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Having my First Boy

Posts: 1

Joined 6-Dec-11

6-Dec-11 8:31 pm
I'm a young expectant mother, newly married and just moved out of my mother's house. As if the stress of all of that wasn't enough, I had high hopes for a girl. Someone I could relate to, someone I could talk to about things, watch chick flicks with and everything my mum and I share. I had a deep feeling inside of me (maybe put there with thanks to my mother, but not in a mean way) that it was a boy as soon as I found out I was pregnant. I had to wait until 24 weeks to find out, and I told the ultrasound tech I didn't want to know, I wanted my husband to tell me. So as she was looking for it my husband watched intently, and I just looked at his face. He wanted a girl just like me, and I could see the sadness just wash over his face when the tech found the sex, and his mothers face as well, who also wanted a girl. As soon as they all left I didn't even have to ask him, I just said "It's a boy. I already know." and he nodded in agreement. That little tic tac on the print outs they gave us couldn't lie. I poked fun, making little jokes about just "Cutting it off" , in a joking manner of course. When I got home though I cried the entire night. And the next day. And I still cry to this day every now and then because the stress is just so much. My marriage is less than ideal, he and I are both young so we are still learning how to cope, and my financial stress on top of the stress of trying to figure out how I'm going to deal with having another boy. I try to talk to him about these things as well, but he just asks me "Really? You're REALLY this upset that it's a boy? That's messed up." And it makes me feel ten times worse. His mother isn't of any help either, she really wanted a granddaughter for a first grandchild. My mother is a little more...hardened I guess you could say? So it's a little hard to talk to her as well. It's just getting harder as I progress through this pregnancy. I find myself crying at least once a day. I will probably bring up my depression at my next appointment, next week, but until then does anyone have any words of wisdom for me? I would really appreciate anything you have to offer. Thankyou.
 

Posts: 99

Joined 11-Aug-10

6-Dec-11 10:53 pm

be strong! the fact that you are considering talking with your dr. about your feelings is a good idea and shows that you are mature even if you are a young mother. it's hard to love a baby that isn't your desired gender while still pregnant, but once he's born you won't be able to resist the squishy little babyHappy Wink

best wishes for a healthy pregnancy and hopefully you start to feel better soon!

Baby Bear GirlBaby Bear GirlBaby Bear GirlBaby Bear Girl & countingHappy

Posts: 209

Joined 17-Nov-11

6-Dec-11 11:09 pm
I practically could have wrote this post. I'm also newly married and expecting my first baby and I never thought I'd have a boy but here I am. My in laws are a pain in the @$$ because they wanted a boy and they constantly rub it in my face. I have no idea what I'm going to do with a baby boy and I go through days where I don't care as much and days when I feel like the world is ending. I know that a lot of this is my pregnancy hormones. I haven't talked with my husband much about the extent of my GD because I don't want to alienate him or make him feel bad. He actually wanted a boy. :/ I feel like our marriage is transitioning out of the honeymoon phase very quickly. My Mum and I are very close but she thinks I am mental that I'm that upset about having a boy vs. a girl, so she hasn't been much help either. I think you're smart to bring up your depression at your next appointment and I am considering it too, if it weren't for the fact that I'll likely be referred to a therapist and frankly we don't have the money for that right now. I guess all I can really tell you is I can totally relate to how you're feeling right now. I have a lot of doubts in my ability to mother a boy. I think he is going to hate me because I am going to be very strict and boys tend to be not very well behaved. I don't want to play with toy trucks and spiderman action figures and I definitely don't want to do any rough and tumble play with him. I hate all the stupid blue clothes I got as gifts and I feel pangs in my heart when I'm in the stores and there are so many beautiful pink clothes and things for baby girls and I know I can't dress my baby up in anything pretty. It all just sucks and I'm just not happy about being a mom anymore. I don't think this will last forever. Things will definitely be different after the baby is born...I hope different in a good way. I'm also trying to keep in mind that the pregnancy hormones are making things far more difficult than they need to be. I hope things will get better for both of us. Most of the women on this site are great and very supportive. *hugs* Good luck talking with your doctor.

Posts: 120

Joined 30-Sep-11

7-Dec-11 1:17 am

My situation isnt exactly the same as I already have a daughter (so I guess am being a little greedy by wanting another girl) but im currently 29 weeks pregnant with a boy - a gender that definatly wasnt planned. My ideal family was 2 little girls and I have struggled with the fact that im not getting that.

What I can say tho, is that each day it gets better. For the first few weeks after I found out he was a he I didnt want to have anything to do with the pregnancy. I had little fantasies about the baby really being a girl and it all being a big mistake at the ultrasound. I really detached myself. But with each passing day im getting a little more used to the idea. Dont get me wrong - it still really hurts - but I know when I see him for the first time and I know he is ok, I will be ok. How could I not love something that my husband and I created.

It hurts seeing little baby girl clothes in the stores, but I force myself NOT to look at them, and I force myself to buy cute little boy clothes. I steer clear of newborn baby girls, and force myself to take peeks at newborn little boys, and think about what it will be like when my little boy is cuddled up to me.

In the end. Its not his fault that I feel this way and its not his fault he isnt/wasnt the desired gender. This little boy wants me for his mumma. How can I not eventually love that? Heart

a gorgoeus Baby Girl and a little Baby Boy Heart I'll never let you go xxx

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