Thank you so much for sharing orangesatsuma. I am glad to hear it is getting easier for you day by day. I, like you, feel so sorry for this baby, I want to be filled with joy and these feelings are so hard to work through. I think you nailed it on the head with being scared of the unknown future. With my other two it was so "my plan" that it was more exciting than scary. Now I don't really know what to make of everything. I have envisioned a family of 2 boys and 1 girl for so long, it's hard for me to conceptualize this new reality.
Thank you again.