| | |
|
I too am suffering from depression and GD, due to my second boy, that I had hoped was a third girl , I feel so selfsih for wanting that and that guilt has made the depression worse. I have gone on meds and don't know that they are helping, but as time passes, the pain gets better, and the little baby is just so sweet and dear and needs his mommy to love him. Just know that I can almost guara...
01 Jul 2010 6:02 PM
|
|
|
Grass is always greener-I envy your position as that was what I wanted (three girls) but I too think it is more normal to want to experience both genders. My son was difficult between 2 and 4.5, pushing lots of my buttons, but now @ 5 he is a real love, and I'd say both genders pose different challenges and rewards. I can certainly understand your wanting to experience both, and admire you for bei...
01 Jul 2010 5:31 PM
|
|
|
I unfortunately also feel this way, and I have 2 daughters and 2 sons. I love my sons but I really want the experience to raise one more girl, I'm so sad to see my littlest girl growing up, and don't understand why I have such a strong preference. I wonder if it i ever stops, the desire for a specific gender, and if it has to do with deeper issues, i.e. a fear of men, etc. as my curren...
01 Jul 2010 2:11 PM
|
|
|
I agree, you sound like you have an excellent attitude and I am glad you are allowing yourself to grieve /recognize your feelings, it's normal to want something, it can be hard to allow yourself to mourn the loss of that dream or fantasy. I myself am trying to remember that ALL babies are different, regardless of gender, and each new baby brings with it a new dimension and personality to you...
16 Apr 2010 7:39 PM
|
|
|
Well if you truly think you'll be OK with either gender than I would wait because that can be fun and exciting, (I did it with all but my first pregnancy) but for my fourth pregnancy I made the mistake of looking during the 20 week scan and stupidly thought I saw girl parts and got it in my head that I was having a girl (what I wanted deep down) even though no one ever officially told me at ...
15 Apr 2010 5:07 AM
|
|
|
I *think* your chances of a boy or girl stay the same with each
pregnancy-51% boy 49% girl. That stat i just read in the other link
indicates the chances of 4 girls was one in 17.56-but I think that stat would be the same for having a boy for #4, maybe more like 1 in 16 that you'd have 3 girls and then a boy b/c of the slightly higher ratio of boys.I am the youngest of 4 girls and
wanted ...
14 Apr 2010 11:05 PM
|
|
|
Yes, it is absolutely about this sentiment for me, the loss of some sort of fantasy/dream, especially since i cme so close to an ideal in my mind of 3 girls and 1 boy (my DH is happy to have a son). I didn't know it until later in life, but I had a strong preference for girls and an increasing desire to have more or mostly girls with the more girls and boys I've had. Probably due to a ...
14 Apr 2010 5:09 PM
|
|
|
This is very helpful for me to hear, as I see almost all women lamenting having sons/no daughters here, and yet I figure that some men feel the need for their own desired gender, I just don't know how strong that feeling is. My own DH though, has told me that had he not had a boy (or boys), he probably would have felt the desire for one, but he has gotten some of each gender so it's never been an ...
14 Apr 2010 2:30 PM
|
|
|
Thank you for this Lissa. It made me appreciate my baby boy more when he just smiled at me after a rough and colicky day.
14 Apr 2010 5:10 AM
|
|
|
Interesting article, thanks. Having done my grad work in psychology, (wish I could apply this work to my own mental health, lol!) I love these sorts of articles. I question if a lot of GD is related to a person's relationship with parents and family make-up. Along similar lines, my therapist specializes in schema work and has discussed my "enmeshment" schemas with me and I think they a...
14 Apr 2010 1:47 AM
|
|
|
Yep-2 DDs, that's just how greedy and unappreciative I am, and I hate myself for it. People think I have the perfect family and I cannot even appreciate it!!! I imagine I am one of those people who has major issues with just being happy, and have had anxiety/depression off and on all my life, and my GD is probably more of an outgrowth of that and I am trying to isolate it to my son's gender....
13 Apr 2010 10:57 PM
|
|
|
I've never NOT wanted a child before like this, so I can relate. I had more gender surprise with my first DS, but came to accept him. This DS#2 has really thrown me for a loop. I have extreme GD (dissapointment) and at 2 months post-partum still wish he had been a girl. I agree with the PPs, it really is probably best to stay off of the site if it makes things worse-for me it often exacerbat...
13 Apr 2010 9:07 PM
|
|
|
Yep, I have the same problem too. I have anxiety and am a big second-guesser and it has defintely been exacerbated by not getting what I wanted. I think for some reason I envisioned having control of the gender, probably because of the swaying methods I've heard/read about-but I try to remind mysefl that there is no guarantee. My DH thinks it is incredibly arrogant of me to think I hav...
12 Apr 2010 10:32 PM
|
|
|
I can relate. I was not attempting to sway but thought I was OK with an accident happening (since DH didn't really want any more children) for DC #4, and it did. I got pg using a diaphragm and O'd earlier than I thought, so I DTD right before O (I was charting and my temp went up the morning after) and knew it was probably a boy. I already had GBG for my first three kids, but I was terrified...
12 Apr 2010 10:20 PM
|
|
|
Even though I am not the original poster, I am very grateful to you Jillian for your above post, I am also strugging with GD right now (DS#2 is 2 months old) and even though I have 2 girls, I have trouble appreciating my life because I don't want to "deal" with boys, and now have two. SO thank you for reminding me that there is a wonderful, rewarding side to raising a boy. I haven't quite go...
08 Apr 2010 6:27 AM
|
|
|
I hope you find peace, I admire you for seeking it and think you have a great attitude- I hope you will achieve it! At some point for our sanity I hope to move on and stop spinning my wheels-I hope to get there someday. Good luck and the best to your family and your three children!.
24 Mar 2010 10:48 PM
|
|
|
ITA with Zalie, I think the PP has come to be considered perfect in part because of advertising. But I don't think the advertisers were striving to display perfection, more just trying to make sure all potential members of a family could identify with a product and cosequently be marketed to.I have had the PP- my first was a DD then #2 was DS, and I was happy with it, (but wanted more kids r...
24 Mar 2010 10:40 PM
|
|
|
I am the youngest of four girls, I think your daughter will have lots of fun. Even though I am not close with most of my sisters now, I always wanted all girls. It just goes to show how unfair life is: I can certainly understand how you feel gutted, and am SO SO sorry, here I have 2 girls and 2 boys, and I am devastated at this last boy being born. You have my dream family and are feeling gypped i...
24 Mar 2010 4:37 PM
|
|
|
I am so very sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you during this time, and please don't beat yourself up anymore than you already have - I am trying to practice what I preach myself- we cannot help our feelings (GD/grief, what have you), we can only learn to accept and work through them.
15 Mar 2010 11:33 PM
|
|
|
My oops baby was a hopeful non-oops but I really thought it would never happen, and it did. It was a boy. I was using a diaghram and a small amt of spermicide.
15 Mar 2010 8:17 PM
|
|
|
I just went on zoloft yesterday for PPD which I think is triggered by my unexpected GD. I hope it helps, this is my last baby according to DH and I really want to enjoy the time.I hate going on meds but this seemed safe and I know it is not good for the baby to have an unpredictably upset mommy. If it works, hopefully you won't see me on the GD forum, lol! But I think I'll always be sad I di...
11 Mar 2010 5:15 AM
|
|
|
RJRobin, I jsut wanted you to know I personally know lots of BGB famimlies! I can think of 4 right off the top of my head.
11 Mar 2010 5:09 AM
|
|
|
Hi, you probably remember from my original post on this forum that I have GBG and now B. They are all a little over 2 years apart. The oldest two are fiercely close but the oldest girl is very dominant, and can be REALLY mean to him, as is the youngest girl (very bossy), and I always worried that my boy would get sandwiched. But he has managed quite well and he and his oldest sister are very close...
11 Mar 2010 5:05 AM
|
|
|
I am glad to know that I am not imagining it if others have noticed it, thanks to Alligus who mentioned that this site was originally for women TTC girls or those with predominantly boy families, I think that explains it better. I figured it had come up before. I also wonder if it is the manifestation of a mother's a normal desire to have at least one girl-and those women with 2 + girl...
11 Mar 2010 4:50 AM
|
|
|
OMG what witch! I am sorry but that is just so mean, I can hardly believe anyone would be so cruel to her own sister-I know I am starting to wonder why I I've wanted so many girls around when my sister wasn't the nicest to me and we aren't closr now-for a reason!
10 Mar 2010 10:56 PM
|