Forums  Gender Selection Gender Prediction Gender Disappointment Gender Odds

Husband has SEVERE GD!

Posts: 13

Joined 21-Feb-12

21-Feb-12 11:52 am

We just found a week ago that we are having another girl. Prior to this pregnancy we agreed that it would be our last, for several reasons. 

He is heartbroken, distraught, feels like he is mourning the death of a child.  He said he feels very alone and doesn't want to talk to anyone about b/c no one will understand and he doesn't want people to tell him how he should feel.  I am trying to give him space and time to process everything to see if snaps out of it but I just don't feel like he will. I can't say that I fully understand the depth of his feelings but I do know what he means by being said about not experiencing certain things/differences with a boy than with girls. 

I have tried to encourage him with postive thoughts, scripture, etc.  He admits that nothing helps.  I feel so helpless, hurt, alone.

 What do I do? Please help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Baby Bear Girl Lyla Baby Bear Girl - July 2012

 

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21-Feb-12 12:13 pm
Do you think he wants to ask you to try again for a boy? My husband was willing to have children until I got a little girl. Not because it was important to him, he was fine with all boys, but because he knew how important it was for me to have a daughter.

Thank You God and Our Lady!

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21-Feb-12 1:02 pm
yes, agreed. I was devastated to learn that this baby is ds3.. not because I don't love my boys and wouldn't love another.. but because we agreed we only wanted 3 kids and we are feeling like we are getting up there in age.. not to mention the fact our place barely will fit the 3 kids.. and finances are tight. But, I drove my dh crazy after since I was so upset and needed to hear him say that if I still feel this way after our new baby is born we can talk about having a 4th and figure out how maybe we can influence that baby to be a girl (ie.. maybe even look into ivf.. although, I think I am too nervous to do that so will probably be a hardcore sway). But, until I was able to hear him say the words (more then once mind you).. that he will consider 4 and do what it takes for us to have that happen if I still have so much GD, I was a wreck about this pregnancy and baby. My DH would be fine if we had all boys, all girls, but like stickybeans,he knows how much it means to me to have a DD and was genuinely sad when we found out this baby was a boy since he knew how much sadness I had from it. I know it's hard to consider another child when you had a set number in mind, but it may be worth talking to your DH about to just let him know maybe that the door isn't shut to that if he still feels GD after your baby girl is here. GL!

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21-Feb-12 2:12 pm

Thanks, that is a good suggestion but he is the one that said he doesn't want more.....period.  He is afraid of having THREE girls. Our finances would too strained, he feels like he is too old for more, our house would be too small, the list goes on and on, but I can consider making that an option for him if that is what will truly make him happy. 

 I am still curious to hear how some of you coped with these feelings? What did you do to feel better?

Baby Bear Girl Lyla Baby Bear Girl - July 2012

Jen

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21-Feb-12 4:24 pm
i cried and begged my hubby for adoption or ht after dd 6 was born. but he refused saying, "lets save up and take the girls in vacation."  which we did. omg it was amazing. it step back and clear my head and not worry about timing and pills and diets and suppliments and watching my girls have this amazing vacation. we made such wonderful memories instead of fail ht cycles. after that i was happy and content with a house full of girls. after we stopped swaying and stressing and i enjoyed my spouse and my children. i got pregnant with a boy!

Baby Bear Girl01, Baby Bear Girl03, Baby Bear Girl05, Baby Bear Girl09, Baby Bear Girl10Heartbroken, Baby Bear Girl11, Baby Bear Girl11Heartbroken, Baby Bear Boy12, Baby Bear Girl13Heartbroken and another little born sept 4th!!

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21-Feb-12 4:36 pm

Newbaby2011 congrats on getting blue.  I totally understand GD I have suffered badly for 5 years since my second DS, I have just had DS 3 and I would like to say it gets easier but I don't think it does.  My DH is happy with three and doesn't understand my obssession as he puts it.  Some days he agrees to sway again maybe one day?  Not sure what the future holds, its so hard some times to put faith in God, its hard to know how to play it, I know somone with 5 boys and think will that be me?  I think men must find it harder as they struggle to express themselves like we do.  My husband is from Mars and so doesn't understand, glad I can come here to IG and not feel like a guilty freak for these feelings, especially when I look into DS big brown eye which melt my heart.  Good luck to all those who suffer GD it does help to talk, I had counciling recommended by my midwife.

Baby Boy2004 Baby Boy2007 (failed DR Shettles sway) Baby Bear Boy Born Sep 2011, My gorgeous boys.

PrayBaby Bear Girlone day.


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21-Feb-12 4:40 pm

Hi sticky beans well do on getting a beautiful girl, just curious did you sway or were you jut blessed. I pray to God alot for a girl one day, I know she is out there somewhere.

Baby Boy2004 Baby Boy2007 (failed DR Shettles sway) Baby Bear Boy Born Sep 2011, My gorgeous boys.

PrayBaby Bear Girlone day.


Please Lord hear our pray

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21-Feb-12 4:57 pm

 

Just give him time and space like you already are.  It does get better when they arrive, it did for me when i had my 2nd son now seeing my boys with each other i realise how lucky they are to have each other.

All the best to you and your husband, hang in there

2 x Baby Bear Boy -  Swayed 3 times = miscarried 3 times, wasted 3 yrs obsessing, no sway = 3rd son due.  Go figure you cant win! only God knows what i did and how much i tried.

Almighty God & Creator, grant that my body may conceive and give birth to a beautiful, healthy daughter to love and bring up in your ways AMEN 
 

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21-Feb-12 9:39 pm

Although I have nothing to help your situation, I completely empathise with your husband and understand. I, personally, have taken advantage of "guy time" with my brother, father, and guy friends whenever I can lately because I do feel so alone at home and I know it will get harder as baby gets older and she and my wife become inseperable girly-girls. I have the baby by myself for 2 hours before my wife gets home so I do have some quality bonding time which has helped my GD a lot, but I still feel like I am outnumbered and fear I will never get to have a son.

To sum it up, you are doing good things to help him. I hope he does find some bonding things to do with the girls and can still maintain a relationship with "the guys" to do "guy stuff" too.

Natalie Gayle is here (7-6-11) She is amazing, but I wish I could have broken the girl "streak" for our families (last male was born 23 years ago).

Possibly TTC boy again in 2013, but saving for adoption. The baby Jensen T. account!

EXPECTING PARENTS! Check out www.4eric.org Get educated!

Posts: 13

Joined 21-Feb-12

22-Feb-12 8:12 am

SadDad, I appreciate your feedback so much.  I just want him to be happy and it just breaks my heart that he feels such a void, loss and disappointment.  We have always been very respectful to give each other time with our friends so I hope he can find some comfort with them. 

My husband kept our daughter home with him about 1/4 of the time until she was 1. I really think it helped them bond with each other and I hope that he is able and willing to spend as much time with the new baby. 

 As a woman all I can say to you is a girls relationship with her father is the most important she will ever have and I hope you remember that. You are the measuring stick that she will compare all of her male companions to.  YOU get to walk her down the isle and be her hero for the rest of your life. She will want to grow up and be as big as you, just like you and will watch everything you do.  Your approval and love will make her a strong and independent woman.  Good luck to you. All things according to God's plan and not our own.

SadDad:

Although I have nothing to help your situation, I completely empathise with your husband and understand. I, personally, have taken advantage of "guy time" with my brother, father, and guy friends whenever I can lately because I do feel so alone at home and I know it will get harder as baby gets older and she and my wife become inseperable girly-girls. I have the baby by myself for 2 hours before my wife gets home so I do have some quality bonding time which has helped my GD a lot, but I still feel like I am outnumbered and fear I will never get to have a son.

To sum it up, you are doing good things to help him. I hope he does find some bonding things to do with the girls and can still maintain a relationship with "the guys" to do "guy stuff" too.

Baby Bear Girl Lyla Baby Bear Girl - July 2012

I love my kids!

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22-Feb-12 8:34 am

mrv79"]

SadDad, I appreciate your feedback so much.  I just want him to be happy and it just breaks my heart that he feels such a void, loss and disappointment.  We have always been very respectful to give each other time with our friends so I hope he can find some comfort with them. 

My husband kept our daughter home with him about 1/4 of the time until she was 1. I really think it helped them bond with each other and I hope that he is able and willing to spend as much time with the new baby. 

 As a woman all I can say to you is a girls relationship with her father is the most important she will ever have and I hope you remember that. You are the measuring stick that she will compare all of her male companions to.  YOU get to walk her down the isle and be her hero for the rest of your life. She will want to grow up and be as big as you, just like you and will watch everything you do.  Your approval and love will make her a strong and independent woman.  Good luck to you. All things according to God's plan and not our own. [quote user="SadDad:

Although I have nothing to help your situation, I completely empathise with your husband and understand. I, personally, have taken advantage of "guy time" with my brother, father, and guy friends whenever I can lately because I do feel so alone at home and I know it will get harder as baby gets older and she and my wife become inseperable girly-girls. I have the baby by myself for 2 hours before my wife gets home so I do have some quality bonding time which has helped my GD a lot, but I still feel like I am outnumbered and fear I will never get to have a son.

To sum it up, you are doing good things to help him. I hope he does find some bonding things to do with the girls and can still maintain a relationship with "the guys" to do "guy stuff" too.

[/quote]

Mrv79 I couldn't agree more. My dad was never liked being around kids so I was basically ignored by him my whole life.  I would have loved to have an actual father figure in my life.  I let him walk me down the aisle because of wedding ettiquette not because I felt like he was ever a father to me.  Although I do appreciate the monetary support he provided as a family unit, a hug or an I love you would have been great.

Baby Bear Girl Amelia 7/1/2010      Baby Bear Boy  Maddox  5/7/2012   [
 
                                                                 

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Joined 21-Feb-12

22-Feb-12 10:29 am
first off congratulations on being pregnant, i am only 13 weeks gone and i am desperate for a girl as i have one son i am not sure how i will feel if this is a boy but i can understand wanting something so badly, i agree give your man some time and space, my husband joked about keeping on going till we have a girl but 3 is our limit if this is a girl then no more for us, where i live they dont tell you the sex at the 20 week scan even though i will ask to see down there, if they dont then i am going to have to wait till baby is here. xx

happily married Heart 

mummy to a 4 year old Baby Boy 2007

pregnant and woud be happy with a Baby Girl or a Baby Boy

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22-Feb-12 10:59 am

Congratulations on your new baby and for having the compassion to try to seek out help for your husband. I have suffered from GD like so have many people on this website and I see over and over supportive spouses and so many people being so thankful that their spouse isso kind to them during this time. Take the time to listen anytime day and night. Validate his feelings and give him space to be a guy. My father had three little girls and I think that is the reason he has a MILLION friends. I know I have benefitted from him not having a son since he has instilled in me I can do ANYTHING. My mom said there were times when he did feel a little left out and she would watch out for that and plan events where we would be one on one with him. I have seen every Bruce Willis die hard movie ever created. My little sister goes to every sporting event. It opens the opportunity to bond with your father in a way that you might not have been able to if there was a boy in the family. Now my dad has three amazing son in laws and four grandsons and everytime I am pregnant he tells me bring me home another baby girl to love.

Posts: 13

Joined 21-Feb-12

22-Feb-12 11:16 am

angel in a pink sky:

Congratulations on your new baby and for having the compassion to try to seek out help for your husband. I have suffered from GD like so have many people on this website and I see over and over supportive spouses and so many people being so thankful that their spouse isso kind to them during this time. Take the time to listen anytime day and night. Validate his feelings and give him space to be a guy. My father had three little girls and I think that is the reason he has a MILLION friends. I know I have benefitted from him not having a son since he has instilled in me I can do ANYTHING. My mom said there were times when he did feel a little left out and she would watch out for that and plan events where we would be one on one with him. I have seen every Bruce Willis die hard movie ever created. My little sister goes to every sporting event. It opens the opportunity to bond with your father in a way that you might not have been able to if there was a boy in the family. Now my dad has three amazing son in laws and four grandsons and everytime I am pregnant he tells me bring me home another baby girl to love.

Thank you! Those are great words of advice!

Baby Bear Girl Lyla Baby Bear Girl - July 2012

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Joined 21-Feb-12

28-Feb-12 11:47 am

I am bumping this because I am still looking for additional feedback on how everyone figured out how to "cope" with GD.  My DH has it pretty bad and he admits that it isn't getting better. He is still frustrated, angry, bitter, etc.  I continue to try to give him space. We finally talked about it some last night but he doesn't like to talk about it bc it "upsets" me.  I continue to encourage him to talk to me because it is so important that we stay connected and that he knows I am here for him.  I am also praying for him and have a lot of friends praying for him too! 

 Thanks so much in advance.

Baby Bear Girl Lyla Baby Bear Girl - July 2012

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