These days I have not had the yearning for a daughter. Wow, I can't believe I said that.

First off I got wonderful news that my second son does  not have autism or any autistic like behaviors. We have been taking him to every specialist we could get our hands on for the last year. Turns out his tantrums that they thought he was having due to sensory issues turned out to be food allergies. Phew! He is like a new kid. I think part of my gd stemmed from having only one "normal" kid  and if DS2 would have been a girl he would have been perfect . Yea right!  Anyway I feel it is a miracle and I am very happy. It has been a rough three years.

Then I went to a family get together and all the girls are pre- teen or teen . They had make up on  and revealing  clothes. THey clearly did not get on with their mother's at all. Very rude at times. THey were really snotty and just not "cute" anymore. THey all hung out on the driveway in the front of the house in a little gossiping pow wow. WHile the boys played games with all of us and helped the moms carry heavy stuff. I thought I am sad about missing out on this?

Today I was with my boys at the park and an adorable little girl with a smocked dress came right up to me and I didn't even feel sad . I was happy watching my new miracle son push his beloved teddy in a swing. He looked way cuter in my oppinion. ANd right after that I asked my five year old son to go play with the other kids and he actually said he would rather stay with me today since I had way cooler ideas.

So I was talking to my mom tonight and she said you always wanted someone to adore you and now you have three men who do. It is just what you always wanted. So I began to reflect on things . Growing up I always thought the boys were more fun than the girls. Less complicated. In High school I did have more girl friends but in college my friends were mostly guys and after college again mostly guys.

So I think the only thing that makes me want a girl is the fact that I don't have one. Period. I have no expectations on some great mother daughter relationship . I don't know of many in my real life . None of my friends were all that close to their moms. Most even hated their mother's.

I figure I won't have a daughter to tell me my clothes are out of date. Or resent me because she inherited my tendency to gain weight in my butt. Or that I need to work out, dye my hair . Be ashamed that her role model decided to give up her career to be the dreaded stay at home mom. I won't have all the expense that comes with a girl either.

Maybe us boy moms need to step back from all this girl obsessing and be greatful that we can love our boys and be loved by them in a uncomplicated manner. Maybe we are far luckier than we even realize.

Or maybe we need to work on ourselves. Take better care of ourselves get in shape , get invloved in the community ( I have joined some charity groups , meeting some new friends) Go back to school .Just get some new goals   Our lives are so much more faceted than the genders of our kids. I have been so focused on having a girl I have forgotten this.

Just a thought.

P.S I hope this lasts.

 

 

beautiful! I am so glad you are feeling so great, i feel the same way about many things!!!

babygirl dreams:

Our lives are so much more faceted than the genders of our kids.

so true!!! I hoep this sticks with you and also so happy your son was given a clean bill of health, thats most important!

Thnak you so much for that - everything you said was 100% true, i feel very blessed with my 2 boys after reading that

You sound so great!  And I love what you wrote, too!  My stepdaughter is making me think a lot more about having a daughter.  Her cattiness and attitude and selfishness are not traits i would want my daughter to have.  It's definitely lessened the urge lately!

I'm so glad you're doing so much better! 

I love the way you worded that.  I agree that we should take a step back and be grateful for what we have.

Thank you for a BEAUTIFUL post to start my morning!!!!!

 

Can I just say how much you warmed my heart this morning?  Wow.  You're so right on, and, even more than that... I am SO GLAD to hear this coming from you!  I'm so glad you got things figured out with DS2!  I think that's the most important thing in all of this - congrats on that!  I think that has a LOT to do with you rising above.  Oh my gosh!  I am just so excited for you right now!!!!

I agree! kudo's you sound wonderful!

your third little boys gonna be a wonderful addition to your family!

I have struggled so much because sometimes I am so so in the mindset you just shared (and my ds#2 is severely disabled and will never get better) but I look at my 3 boys and just love them so much.  I am a psychologist who works with totally screwed up teenage girls! (some boys too but mostly girls!) so you would think I would get it more than anyone.  My problem is that I am and have always been drawn to the complex and although it can be hellish, a part of me feels not having that complicated mother-daughter relationship is part of what I am missing.  I'm probably kidding myself because the reality of it will be so so tough but I just can't seem to let go of the yearning (I have had bouts but for me, they don't last  So as of now I am proceeding with a high tech attempt.

I truly hope for you that the peaceful, state of acceptance and gratitude lasts a lifetime!  Congratulations on all your hard work to help your son- he's a lucky lucky boy to have a mom like you!

 I could just sit here and cry with happiness for you and your boys.  Seems like much of your GD was related to difficulties with your son, i'm so glad this has been resolved.  I've thought and prayed for you often over the last weeks, it's so great to hear you are finding peace.

God Bless

Thanks Lisa - I will print out and keep this in my nightstand.

You are just so right about things - I see all that too, but it takes someone else writing it down

for me to realize that it is generic

Krissymum

  Our lives are so much more faceted than the genders of our kids.

Ah, now this is a really good insight! SOOOOOOOO TRUE!!!

I loved your post.

This morning I got more news of yet another infant loss. I have heard of so much death lately, it's insane..........Just boosts my thankfulness. Life is short.

californiaboys- my friend just miscarried today and it took her so long to get pregnant. I feel so bad for her.

I then went to the bathroom and noticed that our roof is leaking majorly . SO then I go to the store , come back out and my car won't start. uggh! It is so hot and I have the boys with me.

But you know my mood cannot be better. Because I HAD my boys with me. Living , breathing and COMPLAINING the whole time!

You sound like you are really at peace now and I am so happy for you. I always thought I'd have girls and I will be having a 3rd son, no girls at all and I feel at peace most of the time now too. It is a good place to be, isn't it? I feel really proud of the fact that I will be raising 3 little guys.

I think before I had a son I stereotyped them, then I had DS1 and loved him immensely from the moment I saw him and he does fit some of the 'boy' sterotype (loud,wild) which is hard to take at times, but also a lot of fun and I guess it is different when they are your child. Then I had DS2, the same gender, but a completely different nature and it opened my eyes up to the fact that it is personality, not just gender and I love and enjoy them equally. I think it goes the same for girls, perhaps I have stereotyped them because I have not experienced raising one. I just assume that they are quieter when they are little and that I would have a bettter bond with a daughter as an adult when this is just not always going to be the case. I was quiet and well behaved as a girl, but I was up to no good as a teenager and my bond with my mum is very strong, but only since I have had the boys. I realise that we really can not predict what the future will hold, we just need to enjoy what we have now. At Christmas time, there were 3 girls and 3 boys (my mum and stepdad's grandchildren) running around. My DS1 and another boy were running a muck, being openly naughty and the two older girls weren't openely loud and naughty, but they were still up to no good. They were being really mean to the boys and stirring them up to try to get them into trouble. I really had to keep an eye on them because the boys were getting blamed for things the older girls were making them do, they were really sneaky. This too made me realise that the grass really isn't always greener. So I can really relate to the things you have said in your post.

I am so glad to hear your son is ok, that must be such a relief for your family. I hope that the rest of your pregnancy goes smoothly and wish you all the best with your new addition on his way. How lucky are we!!

I have to agree.  My DS2 has a speech delay, and with finding out that he's tongue tied, his surgery to correct it, and his evaluation with EI made me realize that I love this boy completely!   It has even made me want to stop trying for a girl, and let nature give me another boy.  Thankfully DS2  was diagnosed with a score of 81 in his speech (85-115 is normal range) and a 91 in his over all development, which means he only has a mild delay in speech.  The therapists believe the delay can be treated at home, and if by age two he still hasn't progressed we are to call them back to get rechecked.

And the whole thing about girls and when they're teenagers!! don't get me started on that.  I think my whole need of having a girl is that with sons I fear that I won't be able to spend as much time with grandchildren then if it was my daughters kids.  Who says that my daughter would even have kids?  My sister doesn't have any, and she never plans on having any.  She likes to drink her beer too much.  So for me it isn't as much a mother daughter bond, as it is a future that I can't even be too sure about.  Besides, I'm not a girly girl.  I'm more comfortable in hoodies and jeans.  I'm just sad that I'm not more active for my boys.