BIG HUGS honey!!!! (((((())))))
Still getting crappy comments that only make me feel even worse... Boys are stupider than girls. They are slower than girls. (Thanks, jerks, I already have a kid with Down syndrome who has developmental delays already, you think I'm not sensitive to those comments?!) .
I totally understand being sensitive to those kind of comments...my DS2 is special needs (autism... classic autism, not just some "quirky" Aspergers type if you kwim! And it's esp hard b/c boys are much more likely to have ASD.) You and I KNOW how special SN kids are and how much joy they bring- people who don't have a SN child just have no idea. Yes there are a lot of challenges, but I wouldn't trade my DS2 for any kid in the world! He has taught me SO much as I'm sure your DS1 has...I am a completely different person because of him- a better person. And developmentally delayed does NOT mean dumb! They have a different way of seeing the world, and they understand wayyyyy more than we give them credit for. As far as "typical" boys, from what research I've done in the past, they are only behind girls very early on (first few years of life)- after that they are completely caught up to their female peers and actually are ahead of girls in some areas.For example, my brother always excelled in math and science...my sister and I both sucked at math but excelled in other areas like language arts, etc. And yes we all had the same education. My next door neighbor, a boy (who was my best friend as a child)- was delayed as a young boy, but ended up excelling in math and is now an accomplished accountant. So when you hear these comments, don't hesitate to correct people!
It's okay to feel sad #3 isn't the girl you were hoping for. Allow yourself to grieve- it doesn't mean you don't love this baby or don't love your other boys- you just wanted to experience a girl. When I found out we were having boy#3 at the big u/s, I won't lie- I went into the bathroom at the doc office, melted to the floor, and cried by heart out. Little did I know my DS3 would be the light of my life. :) He is SUCH a mama's boy, moreso than my other two. If I walk out the door to go to the grocery, he starts getting hysterical and when I try to hand him to dh he just pushes dh away! I am actually SO glad he was a boy, because now my DS1 gets to have a more "typical" brother relationship than he has with DS2, and DS3 has been a blessing for DS2 because they are both sort of on the same level, etc and like some of the same things.
I feel like my family is more perfect/complete with 3 boys than we were with just 2. Really. I still want to add a girl to the mix but I honestly don't obsess about it as much as I did before DS3...he filled a hole I didn't know was there.