Forums  Gender Selection Gender Prediction Gender Disappointment Gender Odds

A little flare of GD again

Posts: 20

Joined 27-Jan-12

22-Mar-12 4:53 am

 I'm expecting my second boy. I didn't even realise I was hoping for a girl before I was told boy at the U/S. I felt sad and dissapointed for a day or two, and then I started looking forward to meeting my little boy. The GD I initially felt, was a mild case. 

 It's just sometimes that it flares up again. It's mainly triggered by other peoples comments. Like my cousin's. She found out she's expecting her second girl a week ago. She couldn't be happier, as she puts it: "I really thought it was a boy, I couldn't imagine being so lucky as to get two girls! Every woman needs daughters." And everybody goes: "Oooh, aah, Lucky you!"

 Why would it be better to have two girls than to boys? Why is this making me feel so inadequate? 

 

I love my kids!

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Joined 9-Feb-09

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22-Mar-12 7:44 am

Hmmmm...is she really happy?  Or is she putting on a show?  I always find that those who "brag" are the ones trying to justify it to themselves and the world.

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22-Mar-12 1:20 pm

I agree with Alpha.  Maybe she is saying it first how much she wants 2 girls so that people won't be giving her negative comments about not having a PP. 

Have two Baby Girl!  Expecting baby girl #3 in April! 3 of a kind! :) She's here and I am over my GD!  Our family is complete. Hearts

Posts: 20

Joined 27-Jan-12

22-Mar-12 2:57 pm

 Maybe you're right. I don't know. She seems genuinely happy. I just wish she didn't say that in front of me, because I don't have the daughter that every woman according to her should have. Then again, I haven't told her about my GD and she might think I'm totally fine with having two boys. Which I am, most days. And then there's a day like today and I suddenly feel GD again. 

Posts: 12

Joined 4-Jan-12

22-Mar-12 3:05 pm

She could be putting on a show or she could really desire 2 daughters. I find people's reactions are often a result of how we sell things. I have friends you really wanted 2 boys, so when they talked about getting a second boy, people could tell how over the moon they were and then they were happy for them, kwim? I don't think it is that people actually have a preference for her, they are just reacted to her reaction.

It would be no different than if a friend got a new car and they were stoked about it. Maybe it is clunker to you or a gas guzzler or what have you, but if they love their new car you are going to be pumped for them too.

Let yourself process your feelings, I think something GD is more about expectations than it is an actual preference for one over the other.

Posts: 20

Joined 27-Jan-12

22-Mar-12 3:21 pm

sony45:

She could be putting on a show or she could really desire 2 daughters. I find people's reactions are often a result of how we sell things. I have friends you really wanted 2 boys, so when they talked about getting a second boy, people could tell how over the moon they were and then they were happy for them, kwim? I don't think it is that people actually have a preference for her, they are just reacted to her reaction.

It would be no different than if a friend got a new car and they were stoked about it. Maybe it is clunker to you or a gas guzzler or what have you, but if they love their new car you are going to be pumped for them too.

Let yourself process your feelings, I think something GD is more about expectations than it is an actual preference for one over the other.

 

I think you have a point here. Maybe it really is her happiness that people ooh and aah over, and not the fact that she's getting two girls. That thought actually makes me feel a bit better. 

 My mom was so pleased when my brother had his daughter, not because she wanted a granddaughter (she says she loves her grandkids equally regardless of gender) but because she knew he desparately wanted one.

 

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22-Mar-12 7:54 pm

I have a friend who only wanted boys so when she got her boys, I was happy for her and so was everyone else because we knew that was her ideal family.  :) 

Have two Baby Girl!  Expecting baby girl #3 in April! 3 of a kind! :) She's here and I am over my GD!  Our family is complete. Hearts

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Joined 27-Jan-12

23-Mar-12 2:39 am

wincha123:

I have a friend who only wanted boys so when she got her boys, I was happy for her and so was everyone else because we knew that was her ideal family.  :) 

 

 Maybe that's the case with my cousin as well. I just think the way she puts it is a bit offensive. If she didn't say things about everybody needing a daughter and such I would be able to feel happy for her I think. Maybe I'm overly sensitive on the matter, but her words make me feel like she thinks I'm a failure for only having boys. 

 

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23-Mar-12 4:47 am

Maybe she is trying to make herself feel better? She could be jealous that you are having another boy.

BTW, I think you are super lucky to have 2 boys. :)

Posts: 38

Joined 16-Mar-12

23-Mar-12 1:23 pm

 It definitely could be that she is either genuinely happy for 2 DD's or she was doing that to deflect comments (smart woman if so). I generally find people are FAR less accepting of girl after girl then of boys...."Doesn't Daddy want a son to carry on his name", "Doesn't daddy want someone to take to ball games, etc. etc. etc." I could go ON and ON......

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23-Mar-12 1:49 pm

UnsureWhere2Go:

 It definitely could be that she is either genuinely happy for 2 DD's or she was doing that to deflect comments (smart woman if so). I generally find people are FAR less accepting of girl after girl then of boys...."Doesn't Daddy want a son to carry on his name", "Doesn't daddy want someone to take to ball games, etc. etc. etc." I could go ON and ON......

I think if you have all girls, people tend to assume it must be sad for the dad for being outnumbered.  And if you have all boys, people tend to assume it's the mother that is sad because people assume mothers want to bond with daughters and the whole future daughter in law taking your sons away thing.  Those are stereoptypes of course.  I think that is why in our society, everyone assume everyone wants mix gender families. 

Have two Baby Girl!  Expecting baby girl #3 in April! 3 of a kind! :) She's here and I am over my GD!  Our family is complete. Hearts

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23-Mar-12 10:14 pm

wincha123:
I think if you have all girls, people tend to assume it must be sad for the dad for being outnumbered.  And if you have all boys, people tend to assume it's the mother that is sad because people assume mothers want to bond with daughters and the whole future daughter in law taking your sons away thing.  Those are stereoptypes of course.  I think that is why in our society, everyone assume everyone wants mix gender families. 
 

ITA with that.

And to the OP, I agree with you that the comment was insensitive, regarless of why she said it (genuinely happy or trying to hide disappointment of not having one of each). I have been on the receiving end of similar comments from a "friend" of mine (who has two girls and for whom having had just one boy seems like it would have been a disaster) so I know how you feel. Saying how one gender is so much better than the other to a person who has kids of the "lesser" gender is a big no-no to me. If not downright mean, it shows a lack of respect, sensitivy and consideration for the person's feelings and kids. Heck, I personally would never even tell someone I dislike the color of their sweater (unless REALLY asked for an honest opinion), so I resent anyone making such comments to me, esp. regarding something as important as my kids. I think this goes beyong GD too - yes, having GD, perhaps we take those comments more to heart, but even if we didn't have GD, the comments would still be hurtful IMO.

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24-Mar-12 1:52 am

Photo-Girl"]

[quote user="wincha123:

I think if you have all girls, people tend to assume it must be sad for the dad for being outnumbered.  And if you have all boys, people tend to assume it's the mother that is sad because people assume mothers want to bond with daughters and the whole future daughter in law taking your sons away thing.  Those are stereoptypes of course.  I think that is why in our society, everyone assume everyone wants mix gender families.  [/quote] 

ITA with that.

And to the OP, I agree with you that the comment was insensitive, regarless of why she said it (genuinely happy or trying to hide disappointment of not having one of each). I have been on the receiving end of similar comments from a "friend" of mine (who has two girls and for whom having had just one boy seems like it would have been a disaster) so I know how you feel. Saying how one gender is so much better than the other to a person who has kids of the "lesser" gender is a big no-no to me. If not downright mean, it shows a lack of respect, sensitivy and consideration for the person's feelings and kids. Heck, I personally would never even tell someone I dislike the color of their sweater (unless REALLY asked for an honest opinion), so I resent anyone making such comments to me, esp. regarding something as important as my kids. I think this goes beyong GD too - yes, having GD, perhaps we take those comments more to heart, but even if we didn't have GD, the comments would still be hurtful IMO.

 

 

Thanks for understanding. Thank you all for your kind comments. 

 This is exactly how I feel. I think there are some things that you just do not say, no matter how happy you are, or whatever the reason might be.  I'm a bit hurt, but I'll try to get over it. She is, after all, my cousin. If she contiues to say these things, I probably will try to talk to her and tell her I feel bad, but for the time being, I'll just ignore it. 

 

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Joined 5-Feb-12

24-Mar-12 4:39 am

Photo-Girl"]

[quote user="wincha123:

I think if you have all girls, people tend to assume it must be sad for the dad for being outnumbered.  And if you have all boys, people tend to assume it's the mother that is sad because people assume mothers want to bond with daughters and the whole future daughter in law taking your sons away thing.  Those are stereoptypes of course.  I think that is why in our society, everyone assume everyone wants mix gender families.  [/quote] 

ITA with that.

And to the OP, I agree with you that the comment was insensitive, regarless of why she said it (genuinely happy or trying to hide disappointment of not having one of each). I have been on the receiving end of similar comments from a "friend" of mine (who has two girls and for whom having had just one boy seems like it would have been a disaster) so I know how you feel. Saying how one gender is so much better than the other to a person who has kids of the "lesser" gender is a big no-no to me. If not downright mean, it shows a lack of respect, sensitivy and consideration for the person's feelings and kids. Heck, I personally would never even tell someone I dislike the color of their sweater (unless REALLY asked for an honest opinion), so I resent anyone making such comments to me, esp. regarding something as important as my kids. I think this goes beyong GD too - yes, having GD, perhaps we take those comments more to heart, but even if we didn't have GD, the comments would still be hurtful IMO.

 

Uh huh, I agree.

Try not to let it get to you

O

x

 

Posts: 365

Joined 31-May-11

Top Poster
24-Mar-12 8:54 am
I agree it is insensitive to say one gender is better and/or that everyone need to have a certain gender. I was annoyed when my friend kept saying how she doesn't want any girls. ( her nationality group has a huge preference for boys).I wouldn't have minded as much if she had said, I prefer to have a brother for my first son or even to say I love having boys or that she just have a personal preference for boys. But to hear her say she doesn't want girls really got me defensive of my girls. But afterwards, I told my husband and he told me it's just sad that some people are so bias and it's her lose for not being able to appreciate both genders. (she has nieces). So to be honest, even though I was happy for her but I have to say that I did roll my eyes when I initially found out she got what she wanted.

Have two Baby Girl!  Expecting baby girl #3 in April! 3 of a kind! :) She's here and I am over my GD!  Our family is complete. Hearts

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