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Wanting to have another but hubby doesn't

Posts: 3

Joined 30-Mar-12

30-Mar-12 2:32 pm

We recently just had our beautiful baby boy. I love him so much and so does my hubby. I have 2 girls from a previous marriage and so our son was my hubby's first baby. I had a great pregnancy minus some nausea the first 14 weeks and trouble keeping my blood sugar up towards the end.  We had planned for a C Section at 39 weeks but little buddy decided to come at 38 weeks. I had labored at home most of the day because my contractions were every 25 minutes and they said not to come in until they were closer. Since I was only 38 weeks they said I had to be dilating before they would do my C Section. So we went in later that evening and I was in labor and we had our boy.  Since he was born shortly after midnight we didn't get much sleep the first day and a half. The next night we sent him to the nursery for a few hours so I could rest. The nurse brought him in at 3am along with a NICU Nurse Practioner and said that our baby had been having seizures while in the nursery and they were taking him up to the NICU. My husband and I were in complete shock. We got ourselves together and went upstairs. Once we got up to his room in the NICU the Nurse Practioner explained why he could be having the seizures and then told us what testing they are wanting to do. First they did a spinal tap, then a CT, MRI, EEG and ECHO. They placed an IV so they could give him fluids and anti biotics in case of infection. Once the results of the CT and MRI came back we were hit with the worst news ever. They said that he had suffered a significant stroke on the left side and that was the cause of his seizures. I didn't know that an unborn baby could have a seizure and here we were with our perfect baby boy and find out he had a stroke. We met with the Neonatologist and my OB had also come up to check in on me. They both said that this could have been an accident and they may not know why it happened. My OB went back to the office and went thru my entire history and chart to see if there was something that they missed or a test they could have done but nothing came up. The Neurologist came in and I hated him. I thought he was the biggest jerk ever. He basically told us that our son would never have a normal life and would never walk, talk, run or play. He would have cerebral palsy. Our hearts sank as we heard him describe the life this perfect baby would have. They started our son on seizure meds that made him sleepy but he still nursed like a champ. Over the next few days he surprised them all. He acted like a perfect normal healthy baby. All of the physical exams he had were all normal. He had no loss of motion on the right side or anything. The outcome was lookign better and better. He was in the NICU for 3 days and got to go home the day after I was discharged. Since then we have had monthly visits with the physical therapist just to make sure he continues to hit his milestones. He sees the NICU follow up team once every 3 months and the neurologist every 4 months to just check up. His well baby exams are always normal. He continues to nurse well and is sleeping thru the night. He was originally supposed to be on the seizure meds for 6 months to a year but at his 1 month check with the neurologist, he said he didn't need them because he is doing so well and hadn't had a seizure since the hospital. During that visit with the neurologist, he was actually nice. He said that our son looked phenomenal and the whole outlook he had for his life changed. He said he thinks he will have a completely normal childhood and grow up and function normally with no effects from the stroke. He said nursing him is the best thing I could do  for him.

During the time we were in the NICU my husband said he thought about having another but after this he doesn't want anymore. Even though my OB has said that the chances of this happening again are very small I want one more. I really would like to have another boy. We planned him as far as timing ovulation and intercourse and all that. My husband said he doesn't want anymore and had talked about vasectomy. My heart sank. He hasn't gone thru with it. We recently went and saw a friend who had just delivered and we had a conversation on the way home about one more and the way he talked sounded like he may be ok with it.

I know we just delivered and my hormones are all crazy still but I can't shake this feeling of wanting one more. I try and rationalize all the reasons we shouldn't have another but the urge is still there. I told him that I would want them about 2 years apart, which would mean trying next summer.

Am I crazy for even thinking about having another after what happened to our little guy? Am I pushing our luck?

Everyday I thank God that I went into labor when I did because I play the what if game. What if I didn't go into labor when I did? What if he had another stroke before our planned C Section? What if I didn't have a C Section and labored naturally, what would have happened?

Any advice or thoughts are greatly appreciated.

Thanks for listening!

 

Posts: 567

Joined 28-May-10

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30-Mar-12 3:10 pm
I have one from previous, hubby has two from his ex girlfriend (long term) and we have a 2 year old together, I really want another, but dh doesnt, says no way, wants us time once the kids grow up, I try to accept it, I understand his point of view and we have beautiful children (I have two girls) he had a boy from previous relationship, I would love a boy, but just would love another baby. Its hard, I have no advise I guess other than try to wait a bit to see if he changes his mind. But your not alone.

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Joined 15-Nov-10

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17-Apr-12 3:24 pm

What an incredible story!!!! Sounds like he will come around... mine did after not a no, but a hell no! I say let yourson get a little bigger, let your DH see how normally and happily he functions and let it rest a bit. The bring it back up again, and again and again, LOL. GOOD LUCK!!!

"I may be small but I matter. Teach me. Love me. Believe in me. Because with your guidance, one day, when I'm all grown up, I will be someone amazing"

Baby Bear GirlAdysen 3-2007 Baby Bear GirlBaylor 7-2011 Baby Bear GirlHaidynn 1-2013

Posts: 31

Joined 21-May-12

23-May-12 11:08 pm

 Give him some time. You guys went through a pretty tramuatic time with your son.

Baby Girldd1Baby Girldd2Baby Girldd3

 

Hoping forBaby Boy sometime soon

 


Posts: 20

Joined 27-Jul-14

19-Aug-14 2:14 pm
I would wait a while. Maybe you could get hubby to hold off on the vasectomy for a year or so. Maybe offer to use Mirena or some other long term bc, to give him time to come around.
Let the hormones stabilize a bit, see how your son progresses. Would you still want another if your son turns out to have significant special needs? Maybe hubby is worried about the amount of time, energy, and money it takes to raise a child with special needs. He may also be a little traumatized by what happened with your son. I'm sure that was very scary for him. I'm sure he doesn't want to lose you, or a child.
If your son turns out to be ok, he may feel more amenable to another, but if he does end up with more severe needs, you may be glad you held off on having another.
Good luck! I hope your son continues to recover well. I have had seizures all my life after a traumatic birth,and other than slight weakness on the right side, I live a perfectly normal life :)

Posts: 20

Joined 27-Jul-14

19-Aug-14 2:15 pm
Sorry. I just realized how old this thread is :(
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