Forums  Gender Selection Gender Prediction Gender Disappointment Gender Odds

are they aware how lucky they are with mixed families?

Posts: 572

Joined 31-Mar-11

Top Poster
7-Sep-11 12:54 am

As some of you know, i am expecting my 3rd boy. I was very down many many days, and i doubt this gender dissapointment will ever go away completely....there are better days, but still, many days i can not cope. I dont understand why i do not have "luck". Between 3 of my pregnancies, why none of it were a girl...i found this unlucky.  I know so well that the happiest thing is a healthy child, I know this very good, as my second boy was born with lifetime health defect, and when he was born, i really was aware how gratful one can be every time the child is born healthy..... but still i cannnot help the wish for the daughter stayed in me so deeply, and when realising this will probably never happen, it broke me completely.

I notice many people, who have more luck. They have for example a girl and a boy, 2 girls and a boy, 1 boy 2 girls, or sorts of combinations of mixed families....why me only boys...i can not stand this. I can not bear this... I keep asking myself what did i do wrong, that destiny or god gives me "this punishement". I know racionally this is not like this in "God's head and heart" but i can not shake off this though that poisons my heart.

I know that each person has its own way, of suffering too...i just cant understand some clues about why these things are happening. On this forums I met many mommas who so long for a girl after a row of boys, or so long for a boy after a row of girls....why this simply doesnt happen. Is this meant to be? I dont know.... I just know I am too sad, i do not expect this child with joy, I am afraid he is not gonna be healthy at all, and i am afraid i will be unlucky because of that for the reat of my life. My dream of daughter is gone, and I feel like somebody died, and theres nothing that can bring this girl to me. Well I was thinking about adoption, I am also doing some research when i have a little time. There are days when i believe in this, but then I realise my life will be so exhausting with 3 boys, very few gap in between them, my age is high already, and I doubt I will ever collect more energy for that adoption process that is highly challenging to overcome, and come to a daughter.

I feel like i am in a big dark hole, from where the sun is only a dream....thanks for reading anyway.....

 

 

 

 

Baby Bear Boy2008, Baby Bear Boy 2010, Baby Bear Boy 2012 ... i love my boys, but is this the end of the road for me, or would i try again for a mother-daughter dream to come true?

The greatest burden a child must bear is the unlived life of the parents.  (C.G.Jung)

 

Posts: 1,824

Joined 30-Jan-08

Top Poster
7-Sep-11 5:18 am

little bee I am exactly the same as you I could of wrote the post , it really pisses me off I have three boys I love them all dearly but I feel a total loss not having a girl and I haven `t got over it and probably never wil.

I feel like I am a very unlucky person I was never one of those girls that got what I wanted growing up but when I become a adult I thought my Luck had changed, I meet a wonerful guy.

But now 3 boys later I should known I was unlucky  in life that is how I feel and I really think people that have a combination most of them really don`t appreciate it. WHat I think the hardest about having three boys is that by the third you have done all the boy stuff to death so you just seem  to have a ll the hard work without much excitement and joy the first 2 seem way more interesting now it is just the same old , the one thing though the love for that 3rd boy is still the same and just as strong I feel for you Hunny

Baby Bear BoyBaby Bear BoyHeartbrokenBaby Bear Boy

Posts: 67

Joined 13-Feb-10

7-Sep-11 6:55 am
I agree ladies - I feel so lucky for the blessings I have been given but I wonder why just one of my children was not a girl. I just feel so sad.

Baby Boy 2006 Baby Boy 2008 Baby Boy 2010

PrayBaby Girl

Trying to heal through ex

Posts: 4,083

Joined 10-Apr-08

Top Poster
7-Sep-11 7:23 am
I am aware I am lucky to have 3 boys and 1 girl...I felt just like you did 2 yrs ago...Even though my boys made me the great mom I am today I always wondered why I couldnt have a boy and a girl or even 2 boys and 1 girl...thus being said now that I am done creating my family I dont regret my boys at all...Having so many lil guys made my daughter seem that much more special that if she would have been my 2nd kiddo or my first it wouldnt be like that....then she makes me realize how special all my boys are...its a never ending thing.
 photo boybaby_zps21881503.gif(8)  photo boybaby_zps21881503.gif(6.5)  photo boybaby_zps21881503.gif(5.5)  photo babygirl_zps54e18b68.gif (4)

http://swlf.lilyslim.com/XFUzm5.png

Posts: 572

Joined 31-Mar-11

Top Poster
7-Sep-11 8:11 am

thanks tanyagirl, honey, maybe when we meet (hopefully) in heaven, we will hug eachother as soulmates, "who carried similar cross"...well do you still have some hope for a girl, or have you finished with "new kids".  Woundedhealer, i can imagine how you feel - so nice that you also have a girl at the end, i know you must appreciate this very much and that you must be very grateful. If this would happen to me, my way would get more sense, but if there will be no girl at the end....at least the remain of sadness will always, just always stay in my heart, like a constant little wound, never healed completely, even when i am old, and may be have my granddaughter, but this is not the same....

it's nice that we can at least understand each other....

Baby Bear Boy2008, Baby Bear Boy 2010, Baby Bear Boy 2012 ... i love my boys, but is this the end of the road for me, or would i try again for a mother-daughter dream to come true?

The greatest burden a child must bear is the unlived life of the parents.  (C.G.Jung)

Posts: 71

Joined 3-Feb-11

7-Sep-11 8:18 am
I know how you feel.  I love my boys and wouldn't give them up for anything, but I do wonder how out of 4 kids they can be all one gender.  I saw a lady at church last Sunday that had 2 boys and 2 girls, and I thought how lucky.  My husband said he may be willing to try one more time for a girl, but then I feel sad that she would never have a sister.  Plus it would most likely be another boy:-)  I think maybe I should just leave it alone.

Posts: 185

Joined 1-Jan-11

Gold

Gold Membership

7-Sep-11 8:45 am
Same here, I love my boys and count myself lucky to have them, but count myself unlucky not to have at least one girl in my life as well as my boys. I have never really had alot of luck in my lifetime, bad things always seem to happen to me and my family and I sometimes wonder if me not having a girl is something to do with that. I just hope and pray that one day I can be one of those 'lucky' people that has a mixed gender family. My mum had a PP family and she doesn't appreciate it one bit, she also doesn't understand how I feel at all and never has tried to. My auntie also has a PP and was devastated that she was having a boy after her little girl, I know everybody is different with their views of a perfect family, but this to me would have been my perfect and it upsets me that both of those family members don't appreciate something so wonderful and something I want so much!

Baby Bear Boy F - Born 1st July 2010, Baby Bear Boy T - Born 14th June 2011, MMC at 7 weeks in Oct 2012. Due February 2014, Swayed pink with LE diet - praying for our sticky Baby Bear Girl

Posts: 572

Joined 31-Mar-11

Top Poster
7-Sep-11 8:54 am

Jastie, i know...i always see thats kind of couples....yes they are lucky, but most of them are not aware of. When one once experiences this terrible gender dissapointment, i think you cherish these things so much. If i would get a girl, this would mean like heaven to me, eventhough i know life is not heavenly, and there is a lot of suffering in it, but anyway, i would be sooo soooo grateful, not even words to describe... So you have 4 boys...if i put myself to your shoes, i would feel the same, i doubt i would dare to try another time, but then again, if you have chance and if you think you would somehow be able to live with 5 kids, and 5 boys...there is still the chance to try, do your best sway and then put in the hands of god...more you cannot do, unless HT or adoption...are you still very young?....... Because of the same reason you are mentioning, i also have the plan, that after my 3rd boy, i would adopt a girl. Well I do not know how it is, to live with 3 boys, i will get to know this in some months...but my wish still exists, and if i will see it possible for our life, i will go strongly in this direction, my husband also would like to adopt. So i intend to adopt a girl, and then may be for my last child try to sway for her sister. If i will already have this little girl, then i will not be so much scared of the "failed sway" and i would be even settled with 4 boys, 1 girl.....eventhough i never imagined i will have so many kids...probably if i had now my girl, that would be the end....and i am also not sure because of my age. If i will lead the plan i mentioned, i will be already38-40 when trying for the last, 5th child...and may be this is just an illusion....but one thing i know is i have to have the hope for a girl, if i do not have it, i feel so death inside me, and even if i love my boys, something is missing, like a big hole, that causes pain, that can not be described....

Baby Bear Boy2008, Baby Bear Boy 2010, Baby Bear Boy 2012 ... i love my boys, but is this the end of the road for me, or would i try again for a mother-daughter dream to come true?

The greatest burden a child must bear is the unlived life of the parents.  (C.G.Jung)

Posts: 491

Joined 22-Jul-09

Top Poster
7-Sep-11 9:11 am

Though I don't have 3 boys - I have 2 - I do know the feeling.  I don't have three because like you, I know my luck.  I was too scared to have another one, because I was scared of what my reaction would be.  Now - after over a decade - I think I am finally in a place where I could handle it better.  I know that even if I had a boy now, it would not be nearly as bad as it was with DS2 - or even DS1 for that matter.  If it would have been right after DS2, though, it would have been a far different story.  NOW, I think it would be fun just to have a baby again!  So I think that time, while it may never heal us completely, it is by far the best healer when it comes to GD.

Anyway, I sometimes feel the same about moms with both genders.  Even so, I understand their feelings - somewhat.  I know that if DS1 had been a girl, I still would have preferred my second baby to be a girl.  I wanted sisters.  I know that about myself.  That being said, I just don't think I would have had the degree of GD that some of these women do.  Maybe they're just so used to getting their way that they don't know how to handle it when they don't.  To that I have to say - Try NEVER getting your way!  They are so lucky that they even got their DG at all.  A lot of us have no idea what that's even like!  They really do need to sit back and put things into perspective.  They get so upset but I know that at the same time, they're thinking "Well, thank God I'm not her!".  So I think they do need to realize that they are not in the worst situation ever.  Neither are we, I know we all have things to be thankful for - but I mean as far as gender and family make up goes.  In that regard, some of us had far crappier luck than others.  Its like a person who is middle class complaining to a poor person that they are not rich, or a skinny person complaining to an overweight person that they are not a supermodel, ya know?  BUT, they feel the way they feel, and really, where else are they supposed to go?  Not like they can vent to people IRL.  I do try to be sympathetic, even though it's hard.

I hope you find peace and remember that with time, things do get better.  Even if we are never completely over it - and there are a lot of people who feel that way so you're not alone - but at least it does get better.  ((HUGS))

Baby Bear BoyBaby Bear Boy and (12 years later!) Baby Bear Girl August 2012!

Posts: 4,629

Joined 16-Oct-07

Top Poster
7-Sep-11 9:16 am

 Well I wanted all boys, only boys and I wonder how some families are so lucky to have that Happy

Posts: 71

Joined 3-Feb-11

7-Sep-11 9:16 am

I am fairly young.  I just turned 29 a few days ago, and my husband is 30.  It does make me feel better that we have a few years to decide, but boy # 4 isn't even born yet. He should be here in a few weeks, but still we would wait a few years to even try again. I know just what you mean with wanting to adopt.  I think a lot obout adopting a girl, but my husand rather just try again for a girl. He is adopted, and his family is really messed up and disfunctional, and his parents had a really bitter divorce when he was young. I think that is why he feels he doesn't want to.   We are happy and a very different kind of family then what he grew up with, so I don't really understand his feelings.  Adoption is such a great way to guarentee a girl.

Your plan sounds great!  I hope it works out for you.  In a perfect world, every mommy would get her little girl.  I hope one day we both get ours!

Posts: 1,824

Joined 30-Jan-08

Top Poster
7-Sep-11 9:55 am
Little bee I am done having kids so my heart will always been torn up like you put it that is exactly what I feel every day and it doesn`t go I hope it will lessen as my last baby boy gets older. SoccerMomma how lovely you put that you wanted all boys not many people want that its a shame we can`t choose or swop lol just kidding with u Soccermomma u can have my brut of a boys anytime lol just kidding again .

Baby Bear BoyBaby Bear BoyHeartbrokenBaby Bear Boy

Posts: 101

Joined 29-Jan-11

7-Sep-11 11:06 am

 I am grateful every day that I got my DD, and she helps me appreciate my DS even more. But GD is stil in my life because my DH want more children and I have a hard time accepting that I might have one ore two more boys... 

 Baby Boy07 Baby Girl09

Posts: 491

Joined 22-Jul-09

Top Poster
7-Sep-11 11:10 am

Rebel_SoccerMamma:

 Well I wanted all boys, only boys and I wonder how some families are so lucky to have that Happy

It makes me happy that anyone would think I'm lucky, but at the same time sad that none of us has the family makeup we would have chosen.  Tongue Tied

Baby Bear BoyBaby Bear Boy and (12 years later!) Baby Bear Girl August 2012!

Posts: 488

Joined 5-Sep-10

Top Poster
7-Sep-11 11:18 am
2 years ago after I had DS3, a lot of my friends and family had babies and ended up with girls after an older boy. It broke my heart. I kept asking 'why not me?' Why could I not have at least 1 girl in 3 attempts, when almost everyone I know has one of each. It ate away at me constantly. Now I feel a bit better about it, I accept it is the luck of the draw. I can toss a coin 10 times and get 10 heads in a row. The same stats apply to gender. We decided to TTC #4, but by the time I did conceive we were about to give up, accepting for the first time ever that our 3 boys are a blessing. Now I am expecting #4, I'm not sure how I feel about gender at all. We chose not to find out. Initially I felt comfortable with the idea of a boy, then we had a health scare with the baby and I felt very much that the only important thing was a healthy baby. Now I have come full circle again and really want this to be a girl, partly due to the fact that everyone this year has had a girl. Everyone I know with one of each has no clue how lucky they are and no clue how it feels to have several of the same gender. I never talk to anyone about my gender desire as I know they will think me ridiculous. Everyone knows I would prefer a girl this time, so if it is a boy, I'm sure I will feel like a failure. What hurt me most of all when I had DS3, was not the fact he was a boy, he was the most gorgeous little thing, but the fact that nobody was bothered with him. We got hardly any cards or gifts for him or visitors to see him, as he was 'yet another boy' and somehow not seen as important. I wish gender wasn't an issue at all, but as hard as I try, it is.
Baby Boy 07/04 Baby Boy 09/06 Baby Boy 03/09 Baby Girl 2nd Dec 2011
Page: of 3