*Sigh* Boy or Girl - We've Decided to Tie My Tubes

The original plan was two kids, hopefully one of each.  After having a second girl, that turned into let's try for 4 total (I have an unrealistic fear of "Middle Child Syndrome").  At 31 with number 3 on the way within 4 years and a stretched budget and body, DH and I have decided that I will have my tubes tied at delivery.  This makes me so much more nervous about the prospect of having a third girl because if it is, - that is it.  No chance for a son EVER. 

I don't even know when my "big ultrasound" is (I'm kinda scared to ask), but I should know within the next month.  Though all laughable methods, Intelligender, Ramzi and the Almighty Right Boob Theory all say boy.  Things just got so ugly last time I heard girl (a big part of that was that I believed we were done) and I'm so scared of re-living that nightmare.  Plus, my GD never went away.  I did go crazy for DD2 when she was born, but it the GD slowly crept back up on me.

I know that if I do resign myself to being an all one gender mom, that I won't be the only one.  I just don't know how to prepare myself.

Hi Puppydog,

Sorry you're having to do something so drastic, but please do your research first!  My friend and I were just discussing this last night, and I know so many older women who have gone through hell (especially as you enter your 40's) with horrible periods.  My sister in law had to have her uterus 'burned' because she was bleeding so heavily during her mid-forties.  Ask around and question your doctor big time!  I know of about 6 women who have had this done and have suffered horribly - maybe your husband should go for the vasectomy instead!!!

Anyway, sorry you're having to do this, it's kind of sad knowing you're 'done', I agree!!! 

 

 I agree it makes more sense for your dh to have a vasectomy its a simple procedure  for a man and a major surgery for a woman.

eradan:

Hi Puppydog,

Sorry you're having to do something so drastic, but please do your research first!  My friend and I were just discussing this last night, and I know so many older women who have gone through hell (especially as you enter your 40's) with horrible periods.  My sister in law had to have her uterus 'burned' because she was bleeding so heavily during her mid-forties.  Ask around and question your doctor big time!  I know of about 6 women who have had this done and have suffered horribly - maybe your husband should go for the vasectomy instead!!!

Anyway, sorry you're having to do this, it's kind of sad knowing you're 'done', I agree!!! 

Unfortunately, I agree with you.  I've known too many women who suffered after their tubals. :(

I have to have a c-section anyway.  I probably won't even notice that they messed with my tubes.  My mother never had any complications from tying her tubes, nor did my aunt on the other side of my family.  So, hopefully genetics is on my side.  Plus, my deductible/out of pocket for the year will already be met, making my tubal free.  If I have DH snipped (which he is willing) we will have to meet a $1000 deductible before insurance pays squat, plus 20% of anything left.  Our max out of pocket per person $3000.  I've heard of men paying us much as $4000 even with crappy insurance.

she's only 31 is that really considered "older women" . but yea send dh in for a little snip snip, thats what we did.

No, newbaby, I did not mean she's 'older' at 31!  That's young!!!  What I meant was these ladies had their tubes tied whilst young, but as they got older (into their 40's) the periods got really, intensely  bad!!!  So they had the surgery while they were young, and had no troubles, but as they got older the problems started.

It's something I would never consider, as my friend's sister had this done and now she's in agony (she's 46 now but had the surgery at 30) with month long periods etc.  That's all I meant, just maybe do some research first.  If it's not plausible then so be it, but it's pretty major surgery, that is all I was saying.

 

 (hugs) I can understand your feelings. We just found out our 3rd and final child is also a boy, and DH is pretty sure he doesn't want anymore. I am thinking about "essure", but I am so torn if I really want to go the permanent route, or if I want to just wing it, and see if we get an oops. It takes me a long time to get pregnant, this pregnancy we were trying for nearly 3 years. So it isn't that big of a risk. 

 I hope you get your son!

ohhh sorry!! haha, i was thinking gosh im super old then at 33! of course i spent the weekend with my mother who became a grandmother at age 38 and her mother who she made a grandmother at age 37... im not ready to be a  grandma in 3 or 4 years!

Just a FYI -- I had my tubes tied in November 2011. Ever since, my periods have been horrendous! They are extremely heavy and unpredictable. Before the tubal, my periods were 3-4 days and I would consider them "mild." Now, they are as long as 14 days and extremely heavy at least half that time with the rest being spotting. There's no middle ground for mine. My options are: untying my tubes (at my expense, which may not even work), taking hormonal birth control or hysterectomy. Mine was also "free" as we had met our deductible.

Wow, this is starting to get scary.  I thought that complications were suppose to be "rare"?  Thanks to all you ladies, I am putting more research into it now.  I've considered just getting IUD, but I would rather prevent fertilization in the first place.  

 I am in the same boat...as you know I am waiting for my little girl...and most likely having a boy..HMM wish we could switch lol.....and we were deciding to both get fixed as well....I just got done last few days trying to convince my fiance that we can try one more time...but hes done...and I unerstand but it is so hard on me...i want my own little girl sooo bad..I even tried convincing him that I will get my tubes tied but not him too that way later on when have the money to untie and do what ever needs done to get my girl we can do it...and he still said no...:(...he knows how bad I want/need a little girl...and i know how much we cant afford to keep trying...but it kills me alittle inside...its been hard to make love with him knowing that he wont let me try for my girl..although hes worried about me..my pregnancies just keep getting worse and worse on me and i think hes just too worried that I cant handle more especially with how I have been with GD this time... so i understand him but a part of me is so mad at him...but then i feel bad for being mad..and for wanting a girl so bad that id keep going...and going...ang going lol....and i think he knows that...maybe thats why he wont budge now....:( I am still praying that it is a girl but i am also trying to work on getting over it not being a girl....which is hard...it wouldnt be so hard if I knew id have a slght possability later in life...when we are ready and able to try for once and not keep having surprises lol....even if the chances arent super high that wed ever have that kind of money...wth so many kids lol...just the thought makes me feel better...if that makes any sense...i think the idea of me making it permanment that i will never again get a chance to have a little girl is making the GD worse..and this pregnancy so hard on me...i wish we would have never said we were gong to make this the last one until the moment it was born..i think i am just as scared about it being my last in general as i am that my last will be a boy like my others, whom i love with all my heart....

  I am in the same boat...as you know I am waiting for my little girl...and most likely having a boy..HMM wish we could switch lol.....and we were deciding to both get fixed as well....I just got done last few days trying to convince my fiance that we can try one more time...but hes done...and I unerstand but it is so hard on me...i want my own little girl sooo bad..I even tried convincing him that I will get my tubes tied but not him too that way later on when have the money to untie and do what ever needs done to get my girl we can do it...and he still said no...:(...he knows how bad I want/need a little girl...and i know how much we cant afford to keep trying...but it kills me alittle inside...its been hard to make love with him knowing that he wont let me try for my girl..although hes worried about me..my pregnancies just keep getting worse and worse on me and i think hes just too worried that I cant handle more especially with how I have been with GD this time... so i understand him but a part of me is so mad at him...but then i feel bad for being mad..and for wanting a girl so bad that id keep going...and going...ang going lol....and i think he knows that...maybe thats why he wont budge now....:( I am still praying that it is a girl but i am also trying to work on getting over it not being a girl....which is hard...it wouldnt be so hard if I knew id have a slght possability later in life...when we are ready and able to try for once and not keep having surprises lol....even if the chances arent super high that wed ever have that kind of money...wth so many kids lol...just the thought makes me feel better...if that makes any sense...i think the idea of me making it permanment that i will never again get a chance to have a little girl is making the GD worse..and this pregnancy so hard on me...i wish we would have never said we were gong to make this the last one until the moment it was born..i think i am just as scared about it being my last in general as i am that my last will be a boy like my others, whom i love with all my heart....

Wanted to add that the more I look into this, the more I feel like it's the wrong decision.  I'm still *relatively* young.  All sorts of nagging questions keep coming up like, what if something horrible happened to all of my children?  What if something horrible happened to my DH?  I don't see myself as living unmarried.  What if my future DH strongly desired children?  Though I've had moral objections, I'm starting to consider the IUD more and more. 

Can you ladies please post your feelings/experience with IUDs, positive or negative?  I'm starting a separate thread for this.

Thank you,

Nikki

Lilly Honey!  Hi!  Oh God, I had three separate horrible nightmares last night about being told "girl" and each time, I was completely freaking out at the doctors office!  I was so upset when I woke up and then relieved that I still have a "chance".  You want to know the kicker?  They kept referring to my baby as "Lilly", not even kidding!  That's also the name of a good friend's DD that recently ditched me because I'm not popular enough for her friends though, so who knows.

I was only initially agreeing to being tied because it was a fully mutual decision.  I'm a little confused, is your DF asking you to get your tubes tied?  I just got off the phone with DH and he said that he would be just fine with me getting an IUD. When I was telling him some of the side-effects that friends mentioned on here, you should've heard him gawk at, "I could end up having my period half the month, every month".  Maybe run that one by your DF!

Ack!  This is all so stressful.  Maybe you'll get your girl and I'll get my boy.  It could happen, right?