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POLL - tacky or not....

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28-Dec-09 7:52 pm

EDIT...Should I not put what is below and just say, "bride is requesting gift cards and cash in lieu of gifts." ???

This is the insert my sister wants in her shower invitation....  Do you think this is tacky?

"First Year Entertainment/Lingerie" Bridal Shower

What do you give the bride who already has the traditional items you receive at a bridal shower?


The newlyweds definitely need fun things to do during their first year of marriage (suggestions…dinner gift cards, movie theater gift cards, Home Depot, Target, etc) as well as gifts to make their wedding night special.  If you would like to contribute cash towards the Honeymoon that would be greatly appreciated as well.

The shower theme is:
First Year Entertainment/Lingerie Shower

Hope to see you there!

[Poll]

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Posts: 11,192

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28-Dec-09 8:32 pm

She may make me take the lingerie part out since she only wants cash/gift cards but I threw that in for people like me that want a gift option.

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28-Dec-09 9:39 pm

OK I seen your other post so I kinda know the background and that you don't like the idea and I don't blame you. Honestly I would be like "WTF?" Isn't it the whole point to help them start their family and life together? I could see if it was like Home Depot gift cards she wanted, since I am a very picky person but that would be to help start their family/house together. I don't think it's right to ask for money to go have fun because that seems really entitled to me. Most people are struggling right now and helping a friend start a new life is a good enough reason to spend money when most probably don't have it but when it's to have fun, I think asking for that is rude and inconsiderate because most people will feel obligated IYKWIM. Sorry, I am not trying to be a bitch at all, it's just my opinion but I think she needs to re-think this because that isn't right to ask of other people and I know why you are so uncomfortable with it. I think anyone but your sister would be uncomfortable with it.

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28-Dec-09 10:48 pm

Hi - in my opinion, any shower invite that "suggests" gifts is totally tacky. If people want to know what to give her, the classy thing is for them to contact you for ideas NOT for the invite to be a big glaring tacky "request list."  Sorry, but IMO this is just awful - I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.  And the "cash for honeymoon" is one of the tackiest things I've ever seen in my life - no one should ask for that as a shower gift.  UGH - what a nightmare. Good luck to you!!

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28-Dec-09 10:52 pm

CJ's Kids:

Hi - in my opinion, any shower invite that "suggests" gifts is totally tacky. If people want to know what to give her, the classy thing is for them to contact you for ideas NOT for the invite to be a big glaring tacky "request list."  Sorry, but IMO this is just awful - I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.  And the "cash for honeymoon" is one of the tackiest things I've ever seen in my life - no one should ask for that as a shower gift.  UGH - what a nightmare. Good luck to you!!

 

ITA with all of this. Sorry you are being put in this position, D. Is there any way to hand over the invite duties to someone else, and take on food prep or organizing fun shower games or something? I just would hate for this to reflect badly on you, when it is not your idea!

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28-Dec-09 10:58 pm

In thinking this through a little, I really think the only way to salvage the integrity of this invitation is to have a theme bridal shower - that way, people will have a general sense of what she wants, without a glaring shopping list included in the invite.  Can you just call it a "first year of marital bliss" shower?  Or something like that which HINTS at what she wants but doesn't go over the top?  Or a "honeymoon helper" shower? That suggests that people either include things that would be fun on the honeymoon (ie. lingerie) or even contribute financially, but without the audacity of a thou-shalt-buy-me-one-of-these-items list.  Just a thought, as I cringe in horror at you having to send out these invites, girlfriend!

KK

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28-Dec-09 11:00 pm
CJ's Kids:

Hi - in my opinion, any shower invite that "suggests" gifts is totally tacky. If people want to know what to give her, the classy thing is for them to contact you for ideas NOT for the invite to be a big glaring tacky "request list."  Sorry, but IMO this is just awful - I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.  And the "cash for honeymoon" is one of the tackiest things I've ever seen in my life - no one should ask for that as a shower gift.  UGH - what a nightmare. Good luck to you!!

ITA! I think it's a fun shower idea but it's tacky the way they phrased it. I did sorta the same thing for a couple I know. They were an older couple getting married and had been married before so they already had 2 of everything. They didn't even want a shower but their friends wanted to do something nice for them. So I planned and hosted a "Hollywood" themed shower as a surprise to them.

I printed the invitations on paper with movie reels. The sign at the entrance said " 'Happily Ever After' Starring Joe & Steph". I encouraged guests to come as their favorite movie character by giving prizes for the best. I told the guests of honor to dress up and placed a black boa on the bride when she arrived and sat them in directors' chairs. We served movie theater candy, popcorn in big tubs, hot dogs, and "Dibs' ice cream. The cake was decorated with fondant film rolls and metallic glitter gold stars.

We put "no presents necessary" on the invite, but the theme of the party encouraged people to bring movies stuff like DVD's and gift cards to movie theaters and restaurants. One couple brought a big fancy popcorn cart! It was really fun, but I agree that asking for specific items is tacky. I think if you theme the party appropriately. people will want to bring gifts in the theme because it's fun! But, if someone asked me for an idea, I gave them one, but didn't list all the ideas on the invite. If someone sends me an invite like that, I'll probably go to the shower and purposely NOT bring what is on the list. Yuck.

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28-Dec-09 11:07 pm

Sorry, but I'm voting for tacky too Embarrassed

I would be put off if I got an invite like that.

Sarah

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29-Dec-09 4:47 am

Not only is it tacky but it's downright rude too.  It's bad etiquette to ASK for gifts, especially on the invitation itself...  The point of a gift is that it's given willingly, not listed as a requirement on the invitation or expected by the hostess. 

Having a theme listed is fine, but to even mention gifts, let alone what type of gifts you'd like, is wrong IMHO...  Most people would get the hint from a theme and buy something appropriate if they were bringing a gift.


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29-Dec-09 8:29 am

I am so stressed on what to do.  My mom freaked out when I told her I thought it was tacky.  She said she would just do it all and put her name on it.  Neither of them see it being tacky AT ALL!!! I text several friends asking if they thought requesting cash/gift cards for a bridal shower was tacky and not one person thought it was.  I thought for sure they would say yes.  A few people said, "well we all expect that out of your mom and sister and we would know it wasn't you requesting it".  I am just really frustrated.  If my mom and sister had it their way it would just simply say "gift card/cash requested" and that's it.  Isn't that more rude???  I don't know.  She is my sister and I am the maid of honor so they are EXPECTING me to do all of this.  You would have to know my family to understand...my sister rules the family.  The good thing is that everyone that is invited is her friends and co-workers...not really any family to offend so I am leaning towards just throwing in the towel and doing as she wishes....don't think I won't be telling everyone I do not agree with it though.

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Smart is the new hot

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29-Dec-09 9:29 am

I'm in my thirties and so right now I'm going to a lot of 2nd marriage showers or first timers that both have homes so they have everything. I've run into the "pay for our honeymoon", "give us money," "gift cards only, please" invitations more times than I can count. So the silver lining is that if you send this out it probably won't be the first time the guests have seen it and it's likely they won't be as shocked and offended as they should be. Happy Giggle

I hate feeling like I'm being strong armed into giving a cash gift so you wanna know how I handle invitations asking for money? I make a donation to the ASPCA, Alex's Lemonade Stand or Komen Foundation in honor of their marriage. The non-profits will send you a lovely card to give to the couple so that you don't arrive at the shower empty handed. And really, who has the chutpah to look down their nose at protecting puppies, curing kid cancer and saving boobs?

Win Win.

 

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29-Dec-09 9:34 am

grits:
So the silver lining is that if you send this out it probably won't be the first time the guests have seen it and it's likely they won't be as shocked and offended as they should be. Happy Giggle

Good to know!  A few of my neighbors that I text and asked responded that is what they did too!Confused  I guess I am just more old-fashioned and considerate then the rest of the people we know.  I feel like if they truly do not need anything, why even have a shower?

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Smart is the new hot

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29-Dec-09 9:44 am

two Tweens-n-a Baby"]

[quote user="grits:

So the silver lining is that if you send this out it probably won't be the first time the guests have seen it and it's likely they won't be as shocked and offended as they should be. Happy Giggle[/quote]

Good to know!  A few of my neighbors that I text and asked responded that is what they did too!Confused  I guess I am just more old-fashioned and considerate then the rest of the people we know.  I feel like if they truly do not need anything, why even have a shower?

I asked my cousin that (as she had a Pay for Our Honeymoon to Greece shower) and she responded "Well, why should I be punished just because I waited until I was older, mature and financially stable to get married?! I should get presents, too!" Sigh...

Most people know and consider the couple's situation and can guess  that they don't need a third Cuisinart blender so they will give cash of their own free will. But asking for it? Not cool.

 

 

 

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29-Dec-09 10:01 am

I actually don't think it's that bad.   It wouldn't bother me to recieve an invite like that.  However, this part:

two Tweens-n-a Baby:
  If you would like to contribute cash towards the Honeymoon that would be greatly appreciated as well.

sounds bad/tacky to me.

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29-Dec-09 10:02 am

Chloe"]

I actually don't think it's that bad.   It wouldn't bother me to recieve an invite like that.  However, this part:

[quote user="two Tweens-n-a Baby:

  If you would like to contribute cash towards the Honeymoon that would be greatly appreciated as well.
[/quote]

sounds bad/tacky to me.

She asked me last night to add that and really that is the part that makes me cringe the most.

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