starting to get depressed again..

Oh yeah definitely know the feeling of being the one who yells and DH be the one to play. My oldest I think gets me going the most cause she's 8 and acts like she is 3. She was just diagonsed with ADHD and mild tourettes. So I know a lot of it isn't her fault but it gets me so aggrivated to have to repeat myself so many times about stuff she should just know. I think she does stuff just to annoy me sometimes. LOL I'll try to look u up too. That's crazy you are taking on more kids... I would be bald by the time they all went home. LMBO I try to get out to the park or try to make playdates with other people. It doesn't always work but I have to force myself to sometimes. I don't even like talking on the phone. Then i feel like I'm always stuck in the house and the neighbors kids just come over whenever they feel like it, so that's aggrivating too. Talk to you soon the kids are all yelling for me, LOL not that it's something new...

 LOL, i know how you feel....i think it is just a kid thing to make you repeat over and over..because there is nothing medically wrong with mine and man....lol....and as far as sitting..well I hate feeling like im worthless...and am hoping bringing in financially as well as all else i do will make me feel better and make others respect me more. Im so sick of the your a mom and you dont work...well Im trying..you work on a low salary with this many kids and tell me it is worth it...yes i guess it would be nice to get out but I need to make money as well not lose it...if im going to spend money to get away from the kids then id rather spend it at a spa lol..not workn my butt off somewhere else...so i guess its the easiest way to make money right now while i continue school and then maybe once i can use that money for a break lol...and trust me with the dh thing..i actually had a breakdown few days ago...was going to post bout it cuz affected me bad but the site wasnt workn all day for me..but were potty training...and thats a lot of work when real mom wont do nothing to help...and right now its really all me....It started off dh and i apparently see at different eyes lol...I do not like tv..i do not like lettn kids just sit and watch it..mostly because my son became so addicted....well anyways dh let his kids watch tv while home he said he dont care i said well then why isnt tad aloud and u dont say he can?? he said because hes your son...That flipped a switch...so rest of the day i said idk go to your father your his kids...prob shouldnt of kind of regret it now but i was so upset that after all this time..and after all i do for his kids...hed even say something like that....tad should be as much his as the others and he says he is but he doesnt help me punish at all...altho really doesnt help punish with the others either....ANYWAYS..that was the start of it..just erked me that apparently i dont get help because its my son..and here i am doing all this for his kids..which i do love..but it hurt and it hurt bad....then....knowing how tired i am of punishing all the time and always beng the one to do it all....and knowing ive not slept for a week..in middle of night the one we are potty training got up and tried to sneak a drink...he dropped a glass..broke it..and ran leaving water running broken glass and light on...so i said whose takn care of it this time...and dh said in a very cranky voice he will...and continued to lay there...so I said nvm i will which is good sicne water was running light was on and glass was on floor....but i was sooo pissed...i deserve one night off dont i?? why do i have to be the one to get up and do it all and never any thanks..ON top of it..he had clogged my toilet up too...so not only did i have a big mess to clean up but i had to punish..again...and do it all by myself..while dh slepped...after an hr of dealing with that i went back to bed...needless to say i did not cuddle up to him..I didnt even share a blanket...i cried all night..and all i thought about was why are we having another one...im jsut going to be doing this one all by myself too...and i cried about how i feel like im just a maid he can have sex with at all times...and questioned whether he really loved me or just needed me because i was the only decent person he has found to help raise hs kids....and then i even thought about leaving..which made me cry more...needless to say i overreacted a tiny bit but i was very hurt..and very tired and very emotional...I cant leave him hes my soul mate and i know he loves me...he is so sweet to me most of the time...i just wish hed hlep a tiny more and hed appreciate me more...which he must of heard me crying and got the gist that night when i slept with a diff blanket..which eventually covered me up with the one we share and cuddled me...I won hehe....but the next day...he kept sayn stuff like dont do it I got it u do enough already...was stuff like helpn him pack n what not and not with the kisd but was nice to hear...altho id rather he dealt with kids...i need break from them..not packing lol.....but i think hes slowly cathcing on that this is hurting me and i need more..just not cathing on fast enough lol....and i cant bring myself to just come out and say hey u need to do more...since he does work and works hard and long hours....but i do too...idk...i think lot of it was stress and lack of sleep and hormones...i just want to hear thankyou or something...anything...get a nice back rub..he never does anymore..and i do him allt he time...at one point he said he dont because i dont and i said wasnt true...i get one like very few months he gets one every weekend hes home and every night hes home....i rub his feet legs back..i do it all for him and i cant seem to get him to even play with my hair like he use to:(...i just want to feel appreciated more i guess....idk...but i think hes tryng..he bought me a cute summer dress..since im startn not to fit nothng lol...it was mor money then i like to spend was 18..but its comfy and pretty..and new:D...but id been wantn chinese for ever..and still no chinese lol....i keep wantn him to surprse me with it lol...but idk...im bout to go buy some anyways since he just bought bunch stuff but we too tight...and his stuff was for work...altho...he could of gotten cheaper.....idk sorry to vent..been holdn it in the dh can be a prick lol..but hes super sweet i just think hes unaware of my feelings...think he thinks they are justmy horomones and that all be ok later....but as much as that is the case there is more to it...i do need to feel more appreciated..i jsut want to feel like what i do matters to him and that he is happy i do this for him....i guess i am too needY?

 Hi Lillithrivan,

I just wanted to say that men and women perceive things sooo differently that it sometimes creates these kinds of conficts in the family. Your frustration sounds so similar to some of the moments that I felt and I also know that my DH really really loves and cares for me and our kids a lot. I once read the book on gender differences and it helped me a lot in understanding the way men think. It also helped in our relationship, since DH also read it. I highly recommend it, unless you have already read it. It's called "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus". Hang in there...

 my step mom used to joke about that book and uses that as a saying in her house. I always thought she was joking and was never really sure why she said it. I guess since it is real I will check it out. I dont know if dh will read it, maybe if i read it first and really think he could learn from it and beg him he might...And i know its a perception thing at times and hes trying...just be nice if he tried harder lol...and in what i need help with lmao....im not too upset right now but was buggn me still from the other night..now i just miss him again as hes gone during the week for work for next few months..good money...but lonely...

Yes I totally agree with that saying too. My DH and I get into the dumbest agruements all the time. Mostly about money, like it always is. But it's like he gets mad at me for taking the kids to Mcdonalds but he can go spend 20 on scratch tickets or something. Cause he technically makes all the money. He's like I work all the time and I say so do I but my job never stops it's 24/7. Then he's like but you can go to the store or sit around the house or go to your moms. Hahaha ya ok. Most of the times I get to watch cartoons, going to the store with them is a nightmare and I've never been close with my parents, I just go so they can see the kids. Then its a whole thing with sex.... he's like why is it that I have to work all the time when I don't want too, but you don't have to have sex with me if you don't feel like it? Then I'm like what? I tell him first of all you can't compare work to sex, if it was a job no one would want to do it.LOL But it's like if we don't do it when he wants he's gonna be upset with me. Then for the past year or so I keep getting bacterial infections and I'm not sure y, and it sucks cause it makes sex hurt really bad. Feels like sandpaper, so it's like I want to but I don't cause it's gonna hurt. I feel like crying all the time. That stinks that he is gone for a week at time for the whole month. I know what you mean by saying you do it all. My youngest is 20 months now and he has never once gotten up with him in the middle of the night. Then if someone throws up of pees the bed it's always me having to change it. I don't think I've had a full nights sleep in years, and he wonders y I'm tired at night. The bags under my eyes r so bad it looks like I have 2 black eyes! LOL And my oldest is not his we met when she was about 1 and he's the only dad she has ever known. But lately he's been like saying stuff that he doesn't feel close to her and she aggrivates him so much he doesn't even want to be near her. I feel bad cause I'm sure she feels it, and to her it is her dad, he adopted her and everything. And I just don't know what to do anymore. And it's like he favors DD2, she can get away with anything with him. And if I try to punish her when he's home he's like shes only 4 you act like she 10. I'm like well at 4 I think she should be able to pick up her own garbage and throw it away, without arguing with me and telling me no. It gets really aggrivating cause it's like if I say no she can't have cereal instead of supper he gets it for her anyways. ARGG.... Makes me want to scream! I guess that's how it is though. Then he can go golf with his buddy once a week or so and I don't say anything but if I want to just go window shopping without the kids for a little bit it's a big deal. And heaven forbid I say anything about him golfing then hes like fine I won't do anything I like anymore! LOL It's funny when you sit and think about it after like what is the point so I don't say anything anymore. Figured well then he can just see me depressed all the time cause I'm so stressed and have no time to myself. The time I get to myself is sleeping.... LOL Sorry you are feeling like you are it really sucks when you feel like the only one doing things. I mean when I work he has the kids for half the day he's like I have to get out of this house by the time I get home! I'm like try doing it everyday all day. Then he wonders why I'm so depressed. I don't think guys get it at all and they never will till they are doing what we are everyday with no break. At least they get away from the kids even if it is to go to work.LOL

 OMG Tdurand lol...i love it that im not alone!!!..I hear you....although I have to say my dh seems a little more understanding he just isnt good at showing it lol....And hes only home weekends during the month..gone during the week so it is very hard on me...one i dont like to be alone..two...i have all the kids by myself..and ya..but its better than what iit was before..gone for months at a time..with an occasional three day break IF i was lucky and he was lucky enough to not be the only one kept behind...thats wht he gets for working hard and trying to prove to everyone how good he is...and it hurts me more lol so this is much better in reality but Im greedy and want more lol..ANYWAYS...i hear you sooooo loud and clear lol....Even when I was working and he wasnt which was his origional exscuse of not helping as much...I would still come home beat from work, mind you pregnant as well....and still have to cook, clean and take care of the kids...I didnt get to sit around and play on the computer....every once in a while he would have dinner ready..or do the dishes..and obv he took care kids while i was gone but that just inst fair AND i was still the one getting up at night with the baby and kids...that pissed me off more than anything...having to wake up for work after no sleep while he got to sleep in..well not really sleep in lol but got to sleep all night still....AND on top of it I was still dong my college as well..thankfully i do it online but still.....I was doing it all..working...cleaning..cooking..taking care of kids and going to school while he played vid games...UGH....but i love him..and now hes working hard again and ive not had ANY help with dishes..cooking unless it on grill..OR with the kids especially in the night....even though they are "his" kids...still gets to me that we have its your kid or kids going on but I refuse to let him use the its your son and not use it back on him...guess im a little stubborn...maybe he will get my drift and start taking more responsability of allllll the kids...we will see lol...I do have to say that he doesnt go out without me and he has been nice enough to say hey go to store while i watch kids for ya..but what he doesnt get is i dont like going places by myself...i am a very nervous person..I want him around i want time with him and if there is anything I want to do by myself it is shower lol...and sleep..well not by self but all night and not have to deal with kids...it would be nice to be able to sit on couch and not be the one who is dealing with the kids...while everyone else sits around watchin tv oblivious of what is even going on....UGH..annoys me too...I can just get done yelling at the kids and ten minutes later he asks why they in corner..UGH DUH lol....i swear wish I could tune everything out like he can...be sooooo nice...thats how he gets away with not dealing with kids at night...hes passed out and doesnt hear..well how come i cant use that exscuse...why do i always wake up...:(...lol...cuz someone has to I guess...and hes not gna so that means me....ugh....we jsut got two puppies also..and i told him hes helping since one is mine and one is his..and his turned out to be deaf on top of it...and do i get help..no...i take them out and feed them and clean their messes up..OOOO one time I almsot left the house...but I dint want a big fight so I ignored it and him....It happen to be my dog that had an accident..let me remnd you i dealt with poopy potty training kid and poopy baby and poopy dogs all day....well she pooped on floor so I went and took her out..he did enough to keep pulln the kids out of it..but couldnt just clean it up for me............i was like wtf?!....i guess i have to do this too....i do it for his dog but he cant do it for mine while i take her out..isnt it enough on me to do it all while hes gone just like with the kids...he finally asked me waht was wrong and i flat out told him it was rediculous that you couldnt clean up the dog shit for me while i was takn her out...that it had to be me...he had nothing to say he even seemed to get a little mad that i was mad..I remained mad alll night..needless to say he didnt get none lol...At least with us sex isnt too much of an issue hes pretty understanding...especially as I have an infection right now and it does hurt bad..and on top of it we went two weeks of nthing so he tore me...so now i hurt more...so even tho i want to i cant but he understands..I even tried lube but uh..that burned the tear lmao.....so i dont have much of an issue he understands being too tired and too sore...so i have that..and he gave up going to bars and strip clubs for me so i appreciate that...i just wish he tried to do as much for me as i do for him...AS much as I already do while hes gone and no free time...I still consider him and let him get out of house and go to store if hes seeming stressed and needs a min cuz all the kids or whatever..i make hm coffee breakfast rub his body..i do it all..and do it al out of love but i just wish hed try or offer to do as much for me...even if he knows il prob turn it down...like not packing him up or whatever...i mostly turn it down because i dont mind doing that..I want him to offer to take care of the kids or make me a nice dinner...which hasnt happened for little while...or whatever lol...something that i hate doing not something i dont mind lol.....idk..ugh though....they really dont get it though...i stopped saying as well even when he asks because its like wht the point u wont listen u will but u wont change....it just makes me more mad when i tell u and nothing changes lol....and i dotn have family by me..its just me..no friends..no fam...im alone...with kids....that i love but that drive me nuts and cant communicate with me on a level that i need....and I dont just sit and watch tv all day and idk i jsut dont get it...he has a full time job and so do i but being a parent means u share the responsabilities fifty fifty and its not fair because like i said even if i work im still doign all my mom duties when im done working..not just playin with kids...i love him to death god do i...i just wish for a little more at least more understanding of why i am so grumpy..he thinks im strict....well i am..and have to be because hes not....he doesnt want them to run around like that or talk like that either so someone has to make sure it dont happen...he gets so mad too at them but doesnt really do much..just threatens...and hes so iffy..sometimes hes just as strict as me or is perfectly supportive of how strict i am but then out of nowhere hes like settle down...its like wtf....how am i supposed to know what you want when you want witht he kids...thats why u need to step in and do it too..im used to be the only one who does it so I do it lol...idk...sorry...your so easy to rant to lol...but ya..i tried telln him atleast he gets a break from kids..he does agree with me on that...he says it is nice even if it is hard work and i said SEEE lol....

Both DH and I are really stubborn, and don't want to give in to the other one. LOL I love him so much but he gets me so mad sometimes too. Guess that's just how marriage is. That's fine if you want to rant, it is nice to talk to someone who understand how I feel too. I do have to say that he does help with the house a lot of the time, but he owns his own cleaning business, so when the house is a mess he can't stand it and just cleans it up. And what takes me 2 hours takes him like 20 mins, LOL. But if I'm stressed with the kids and want a break he's like well YOU wanted all these kids. It's like what you wanted them too. Sometimes I think he says stuff to try to get me going. Or like now he just left with DS1 for a little bit and he tells the girls they can invite the neighbor over. So I'm the one stuck watching them, like hello who says I wanted anyone else over right now. Sometimes I feel like saying ok I'll be back in 3 hours and just leave so he's stuck with the kids, LOL. And disipline is the same for us he will be so hard on the kids one minute and then let them do whatever the next. I'm like they need structure and if you punish one for something the other ones should be punished if they do the same thing too. But he doesn't want to punish DD2 so she knows she will get away with stuff with him, and she screams and crys till he gives her what she wants, but if he's not home she knows I don't put up with that and she doesn't really do it cause I will put her in a time out. But then she likes to tell daddy mommy was mean to her when he gets home. LOL Then because I'm depressed he's like I feel like your never happy with me. And I try to explain that it's not that I'm not happy I just can't control my depression, I'm like if I had the choice I wouldn't choose to be sad all the time, I don't want to be. And he likes to say that it's all in my head and I can control it if I wanted to. I guess he doesn't quite get it cause he's not going through it. Just like with my daughter he doesn't believe that her having ADHD is the cause of her problems that she just doesn't want to listen and she wants to do whatever she wants. And I've tried to explain to him what the doctor told me but he doesn't want to listen, and he doesn't want to go with me to any appointments for her. I'm always the one to bring all the kids to appointments and games and practices, most of the time he's like that he doesn't want to take up extra time with that stuff and be later doing his work. I think he will regret it eventually but I don't know. I always want to be there for my kids games and things. And he hate my family and how they are, and I agree I don't always like being around them either, but I feel bad when I'm the only one going to family functions and have to explain why he isn't there. I mean I won't stop going to them just cause he doesn't they are my family but it would be nice once in a while for him to join me. I mean he tells me he misses me all the time then why not spend time with me even if it is at a family function, you know? Ok I'm done ranting for now too, thanks for listening to me about everything it's nice to have someone to talk to about it all, I don't talk to anyone about all this stuff, cause I don't want them to think DH is an a-hole cause he's not just has his moods sometimes just like anyone. Alright I need coffee, LOL... I hope you are having a good day.

 aww i hear you..although dh and i are pretty good about family stuff...he gose to mine i go to his unless we felt wronged, which recently we went to my moms, she hates him loves my ex who doesnt pay a dime of child support wont work and is liar that hangs out wth 18 yr olds and younger....hmmm something odd about that..anyways..shes been trying and hes always been so nice to her hes helped her with bills...and then when we needed a place to stay she wouldnt let us because we had too many kids and we had a dog at that time...and their dog comes first....we actualy had to find a new home for our dog....we spent money on them and still ended up camping in the back with me pregnant and with all of the kids...(We had jsut gotten together and the choice of getting together caused us to lose so much and we just needed a place for me short term til we got the money together for a place of our own) But anyways that was the first time they wronged us...used us then abandoned us...then they did it again, they let us use them for storage..well my step dad stole all of my dh expensive computer stuff....then they did it for the last time i guess...kind of sad about it but i support my dh and he is right..now settled we have two puppies and they go everywhere with us and our fam lives 6 hrs away so when we go for over nights the pups come with....well they knew wed have them...they have two dogs themselves..ANYWAYS....we were not aloud to bring the puppies in, leave the on the porch...OR put them in the fenced back yard...we had to keep them locked up in the van...during a very hot day...and to top it off my step dad was being a baby that he had to lock the dogs up for a sec so he left them locked up the whole visit...so r pups should of been able to come out of the heat...we didnt stay to long but we stayed long enough to risk our pups health and they chewed up our only phone charger for the car and another expensive cord..so needless to say dh said we were done wth them..they wanted to visit i can either go by self or they can come see us or whatever but we will never go there again..i wont go witout him..its not worth it to me...hes more important to me then they are..hate to say it but he is..after all i and he now has done for them and they treat me this way...i mean there was a time i was coming to pick my son up from his summer visit with his dad and i needed a place to sleep for one night just the three of us at that time no animals...and my step dad said no cuz my mom was at work..come to find out the weekend before my EX got to....so its just a mess with that...we dont really go visiting his sisters either because they have caused us soo much drama..we let two of the 5 move in and they screwed us so bad..and made up lies about us and just a lot...so we do not visit them much unless we are visitn other fam and they are there. I dont go to family stuff alone anymore i feel odd if i do like everyone is like why isnt he with u diid u two split up...idk i just hate the judging looks....i like to rub it in ppls faces that we are making it and making it good lol....since they all think i am nuts to take on all of his kids and think hes a low life cuz hes got so many....well atleast hes in their lives supporting them and raiisng them..well sort of raising them lol...he does what daddies do best lol..I dont know many dads that do all the stuff we do unless the roles are reversed lol...I mean even my dad was the same...didnt take care the kids..i as the oldest was the one gettin up with the babies at night when my step mom was working lol not him...i fed and bathed and changed them when she wasnt home..not hiim lol....not until they reach like 5 yrs then they are his to play with lol....so i think this is just a male thing we need to get used to...but i dont want to because its a new day and no offense but these are NOT all mine I didnt say that I wanted them..well i did lol i said im stealing them and they are mine lmao..BUT I didnt say that i wanted to have that many kids..infact I only ever wanted two lol....BUt i love them...but still he should be doing at least half of it with me since this is not hey i brought one you brought one were even..NOOOO i am very outnumbered here lol.....i need help...o well tho....maybe we can switch for a week like wife swap lol...cept husband swap...make them do it all lol and ralize what it is they got!!!! ooo we should hehe!! can have so much fun with this we can say that they realy are stay at home dads and do it all and we go out and work and what not..OOOOO be soooooo fun:D sorry lol im a bit evil...that show makes me sick sometimes some of the families i have seen..really....i mean wow...lol.................as far as how my day is going..so far ok...didnt get any sleep..got cramps...cant get rid this infection and it dont feel good:(...and  didnt get to bed til 2 am cuz i worked on homework all day and night and took that long to finish...so im exausted but today is do nothing but feed kids day lol....idc...they can play as long as they leave me alone for ONE day lol....tomorrow is back to normal..clean...homework...town run..if can get it done lol....but today i just want to slob around lol.. And i dont think ur dh is an a hole....they all have their good and their bad at least urs cleans lol...i cant get mine to even if meant saving his or my life lol...yet he wants a clean house and most of the messes are his or his kids lol...not so bad since he had to stop drinking alchohol and soda cuz of ulcers....so nowim not seeing cans all over lol but i see waterbottles everywhere now lol.....aand snack wrappers...ugh...men...well mine at least..urs sounds nice and clean lol....i have ocd...grant it it has eased up quite a bit since my first son and even more since taking on my dh and all of the kids lol.....im not nearly as bad as i used to be... think lack of energy does it lol but i used to be so bad so mentaly it still bugs me when its dirty i just cant get it clean the way i want anymore lol..i kinda gave up i think..my house isnt horrible..some days it is but its pretty good way better than my mothers..UGH...i honestly dont see how cps never got called on her it was that bad....still dont see how it not gettn called with all the animals..but ya...anyways idk..sorry i sidetrack myself when i rant lol. I feel like ive made another friend on here tho:D...so glad we are all not alone....so nice to feel this way lol

Yes it is so nice. Sorry about your parents that really sucks, they seem kind of weird not letting you stay for those reasons but that's just what I think. But anyways Dh and I just had a fight and the first thing I wanted to do was come one here and rant, LOL. My DD1 she is 8 and the neighbor is her best friend, in the same class and everything. Well she is over here all the time and this morning she came over and they wanted to go over to her house, so I said her and DD2 had to take a shower first. Well before I could get in there they were ALL naked and getting in the shower including her friend. I was like she doesn't need to be in there with you and DD1 was like well she wanted to take a shower too, so I'm like whatever they were all pretty much already in there anyways. I don't see the big deal, they are all girls, and they get changed into dress up clothes and bathing suits in front of each other anyways. And I used to do the same thing over my friends house when I was little granted I was sleeping over but still. Well the neighbors dad got upset and told her that she couldn't come over the house to play with my kids for a week because if it. So DD1 was upset, and I was like well thats how he feels and sometimes daddy says stuff like that too. Well anyways tonight DS1 tells my Dh what happened and he was all pissed. He started yelling at DD1 and saying she was going to be grounded for 2 weeks, and he kept asking her who asked the neighbor to go in the shower her or DD2. Well I was like why are you even asking her cause no matter what she says it's her fault. Either she did and she gets in trouble or she says DD2 did and you tell her she is lying. To make it worse he sits there and is punishing DD1 and he doesn't say anything to DD2. I was like well she was in the shower too so if DD1 is being punished DD2 should be too. Oh that got him started, she is 4 years old and DD1 is 8 there is a difference, then he has the balls to say plus DD1 isn't really mine. Seriously, he adopted her she is his! But like I said he favors DD2. That was another reason I didn't want a second girl, cause I knew this would happen and he would favor his bio DD. So I brought up that DD2 just recently drew on the wall and he did nothing to her and she is 4. When DD1 was 18 months and drew on the wall he smacked her butt and she was in a time out! I think a 4 year old should know better then and 18 month old. Then he was like I don't see you doing anything to DS2 when he does something, he is 20 months and I do scold him, but DH doesn't see it cause he is at work. So then he just left for work. He complains to me I never spend time with him cause I wanted to take a nap this afternoon cause I was exsausted. But he went golfing with DS1 this morning when we could have had time together. Just seems like it's always my fault, or he tries to put the blame on me, especially with having no money even though all I really do is stay home. Sometimes I feel like why am I still here, but then I know I can't do it without him. I love him so much but I feel like a marriage shouldn't be this hard. I wonder about when the kids are older and we have more time together is all we are going to do is fight. When we have time together now that seems like all we do. I know he is stressed with his business and bills and stuff but it's like it all gets piled on me. IDK I'm probably just overreacting. But what do you think about the whole thing with the neighbor? I'm so confused I really didn't think it was that big of a deal but DH is like they probably are thinking we are perverts or something, that's how the world is today, from what he says. I just don't know anymore, makes me wish I didn't even have neighbors.

 As far as the shower thing, I mean what is the big deal? All my boys take showers together??? I mean I can understand the dad feeling wierd...I am very paranoid about stuff like that....but you were honest about it so idk??? I mean I guess if he wants to punish her for it then it is his decision....hes her father but there is no reason to be punishing your daughter..especially if hes not punishing the other one....I hope he did not say shes not my daughter in front of her.....BUT as far as punishment..yes all hes doing is favortism....I punish all the kids the same...well other than the one yr old...they can talk and do what the other kids do...then they can face the same punishments....so i think it is wrong that he didnt say a word to his biological....I hate saying this..but are you truly happy??? Or are you scared that you cannot do this alone?? So many woman are afraid they cant do it alone..but they can...it would be hard..really hard...but if you are not happy....then is this really the best..especially with all the fighting?? Kids are affected by that just as much as divorce, hence why i got divorced...at least this way my son sees me happy now and not crying day in and day out....altho it can just be hormones too...but maybe you two need counceling??? Hes obv going thru something and takn it out on u and your daughter...and it needs to stop....he needs to be more fair...sorry im not much help...i dnt want to say leave him not what saying just saying you are not stuck as you think you are ok....it will be ok tho..maybe just have a heart to heart with him..tell him u dont want to fight but u need to talk and if he wont...it could mean the end...and if he still wont then it might not be worth it..it takes two to figure things out and fix things if needed....

Ya it's like I don't want to leave him cause I love him, but sometimes I'm not sure how much more I can deal with. I've asked him if he would go to a marriage counseler and he says he doesn't have time cause he's always working, and we don't have any one to watch the kids. I'm not sure if we just need time together without kids I feel like he has changed so much since running his business, like it stresses him out so much he is a different person. I know when we are good and sitting on the couch together at night I'm happy to spend the time with him. But when we get into an argument he can't see my point of view. I get where he is coming from most of the time but it's like if I don't agree with him he is like you always have an answer for everything. And he gets upset if I don't take the time to text him when he is working, but I have a lot going on at home. Though when I'm at work he will text me like 3 times the whole day. Sometimes I feel like it's always on me and nothing is his fault. Or what is ok for him isn't ok for me. I have thought about if I would be better off by myself and I just can't see myself doing it, cause I really don't want to go back to my parents and have them saying a bunch of stuff to me. And I don't make enough money to do it myself. Then I'm sure he will try to take the kids from me if we did split up. I don't know if I can go through that or put the kids through that. But as for saying anything in front of DD1 he didn't say it in front of her or where she could hear him, but still. It gets me so mad. Like he has his sweet side where he brings me flowers or trys to help with the house, but when he's mad he just yells, and repeats himself a lot. I'm glad to know I'm not crazy for thinking he is favoring DD2. Its just when I try to talk to him he doesn't want to hear it. Like with DD1 he's always yelling at her for something and tells me I need to be harder on her. But I feel like I can't be too hard cause then it will push her away and she won't talk to me about anything and start looking for attention from any boy that will give it to her. I don't want her to end up a mom at 16 cause she doesn't feel loved at home, you know? I just wish we would be on the same page with that stuff. Maybe we should take the time to sit and talk about how we want to handle certain things to try to agree and not confuse the kids. But it's hard when he is being stubborn. LOL Thanks for talking to me and not judging me, it does help to be able to at least talk to someone about it. I'm feeling a little better now, I have to go out and get some stuff but I'll talk to you later. Thanks again for listening!

 your welcome and yes..you should def take the time and at least both get on the same page. Its all you can do:D I am glad to listen and I think Im pretty good at it lol...Im glad you feel better sometimes we just need to vent...and hun..its all relationships..when communication becomes lost everyone feels hurt because no one is actually talking...so it just gets worse..so really that is what you two need..a bit of time and lots of talking. Maybe you need a vacation???? I know i do lol....im always here to listen hit me up anytime:D

Yes i definitely need a vacation! LOL That's what stinks when you don't have money... I'm always here if you need to talk too, I tried looking u up on Facebook but it wouldn't let me find you, not sure why. But my email is tdurand10@yahoo.com if you ever want to sent me an message on that. I know I got sidetracked with my whole issue, LOL. I'm sorry ur parents are the way they are. I would be pissed if they were talking to my ex all the time, and letting him stay at their house. And I mean making you camp out in the back yard! Seriously? That is crazy. It's like they were trying to punish u or something for trying to move on with ur life. I wouldnt want to visit with mine if they did that to me and my kids. It really stinks that you don't have them to help you at all. My parents will take the older kids overnight sometimes, but my DH doesn't like them to. He doesn't like my parents because they but into our lives so much, which I understand I don't like that either. That's why I only talk to them like once a week maybe. And it does annoy me when they try to disipline and yell at my kids when I am right there, I mean I capable of doing it myself, but I know that they probably don't mean to it's just a reaction when you have already raised kids. Do you have to deal with your ex a lot? Or Dh's ex? I know that can be hard sometimes to deal with too. Do you have his kids all the time, or just visitation? One of DS1 friends step dad has 2 girls who are with him and they never see their mom so I know it can go both ways. And my ex hasen't seen DD1 since she was 2 1/2 years old. So she doesn't remember him at all. And DH doesn't have any other kids so I don't have to deal with his ex. But anyways rambling on again. LOL A lot of the times when I finally have someone to talk to I just keep talking cause I like the adult conversation, LOL.

 they are mad I moved on, for some reason they love that dead beat even though he wont put up a dime of support,refuses to work, and hangs with teens...I mean why would you want your daughter being with someone like that? OR your first grandchild that you love so dearly??? I do have my real dad an step mom they have helped us alot even though they still are unsure of how long we will work out..which they do not seem to understand this man was my child hood sweet heart, and then a teenage fling when ever i was in indiana with my real mom we were together and then i moved to wisconsin and we just lost touch, theres no way it will end I wont let it and weve both just become better people/parents getting back together. He got out of drugs I got out of drugs, he stopped drinking as much, stopped gaming as much, stopped going to bars and strip clubs all the time and were happy for once in our lives so I do not see anything going wrong unless one of us cheats which I cant bare the thought of that....but anyways...that side my fam has been there for us they actually bought us a boat, cute story..this boat used to be ours many years ago, origionally belonged to my grandpa, whom i as very close to, then he sold it to my dad, then my dad sold it ten years ago and we found it one day....and so he bought it for me and is fixing it up for me...not the best boat in the world but god i love it just the fact that it was my grandpas at one point and now its mine...they do not take kids much but they live busy busy lives and we live like three hours away lol so little hard but i appreciate all the help they have given us. We try to pay back in every way we can, like dh will go work on their house when thiings go bad lol....and as far as dealing with our exes..yes...all the freaking time:(....mine not so much until summer time...then i text/call him every week so can talk to my son but when tad is home i hear from him maybe twice a month...i dont get childsupport even though im sposed to but i really dont care hes worthless and one day tad will see....not my place to say he is but tad will see it daddy didnt want to put a dime towards him...his dad so low that at one point when i was single I was trying to work and get my CNA and i needed a sitter and he babysat for tad but i had to pay him......i mean really???? and my dh ex...hes got two...him and his ex split up and he was stupid one night and got drunk and now has another little guy thats james but hes trying to be daddy to him too but hard when mom wont let us take him home so we really dont get to see him as much:(.. the other three we get visitation for now but were about to fight for custody, she doesnt know but they need to be out of there. She will not work nor will her husband they live off us, until school the kids did not have any but two sets of their shots, they never go to dr's, always sick when get them, all sleep in the same room on the floor, and always covered in lice so bad that they have infected sores. Everytime we get them I have to clean them up, they even get scabies from time to time....and shes abusive to them, ive got pic proof of black eyes, open wounds on them, little girl head shaved all the time, her hair getting permanently dyed shes only 5 now......and i got pic proof and the mom saying that the way she fixes the lice is she uses animal antifungal shampoo on it...???!!!! which says right on container DO NOT USE ON HUMANS....really...?? got proof she used to drug the kids up so they sleep all the time...Got proof that all they ever do is sleep, i mean literally they get up eat sleep, get up take sky to school come home eat lunch sleep while he at school get up go get sky come home sleep get up eat dinner play and then sleep??? THe youngest of that group is 3??? the oldes 6??? my one yr old takes one nap a day.....? I dont even put the older one down....so i dont do it here either the 3 yr old and 1 yr old take one nap the others stay up and do learning time....and learning...ugh...when i first got to have these kids I had to teach them what colors were, what numbers were, the abcs, and shapes....they knew nothing not even the at the time 5 yr old....so i mean i think we got a pretty good case it just matter of savn up for a great lawyer, were not gettn a cheap one we want to win bad...weve called cps..and cps does nothing...they are sleeping with ppl in the cps, well her mom is...straight up told us...and ts ture..we called and kisd were all without toys, layn on floor no beds, full of lice, wounds on body, and they were growing pot upstairs and they said everything is fine....?! so ya...we dont have them ALL the time but we will and I cant wait..ya be hectic but these are my babies now too and i cant stand to see this and niether can he...i hope we win....i hope its enough..we plan on havn enough money by next yr and hopefully we win..shes havn more kids so i fear what will happen to them now that shes going to be so distracted by new baby....sorry didnt mean to say so much but she makes me furious..and i have to deal wth her all the time..and all she cares bout is his money..had topay her 400 to have the kids for the summer and thts with us payn cs already....urr..i hate her....lol...............and like i said she stole my girl names...so i hate her even more..and now shes tryn to stir stuff up with the kids..telln them she bought them stuff and telln the 3 yr old it ok to pee in bed hes still little..then she offered to try and "fix" it and at first i was all for it as I am sick of this..he was doing good til she said that to him...now he wakes up and says mommy said im litle and its ok....BUT i didnt let her fix it cuz then she has control in my house...I fixed it so happy too:D...i told them if they all are dry they get popsicle in the morning when wake up..Well... THEY WERE ALL DRY:D !!!! lol...so im happy that i got control back in my own house....shes just a u know what...sorry..yo ushould of never asked about her.....i just ugh...everytime i think about her....oooooooooooo...she is someone who does not deserve children, yet, the all creator, the universe, fate, whatever, has been kind enough to give her all of these babies.....and i just dont get it....my email is katherinecourtney@rocketmail.com. sorry for the rant, i should of warned you shes a no subject lol or you get it all.....i cant just say tiny bit lol.....il try to look you up then ppl have a hard time finding me lol you might have more luck looking me up through dh lol he uses his real name lmao. you can try Michael Cook not mike cook that his dad lol....it will be a pic of us mine is a pic of all the kids:)

 OOOO BY THE WAY...in matters of the origional post lol...I start seeing a therapist Monday. I am nervous, but excited to finally be recieving some help with all of these emotions and issues I am facing and hopefully they will give me something fo sleep, anxiety, depression, mood swings lol...but nothing too strong..I just need the edge taken off im tired of always flipping out over nothing and crying over nothing and not being able to sleep...ITS BEEN MORE THAN A WEEK NOW im starting to be so tired that i am no longer tired...????? and im tired of being in sooo much pain..so i hope this gives me some relief!!!!