Forums  Gender Selection Gender Prediction Gender Disappointment Gender Odds

Other people's perceptions...

Posts: 2,457

Joined 3-Aug-09

Top Poster
5-Jun-12 5:27 am
I'm really at a point where I no longer have any residual GD. My DS3 is seriously amazing and I just love him so much. He is a mummy's boy through and through and we have a really special connection (although of course I adore my older boys too!). I've always wanted 5 children and my DP is coming round to the idea (and has said we will def have a 4th), but what makes me sad for my boys is that I feel each one becomes 'less celebrated' because they are a boy IYKWIM. Don't get me wrong, obviously the grandparents fawn over them and people always give a wee present for each one but I feel like there is almost a 'oh just another boy' feeling about it. I was looking on facebook at a friend's announcement for her new baby girl and felt envy, not that she had a DD but that because it was her first baby there was just this universal excitement that the baby was here. I don't want anyone else to think that I'm only having babies to get a girl. Even if I had a DD I would still want a big family and 5 children. I find it really gets to me that people might think my boys were attempts at a girl. I love them so much that I can't bare to have anything think they are anything but perfect. Even now when we go out we get lots of comments. They are usually positive because my boys are very cute and little still but they usual, 'oh you have your hands full', 'wow all boys' etc and I do get asked if I'm going to have a girl for a change. My worry is that if I were to have 5 boys, they would start to become sensitive to people's comments and it would hurt their self esteem. But I really still want a big family! Does anyone else feel like they are worried about this?
Love my babies
 

Posts: 365

Joined 31-May-11

Top Poster
5-Jun-12 9:08 am

The other day when I was out with my girls and my mom, we ran into a friend of my mom's and she asked me to try for a fourth and I told her oh no we are done and happy with 3.  Then she responded with "oh, I thought with this baby, you were trying for a boy".  She asked that under that assumption even though her intention was not to be rude, I guess from her perspective that if she has two daughters, she whould try again for a third to see if she would get a boy.  Which to be honest was exactly what I was doing even though of course I am totally in love with my third daughter, but I have to admit that we were swaying for a boy.  So sometimes I don't even know how to feel because it is a complex feeling.  I find myself feeling like I have to explain to the world that my girls are exactly what I wanted but I also want a boy because it's only natural that I want to experience raising a son too.  But people don't really care for your explanation because they believe what they want to believe, I feel like the more I explain, the more they feel I am in denial about being happy with 3 of a kind.  Oh well, I just have to live happily so they see what I see eventually.  If that makes any sense at all.  lol.  To be honest, that is one reason why I don't want a fourth because I feel like if this fourth is a boy, people would say, "see now you are done" and I would feel like my girls are not special because everyone would assume they were attemtps to have a boy.  But at the same time, I also don't want a fourth girl because I am happy and feel completed with my 3.  And sometimes randomly, I would think out of nowhere and maybe I should have stopped at 2 DDs and then no one would assume I was trying for a boy.  My husband just don't get why I care so much about what people think! 

Have two Baby Girl!  Expecting baby girl #3 in April! 3 of a kind! :) She's here and I am over my GD!  Our family is complete. Hearts

Posts: 365

Joined 31-May-11

Top Poster
5-Jun-12 9:15 am

But on another day, I got a couple who saw my baby and they just told me how adorable she is and that they just became grandparents with a 5 day old baby and how excited they are.  Then they saw my two other daughters and told me what a beautiful and lovely family I have.  So that made me smile from the inside.  So I do think that everyone just have their own perspectives on everything so I try not to also assume that everyone thinks my family is missing something because we are a same gender family.

Have two Baby Girl!  Expecting baby girl #3 in April! 3 of a kind! :) She's here and I am over my GD!  Our family is complete. Hearts

Posts: 2,457

Joined 3-Aug-09

Top Poster
5-Jun-12 9:40 am
Thanks wincha123. I am the same because I did sway for DS3 (swayed girl) but it's because I want a girl plus my boys not because I don't want boys. I guess I should just do what makes me and my family happy and screw everyone else! I know what you mean, I feel the same about 2 sons, that when people stop there then no one wonders if they were going for a girl. Ha ha my hubby also thinks I am nuts!
Love my babies

Posts: 2,157

Joined 10-Aug-09

Top Poster
5-Jun-12 12:37 pm

I'm pretty sure I've gotten evey comment under the sun about my family make up...mostly bad but some good.  It is hard not to let it get to you and get you down, but I KNOW you love your boys and that you would love 100000 more boys :)  It does suck when people think that your boys were an attempt to have a girl...I get that A LOT because we are done now after dd and everyone thinks it's because she is a girl, but we agreed 6 was it no matter what gender.  I would continue on after her if dh would let me, but that ship has sailed and we are done...not because we wouldn't want more but because financially it gets very difficult with so many.  I do think your Daisy is going to be next, but I know you've always said you wanted 5.  When people make comments about us FINALLY getting our girl...I just simply reply that we weren't trying for a girl, but trying for a healthy baby.  Usually they don't have much to say after that.  Hearts

Baby Boy 00  Baby Boy 02  Baby Boy 04  Baby Boy 05  Baby Boy 08 Heartbroken1/10  Baby Girl 11 (No swaying)

E-mail me any time at igturtles@yahoo.com

Posts: 2,457

Joined 3-Aug-09

Top Poster
5-Jun-12 1:26 pm
Turtles:

I'm pretty sure I've gotten evey comment under the sun about my family make up...mostly bad but some good.  It is hard not to let it get to you and get you down, but I KNOW you love your boys and that you would love 100000 more boys :)  It does suck when people think that your boys were an attempt to have a girl...I get that A LOT because we are done now after dd and everyone thinks it's because she is a girl, but we agreed 6 was it no matter what gender.  I would continue on after her if dh would let me, but that ship has sailed and we are done...not because we wouldn't want more but because financially it gets very difficult with so many.  I do think your Daisy is going to be next, but I know you've always said you wanted 5.  When people make comments about us FINALLY getting our girl...I just simply reply that we weren't trying for a girl, but trying for a healthy baby.  Usually they don't have much to say after that.  Hearts

Thanks hun. :-). I still hope I'll get my Daisy but I know I will be ok if I don't. I just need to find happiness and acceptance with the family I'm given. I guess we will wait and see, maybe if we have a 4th I'll feel done!? Who knows lol! I think your family is absolutely awesome hun :-)
Love my babies

Readyforbaby3

Posts: 965

Joined 28-Dec-10

Top Poster
5-Jun-12 9:52 pm

I agree with what you said about you don't want people thinking you are having babies just to get a girl.  That is exactly how I feel because I planned to have three kids from the get-go before I knew any of their genders and now I feel people think I'm having another one just to try for a girl.  I even had a couple people say to me when I said I wanted another one, they were like "Oh do you just want a girl?  I mean I know I shouldn't care what other people think but it does bug me. 

And, like you said, even if I already had a boy and a girl I still would be having this third one.  Although to be honest, I think people get more excited over someone's first baby than subsequent babies no matter what the gender.

Baby Bear Boy  2007 Baby Bear Boy 2010 Baby Bear Girl 2013

Posts: 155

Joined 29-May-12

5-Jun-12 10:58 pm
Sorry ladies, i don't see anything wrong with people thinking am trying for a girl.

Baby Boy 11/16/2004, Baby Bear Boy 10/03/13

Posts: 513

Joined 29-Oct-08

Top Poster
5-Jun-12 11:22 pm
Oh I get that reaction all the time.  We live in an area where not many people have big families, so we are a bit of a spectacle to begin with, and I completely think that people generally atribute the number of kids we have to trying to get a girl.  But a funny thing has happened for me along the way, I just don't care any more!!  I used to let strangers (or even friends) comments get to me, but the older I get and the more I feel confident in the decisions we've made in regards to our family I just don't get upset by the comments like I used to.  Nobody else can live your life for you, and so it really comes down to doing what you know is right for you.  I always planned to have at least 5 children, and they all just happened to be boys.  I never thought that would be the case, but it is, and I'm happy with that.  If other people think that my boys were just an attempt to get a girl then that's their issue not mine.  I say do what you want to in life and ignore what other people think!

Baby Boy01 Baby Boy03 Baby Boy05 Baby Boy09 Final Boy 2012

I love my boys!

Posts: 2,011

Joined 6-Feb-12

Top Poster
6-Jun-12 1:49 am

I agree and tbh, lately, I've been concerned about people's reactions if my #3 is a girl because I will be tempted to slap someone (j/k, I don't need anger management) if they stand there and gush over my 'sweet baby girl' and completely ignore my boys.  It will really irritate me!  I don't know if I will be able to keep my mouth shut actually.

 

I know, people will always focus more on the youngest and I get it.  Babies are cute and sweet and just naturally draw more attention than a 3 year old or a 10 year old, but I will be defensive all the same.  

 

I don't think I've ever had gd, but I do know there was a time when I did have gd for a daughter (and I still do, to some extent) but the desire is very muted and I get just as excited about adding another boy, so I feel like I'm in an excellent place, BUT I still can't deal with people's comments.  I don't know why I let it get to me so much but it drives me crazy when people make boy bashing comments!  I wish I could learn to just accept that these people are idiots and move on and not let it get me down.


Posts: 3,657

Joined 9-Dec-08

Top Poster
6-Jun-12 2:19 am
islandmeadow:

I agree and tbh, lately, I've been concerned about people's reactions if my #3 is a girl because I will be tempted to slap someone (j/k, I don't need anger management) if they stand there and gush over my 'sweet baby girl' and completely ignore my boys.  It will really irritate me!  I don't know if I will be able to keep my mouth shut actually.

 

I know, people will always focus more on the youngest and I get it.  Babies are cute and sweet and just naturally draw more attention than a 3 year old or a 10 year old, but I will be defensive all the same.  

 

I don't think I've ever had gd, but I do know there was a time when I did have gd for a daughter (and I still do, to some extent) but the desire is very muted and I get just as excited about adding another boy, so I feel like I'm in an excellent place, BUT I still can't deal with people's comments.  I don't know why I let it get to me so much but it drives me crazy when people make boy bashing comments!  I wish I could learn to just accept that these people are idiots and move on and not let it get me down.

I SO agree with you! I only had 1 son when I got pregnant with my daughter and heard so many boy bashing type comments ex " Thank god you didnt have a 2nd boy" or " I bet you are happy you didnt have another boy" So rude and offensive and it made me mad when people said it in front of my son who was 4 then.

DS- Trevor 11/24/05

DD - Kathryn 5/7/2010 at 37+5 weeks!

Lilypie Breastfeeding tickers

Posts: 2,457

Joined 3-Aug-09

Top Poster
6-Jun-12 5:17 am
I think you guys are right. gluten - I think your family are awesome! My friend has 5 boys are they are all gorgeous and they get stares and comments for all the right reasons ('wow your kids sure hit the genetic lottery' etc). Serenity and islandmeadow, boy bashing bothers me too. I care not because I believe it or eat into it and feel my boys are inferior but rather because they are so damn awesome that I can't believe people would be so rude. It also annoys me when people say things like, 'your boys are very mannerly/polite/kind for boys'. As if what they have between their legs is in any way indicative of how their behaviour would be!
Love my babies

I love my boys!

Posts: 2,011

Joined 6-Feb-12

Top Poster
6-Jun-12 10:54 am

Waiting4Daisy:
Serenity and islandmeadow, boy bashing bothers me too. I care not because I believe it or eat into it and feel my boys are inferior but rather because they are so damn awesome that I can't believe people would be so rude. It also annoys me when people say things like, 'your boys are very mannerly/polite/kind for boys'. As if what they have between their legs is in any way indicative of how their behaviour would be!
 

 

Agree   Could not agree more. 


Posts: 720

Joined 1-Apr-09

Top Poster
6-Jun-12 5:45 pm
wincha123:
To be honest, that is one reason why I don't want a fourth because I feel like if this fourth is a boy, people would say, "see now you are done" and I would feel like my girls are not special because everyone would assume they were attemtps to have a boy.  But at the same time, I also don't want a fourth girl because I am happy and feel completed with my 3.  And sometimes randomly, I would think out of nowhere and maybe I should have stopped at 2 DDs and then no one would assume I was trying for a boy.  My husband just don't get why I care so much about what people think! 
I could have written this, if you reverse the genders and we would be trying for a 3rd, our absolute max. Can't offer much help, but just to say you are not alone in how you feel. And men, they just care less about what people think it seems! Mine cannot grasp why I compare myself to others and care what they think/say either!!

Posts: 720

Joined 1-Apr-09

Top Poster
6-Jun-12 5:56 pm
islandmeadow:
I don't know why I let it get to me so much but it drives me crazy when people make boy bashing comments!  I wish I could learn to just accept that these people are idiots and move on and not let it get me down.
Same here. I **really** wish these comments would not get to me, but I'm still in a place where they do, alas. It would be very freeing not to care anymore, but I just don't know HOW to not care, kwim? Thanks for the insight on how people would gush at a girl if you had a DD and ignore the boys - I would also feel sad and defensive about that - never thought of it that way.... Hum...
Page: of 3