Forums  Gender Selection Gender Prediction Gender Disappointment Gender Odds

Can you understand the other side's point of view, or not?

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19-Nov-10 4:47 pm
Do you find it difficult to understand or sympathize with "the other side" (the people who desperately desire the OPPOSITE gender you desire)? Like, if you deeply want a boy, and you read posts where people are really upset with having a boy and only want a girl, do you find yourself having a very difficult time even understanding how that's "possible"? Or are you able to just understand that different people have different preferences, and sympathize with how they don't even want the gender that you so badly want? I respect and understand that people have different preferences, and I don't mean to belittle anyone's feelings, but I find myself so baffled when I read about someone desperately wanting a girl (I want a boy more than anything). I know this sounds stupid and childish. I just wonder if I'm alone in this. I know we all understand the NATURE of GD, but do you find yourself struggling to understand a specific point of view, when it's the opposite of what you feel/want? I just find myself heartbroken and baffled when I read posts where someone is so depressed that they're having a boy, since I would trade places with them in a heartbeat. You know?
 

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19-Nov-10 4:52 pm

Sometimes, but I think I understand that GD is so vast and ranges from mild to severe.  I don't judge anyone for what their heart calls for....

 

 

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19-Nov-10 4:57 pm

I think I can understand, because before I had my boys I only wanted girls, but after having my sons I can see how wonderful boys are. So now I get why people would want a son, because they are really great. It did taking having boys of my own though to understand that, if you had asked me before I had any children I would have said that I didn't understand why people would want boys.

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Megan

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19-Nov-10 4:58 pm

 I definitely understand it. My GD was not because I wanted to change my boys into girls but because I wanted a girl IN ADDITION to my boys. I can completely understand both sides of women wanting boys and other wanting girls.

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19-Nov-10 5:08 pm

DreamingInTurquoise:
do you find yourself having a very difficult time even understanding how that's "possible"?
Yes I do...sigh... I REALLY cannot understand how can anyone feel disappointed for having a boy (however I do understand  a wish for a girl, but only after a boy or two LOL!)

My DH doesn t have gender preferencies and I find that unexplainable.

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19-Nov-10 6:47 pm
I totally see what you're saying. It does baffle me (even with how strongly I love my boys) that someone would PREFER a boy to a girl. But it also makes me feel really good, that not everyone feels sorry for me and my family makeup.

These days, as my GD wanes, I feel really sad when someone is horrified by the thought of a boy. I know why they're feeling what they feel, and I felt every bit of it myself, but it makes me so sad.

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19-Nov-10 7:35 pm

I can understand the women who have a bunch of girls and want a boy just as much as the ones who have a bunch of boys and want a girl (like me). The ones I'm kind of Confused Huh? on are those who only want 1 gender - all boys or all girls. I think because I want BOTH gender so badly my brain can't grasp why anyone would only want 1 gender lol. Nothing against them it's just something I have never experienced so I don't "get it" like I "get" wanting the opposite gender. If that makes sense.

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19-Nov-10 7:43 pm

DreamingInTurquoise"]I know we all understand the NATURE of GD, but do you find yourself struggling to understand a specific point of view, when it's the opposite of what you feel/want?[/quote]

Some days I do.  The days when DS1 is a shrieking, shouting, whirlwind of dirt and noise, and I wonder why anyone would want one of those.  Other days I can step back and look at it dispassionately and say, yes, I understand why some people would prefer traits that boys usually have.  I still don't want them myself, but I understand that other people value them.

[quote user="DreamingInTurquoise:

I just find myself heartbroken and baffled when I read posts where someone is so depressed that they're having a boy, since I would trade places with them in a heartbeat. You know?

Yes.  Except the other way around.  Most of the time I can't read posts by women sad they're having another girl.  I feel bad, because they need support just as much as I do, but I can't bring myself to sympathize yet.  It just hurts too much. 

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19-Nov-10 7:44 pm

I can understand women who are hoping for a girl after boy(s) or a boy after girl(s).  I can even understand wanting to "balance" the family...

I truly can't understand people who ONLY want boys or girls.  A desire to have that, I guess makes sense.  People who are devastated to have even 1 boy or 1 girl, I don't understand.

Doesn't mean it's wrong for them to feel that way, that I know.  It's just that *I* can't understand it..

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19-Nov-10 7:54 pm

DreamingInTurquoise:
Or are you able to just understand that different people have different preferences, and sympathize with how they don't even want the gender that you so badly want?

I'm part of this camp, so to speak.

I realize how varied GD can be for some so it's not my place to judge. Everyone desires a different family make up so just because it may not be something I would have chosen as my "ideal" family, I sympathize with them.

I also belong to the group that, truly, only wanted one gender. It's not that I hated girls but I never had a longing desire for a daughter, let alone multiple ones. I knew I could handle one or two if it was in addition to a few sons but not ever having a boy simply didn't cross my mind. Four girls and no boys later, I'd say it's interesting how things worked out.

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19-Nov-10 8:12 pm

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19-Nov-10 9:10 pm

I sort of do. I realize that everyone has different preferences, and I really don't care or judge what people's preferences are. But it is kind of "weird" to read the posts about people who are upset about having girls, especially if it is their first child as I can't really "understand" what is bad about having a girl. It's a little easier for me to understand how people with lots of girls are disappointed with another, especially the people who only wanted boys. I understand that better because I can imagine how I would feel wanting just one gender and getting all of the other. But I just can't really "understand" or relate to the feeling of being disappointed with a girl. I also don't really understand the posts by people wanting boys - not because I think there's anything wrong with boys(!), but just because all I wanted was girls. All my fantasies about motherhood and having children involved one or two girls.

But even though I don't really "understand" how someone could be disappointed with a girl or really want a boy, I think I can still sympathize with most people who have GD. I do understand having a preference and feel sad for people who don't get what they want. Maybe if I was pregnant with a boy or only had boys I wouldn't be able to, but at least for now, I can sympathize with pretty much anyone who is disappointed about gender.

Like a pp said, though, probably the thing I have a hardest time understanding is how someone could have no preference at all. Surprise It's like you don't care? At all? Even a tiny bit? Not even just to have one of each? I just don't get not caring at all about gender, lol.

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19-Nov-10 9:22 pm

Zivic-bubac:

My DH doesn t have gender preferencies and I find that unexplainable.

 

My DH also doesn't care that we only have girls, he has no desire for a son. Don't get me wrong he would love one but doesn't have the yearning I have. I think he's a freak of nature lol

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19-Nov-10 9:25 pm

Nina_87:

 not ever having a boy simply didn't cross my mind

 

 We always said we'd have three kids, it also never occured to me they'd all be girls. 

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20-Nov-10 12:16 am

It's easy for me to understand wanting to experience both genders however it is hard when for me to grasp the desire for an all one gendered family regardless of the preferred gender...but i try : )

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