Forums  Gender Selection Gender Prediction Gender Disappointment Gender Odds

EGD: PLEASE STOP HERE IF YOUR DISAPPOINTMENT IS EXTREME

Posts: 4,153

Joined 10-Dec-07

Top Poster
25-Oct-10 8:15 pm

You are not alone if you feel that your world is crashing down because you heard "it's a boy" or "it's a girl" when you desperately wished for the other... Many women (and men) have felt this way before, and many will feel this way again.

...It shouldn't matter (but it does).

...You should be happy with a healthy baby (but it's not enough).

...We shouldn't feel this way (but we do).

It's difficult and strange -- you might not have even realized just how much you wanted, expected, feared -- or whatever other emotion you're feeling -- a certain sex child.  And especially because you really do want to have a baby and want to love the little one no matter what.  It can be confusing and painful to have these feelings.

Although not a clinical diagnosis, this board refers to these intense feelings of sadness as Extreme Gender Disappointment (EGD).  EGD is a type of pain and disappointment that is so severe you may:  think about abortion, consider giving your child up for adoption, wish for a miscarriage, contemplate suicide, or want to discuss other uncomfortable issues surrounding your child's sex.  For many, this type of extreme reaction is rooted in past abuse, cruelty, loss, neglect, or abandonment -- for others, it may occur for no reason that is quite as easy to put a finger on, yet the feelings are just as real.

Because these topics can be difficult to talk about, and difficult for those who have not experienced them to understand, we encourage you to post in our private EGD forum where all users agree not to attack anyone for their feelings.  To gain access, please send a Private Message (PM) to ThreeLittleCubs if you are a Gold Member.  If you are not a Gold Member, please click, on the top right-hand corner of this post, the text that says "Report Inappropriate Post" -- write "EGD Forum Access" in the subject line.  Include a little information about yourself if you are new to IG (to help ensure we don't let in any voyeuristic, cruel, or purely journalistic elements) and a Forum Leader will grant you access as soon as possible.  By posting in the EGD Forum, you will be in the company of others who have been where you are, and you may speak about your feelings in an atmosphere of trust.  Although for many with these kinds of feelings professional help is also recommended, it is a place to start your journey to healing.

One last thing -- on a personal note, I suffered with EGD in both of my pregnancies.  I longed for my pregnancies to simply go away, poured over adoption websites, and contemplated leaving my family through suicide.  I was more than certain I would never be able to love a boy, even my boy.  From my past experiences, I have a lot of negative emotions toward men, and as irrational as it is, I directed it toward this stranger, boy in my belly.  I got through it.  Through help from some wonderful women on IG, weekly appointments with my psychiatrist, and looking for my inner strength and courage, I got through it.  And now -- I really am a lucky mom.  I can tell you with all honestly, I love my sons.  Fiercely.  I still have down periods about gender, and I am still working through my issues, but it will be ok.

You can get through this.  Hearts

"As far as I'm concerned, being any gender is a drag."  -Patti Smith

 

Posts: 4,153

Joined 10-Dec-07

Top Poster
18-Nov-10 8:06 pm

Note:  We are waiting to grant access to new users until they have at least 30 posts.  Due to recent negative elements, we want to ensure the privacy and safety of the EGD board.  We hope the 30 posts will help us to get to know you and sniff out trolls and journalists...

Thanks for your understanding!

"As far as I'm concerned, being any gender is a drag."  -Patti Smith

Posts: 78

Joined 4-Aug-10

6-Jan-11 7:43 am
Hello there, I would like access to the egd board please- I have over 30 posts. Many thanks. Annie2005
Have two gorgeous Baby Boy. Hoping and praying for a Baby Girl.

Posts: 67

Joined 25-Apr-09

6-Jan-11 2:14 pm

I would like access but cant find that thing u were saying in the top right hand corner. My naame is leanne and I have 5 little boys and its killing me knowing I cant have a daughter and would like to talk to people like me

 

Posts: 150

Joined 13-Jun-11

13-Jun-11 8:55 pm

hi,

i would like to have access. it's been the worst 10 days  (i did not cook, clean or do anything really productive) since finding out about boy # 3. knowing the sway failed and there is no hope. i would like to talk to ppl who feel the same way. i can't hear anymore that i should be thankful he's healthy...of course i am, but having a girl was my dream for so long. thanks for understanding. wow, i feel already writing about it helps.

Posts: 150

Joined 13-Jun-11

13-Jun-11 9:09 pm

hi,

i just joined and made 2 posts, but i feel i need to be in the egd chat. i'm due w/ boy # 3. the sway did not work and it has been the worst 10 days since finding out (i did not do anything really productive). i would never attack anybody for their feelings. i can't even hear anymore that i should be thankful he is healthy....of course i am. i think all the women in this forum love their children and would never ever harm them. what is so wrong w/ having a dream? i feel i need access asap. can i get it before i make all 30 posts? i'm thankful that u try to protect us from people who just don't understand. thank u!

Posts: 132

Joined 7-Mar-11

14-Jun-11 6:37 am
Hi - I too have been trying to get on the egd forum as I am sure that this is boy number 3 for me too and devastated doesn't even come close! I have tried flowing the instructions but still cannot get access - can someone help me

Posts: 31

Joined 5-Jan-08

21-Jun-11 9:58 am

please i need access to egd to talk 2 people in same boat as me i need help to return to normal life

Posts: 150

Joined 13-Jun-11

23-Jul-11 6:11 pm

hi,

i just saw that i made 30 posts. can i get access to egd?

Jackie

Posts: 2,209

Joined 24-Apr-08

Top Poster
8-Aug-11 4:59 pm
I would like access please

Baby Boy Baby Boy Baby Boy Baby Boy

 [url=http://lilypie.com][/url

Hugs VioletI am going to go confidently in the direction of my dreams. And I am going to Live the life I  have always imagined. -Jackie the (FORMER) SwayniacHugs Violet


Posts: 1,252

Joined 14-May-07

Top Poster
28-Aug-11 5:47 pm

Is this forum still availiable? - I'm definately for the 'Extreme' section!

Baby Girl 2006    Baby Girl 2008

Posts: 185

Joined 1-Jan-11

Gold

Gold Membership

29-Aug-11 10:33 am
Could. Have access to the EGD forum please? Thanks x

Baby Bear Boy F - Born 1st July 2010, Baby Bear Boy T - Born 14th June 2011, MMC at 7 weeks in Oct 2012. Due February 2014, Swayed pink with LE diet - praying for our sticky Baby Bear Girl

Posts: 144

Joined 20-May-11

29-Aug-11 2:04 pm

One month ago gave birth to my boy #3........Thought I could not love him. i went trough a hell of a GD, i even considerd abortion. I even stood on top of the stairs to get rid of this child inside me. Cryed for days, I didn't get out of bed. But now he's born I love him to death! i'm not sorry for him beiing born. I'm not sad for him beiing my son. But still........girl around me make me sad! I hate women with daughters....I'm so jealous! Here I am, with 3 precious boys who I adore. Still there's a hole in my heart that isn't filled. I wonder why God gave me 3 boys. There must be a reason why I don't have a girl.......

Baby Boy boy (2004) Baby Boy boy (2006) Baby Boy boy (2011) Baby Boy boy (2012)

Still Pray for a Baby Girl so bad it hurts every day!!

Posts: 74

Joined 3-Apr-11

18-Sep-11 11:17 pm
Where is the link to the EGD forum ?

Posts: 572

Joined 31-Mar-11

Top Poster
19-Sep-11 12:45 am

juffertje:

One month ago gave birth to my boy #3........Thought I could not love him. i went trough a hell of a GD, i even considerd abortion. I even stood on top of the stairs to get rid of this child inside me. Cryed for days, I didn't get out of bed. But now he's born I love him to death! i'm not sorry for him beiing born. I'm not sad for him beiing my son. But still........girl around me make me sad! I hate women with daughters....I'm so jealous! Here I am, with 3 precious boys who I adore. Still there's a hole in my heart that isn't filled. I wonder why God gave me 3 boys. There must be a reason why I don't have a girl.......

i feel so much with you, havent gave birth yet to my 3rd boy, but i feel so same with your thoughts...just a big hug....i am thinking about adopting a girl in the future.  Hug....

Baby Bear Boy2008, Baby Bear Boy 2010, Baby Bear Boy 2012 ... i love my boys, but is this the end of the road for me, or would i try again for a mother-daughter dream to come true?

The greatest burden a child must bear is the unlived life of the parents.  (C.G.Jung)

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