My mil and fil have been married for 50+ years.  I always joke about that being a lloooonnnggg time, but today it really hit me like a ton of bricks.  You know how you have those moments sometimes when everything becomes really clear and you see something in a totally new light?  While I don't want my DH to drop off the edge of the earth just yet, I'm not sure I can stay married to him for another 40 years (and I mean that in all seriousness!)  I think 50 years does seem overwhelming, but it's more than that.  I think I may be having an early mid-life crisis.  I'm bored with the same routine and I'm a bit bored with him...oopps, I just typed that out loud!!  I want some excitment in my life.  How many more years will we sit on separate lounges at night, me on my computer, him watching drivel on t.v??  Him falling asleep at 9pm and snoring like a bear?? 

Maybe it's hormones talking, maybe we're destined to be old and boring, maybe we're destined to something unmentionable???

I always remember what my grandma said:

After 10 years marriage is meatloaf.

You can put ketchup on it...

You can put gravy on it...

It's still meatloaf....    I sometimes try to remember how I felt about him when I was like 18.  That usually helps a little. 

So, what exactly was grandma implying there?  After 10 years it's pretty boring no matter what or even who you're married to??

I think so, like in other words, happiness with your spouse is a CHOICE.  To divorce and get remarried because you are bored will not fix the problem because eventually you will get bored with that man too.

I struggle with this too.  What helps me is to muster up the effort and a little money to get a babysitter, take a little extra time with my makeup and go out just with DH, no kids.  We get in such a rut with work, the children, the house. 

It is hard though, I know exactly how you feel.

my grandmother spent several years HATING my grandfather.  but she ADORES him now.  she said marraige is up and down.  you  just have to stick with it.  she cant imagine life without him and is so glad she never left.

Yup, marriage has it ups and downs.  But sticking it out is so worth it.  Try thinking about how you would feel if he was killed in a car accident.  I mean really think.  Think about what you would miss.. what your kids would miss.. even what your cat will miss.  Also it sounds like you need to date your spouse again!  Plan something exciting! 

Move off your lounge and go to him!   I know we women like to be courted, but have you tried courting him?  Do little things you know he would like, cook favorite meals, etc.  Most of all, try to set up one on one time.  Take a walk together, go out for coffee or whatever and talk.  It's worked wonders for the marriages of some people I know.

So, after 10 years, marriage gets boring?!!  Geez, I'm not even on 8 yet and I'm bored to tears sometimes!  I do think that has something to do with all these kids, that we hardly ever go out (well, he gets to go out, of course--that upsets me sometimes so doesn't make me like him so much).  Don't tell me it's gonna get worse for me in 2 1/2 yrs?!!!

 I agree, it's a choice and my advice is to go back to the beginning... Obviously you married this man for a reason... what was it? Relive it!

Then spice things up!! Get yourselves up and take dance lessons, or go bowling one night a week, buy the Kama Sutra book ;)...

DH and I have been married 12 years. I work F/T (so I'm always tired and cranky ) and we have our 2 kids, of course, but I was just thinking the other day, that the emotional and physical parts of our marriage are right up there where they used to be before we had kids.

Here is a few things that I realized we are doing differently:

• We are having more sex now, then we did before kids. I know, sounds completely unbelievable! I think it's due in part that I'm not on BCPs and they always suppressed my drive
• I've been spicing up things with uhm, stuff....
• We joke a lot--for instance, we are very friendly with our neighbors, they are our best friends and DH jokes that our female neighbor is his 2nd wife, sort of like the show "Big Love" on HBO. We have actually discussed cutting down trees and turning our 2 houses into a "compound." 
• (I do need to keep an eye on the last bullet, don't want this to turn into some Oprah special with the 2 of them sneaking off....)
• We have been getting my parents and in-laws to watch the kids more so we can go out like adults
• And it's the summer! Things are more upbeat in the summer. I'm dreading winter when it's so cold and dreary.
  

Redcin:

Try thinking about how you would feel if he was killed in a car accident.  I mean really think.  Think about what you would miss.. what your kids would miss.. even what your cat will miss. 

Boy, this hit a nerve.  My parents weren't always very close, until my dad was killed in a car accident.  My mom fell apart.  It wasn't until then that she realized how much my dad actually meant to her.

dan_n_jons_mommy:

Redcin:

Try thinking about how you would feel if he was killed in a car accident.  I mean really think.  Think about what you would miss.. what your kids would miss.. even what your cat will miss. 

Boy, this hit a nerve.  My parents weren't always very close, until my dad was killed in a car accident.  My mom fell apart.  It wasn't until then that she realized how much my dad actually meant to her.

  Life just isnt fair sometimes.  I know when I'm struggling with dh after 13 years of marriage this is how I remind myself how much I really do love him.

We will be married 7 years this August and we definitely have our boring spells.  we are so routine it's sad...LOL...but we try to spice things up every now and then.  Even if we just commit to a nice romantic dinner at home.  The kids are running around us and screaming like they are on fire...LOL...but we tune them out and just concentrate on the meal and company.  And there is something to lighting candles that make the meal that much more worth it.  Wine helps too.  I usually innitiate the romantic meal thing otherwise he would never think of it.  We very RARELY get a babysitter to come watch the kids so we have to think of things we can do with the kids around us...LOL...

I just want to add that I have been divorced with children.  I don't think that anyone can judge the situation that you are in but I do want to say that my son recently left to spend 6 weeks with his dad.  It breaks my heart.  I divorced my ex because he was not faithful, drank a lot and spent so much money that we didn't have.  I am remarried to someone that adores me and it still makes me question my decision whenever my son is gone.

My ex and I saw multiple marriage counselors and one of them told me that we can get into ruts, good or bad.  Put the energy into getting yourself into a positive rut (saying kind things to him even if you don't feel like it, holding his hand, doing nice things for him, etc.).  Good luck and I hope that you have happiness in your life.

for me I see it this way, we all grow up with the whole prince and princess romace thing in our heads when in reality marriage is work hard work, you have to put alot into it if you want it to work out and be worth a darn, we work on our friendships and such phone calls, lunches a quick cup of coffee een an e-mail so why do we often feel marriage is a magical relationship that will just grow and flourish all on its own....Take Dh out for a cup of coffee once in a while, give him a call just to say hi, sneak off for some alone time....Send him a note....makes a world of difference!!