Why did she have to take me back to this bad place?

I'm expecting DS2, and have been experiencing GD since finding out at my 12 week scan (we didn't even want to know; the OB blurted it out without consent). I have spent the last few weeks trying to sort my emotions out, and look at all the positives of having a second son... I was actually feeling OK (ish) today. I took my son to his gym class this morning and there was a new mom there with a son around my boy's age. We got talking, and she said he was her third son, and was expecting her fourth baby (gender unknown). I said: "Wow, three times blessed... boys are great. aren't they?", to which she responded: "I'm just going to throw it out there. I'm going to keep going until I get my girl - even if I end up with 20 kids". She then went on to say how difficult and rambunctious her sons are. She asked when I was due, and informed me that I had "a hard time ahead of me" with a Scorpio boy... she has a son born in the same month and he is her most challenging; difficult etc etc. It was all I could do to not burst into tears and walk away... she has filled my head with negative thoughts about having a second son, and I am very sad about it. DS only ever wanted 2 kids, and I really don't think we could cope with 3... we'll both be 35 by the time DS2 is here and the idea of having a third when we're nearly 40 (and even more exhausted than we are now) isn't something I can see us reconciling with. We'd have to go high-tech, too, and I really don't know if I could put my body/emotions through that, just to get a DG: even if we could afford it. I haven't even told anyone that we're having another boy as I know everyone will feel sorry for me. Only last week someone said: "I'll keep my fingers crossed for a girl for you" and it upset me more than I should have allowed it to. Most of my friends have PP and it is very hard to accept that I'll never have a daughter. I wish I could stop feeling like this. Baby started kicking this week and I should be starting to enjoy what has been a difficult pregnancy so far. I hate myself for being so shallow : (

Wow I feel sorry for her sons if she is so negative! And to keep going until she gets a girl seems so wrong when she seems so down on the children she has! I have three boys and they are delightful. I really really adore my third son but there is something really special about the dynamic of just two boys. I never really appreciated just enjoying my two boys because I was chomping at the bit for a third but 2 is a really nice number (though I always wanted more, I wish I'd savoured 2 more IYKWIM). I bet your boys will be just gorgeous and shame on that woman!

Waiting4Daisy:

Wow I feel sorry for her sons if she is so negative! And to keep going until she gets a girl seems so wrong when she seems so down on the children she has! I have three boys and they are delightful. I really really adore my third son but there is something really special about the dynamic of just two boys. I never really appreciated just enjoying my two boys because I was chomping at the bit for a third but 2 is a really nice number (though I always wanted more, I wish I'd savoured 2 more IYKWIM). I bet your boys will be just gorgeous and shame on that woman!

 

Couldn't have said it better!  

 

I feel sorry for this ladies boys and how selfish to just keep going!  

wait wait wait... hun are basing all this off someones 12 week nub guess? alot of times you can't even tell until closer to 13 weeks and even then its tricky, doctors and techs here won't even attempt to guess because they have been wrong too many times. i would never ever trust a nub from 12 weeks. you maybe saw a slight angle at that point. who says it wasn't a leg or a cord? i would def check again before i started painting or shopping. you could very well be  having a girl.

I understand where you are coming from.  I have been getting slightly better with accepting ds2 is a he.  My Aunt and Uncle have been going through some serious medical conditions.  They have 2 sons and one daughter, which are all grown.  My other Aunt tells me last night I don't care what family you come from only daughters will take care of their parents, since my female cousin is doing the majority of the running around caring for my Aunt and Uncle.  I almost burst in tears.  Why did she have to say that???  I myself have been a daddys girl but as I got older I have a special bond with my mother.  I have been feeling down about not having a daughter because of that and then to hear comments like that, just brings you more down!  Don't listen to that mom, she should appreciate her little men.  My ds1 is so special, just as I know ds2 will be.  I am also in a hard place of thinking of 3 children as I too would go hi tech but do not know if that is a route I am willing to take.  I always thought having 2 children would be enough.  Most of my friends also have the PP.  It is a hard pill to swallow but I try to think I will have something they will never experience.  I will have two darling sons with a hopefully a solid brother bond.  I have been trying to enjoy my pregnancy too, but it is difficult.  Hang in there, once our little guys are in our arms it will  be love at first sight. 

Jen2012:

My other Aunt tells me last night I don't care what family you come from only daughters will take care of their parents, since my female cousin is doing the majority of the running around caring for my Aunt and Uncle.  I almost burst in tears.  Why did she have to say that??? 

 

Let me tell you, I do rounds at the nursing home with my father on Wed afternoons and I see plenty of sons visiting their mothers or taking care of them.  Also, my father has a brother and a sister and he and his brother took care of their mother sometimes more than the sister did.  So I wouldn't bet on that.

newbaby2011, no, it's not a nub guess I'm basing it on - two U/S techs (at 12 and 15 weeks) have confirmed that I am, indeed carrying DS2. Wildwooddays, I can see why your aunt's comment would have upset you. My sister - who is a very 'difficult' individual, one who every member of my family agrees has caused the most heartache and stress - has 1 DD and 2 DS, and she never stops going on about how 'precious' her DD is, and how she wished her DS2 was a girl. When my DS1 was born she didn't call me until he was almost three months old (!!) and instead of congratulating me on my firstborn she made some snide comment about how inferior boys were: she'll be thrilled when she finds out I'm having DS2 as her DD is still the only female grandchild, and the one who will get doted on the most. The irony is my sister is a total tomboy; never worn a dress in her life or worn make-up etc (the opposite of me); has a very fractious relationship with her own mother and sister, and still she harps on about how much better DDs are! I would never say to anyone: 'I bet you're disappointed in your DD/DS' or even imply it - why do people have to be so awful? With regards to the woman at gym class this morning, aside from being upset for myself (I had made progress in accepting my future as a mom of two boys, and now I'm really sad and depressed again), I did feel very sorry for her sons. She was saying all of this negative stuff in front of her two-year-old, who (during that brief gym class) seemed to be a very sweet-natured kid. She had no time or patience for him and I was shocked that she'd tell someone she just met how disappointed she was in her kids; especially when I'd told her how lucky she was to have sons. It reminds me a bit of Victoria Beckham: she's ALWAYS parading her DD around like she's some prize trinket, and she never did that with any of her three sons (luckily their dad seems very involved and hangs out with them a lot). I guess to Victoria Beckham, and to this woman at gym class, the boys were all just consolation prizes until the 'more special' girl made an appearance : (

I agree wildwooddays, my father is one of 4 boys and everyone of them pitched in when my grandmother was ill and also when my grandfather was ill.  I just think it is all about how they are brought up and raised.  I was helping my mom last weekend with her friends yardsale and in walks this lady with her 2 daughters and my ds was running around but not being bad or obnoxious and she says oh boys they are soooo much rougher then girls, I hope that is a girl in your belly.  I said no it is my 2nd ds and I enjoy being a boy mom, he keeps me hopping!  How rude, she didn't even know me!  Yes and her daughters were older like 10 so they were mellow, my son is 2.5years old he has energy what 2.5 year old don't!  There are days I am soooo ok with being a future only boy mom and then people with their comments......ugh!  Who is to say what the future holds if I will ttc again or be happy with my 2 ds.  There is nothing wrong with boys or girls it is just sad how some people think one gender is inferior to another! 

To the OP, so sorry, isn't it strange how other people's opinions have an impact on us? (whether it be negative or positive). It was awful for this woman's Sons, as they get older they will either hear or pick-up on how they were just consolation prizes. I have noticed that with our very own Victoria Beckham too , it's sad. But lets not be all negative-Congrats on your 2nd ...wow!!, I am ha ha. Cause, believe it or not, there are some of us of whom a baby boy is the dream!. I just think whichever you prefer to just come out with it is wrong, we all have our dreams but....... Also, cause you're pregnant and hormones and things it's affecting you more than usual. Try for it not to get you so down, just you remember me!!! and how to have a baby someday is my dream . Once you meet him!!.....oh!, it will be love at 1st sight! (I have a sneeky feeling he will be quite a Mummy's boy this little fella)!. Want a new friend I'm always here!. GL.

wow that lady was totally hateful and i would have told her exactly where to go. she is also selfish and not enjoying the kids she has since she's going to continue on until she gets a girl... for her! i have 2 boys and for the longest time thought that's all we would be able to have and let me tell you i LOVE the bond they have!! it is so wonderful at how much they love each other, play together and yet their personalities are so different. i have 1 that is sensitive and the other is a 'hard ass' at only 2 yrs old. i say that meaning he can fall and it makes even my husband cringe and he just gets up and keeps on going. whereas my 5 yr old would be laying there in tears. but then they're so much alike too. i'm telling you honestly 2 boys is wonderful!! don't let anyone rain on that. 3 boys is even better. i saw a pic the other day of 3 grown brothers (in their 20s) all happy, smiling, such good looking guys you could just see their amazing bond! and i thought wow i really wouldn't have minded having 3 boys. in fact it would have been pretty awesome. but sad thing about that pic those 3 brothers were broken up, 1 passed away in a skateboarding accident this week :( and it broke my heart. from now on tell others to shove their negative comments bc 2 boys is really great!! i could go on & on telling you about a day at my house. there's never a dull moment, always funny. enjoy them!!

 I know a couple who have tried for 15 years to have any kind of child and went through a lot of tough times with losses and miscarriages. I just want to remind us all how lucky we ladies are, because we CAN have children! I too wish for a certain gender for this next baby that DH and I agreed on and that's why I have been studying this forum inside out. But what helps me is reminding myself that I have the God-given ability to give another human being a life. How wonderful is that all in itself. This couple that have tried so hard for a baby of their own are now paying over 50K for adopting from another country.

 GD/EGD is real and there is no single right way to deal with us. For me, it's appreciation of the fact that I can have children at all. Wait till you son is here and then I am almost sure you will fall in love with him and won't want to trade him for any girl in the world. Good luck with the rest of the pregnancy.

threesenuff4me - the story of the three brothers losing one of their 'band' brought tears to my eyes. Life can be so very unfair and it does help to put things in perspective. ABenForMe - you sound like a truly special person and you will make a WONDERFUL mama to whichever son is lucky enough to have you in his life! Your kind words are deeply appreciated... sometimes we all forget to count our blessings and when people make stupid comments (like that horrible mom in the gym) it can make GD rear its ugly head. I think I'm going to switch my son's gym class so I don't have to see her every week! I wish you every success in your efforts to have your beautiful DS join your family.

I also would like to tell you how amazing it is to have 2 DS. They have grown up to have such an amazing bond even though that have totally different personalities!! They are now 13 and 11 and im expecting again on Nov 27. I first thought that I really wanted a girl but I def cudnt have got through this pregnancy without the love and care of my 2 boys as DH works alot. As much as it wud be lovely to have my first DD it really wouldnt be that bad to have another son if they turn out like my boys!!