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Posts: 251

Joined 26-Jan-10

19-Nov-10 4:14 pm

First of all totally unrelated to me - HAPPY BIRTHDAY CYNTHIA - know that I am a day late but do want you to know that I am hoping you had a happy day (as happy as you can under the circumstances you are living).  Wishing you and your family the best and who knows maybe you will get some ideas from my post!!  Never know says one valley girl to another!!

My embies are not implanting properly.  There is nothing the matter with my eggs or with my DH's sperm but there seems to be a problem which may have been there all along in that the embies just are not implanting properly.  This could well have been the case 10 years ago and I just got lucky with my DS.

Choices to be made are:

(1) try again and take drugs to keep from letting this happen (50/50) chance it will work.

(2) Adopt a caucasian baby (girl I think) through an adoption attorney and my doctor who has been seen by doctors and lives out of state and end up with what I want for far less than the cost of IVF.  No ladies I am not against adopting a minority but my family would have my head and I do mean that literally.  My DH and I first thought - oh how easy is that there are lots of minority babies that are not wanted and then after he spent a day or two thinking about it - he sat me down and reminded me of the facts of life.  My parents would die - they would kill us both - his parents would be embarrassed, etc.,   Now I usually don't do things to please other people and either does he but I do understand what he is saying.

(3)  Use a surrogate who is younger and pay more for that than an adoption. 

No clue what I will do but think I WILL NOT GIVE UP MY DREAM of having at least one more child even if it is through an alternative method.  My doctor said something very interesting to me on Monday.  Cammie with IVF there is only a 30 to 35% chance of success and with an IUI there is about a 15% chance.  With an adoption there is 100% and you don't have to worry about drug addiction, alcohol, etc. and truly you are getting a baby white or not that the mother does not want and should not end up in foster care.  It may not be your own flesh and blood but the worries of the past are behind us in today's world.  He then talked about a case going on in California where a Michigan father is trying to get his birth daughter and the courts are ruling in favor of the adoptive mother.

Will do a lot of praying and thinking until the end of the year which my DH and I both agreed we should do and then make up my mind on what to do.

To those of you who have responded to posts, as always, thanks it has meant a lot to me and to all of you Americans HAPPY THANKSGIVING.  Be proud of the fact that you are an American and live in a free country and ladies from the UK and Australia and other places I am not knocking where you live - cannot wait to visit all of those countries - its just simply I am proud to be an American.


Cammie Baby Boy 6/26/2000

DS #2 - Halloween - 2011 

DD #1 - 12/2/2012




Posts: 262

Joined 11-Apr-10

21-Nov-10 1:12 pm

  Ah Cammie, came looking for a post of yours for some good news. So sorry for your loss Sad and for mine as I just miscarried too. I wanted to say congratulations on your attitude though, it's an inspiration and I'll have to keep reading this post from time to time. Wish adoption wasn't so fraught here but at this stage I'm not game. Don't think I could cope if I were given a child then had it taken away but the very very best of luck to you and if I were in your shoes, that's exactly what I would do. Take careHearts

Mother to 11 furbabies and 2 goldfish.  Desperately wanting a baby 

Heartbroken 8 weeks Nov 2010


Finding peace

Posts: 1,048

Joined 23-May-08

Top Poster
21-Nov-10 1:49 pm

Oh Cammie, I'm so sorry for your loss.  I wish you the best on achieving your dream.  You are very positive and I know you'll find the answer.  Have a Happy Thanksgiving.  I didn't realize you were a California Girl too! 


Baby Boy 1989 Baby Boy 2001 Baby Boy 2004 Baby Boy 2007


Posts: 2,270

Joined 7-Jul-08

Top Poster
22-Nov-10 12:29 am
Cammie, thanks for the birthday wishes. Before you decide will you consider getting the book Inconceivable and Fertile Female? I resisted reading her stuff because I thought she was too new age... I am consuming it and I think I may finally get the answers I need... What is this really about! I am asking God and letting the stories speak to me, when I read her stories I realize that I have been too willing to believe what other authorities have said about my situation. I believed it because it fed into my fear. I KNOW my eggs are not all too old but I don't know what this journey is all about yet. My "failures" and miscarriages could have taken me off this path and yet here I am. I have been charting a course - trying to intectuallize this whole thing. If it is so rational than why have my most profound moments been at the point of surrender. I talked to the author for a few minutes on the phone last week and I balled my eyes out. I want so deeply to not just "get over this". It is deeper, uniquely feminine, earthly and otherworldly all at the same time. I am getting myself ready for the next chapter and I realize I may need some help to get there. I know this sounds disorganized but I Did not want to wait to make sense to share - just in case it could help you too!

DREAM JOURNEY: 28 months 2 failed IUIs, 2 Sway attempts HeartbrokenHeartbroken, 2 IVF cycles = no transfer all abnormals.... Another miscarriage (a girl) .

My blog profiles my journey with God and my story of Healing from Gender Desire...



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