dh back at work so I stay home, about to start babysitting..yay more kids to want to scream at lol...need the money and hoping to meet other moms this way though so it will be good for me..just wish could do somethng to get away because I know how you feel..never a moment away from kids...I cant even shower alone..and dh is a big kid...IF i get to shower with him..hes just as bad as a kid..well worse cuz I cant relax cuz he will tickle or pick on me..or other lol....so I hear you..I cant even pee in scilence anymore...ONE DAY..i just want one day of nothing...nothing at all...no schedule..no worries..no noise...no thoughts....just me..and maybe dh too be kind of nice...half the day with him other half just me lmao...if only....but i know how you feel..i feel like all i ever do is yell..all dh ever does is play...i am so tired of feeling like the big bully....but i also cant just let it happen either....ugh lol.... i want to be daddy for the day lol go to work..hard work il take lol just to give me a break from this routine...

Page: of 3