Been for scan - what now???

Hi All, I posted a couple of weeks ago talking of my worry over the fact that I really want a Girl and was worried that I was having a Boy.

 I had my scan on Tuesday and my worse fears were confirmed. Its a Boy. I have not stopped crying yet.

I thought I had myself prepared for the news BUT what makes it worse is that the sonographer said "Well, I think I can see a willy" so I think its a boy. I know that they never tell you 100% anyway but was expecting a bit more than that?

Silly of me maybe but I have booked in  for a private scan for Saturday. I really think I am clutching to the fact that she didnt seem certain but maybe I am setting myself for further disappointment?

I feel so bad for being so upset as they did all the checks and said all was well and i have pictures that are so cute. I feel bad as there are so many people that cant have kids and I can and he is well.

I feel like I cannot look at my books, I am not interested in going out to buy things and am unintersted about being pregnant although I have enjoyed being pregnant so much.

The worse thing is that my husband said to me last night that he cant help but feel that we were BOTH disappointed with the outcome and I always thought that he didnt really mind which sex? Maybe this is because he is having problems with his 14 year old at the min?

I cant stop crying and feeling disappointed and really need help on what to do? It all feels very raw at the minute and maybe time will help? Maybe I need to go out and buy some blue things?

The worse thing is, I felt him move from last Friday and since I have been so upset, I havent felt much?

I hope someone can help me as I just dont know what to do with myself.

Please help if you can?? xx

I'm so sorry you didn't hear what you wanted.  I know how painful it is - been there 3 times myself and you are right - time will help.   Having a few days of really good crying and feeling sorry for myself helped to get it all out and then I started to recover.  By the time each and every one of my boys arrived I was so excited and happy to see them that my GD faded well into the background. 

You will get through this just give yourself the time to grief.

Thanks Kiwi, I know your right, It just hurts so much right now.

Think what makes it worse is that there is lots of us pregnant or just given birth and they are all girls!

On the same day as my scan my friend had hers and she knoew how much I wanted a Girl, I told her I was having a Boy then she had hers and didnt want to call me to tell me she was having a girl! Dont want my friends to feel like that or pity me as it was no secret (although I havent said too much to anyone) but I am such s girlie girl that it is what people expected me to want!

Thanks so much for your post it is so nice to hear from someone who doesnt judge and has been there.

All the best Kiwi xx

 Hi Princessraya, is this your first baby? Your post reminded me of myself a lot when I was carrying ds1. I am a very girly girl and come from an all girl family so always assumed that when I had children I would have girls. But from very early in my pregnancy with him I just knew in my heart he was a boy. At my 20 week scan I asked if they could tell the sex and the tech just laughed and said she was relieved I had asked because she had to measure the babys leg and didn't think she could hide it with this baby, she moved the scanner round and showed me the most obvious boy shot I have ever seen and said this one is all boy! I smiled and pretended to be pleased but  even though I was expecting it I couldn't help feeling the disapointment. I just couldn't imagine what I would do with a little boy, he would be all rough and tumble and just seemed so alien to me. After the scan we went shopping for baby things, I hated all the boy things and bought everything in a neautral baby yellow colour.                                                                                                                                                             Throughout my pregnancy I never really felt a bond to him, I looked at pictures of baby/toddler boys in my baby book and just couldn't imagine myself with one. Then my little boy was born and all of that just went away. The day I held my little baby boy in the hospitol he was the most beautiful, perfect baby I had ever seen and I loved him more than I could ever imagine. He wasn't  "a boy" he was my baby boy and I was so proud of him.                                                                                                                                                                                                When your baby is born all these feelings really will go away and you are gonna love your little boy so much. Plus the good thing about being a girly girl and having a son is that you have another handsome man in your life to treat you like a princess - my sons will hold the door open for me and tell me I look beautiful even when I most certainly do not                                                                                                    Congratulations on your new baby, i hope you do start to feel better and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy. CJ x           

WOW CJ that is exactly how I feel!!! Gosh reading that bought tears to my eyes. I so know you are right but yes it will be my first and my husband has already said he doesnt want anymore.

I have 3 sisters and like you said always imagined I would have a girl!

I have tried to look (and like) pictures of boys but just dont feel the connection! Like you I do like creams and browns and think that is all I will buy!

Just reading what you have said and knowing I am not a horrible feeling for feeling how I do has made me feel a little better. So pleased that there are sites like this when you can be honest and not be shot down for being so.

Thanks so much for sharing your experience CJ, I really appreciate it xxxxxx

I don't think I can say anything that will make you feel better. But just know you are not alone. When I found out at 17 weeks my twins were boys I cried every day till they were born and almost everyday till they were 6 months old. My last I found out at 16 weeks and cried most of the rest of that pregnancy too. It hurts. And no one understands they told me I should be grateful. And I do love my kids but I can't say I am grateful for 6 boys. I feel like I am being punished some days. I try so hard to be a good person but it doesn't get me any where. I do have good days too though.

Try to get through one day at a time. That's really all you can do. I hope you feel better soon.

Hi There, Thanks for your e-mail. If there is one thing I have realised it is that I am so not alone its just people do not openly talk about it (apart from on fab sites like this!)

It is such a hard topic to discuss as you do feel wrong for feeling the way you do but cannot help the way you feel. I have the scan still booked in for tomorrow and even my husband said we might aswell be burning £60.00 as it must be a boy for the sonographer to say it was (he says she wouldnt have said unless she was sure) I know I am clutching to the fact that she MAY have got it wrong and now am thinking I may feel worse after the scan.

I keep looking back to how happy I felt on Monday when I was blissfully unaware that bump was a boy and the rollercoaster of emotions I have been through this week and putting on a BRAVE face and pretending to be happy and lookig for all the plus points with having a boy. BUT I know that as soon as he comes, I will love him right????

xxxxxxx

I tried so hard to smile and pretend to be happy but I cried. I was so embarrassed. But yes when he was born I loved him so much just as I did all my boys. The twins were the hardest because my husband said he didn't want anymore kids and I was supposed to get my tubes tide after the birth. But my doctor wouldn't do it. I think he knew I really didn't want it. But I loved the twins too. I think the hormones make it so much harder.

With the twins I know my hormones were more out of control. I felt really bad after the birth body and mind. With this last one I was able to feel better faster knowing my husband would try again though helped a lot.

Having people to talk to on this site made a big difference too. No one in my life can understand how I feel they think I should just be happy my kids are healthy.