I haven't posted on here for some time, but this topic is highly relevant to my situation.
I have to admit that when my two eldest daughters were born, it was a very dark time for me. Having always pictured myself as the quintessential "boy" dad, I was completely unprepared for the arrival of two girls in quick succession...and it was a situation I didn't enjoy finding myself in at all! For probably two or three years, I was in an intermittent state of black depression, made worse by the feelings of guilt I experienced for feeling the way I did about something I was supposed to be happy about. Although I loved, quite unconditionally, my two girls (and the third one who arrived a few years later), the horrible, nagging, dull ache of GD definitely affected the way I felt about being a parent at all. It also affected my feelings toward my wife, especially when she made absolutely no effort to understand or empathise with my feelings...and in fact would become hysterical and abusive at any mention of GD or me wanting a boy, before closing down the conversation and refusing to talk about it at all, opting for protracted silences and/or exaggerated shaming tactics to try and prevent the subject from being discussed. This only made matters worse.
Now, some 10 years on from our last child, this elephant in the room is not even acknowledged by my wife any more. As far as she is concerned, the whole issue of children and my desire for a son is over and done with, a closed book, filed away and forgotten. But for me, it remains an unresolved issue...a wound that has never healed. My relationship with my wife has never really recovered from the damage caused by this issue and her attitude towards it. But I love my kids more than anything in the world, and couldn't be without them, so if I am honest I guess that is why I allow myself to remain in this situation, when part of me says that I should have packed my bags and left years ago. But the price I have paid for sticking by my kids is a permanent feeling of ambivalence, of things not really being as they should be, of my family not being complete, and now almost certainly never being complete.