will this ever stop in my life?

prettyinpink18:

For the op having a girl for her possible 4th child matters to her. No one else may care but SHE does. Being able to finally dress a baby girl in pink is such a simple, joyous thing for some. Being able to finally shop on the other side of the store is indescribable happiness for some of these ladies. Minimizing the op's feelings is not helpful. I find it interesting how once some posters do in fact get their dg try to make it sound like it is no big deal at all. I for one was forever changed when I learned I was having a girl, and in my head confetti was raining from the sky. To the op, I hope if you do try for a 4th you end up having your much longed for baby girl.

I don't see that newbaby was in any way minimizing the op's desire for a girl. She was simply sharing her experience (one that I've noticed many who got their DG have also shared on here) in an effort to offer support. Getting your girl may have been all glitter and confetti for you and your dreams may have all come true (not sure how emphasizing that point is very helpful to those with GD either) but it isn't for everyone.

I think newbaby was trying to make the point that getting you DG isn't a magic pill for happiness and for those with GD who may never get their desire gender it is helpful to know that one can be happy and content in their lives without getting their desired gender. What purpose does it serve to tell the op your blissfull pink dreams have come true? That is wonderful for you but that doesn't mean she should go for a 4th baby with those thoughts in her head and possibly wind up back here again if it is another boy.

I don't think this forum should be focused on getting your DG as the only cure for GD because that is just a bunch of hogwash. What we should be promoting here is healing and focusing on finding happiness with ourselves and our families and working on whatever issues is truly the source of one's feelings of sadness.

Halah:

Only go for a 4th if you would be okay with another boy. Personally I am so glad I tried again and got my 4th son. He has been the greatest joy of my life. I like to say to people contemplating another...if the worst thing that can happen is you get another beautiful boy, well what is so bad about that? Of course you really have to get to that place on your own. GL

Excellent advice!

I am not saying that getting your desired gender is the cure all for everyone. My point was that once some are on the other side of the fence it is very easy to all of a sudden say that it is not a big deal. I am speaking of a handful of posters in general, not one. It seems hypocritical to me to lament that it will be devastating to not get their dg only to go on and say big deal when it does happen. I understand what the op is trying to say and understand it is her dream to have a dd and what that feels like. I am not saying life will be all glitter and a magic pill if she gets her dd. But to make her feel like, big deal if you get your dg or not IS minimizing her feelings. And MY point was that it was a big deal to ME.

prettyinpink18:

I am not saying that getting your desired gender is the cure all for everyone. My point was that once some are on the other side of the fence it is very easy to all of a sudden say that it is not a big deal. I am speaking of a handful of posters in general, not one. It seems hypocritical to me to lament that it will be devastating to not get their dg only to go on and say big deal when it does happen. I understand what the op is trying to say and understand it is her dream to have a dd and what that feels like. I am not saying life will be all glitter and a magic pill if she gets her dd. But to make her feel like, big deal if you get your dg or not IS minimizing her feelings. And MY point was that it was a big deal to ME.

If I could private message you I would, but I don't think you can do that anymore.  Just noticing all the HT in your siggie.  Wow looks like you had quite the journey.  As a HT alumni myself, I just wanted to say that I am so happy we both got our dds.  

newbaby2011:

umm wow... ok well you have to realise that unless you go ht you could also end up with 5,6 heck 7 boys. yes she could have a girl and yes i hope she does, but the fact remains a baby is also a baby. if she wants a baby then i wish her luck and a happy 9 months but if she's having a baby just to try to have a girl then im scared she might be headed for disappointment and heartache. if you are happy with 4 boys then yes go for it and pray for a girl. but yes i hope she does get a girl, but i know hoping and praying sometimes don't work for everyone.

 

.  I hate shopping and I don't think clothes make a person. I agree with coming to terms to wanting another baby, not a specific gender because it can lead to heartache if you don't get your wish.

Prettyinpink18,it looks like you have a lovely bundle on your hands there,congrats x

prettyinpink18:

For the op having a girl for her possible 4th child matters to her. No one else may care but SHE does. Being able to finally dress a baby girl in pink is such a simple, joyous thing for some. Being able to finally shop on the other side of the store is indescribable happiness for some of these ladies. Minimizing the op's feelings is not helpful. I find it interesting how once some posters do in fact get their dg try to make it sound like it is no big deal at all. I for one was forever changed when I learned I was having a girl, and in my head confetti was raining from the sky. To the op, I hope if you do try for a 4th you end up having your much longed for baby girl.

 

 

Agreed 100%!!!!

 

sadierose:

prettyinpink18:

I am not saying that getting your desired gender is the cure all for everyone. My point was that once some are on the other side of the fence it is very easy to all of a sudden say that it is not a big deal. I am speaking of a handful of posters in general, not one. It seems hypocritical to me to lament that it will be devastating to not get their dg only to go on and say big deal when it does happen. I understand what the op is trying to say and understand it is her dream to have a dd and what that feels like. I am not saying life will be all glitter and a magic pill if she gets her dd. But to make her feel like, big deal if you get your dg or not IS minimizing her feelings. And MY point was that it was a big deal to ME.

If I could private message you I would, but I don't think you can do that anymore.  Just noticing all the HT in your siggie.  Wow looks like you had quite the journey.  As a HT alumni myself, I just wanted to say that I am so happy we both got our dds.  

I never did end up getting pregnant through high tech. I had one disaster of a cycle after another. I was a very low responder with poor embryo quality. I finally moved on from high tech to try naturally. It took 14 months to finally get pregnant. This is how I ended up having my dd. It is so ironic after all the time, money and heartache spent. I too am happy we have our dd's, however they came to us. :)

pretty, im so happy your daughter was your fix and i don't mean to come off as being a bi*ch or anything. you went through alot of get your baby girl and if thats all you ever needed to make you happy then im thrilled for you i honestly am... but.. and maybe its just because im still hormonal and sleep deprived. i went through 5 daughters, 3 miscarriages and the death of a preemie to get to buy a blue sleeper... is that worth it? to me no. i mean don't get me wrong i love my son with all my heart but i sometimes wish i had gotten him for my 3rd or 5th pregnancy. i just think alot of times the bigger issue is learning to become content with what we already have. it was for me anyway. but i really am so happy for everyone who got their dg and i hope all the ladies on here get their dreams.

prettyinpink18:

I am not saying that getting your desired gender is the cure all for everyone. My point was that once some are on the other side of the fence it is very easy to all of a sudden say that it is not a big deal. I am speaking of a handful of posters in general, not one. It seems hypocritical to me to lament that it will be devastating to not get their dg only to go on and say big deal when it does happen. I understand what the op is trying to say and understand it is her dream to have a dd and what that feels like. I am not saying life will be all glitter and a magic pill if she gets her dd. But to make her feel like, big deal if you get your dg or not IS minimizing her feelings. And MY point was that it was a big deal to ME.

First off I want to apologise to the OP for thread-jacking.

Secondly, I don't think it's fair to judge other's experiences simply because their feelings after getting their DG was different than your own. If it wasn't as big a deal to them as it was for you then so what? That was their experience/feelings and that's ok... your experience was different. It isn't fair to call others "hypocritical" because they thought having their DG would feel a certain way and once it actually happened they didn't feel like they thought they would. No one knows how they are going to react to something until it actually happens. Why does it bother you so much that some ladies didn't have the life-changing feelings that you did? Everyone has different life stories and situations here so everyone isn't going to always feel the same as you did/do.

I'm happy for you and everyone else who got their DG and found happiness in doing so. I'm also happy for those who have moved on from GD and found other ways to fulfill their lives without getting their DG. I'm just happy for those who have found happiness period and there are so many different paths to get there.

Thanks ladies for your replies, to each and everyone.

There started also agrgumentation between 2 of you and then there were additional comments to that. I DO understand both views, that what my dilemma in fact is. I dont want to risk having another (and possibly 4th boy) because it will be hard for me to accept this, but on the other point, may be i will regret the whole of my life, if i dont give myself this LAST chance in let's say 3-4 years. My friend who is 40 years now, had her first girl being 39, and second another year. They are both beautiful and helathy. It causes me so much pain to see others having their girls. I think i have the worst combination possible - please dont get me wrong - i love my childern as everymother, and i would not exchange them for any stranger's girl....but how can happen to me, that if i have 3 childen, i have ONLY boys. It would not matter to me if i had 10 children, if i had 1 girl and 9 boys....but having 3 boys, in 3 50/50 "tries" makes me deeply hurt and dissapointed, i agrgue witg God all teh time....i cant get peace. I mean the possibilities were also: 2 girls /1 boy,  3 girls, 1 girl/ 2 boys, and the last one 3 boys, but sure, i got this, as God hates me, thats how i feel. I know racionally this isnt true, but i feel this in my heart, and i CANT, i just CANT get out of this feeling. I dont want to complicate mylife even more with 4 boys, but if i dont try, i will stay bitter the rest of my life, or is there any other way...

twinshock, it was nice to read your post, i hope you will at least one girl, but i feel even having 2 boys wouldnt dissapoint you to biterness, i hope as i said there is at least one girl for you inside there, and i wish you a happy pregnancy...

 I am certainly one of the persons who would feel confetti raining till the rest of my life, if i got a healthy, beautiful girl...i know it may be a bit of illusion too...but i am 100% sure it would mean to me a world. But i dont think i can have 4 kids so close together in order to have the chance for this, and i also dont believe God would give me a girl, even if i swayed to the limits of a Guiness record.....

Southern Butterfly:

prettyinpink18:

For the op having a girl for her possible 4th child matters to her. No one else may care but SHE does. Being able to finally dress a baby girl in pink is such a simple, joyous thing for some. Being able to finally shop on the other side of the store is indescribable happiness for some of these ladies. Minimizing the op's feelings is not helpful. I find it interesting how once some posters do in fact get their dg try to make it sound like it is no big deal at all. I for one was forever changed when I learned I was having a girl, and in my head confetti was raining from the sky. To the op, I hope if you do try for a 4th you end up having your much longed for baby girl.

I don't see that newbaby was in any way minimizing the op's desire for a girl. She was simply sharing her experience (one that I've noticed many who got their DG have also shared on here) in an effort to offer support. Getting your girl may have been all glitter and confetti for you and your dreams may have all come true (not sure how emphasizing that point is very helpful to those with GD either) but it isn't for everyone.

I think newbaby was trying to make the point that getting you DG isn't a magic pill for happiness and for those with GD who may never get their desire gender it is helpful to know that one can be happy and content in their lives without getting their desired gender. What purpose does it serve to tell the op your blissfull pink dreams have come true? That is wonderful for you but that doesn't mean she should go for a 4th baby with those thoughts in her head and possibly wind up back here again if it is another boy.

I don't think this forum should be focused on getting your DG as the only cure for GD because that is just a bunch of hogwash. What we should be promoting here is healing and focusing on finding happiness with ourselves and our families and working on whatever issues is truly the source of one's feelings of sadness.

I think its not a bad idea to try for another. What Im going to say next may be proven wrong, but for some reason every woman I have heard of got a baby girl at age 36 or 37......whereas at age 40,41, and 42......it tends to be more boys again. I dont want to promise anything, but I might try to get pregnant at age 36 to have a daughter. I wih u the best!

 littlebee3,

I just read ur answer after I responed to ur original post. Big Hugs!!! Im so bitter too and am in a constand struggle with myself thinking God hates me. GD made me so sick in the head and while I love my 3 sons so much......I am disappointed and jealous all the time that others get to enjoy having boys and girls. I see those families ever day where I work. Of course, I see some that have only boys or only girls, but most of the time they have a nice mix. Its tough to swallow when I see that. I really feel some sort of pain in the back of my throat and I have to distract myself. I loved the post with the confetti raining.......  think thats how I would feel if I finally got my girl.....Id feel like walking on air....I would sing the song..... Im very aware that getting ur GD might not turn around ur life, but less bitterness would be great....wouldnt it?!

 BellaVita, beautiful life, brilliant insight!  "I don't think this forum should be focused on getting your DG as the only cure for GD because that is just a bunch of hogwash. What we should be promoting here is healing and focusing on finding happiness with ourselves and our families and working on whatever issues is truly the source of one's feelings of sadness."

 it is wonderful to have a place to find support but at the same time i do wonder if there is some danger is commiserating with others, it's like feeding the beast, hence the word 'Co-Misery". when i found out my 3rd son was a he, all my besties didn't give me a moment for any self pity - they were truly and sincerely so happy for my 3rd chance at raising another gorgeous boy and it really lifted me up and out. had i been permitted to dwell in the darkness the light may have not had the chance to grow so fast until there was only pure radiant sunshine in me. 

negative thoughts, when allowed to cycle and then be recycled can only lead to a powerful darkness. yes it is so healthy to express your feelings, but it is also then even more important to get beyond that moment and not dwell. had any of my best friends indulged me and gave me a pity party who knows where that could have led. it snapped me right out of it and that night i dreamed my sons new name and i never ever looked back. are we holding ourselves back from talking (actually writing) so much about the same thing  over & over and then seeing inside other's equally disappointed feelings- constantly getting bogged down in the pits? maybe there's something to be said about the whole "build a bridge and get the hell over it" attitude / the "soldier on" method. when i had my own moment of weakness on this website, it was the kind yet FIRM voices that turned out the lights at my own pity party real fast and woke me up. just something to think about.