Wow, so many good posts here - where do I start?
First off, this makes me so sad and angry:
I was surprised at how people reacted upon seeing him as compared to how
I had seen them act with other friends who had just given birth to baby
I presume these are women you are talking about? Grrr... I hope the men were interested in the baby boy at least, to compensate a little. Those kinds of smug moms of girls, with a superiority complex, I cannot STAND. And as a pp mentioned, we have to have our smart comebacks ready for when we hear those gender comments - like no, quite happy, don't need your pity, you can go away now. We really need to start replying to those tactless, insensitive folks.
"incredibly girl frenzy that everyone wanted girls only and pity and act smug if you have a boy.."
You cannot believe how mad those kinds of women make me, and it would still make me mad if I were expecting a DD, probably even if I had two DDs! Any kind of preference within kids makes me very upset - it's so unfair to them, and plain mean. One mom I know expressed a clear preference for her DD over her DS... very sad. Mind you, the reverse could be true of macho men, esp. in certain cultures. I have known of some dads who completely ignored their DDs. You can perhaps relate more to a certain gender, but preference either way is just not healthy.
So I don't know about you gals, but as much as possible, I'm staying away from such people with strong preferences who make them very clear, even it it hurts other. The "friend" I was talking about in last post has no regard for my feelings, that of the of mom present who has a boy and even for her DH's feelings. He was hoping for a boy the second time - he's close to his dad and into guy things, and it would have been a pigeon pair, so logical. But still, she was hoping for another girl, looking at our boys as though her girl was superior to them (I saw her look, trust me, it's not just me being paranoid).
As for the comments while pg vs after the baby is born, as a pp mentioned, I agree. That is exactly why we are not revealing gender until birth. Of course, there will be some comments anyway, but I'll try to find good comebacks for them, trust me. I think it has a lot to do with how much power we allow certain people to have over our feelings. It's not easy to igore, sometimes very hard, but I know that for me personally, I need to develop a thicker skin.
On a last note on this topic, this morning I tried to imagine my life if, say, I was living in China (not Chinese, just living there surrounded by Chinese relartives and friends). Over there we all know that boys are much preferred. I'm not saying that's a good thing, far from it, as baby girls are being aborted and abadoned - it's terrible. BUT I just know that my GD wouldn't be as bad living there because everyone prefers boys, so even though I would still feel some personal loss at never raising a DD, I just *know* my GD would not be as bad because it wouldn't be fueled by others.
Oh last thing, about clothes: I agree that it's superficial and my friend needs to grow up (she's also a nutcase neat freak and probably judges that girls are less messy than boys - anyway!), but don't you think preppie boys' clothes are just as cute? I know that if never had a boy, I would be just disappointedto not be able to buy those cute preppy clothes as those frilly girl dresses (and I'm not even into frills that much anyway)!Just wanted to say that not all boys clothes are superhero or cartoon clothes and my DS is just fine with letting me dress him as I wish (so far so good)!