I am so sorry for my best friend - more like completely heart-broken.  She and her DH have been TTC for more than 2 years now.  They have had 4 or 5 early miscarriages.  This pregnancy was going the best.  This was the first time she had seen the HB and even knew the sex of the baby.  I just can't believe this is happening to her.  She had to endure 12 hours of labor this morning and her baby only lived for a few minutes.  [:'(]  They had his room painted, started a registry, picked out a name, and now they have no baby to bring home.  I just wish I could take all the pain and sorrow she must be feeling away somehow.

I just don't know what to tell her to give her hope.  The doctors say that all of the miscarriages were just bad luck and there's nothing wrong with either her or her DH's sperm.  Except this time there was nothing wrong with the baby, no abnormalities whatsoever, she just went into preterm labor and they couldn't stop it.  What can I possibly tell her to make her feel better.  And do you guys know of anyone that has been through as much as this and has gone on to have a successful pg? 

I'm so sorry for your friend!  I can't imagine the pain she is feeling.  I will keep her in my prayers.  I think the best thing you can do is just be there for her.   A lot of people pull away during these times and that just adds to the pain.  Again I'm so sorry for her!

I just came in here and saw this looking for the same as to find out how i can support my BF.  She too is going through the same thing although she has already 3 living children it is her 9th pregnancy.  History of m/c but not after 12/13 weeks.  She went for her 19 week anatomy scan a couple of days ago to find out that her baby had passed 2 weeks earlier.  i feel exactly the same as you do.  She will be induced tomorrow to deliver her angel baby. Her baby was perfect no abnormalities have been seen so no indication as to why it has happened.

 Im soo sorry for your friend and you to endure this as it not only hard on them but hard for people close surrounding them as they dont know what to do or say.  I am finding this very hard to deal with atm myself.  Makes me think the GD i have been feeling with this child has been stupid and i am now cherishing every kick that i get instead of feeling sad about not getting what i was hoping for.

Sending big cyber hugs to you and your friend from the other side of the world.

Firstly I just wanted to say how sorry I am for your friends loss.  Life is so unfair sometimes.  I know somebody who is susceptible to pre-term labours and she now has to have a stich in her cervix so hopefully something can be done for your friend to go on and have a healthy baby (this person I know has).  Im not sure if it will help but I have pasted a link to a website below which your friend may find comfort from. There is a forum with lots of people who are in a similar position.  I have not lost a baby myself, but my current baby (unborn) has one of the most serious heart defects you can have.  Survival is not good for the condition so I have been doing a huge amount of research and came across this site. 

http://www.lifeafterloss.org.uk/ 

I am so sorry for what your friends are going through.  I know there is no loss greater than that of a child.  My cousin lost her twins at 26 weeks due to premature labor.  She was told to wait two years before TTC again but got PG 3 months after.  She did have her cervix stitched and had a beautiful full term baby.  This is a horrible time for your friend and I'm sure they truly appreciate having someone to lean on.

I don't know what to say to give her hope.

I am new to loss.  My son, Frank Charles, was born prematurely on August 4 at 22w2d.  He died thirty minutes later.  Having someone to talk to about Frank is so important to me.  My friends here at home have been wonderful in talking to me about Frank, looking at his pictures, and letting me cry on their shoulders.  My baby's name is the sweetest sound I could hear, and I am so grateful when others speak his name.

I think that if you give your friend the same opportunities, it would mean so much to her. 

Best wishes to you and her both. 

I'm so sorry for your friend - it is so unfair, and so tragic. First of all, I would avoid calling it a miscarriage when talking to her because that may upset her. It may be technically a m/c at that stage - I don't know - but to her she lost a baby, one with whom she had already really identified and bonded; to her it will seem like a lot more than a miscarriage (not that a m/c isn't awful in itself).  I think that it will be important for her that someone remember all the "firsts" - his due date, her first mother's day without him, etc.  If you can be that friend for her, I'm sure it would mean a lot.  I truly think that unless we have gone through something like this, it's hard to know exactly what to say and do, but perhaps just listening and not trying to cheer her up prematurely would be the best way to help her.  I'm glad to hear she has a friend like you - little things in the future will be important. A card, a call, an email.  I have a friend who lost her husband quite unxpectedly - not at all like losing a baby, but perhaps something I did might be meaningful for your friend. On her due date, perhaps give her a card with a packet of "forget-me-not" seeds inside.  She could plant those in her baby's honor. Ugh, it just breaks my heart - it's so unfair.

 Carol's Kids, you are right.  I meant to mention it above, but it slipped my mind.

A birth after 20 weeks is considered a premature birth.  If the baby did not survive birth, it is a stillbirth.  If the baby survives birth, but dies shortly after, it is neonatal death.

This terminology is very important to me.  Our son received a birth certificate, and sadly a death certificate as well. 

And, like Carol's Kids has said, remembering birth dates, due dates, and other special dates will mean the world to your friend. 

My heart is right there breaking with you and reading this post just made me cry.  I went through this with a friend just this past December.  She has a 7 year old son already and he was born at 32 weeks.  She is overweight and had complications because due partially to this with her first baby that put her in the high risk pg category.  Her blood pressure was through the roof, so she had to be on bed rest and medication the whole time.  When they were ready for #2, she had 3 miscarriages and a tubal pg that resulted in destroying half of her reproductive system making that much harder for her to even get pg again.  Then a miracle (with the help of Clomid), she conceived another baby, and at that, it was a baby girl that she desperately wanted!  Well, her Dr. knowing she would have the same problems as pg #1, took extra precautions with this one to the point that they were giving her some sort of steroid shot to help the baby develop faster because she knew she would deliver early.  Well, she was due in Feb and the baby was born at 27 weeks in mid Nov.  The baby was under the best of care and appeared to be doing amazing.  The day the Dr.'s give her an 85% chance of life, baby Breanna got a virus that only pre mature babies are susceptible to and died 8 hours later.  We were all numb and I have never felt soooo horrible for taking my healthy, happy, thriving children for granted!

That being said, I can totally relate to you.  All I can say is be there for her.  Hold her hand, cry with her, laugh with her, go shopping, just be whatever she needs.  Looking back now, up until about two weeks after the funeral, my friend was surrounded by love, which I believed really helped, but no one really stuck around after that except my DH and I.  We are closer now because of it so remember that as time goes on, that doesn't mean they still don't need to be surrounded by love and friends, the healing process is long and doesn't end with closer at a funeral. 

((((((((HUGS)))))))))) to you and your friend.  Please know that they are in my thoughts and prayers.