I'll admit it wasn't pretty.  Right after the ultrasound guy told us girl, I just said "oh that's surprising" and he said "you guys sure are in a rut."  I wanted to jump up and strangle that man.  He was the same one who did my 11 week ultrasound that I absolutely hated, but I was trying to be nice to him.  In the background I could hear my DD1 asking why we were having another girl and my heart was just breaking.  DH just told her that that's what God wanted for us.  So I held back the tears.  We got all the way to the van and DH kept looking at me and asking if I was okay.  Finally I just started weeping a little and then stopped.  I had decided no matter what we heard we would go to Old Navy and get something for the girls and the new baby.  It sucked so bad.  I couldn't look at the boys that were there, but I didn't want to look at the girls either...and that's not even getting started on the clothing.  I completely avoided any boy sections, but it took me forever to find anything for the girls.  The only thing I could find for the baby was a pj set for her to wear next summer with butterflies on it (since I love butterflies).  So we had to go by the grocery store and while DH shopped I got DD1's hair cut for Kindergarten...that's why we took so long (sorry to those that waited).  Meanwhile I talked to my sister, and cried a little more.  Then we got home and I announced it on here and talked to my Mom.  Love my Mom!  She told me she knows I'm sad but that it doesn't bother her at all, etc.  And it made me feel better. 

Fast forward to late that night.  The girls are all in bed and I've been mopey all night, just weeping a little here and there.  When DH comes over and says he's going to bed and I just start bawling my eyes out.  So he drags me into the bedroom and just holds me and comforts me an hour or more while I bawl and try and talk it out.  I love my DH so much.  But it sucks cause this time he's disspointed too, but luckily handling a lot better on the outside. 

So now that leaves me to what are we gonna do now?  What's our next step after this baby is born?  Are we gonna try again?  Both DH and I don't want to give up on our dream of having a boy.  But I really don't want to go through another pregnancy anytime soon and I know I can't go through this again without any guarantees.  I'm actually to the point now that I could do high tech, except it would be quite a while before we could afford it.  And I wouldn't know what to do with the leftover embries...I couldn't let someone else have them, but I wouldn't be able to just let them go, but I would really only want 2 boys.  I'm also worried that DH just can't make boys, although I know I've heard before that most men tested had 50/50 even if they had many of one gender. 

I'm so confused right now as well as heartbroken.  At least I don't have to make any decisions for a while.  I'm just going to try to enjoy the rest of this pregnancy and the new baby girl once she is born.  I told DH I wanna live in a hole so I don't have to deal with people, he said only if he can be there with me.  I also told him I'm tired of pink with bows, he said we could dress our girl in blue.  I reminded him that it would be expensive to buy a whole new wardrobe for her, he said we could go to yard sales for the rest of the summer.  I think right now DH would do anything to make me happy.  I just know the next few years is going to be so hard, especially if any of DH's siblings or people we know have any baby boys. 

What hurts the most is those boxes of boy clothes and blankets and things I have in the basement, I'm so stupid for spending money on that stuff even if it wasn't that much.  I don't know what to do with them.  I don't want to watch any family use them.  So I may send the 3-6 months and older stuff to my sister who I never see.  And then just sell the 0-3 month stuff on ebay or something.  I would consider keeping it for that what if we do have a boy, but I think it would hurt too much.  And it might be healing to just let go of it.  And then if we do have a boy down the road, we could just get all new stuff.  Especially since by then we would hopefully have the money to get really nice stuff!   

Em,

I am so sorry you are feeling so upset.  I have been thinking of you all night.  I must have woken up about 10 times wondering how you were doing and if you were okay.  I know there is nothing I can say to make you feel better, but just know that there are many people out there sending you positive thoughts.  If you ever need to talk, don't hesitate to pm me. 

The good thing is that you are young so you have time on your side if you do want to try again (naturally or high tech).  If you are really set on having a boy at some point, I would try to set up a game plan when you are up to it. 

Again, I'm so sorry you are feeling down.  I know you will love the baby when she gets here, but I do understand the saddness and GD you are feeling.

       

I'm so very sorry you didn't hear boy yesterday. I wanted this so badly for you, especially because it is always so refreshing to see a woman on here who wants a BOY. :-)  If it helps any, I was at Old Navy yesterday and quite deliberately avoided the GIRL section because the stuff was all so darling and I wanted to be able to buy it. Instead, I headed over to the boy section for a quick glance at all the usual cargo shorts and t-shirts that never, ever vary.  Perhaps we should shop for each other! :-)  Hang in there - the only thing that helps is time, and lots of it.  You're only on day 2 and at some point the pain will start to ease up.  My very dear friend is one of four sisters and I have always really admired how close they all are - every one of them is close with all the others.  It's truly amazing. I hope that for all your girls too. 

i am so sorry you are feeling this way your DH sounds like a sweetheart though!

i am so scared that when i get pregnant that it will be my fourth girl i to sometimes think dh cant "make" boys i really think i am just meant to have girls and that a DS is a distant dream having a DS would be like winning the lottery!

i hope you feel better soon

Sorry you are having a rough time.  I think you should hold onto those clothes.  I mean, you have a plan.  You know you might want to try high tech.  Maybe just do microsort so you don't have to worry about embies?  Either way, I am sure you will get a boy one way or the other.  You are determined.  I am truely shocked that this wasn't your boy but everything will work out the way it was supposed to.  At least your dh isn't telling you "no more" and you have hope of having that boy one day.  So that is a positive.  Your youngest dd will have a buddy and they can share a room now.  That will be fabulous.  I also highly recommend Kohls end of season sale if you want to get the new babe some less pink stuff.  I picked up a blue romper for dd for next year and it's darling.  I have also a lot of lime green that I like her to wear...so you can definitely find some cute (AND CHEAP) stuff.  I think I paid 2 or 3 dollars for outfits.  Basically everything was under 4 dollars.

Em hun I am so sorry you didn't get to hear blue this time and I pray that one day soon you will, but I know once she gets here DD will be just as loved and adored as her sisters.....As for the clothes that is a tough call I did that with my pink stuff and ccried buckets while I went through it all and boxed it up.. Sometimes I wish I had it all sometimes I am glad I don't!

 Hi Em.

I know how you feel.  I just got back from my U/S and it's another boy.  

It hurts. 

I wish I knew what to say to you but I dont.  I have tears in my eyes from reading your story.  I hope you can enjoy the rest of your PG.

 

((((HUGS))))

 Gosh, Mommyem, I wanted to cry when I read your post.  I was so hoping it would be a boy this time. I do know the kicked in the gut feeling you feel when one of your dreams gets stomped on.  My DH sounds like yours-he handled not having boys a lot better than I ever could.  I think with us women it's a little more personal, don't you? We're connected with these babies at every level. But DH just seemed to accept the way things turned out, and got on with his life.  But for me it was a little different. You know how hard you try to adjust to things that happen to you, and for the most part, it's o.k.  But sometimes something will trigger these emotions, and all these feelings come flooding back. I do so wish I could be like my DH.  He's my hero.

Emily,

I wish I could give you a big hug right now.  I was so hoping boy for you.  I hope you can fall in love with your new little girl.  I'm glad you know you want to try again in the future, which I know you were already thinking before finding out. 

 I am so sorry, your dh sounds like a keeper. Big HUGS to you both. 

Wow you put me back into reality. I had a feeling you were having a boy...I am shocked. I hope you find peace soon. You are in my prayers.

Oh sweetie. I wanted you to have a boy so badly. I know that heartbreaking feeling all too well. I was devastated when I found out # 4 and 5 were girls. The only thing that kept me sane during my pregnancy with # 5 was that we could try again and we would go high tech. In the end it was to expensive for us, so we tried naturally and got our little boy, so it can happen.

The thing that helped me was to talk about it. I know you love this little girl, but you still want a little boy so badly. It will get better with time. Big hugs coming your way.

mommyem:

he said "you guys sure are in a rut."  I wanted to jump up and strangle that man

You did well not to, what a jerk - It's bad enough when you feel sad at an U/S but if the tech is an idiot, on top of all the GD pain, I wouldn't have coped with it.

Pinkmommy's post gives me hope - I wish future blue dust for us all wanting DSs, once we get through these bad times.

I am so sorry your dream was not to be this time. I hope you find peace and comfort these next few weeks.  I feel you will handle this situation well  from reading your post and time will help you, your husband sounds sweet, and your mom wonderful.

I wish you a healthy pregnancy.

Big Hugs to you and your lovely family.

Teresa.