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Depressed over confusing ultrasound

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Joined 18-Mar-12

18-Mar-12 4:42 am
I've always wanted a little girl mainly because of bad experiences with men and physical violence both family and relationships. My dh family is like the ultimate producer of boys! The last two girls born are now 6 and 38 years old if that gives you any idea. So we go in for our 21 week anatomy scan and we are definitely psyched about finding out gender but more so looking for downs, cleft, and all 10 fingers and toes. The tech acted like a paparazzi with the machine and the entire appointment lasted under 5 minutes. She was even tapping her foot so I would get out the door faster! We watched several images fly by as she "took measurement" no clue if they are even accurate.. And says to us do you want to know gender? After our confirmation she looks says it's a boy and zoom the image was gone we don't get to see anything! And then a few more rapid screen changes and clicks and she says let's double check and "yep" its a boy ZOOM gone again. Then prints out the worst pictures we've ever gotten with nothing that resembles even the most blurry boy pictures I've seen! We both left more mad than disappointed initially over not being able to enjoy the images of our baby moving around and such like we had with the prior 2 ultrasounds. Then the health issue anger set in.. We have no idea if we have a healthy baby or not. Then the gender depression hit. When she said boy, all I could manage to mutter was "ok" and dh just squeezed my hand and said nothing. We informed family that day of the gender and they could tell I was upset and my own mother told me I needed to quit being such a baby and be excited because my baby would know that I hated it. Which of course is not true but it made me feel worse. And still does... So after lodging complaints with the hospital patient advocate and they did their investigation, they found the tech got off work early that day so she rushed patients out the door to do so. We were apologized to and we're told shed be reprimanded. My Insurance will not cover another ultrasound.. When family of both sides heard we were challenging the hospital in their eyes it was only because of GD and that was it. And maybe I shouldn't be having this baby if the simple thought of gender was upsetting me. That night after dh went to bed I sat on the couch with my computer comparing these images to others to make heads or tails of the gender and also the various parts. Trying to count fingers, comparing them with downs ultrasounds, all the things we were worried about and just started crying. I cried for about 3 hours over the possibility this was a boy and over everything our families had said. I felt a little better the next day after letting it all out until I was met with more snappy family commentary. Fast forward to this last week where I am now 33 weeks and closing the gap.. My sister organized an online baby shower because family is clear across the country and I can't travel. So on the event page, the online photo album, etc I put baby gender unknown and both the boy and girl name we picked out. The comments immediately fired up.. You were told its boy, we know the hospital told you already why the girls name just because you are mad. DH's cousin and wife find out 3 days after shower announcement they are having a girl. His entire family is now acting like we don't exist. Putting comments on her facebook of "it will be nice to finally have a new baby in the family to spoil" while I admit jealousy over her getting what she wanted, some of the extra comments are uncalled for. His family starts ignoring our calls and messages,my family is absolutely obsessed that they need to know the gender and I need to somehow get another ultrasound. All of this is sending me right back down the road of crying on the couch after I had come to terms with this possible unconfirmed baby boy. I talk to my baby and play with the little feet and hands trying to burst out of my stomach, and dh the same! I do not hate my chd or think less of "him". So why am I still feeling this way? My Dh doesn't know but a friend got me a gift certificate to have elective 4d ultrasound done as a shower gift. With prior hip fracture I have now developed SPD and the possibility of re-fracture and may not be able to handle more children so I want to have as many memories as possible. And if they can get a clear gender shot I can end my mental confusion and uncertainty of the sex and positively say it's a boy! Or a girl. But I also get the mixed emotion of the excitement the tech could have been wrong and I'll see a girl and am worried I will go back to that dark place again. The 4d is scheduled for this coming Saturday...
4-22-2012    production start date Sept 2014
 

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18-Mar-12 4:48 am
Relatives and "friends" can make GD 1000x worse! Hugs and congratulations on your baby!!!

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Joined 18-Mar-12

18-Mar-12 4:56 am
Thanks. The sick thing is my friends all back me, they look at the photo I posted with the same confusion and feel bad we were treated like we were. I just wish family could get on board or get over it because it doesn't help :(
4-22-2012    production start date Sept 2014

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18-Mar-12 5:14 am
well that is just a terrible pic! don't even know what is what!
Proud mommy of 2 wonderful little boys! would love to add a girl to our family in the future. probably with girl-diet.

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18-Mar-12 6:26 am
goodluck for saturday, but in my experience, if the tech tells you the gender they are usually right xxx

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18-Mar-12 10:32 am
I'm so sorry you are dealing with crazy family, and had such a crappy US experience.  I agree that the photo she gave you is just crazy confusing and I can't figure out what I'm looking at.  Hope things go better at your next US and you are able to get a clear answer on gender (and health as well). 

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18-Mar-12 12:17 pm

oh hun, i'm so sorry that they're being hurtful. this is why i kept my feelings about gender quiet. people see a weakness in others and they go for it. although i don't think your family is being purposely hurtful. it sounds like they're concerned and want you to stop agonizing over it.

i think you should go to the u/s and get confirmation that this is your boy. once that happens you will be able to accept it and embrace this baby, at least outwardly.  post the pics on facebook and share your happiness over your new baby. when i had gd i went overboard with posting pics and being enthusiastic. this helped in 2 ways. in one way it headed off any negatice comments about having another boy. and it helped me because eventually i really did have those feelings. someone posted on here once "fake it until you make it" and you know, it really does work. good luck.


Jen

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18-Mar-12 12:20 pm

sometimes they don't get good pics but if a trained tech told you it was a boy then its probably a boy. most of the time when they make a mistake they tell you girl and its really a boy but i don't know anyone who was told boy then got a girl. maybe if you were like 12 weeks or something, but if you were after 15 weeks and they saw something protruding then its probably a boy.

    which is great! maybe your family just wants you to be happy, instead you are all bummed out and being depressed. focus on the good, you are having a snuggley adorable baby boy who will instantly bond with you. its true. girls have this thing for their daddy, you can raise him to be a good strong caring man. the world needs more of those don't you think? congrats

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18-Mar-12 12:21 pm

That's probably the crappiest gender shot I've seen.  I can't make sense of what's what on the picture.  I hope you get confirmation either way next Saturday.  Elective ultrasounds are so much fun because the techs job is to give the parents a great experience of a "for fun" session with their baby.  I hope it goes well for you!

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18-Mar-12 12:33 pm
sometimes they do get told boy when it's actually a girl. what is her name? ...0099? they saw 3 dots in triangle shape and told her boy. turned out to be a gisl.
Proud mommy of 2 wonderful little boys! would love to add a girl to our family in the future. probably with girl-diet.

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Joined 25-Jul-11

18-Mar-12 1:37 pm

it's so weird, but so many ladies on here don't like the tech once the tech tells them the gender they don't want to hear. there seem to be many rude techs when you read through the posts, but in my case i have to admit i had a nice tech who told me it was a boy, but still i wasn't ok with her. i sickly convinced myself she was too young to really know what she was doing.....and i actually hoped she had missed a twin girl right behind my son. i was so sick with GD i had to have another ultrasound. the second ultrasound at a 4d place was u very unpleasant experience as well as there was a big party of happy people....yes, the whole family of some woman came along for the ultrasound. and, of course they were all talking about the baby girl they just saw on the screen. and then it was my turn. i just brough my oldest son with me and got another boy confirmation. in my case it was definately GD that made me unsatisfied with the tech. the birth of my son was the worst experience as well. i just couldn't see anythong positive about having 4 boys, so no pleasant memories and i even ignored the flowers my poor dh brought to the hospital. one nurse even said "oh you don't know how to make girls"......good luck on saturday. i hope you get to enjoy the ultrasound. i regret that i couldn't.

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18-Mar-12 4:59 pm
I for a while wondered myself during the two weeks it took the hospital to do their investigation if I was mad at this tech for her unprofessionalism or her announcement of baby boy. But Id like to think Id have been the same way over an announcement of a girl. Our last 2 ultrasounds at 9 and 12 weeks were of clear quality, took 15 to 20 min, and each tech explained what we were seeing etc. In our 9 week ultrasound you can clearly see the yolk, heart, and tiny little arm buds. How at 21 weeks are they worse with barely discernable features.... The photo i posted is the "protrusion" the tech originally said is the boy part. If she saw better image on the screen, she had our screen frozen on this one so if she saw something else/better had she have shown us I would have accepted it. Her confirmation was the color doppler shot but all that was there was a twisted red and blue which correct me if im wrong experts, is the cord? she sadly didnt give us that picture. I think for the most part I am over the "if its a boy Im dissapointed" phase. I have had fun decorating the nursery with giraffes, I have quite the "brag" album of every ultrasound picture, photos of the nursery coming together etc. And you are all right in that aspect it did help me "get happy" about the arrival of whatever this child turns out to be. Either Little Troy or Little Ariana! Lately with the family's new comments about my hate of a possible boy or the comments about the cousin's girl, I feel as if my family will be the ones loving this child less or it will be put second to this arriving girl. And im hoping that I get 100% confirmation this weekend so that way I can positively say without a doubt which name to give our child and begin to prepare for the gender with blue or pink clothes, blankies with initals, etc. how did you all deal with the family aspect of your GD? dh doesnt know about the ultrasound he wont be home. Hes only home a couple days a month right now because of work. I want this to be a surprise for him since he enjoys seeing the baby and gets that extra bonding. So I know that I will be a bit lonely if i see others with families there for the event as some of you have said but Im trying to focus on the closure I hope to get and the smile on his face when he comes home and gets to watch the video of his ds or dd ;)
4-22-2012    production start date Sept 2014

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18-Mar-12 5:23 pm

It does sound like the tech was more concerned with getting off early than giving a mother the patience and time they deserve.  I am glad she was repremanded.

 Let me tell you as the mother of a 13 year old boy how wonderful a son can be.  He is gentle and caring.  He tells me he loves me every night and is sad when I do not give him a hug and kiss before bed.  I am the apple of his eye and he is the apple of mine.  I am very sad that you had to have bad experiences with men, I myself have been down that road.  But please know that your little boy will be what you and your husband make of him. 

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25-Mar-12 3:07 am
So Finally had the 4d ultrasound appointment and the confirmation 100% of its a boy! I really was pretty emotionless until the end of the scan, it was just another ultrasound until when little troy kissed the ultrasound probe and it was perfectly captured! Daddy will be home tomorrow he has no idea what this big surprise is that I have been holding over his head for the past week! He and I have had the discussion before and both of us are at a loss. We were talking about that if we did find out would we tell people we knew? My big fear is those spiteful family members coming back after us saying we should have just accepted it to begin with and that we couldnt accept it earlier strictly due to GD. Has anyone else had similar fears after getting confirmations?
4-22-2012    production start date Sept 2014

Angela

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25-Mar-12 9:20 am
Congrats on ur boy! Maybe don't tell anyone! With this last baby - we said I it was a boy that we weren't going to tell friends and family as we didn't want the "did u wish it was a girl" comments

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