We have our gender scan Friday and I am super nervous. Our appt was Saturday, but since I spilled the beans to
everyone about the scan, I decided to move it up a day to Friday, so hubby and I can get the
news first, without a bunch of calls, texts, facebook messages, etc.
We have 3 precious boys already. I so
desperatly want a little girl to complete our family. I dream of little dresses
and headbands. It will just be so hard to accept I will never have a baby girl,
if baby #4 is a boy. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE MY BOYS. They are the sweetest,
cutest boys in the world. And I am so happy they have each other, but a girl
would just bring so much to our family. I want my husband to have a daughter to
walk down the isle, I want my boys to understand (somewhat) that girls are
different, and emotional, and grow up respecting that difference, and not have a
rude awakening when they are older. I want a daughter of my own to send to prom
and on a first date.....and to not always be the MIL.
I just needed to
say all that. I will not regret this baby, if it is a boy, not for one second.
But, knowing this is our final baby, either way, I will grieve the little girl
that I will never have.
After saying all that, I think it is a boy! Ha. I
have no reason to feel that way, at all. Maybe it is my hearts way of protecting
itself, or maybe I would just be so shocked because I want it so bad, and all I
have every heard is "its a boy".
Either way, Friday will be a
celebration. It is the 2 year anniversary since one of my twins had brain
surgery and the day we find out if our family will be complete with a baby boy
Thank you for letting me get that out. Somehow it is easier to
say those things here than it is to say in person to anyone. If anyone has any adivce how to prepare myself, or how to get through the next couple days, please share! I am trying to tell myself there is still hope.....