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I am trying sooo Hard

Posts: 38

Joined 20-Oct-10

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2-Dec-10 9:35 am

I wrote a post called  'I am a Newbie Help i cant breathe with all the insensitivity'

Well i thought i was getting on top of everything. My sister inlaw asked me to be Godmother. Altho she said she didn't want to pressure me it was my choice. I felt as if i had to, so i didn't cause family upset. Well every-time i see her i think i can do this, i can do this. Then she pulls out her camera and shows me all the beautiful dresses she has bought. I am alright if she is wearing a dress but i feel that she is rubbing it in when she does that. To top it all off my Mum inlaw and Father inlaw just came back from their hols. We went to see them when they got back. She didn't make a fuss of my 3 boys. My father inlaw didn't even say hello to me. But as soon as my sister inlaw came in with her Darling Son (R) and Darling Daughter (E) they crowded all around them and made a very big fuss. Everything was wow look how grown up you two our. I am really looking forward to going clothes shopping and buying lots of girlie stuff. I have missed you guys. I still can't believe we have a girl our family. I said to my hubby i need to go. She ignored all three of our boys. I came home really upset thinking my boys are starting to notice these differences of attitude towards them. I felt like i can't cope with feeling this way. I managed to pull myself together and be on top of things.

Until today i went over there with nearly JJ 2 year old and LO 5 month old to play with their nana in the snow (Roo 3year old is at nursery). All 4 of them were already there. Granted Brother in law and Mum Inlaw were making a snowman. But no one said hello when we got in. I sat down feed my baby and let JJ play. Well after they came back in and sat down next to sis inlaw and played with darling granddaughter. Made no notice of me or my boys. Was all smittened again with all the dresses and that she loves her sooo much. Didn't once look up. I couldn't breathe and i'll be damned if i let them see me cry. I left Only then did she look up and say nice to see you. I held it together until i got home. I really can't managed this it is sooo rude. I confronted my Sister inlaw how i feel and she still goes and shows my the photos. I can't say anything thing to the inlaws as it will cause family issues and they will most defendantly choose them over us if it came to it. I just don't get it they come over all the time (the mum inlaw complains how badly behaved R is) so why when we come over, we get ignored and they get all the attention and phrases. It's like i am being punished for not having a girl.

 I am really dreading Xmas as all my family live in New Zealand. So i don't have any excuses for not going over there. But i am also such a softie as i convince myselfit is rude not to go over there and to be nice and i always get burned. I am the one who buys xmas prezzies and make an effort. None of my gifts are not wanted. How am i going to go over there and watch this happen and be invisible. She ruined Xmas last year. How do you cope buying a gift for a baby girl that doesn't belong to you. Knowing that you may never have one.

 

Baby Bear Boy 3 year old

Baby Bear Boy2 year old (jan)

Baby Bear Boy 5 month old

I would never change my boys for the world. They are my world

hoping for  Baby Bear Girl

Baby Bear Boy  4 years old

Baby Bear Boy 3 years old

Baby Bear Boy 17 months old

Swayed for Baby Bear Girl but got Baby Bear Boy due April 2012