Expecting girl #2 and wanted a boy

Hi Ladies,

I have a daughter that is 3 1/2 and I am 17 weeks pregnant.  My midwife/gyn group does not let you know the gender until you are 20 weeks pregnant during the fetal anatomy.  So I decided to go to a private u/s place last week to find out the gender.

So they told me it looks like another girl.  Now I wanted a boy before I had my daughter and I wanted a boy again for this pregnancy.  My husband wanted a boy also but he is fine with another girl.  When they told me a girl I have been devestated for about a week now.

When I had my daughter for about a year that is all I did is look at other Moms that had little boys.  It took about a year to finally accept it.

I only want 2 children so this is it for me.  There is no way that I will have a 3rd.

I am also starting to feel that I cannot be around my mother friends that have a girl and a boy (1 of each gender).  It hurts so much.  That was my dream. 

I almost regret not doing the gender selction treatment but they say that it works better if you want a girl.  Also there is a chance of multiples.

How do I come in terms with these feelings?  I do not want to be unhappy for the rest of my life?  Of course, I will love this baby, but it is not the same.

I do not know what to do.  Is there a chance that they made a mistake?  They said that it is 100% accurate.

Lisa

 

 

I wouldn't say anything is 100% accurate, but they might be 95 % sure that you are carrying another girl.  I am sorry that it doesn't appear that you are getting your hoped for son.  Use the next few months to prepare yourself for the addition of another daughter; that's what I had to do when I found out ds #2 was a boy, and of course I wouldn't have changed a thing about him the moments I held him in my arms for the first time.

I just replied to a message that might have been yours on another post, anyway...I feel so akin with you that I wanted to reply to you here again.  I know exactly how you feel...if you get a chance read my other post on the other thread.  To sum it up, I have 2ds's and want to try for a dd.  I have friends and relatives who have both and find myself not really wanting to be around them as much.  At first I tried to overcompensate and be around them to prove to everyone I was fine with it...although none of it was talked about with anyone it was all just in my head.  Now as I make my final attempt (within the next year) I find myself preparing for the worst...although only by the grace of god could I even have another healthy boy....the worst is just that I will never know the joy of having a sweet baby girl, teenage girl, and adult friend like my relationship with my mom...anyway now I find I dont want to be around anyone with one of each.  Those with only girls don't make me feel the same way. I think because I know that they are sisters in prayer for a particular sex.  Anyway, I wish I could say something to help you..but all I  can say is that your family is the most important thing in your life.  Having a healthy child, the sex of your children, the relationships we build with our children and our spouses all effect our lives on a daily basis and in such incredible ways that it has to be a natural and normal thing to feel sad when something doesn;t go as we had planned, some of us have planned on having one of each since we were little girls.  So thanks for saying what I felt.  I would love to stay in touch with you, keep posting maybe you'll decide to have another and maybe not..but either way your feelings are legitimate from my persepective.  enjoy your wonderful girls, I wish I could.

 

Do you think there is a chance that the penis can still be hiding?  They did use the high technology 2D u/s machine though.

 

Lisa

anything is a possibility, nothing is 100% until bday.  Sometimes they say "I'm xx% sure its a girl"  did they say they had any doubt it was a girl?  If they were pretty sure it was a girl I would try to get used to the idea, but thats just me because I know I would be afraid of being dissapointed on bday.  That is why I will try to find out ahead of time too if I end up pg.  Just to make sure I am prepared on bday.  I think it is natural to secretly keep a twinkle of hope until you see it yourself.  I am sure I will too, if my situation ends up this way, which I just have this feeling inside it will. 

Hi Lisa,

I am the mum of two boys and I can totally relate to your feelings of wanting a dream that may be out of reach...I had my first son seven years ago and I really wanted a son that time so I was very happy then when we decided to have a sibling I sort of imagined that it was a girl from day one and convinced myself so much that on the u/s day it became a schock to find out that I was going to have another son. We told everyone before the delivery and the comments from some people were bizarre; one woman said "two boys - that is not a luxury mix" Anyway two years has passed and I have gotten used to being a boys mum (I love both my sons soo much but I hate to be put in that category as if I was less of a mum when I only have sons) but I still notice all the baby girls, toddler girls etc that I see and with silence I think "this is something that I will never have" - to make me feel better I try to think of the uniquness of my family - today I am the "queen" and the only female in the house and my husband get's no other girl than me to cherish and to love (cause I feel that I might be jelous if he had a close father/daughter relationship more that I feel now when we have sons - maybe silly, I dont now if this is fact or fiction on my part ;-) Still I sometimes think of trying again for a baby girl with all the natural swaying methods. It may be true that they work since both our sons are Shettle-boys, concieved on the O-day and the other one the day after O (did not know about Shettels by then...). Lisa, if you decide to not have any more babies try to think of the uniquness that you have in your family . two sisters, they can share good memories from growing up together and you may get involved in their activities more if they like the same interests/hobbies that you have (I am not so fond of sports and monster cartoons but getting used to it all along...) With time Lisa you will probably feel better.Maybe we all go through disappointments in life that teach us what life really is - good and bad, better and worse. We may not get the profession we thought of as children, the living conditions, the health we took for granted as young, but we do get things we did not expect to get and they may turn out to be just as good ;-)

Hugs from SwedishMumof2

 

 

 

 

Hi,

They did say it looks like a girl but I keep hearing these stories from other moms.  They tell me they said it was a girl all along then at the end it turned out to be a boy.  They also told me that their doctors used advanced machinery. 

2 people actually told me this.

Lisa

I'm glad I found this board.  I am having baby #4 and really wanted a girl.  I accidently found out if t was a boy, and although I thought I would be ok with that... I feel very angry and sad now.  Reading the posts here makes me feel normal.  as my husband, in laws and friends would be angry with me. 

its just that we did not plan for any more children and when this baby is here I know I will have an ache in my heart as I do now for what I won't have.  so I fear needing to get pregnant again. 

I have 2 lovely girls now that are so good and gentle and one terror of a son.  so I am totally freaked out.  plus I miss all the girly clothes etc that i saved.  (I have very little boy clothes left since I didn't want another)  how do you get through this?  my husband doesn't know what we are having, nor does anyone else, cause its a secret... can't really vent to anyone.  ; (