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Do you save money...

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25-Aug-09 7:06 pm

for yourself (behind your hubby's back)?

I ask because my friends and I were talking and they think that I am crazy for not doing so. They tell me things like, "What if he leaves you, what are you going to do with no money of YOUR own? What if he dies?" We don't have life insurance, he doesn't qualify due to health reason right now (trying to fix that).

They go off and tell me how they know of someone who was married for such a long time and they had children, and then  he cheated! And then, she was not working (the wife). And then he (the money maker...hubby) kicked her out of the home that they rented because obviously she couldn't offord it.

And then they tell me things like YOU JUST NEVER KNOW and it is better to be safe than sorry.

Now I am wondering if I should start a little savings account ' just incase' something ever happened. I know it sounds selfish, but after talking to my girl friends, I am left wondering, and totally do not want to be in a situation where I am left with 'nothing' sort of speak...

I have no reason to believe that my hubby and I would ever get divorced, but then those thoughts creep in my mind....YOU NEVER KNOW, lol!

What do you think?


 

 

 

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25-Aug-09 7:14 pm

I honestly think your friends are full of it.  Yes, it's good to be prepared but that is totally negative how they are putting those thoughts in your head.  I poke money back so that I can sometimes have a little spending money without dh knowing that I spent anything, LOL...but that's just for my little simple pleasures, yk?...

If you feel secure with your dh and your marriage then I would say that you do not need to have a separate savings.


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25-Aug-09 7:16 pm

 no.. well.. *ish*.. but not really.

we have a savings account that is under my name.. and we have an agreement that if anything happened that money would be mine to help me and the kids get settled.. 

so. yes and no.. not behind his back. nooo way.. and it isn't seen as money for that. it is OUR money... but if something like that happened.. he wouldn't fight for it.. 

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25-Aug-09 7:38 pm

I forgot to mention that I was advised to not have my money in a bank account (due to court and if hubby really wanted to, unless he wrote me a letter stating that he wouldn't, ) because legally, hubby could claim that money as his too.

So I asked where would I put it then? And they said, "Put your money somewhere where only you and someone you really trust, like your mother, knows where it is,  a hidden spot in your home."  Or use your mother's address for the account with her name on it too, but do not use your own!

When I heard that I was cracking up, lol! I can just picture myself making a stash somewhere in our home as if I am some kind lunatic, lol!

 

Ohh yes, my wonderful girl friends are hecka funny when it comes to dealing with men, lol!

 


 

 

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26-Aug-09 9:21 am

 I think your friends are a little over the top! I don't hide any money from my DH, but I have my own IRA account and we both have life insurance and our names are equally on everything. There's very little that he could just 'take' from me, kwim? Plus, where would I get any money to hide??? He knows my salary so I'd have to have some secret side job and I have no idea how I'd do that!!

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26-Aug-09 9:48 am

The only people that I know of who do this are the ones that have issues in their marraige and they've been forced to consider life without their husbands support.

I can't imagine having a secret like that with my  husband and it not impacting our relationship.  Dishonesty in a marraige is the start of other problems.....just my opinion.

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26-Aug-09 9:53 am

 No, If me & hubby split hes gonna pay BIG TIME :)...so Im not worried about it..if something happens we have good life insurance.

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26-Aug-09 9:58 am

I don't hide anything from him. I do have one account that my parents set up for me years ago (long before I was married) that still just has my name on it, but he knows about it. He also has an account his grandmother gave him that is just in his name. We both have IRAs just in our own names. But everything else has both names on it, and nothing is hidden from the other.

I hope you can get life insurance soon. That's really important.

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4-Sep-09 3:28 pm

No, Dh and I save money together and we both have 401K's in our own names, but nothing behind each other's backs - uhhhh, not that I know of anyway.

Even if you and dh did divorce it's not like he could just run off with all of the money, it doesn't work that way.  Where I come from (Texas), it is a community property state, meaning everything we own is cut down the middle 50/50 should we divorce. 

 

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4-Sep-09 9:09 pm

itsbabytime:
Even if you and dh did divorce it's not like he could just run off with all of the money, it doesn't work that way.  Where I come from (Texas), it is a community property state, meaning everything we own is cut down the middle 50/50 should we divorce. 
 

Actually, if you have joint bank accounts, one spouse could technically drain those accounts and make off with all that money. Obviously, we aren't talking about amicable divorce situations here. Again, the ONLY people I'd recommend do this type of thing are people who's marriage is in trouble, spouse involved w/drugs, gambling, abuse - basically situations where a spouse would do the aforementioned situation and drain the accounts which could make it VERY difficult to proceed with paying the bills while you go through the separation & divorce proceedings.

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6-Sep-09 12:13 pm

girls2mama:

Actually, if you have joint bank accounts, one spouse could technically drain those accounts and make off with all that money. Obviously, we aren't talking about amicable divorce situations here. Again, the ONLY people I'd recommend do this type of thing are people who's marriage is in trouble, spouse involved w/drugs, gambling, abuse - basically situations where a spouse would do the aforementioned situation and drain the accounts which could make it VERY difficult to proceed with paying the bills while you go through the separation & divorce proceedings.

That's true.


 

 

Anya

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6-Sep-09 12:43 pm
My and my Dh have separate accounts,that may seem weird to many people but works for us. He's account we use to pay bills,buy groceries ect. and mine we use to buy stuff for home, gifts ,clothes ,toys,cable,internet... Mine account is to pay for pleasures and his for pay for basics :) And we both love it. We are both very independent people ,we also have savings account that is on both of us and there we put extra money when we are saving for sth bigger like furniture ,car, house,vacations. Works for us:)
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6-Sep-09 12:47 pm

No I do not.  Not for that.  I have no fear of him leaving me at all.  If something does happen to him I know God will take care of us.

I do however put aside money for his Bday presents and for Christmas.  Money that I make off the stuff I sell.  He can be sneakyHappy Wink so I want to make sure it's a surprise what he gets.

 

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6-Sep-09 2:54 pm

Anulka7891:
My and my Dh have separate accounts,that may seem weird to many people but works for us. He's account we use to pay bills,buy groceries ect. and mine we use to buy stuff for home, gifts ,clothes ,toys,cable,internet... Mine account is to pay for pleasures and his for pay for basics :) And we both love it. We are both very independent people ,we also have savings account that is on both of us and there we put extra money when we are saving for sth bigger like furniture ,car, house,vacations. Works for us:)
 

That's not weird. I think a lot of people do that! Actually my DH and I had  'his', 'hers' and 'ours' accounts for the first few years of our marriage. Once we no longer had as much discretionary income, it didn't make sense to try to divide it up any more. This thread is really about secret or hidden money though. You can keep it separate and still not be hiding it, kwim?

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Anya

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6-Sep-09 3:45 pm
Yup that's what i had on my mind. That I wouldn't hide money from my DH ,but he don't know how much I have on mine and I don't know how much he has on his. So It is kind of a secret ;)
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