Heartbroken right now!! Got SURPRISE BFP and DH doesn't want it! :(

 I don't know what to do.I got a SURPRISE BFP a couple days ago ( I just had DS3 about 11 wks ago) and I finally told DH last night and he flipped!  He told me "we can't have anymore kids"!  and basically told me to "get rid of it"!!   WTF!!  Seriously!!  I can't do that! 

It's just super shitty timing as DH is deploying soon and I am gonna be here with all the kids by myself and now pregnant!  But, everytime I think about "getting rid of it" I think about laying on some cold table while they are sucking and scraping my baby outta me and I break down in tears b/c I CAN'T do that!  I could see if I was too young, or a struggling single person, or if I was raped.. etc..  But I am in a stable loving marriage and we had a OOPS.. does that really call for an abortion?  i know we are already gonna be tighter with finances since we just had our third and that's what he is tripping on.. is the finances.. but oh well, people make it!  It happens, right!  it happens everyday and people deal with it.. I don't want to have an abortion.. and I feel as if I would hate my DH for having me do it.. and then I would end up leaving anyways.. I don't know what to doo. I am so sad right now.

Life sucks sometimes.. [:'(]

PS - my tests from the other day were really faint but this mornings came up alot darker so it's for sure, for sure now!  this is nuts! 

That's super sad.. Went through similar my self 6 years ago but wasn't married then an really not in a good place but I regret the abortion everyday of my life and to think it was proberbly my girl.. However we are married now an pg with a oops baby an I wouldn't even consider it .. Don't make a decition u may regret xxx big hugs x

maybe you can bargain with your DH, that if he respects your feelings and your wishes to go through with the pregnancy that you will get your tubes tied after the fact? I dont know how much of an option that is for you but if he is adamant on not wanting any more babies maybe it's the only way you can get him to warm up to the idea.

At least then he'll know after this one there is absolutely NO MORE oppsies or anything, and he will not have to worry - It is not right for any man to push abortion on a woman, wife or not - bottom line is that it's YOUR body and if you aren't comfortable with the idea he will either have to get used to it or hit the road.

playg1rl84:

That's super sad.. Went through similar my self 6 years ago but wasn't married then an really not in a good place but I regret the abortion everyday of my life and to think it was proberbly my girl.. However we are married now an pg with a oops baby an I wouldn't even consider it .. Don't make a decition u may regret xxx big hugs x

 

That's why I'm not doing it. I WOULD regret it. It's not it's fault we got pregnant.. and yes, we will struggle harder but oh well.. that's another LIFE! another little sweet baby that is just like out other ones.. I can't believe he would even suggest it. All he can say now if he wishes he would have went and gotten snipped. I told him he can now! Or I will get my tubes tied when this one is born. 

i'm just praying that time will help him come around a bit. We are both in shock right now, and he is mad at me.. He said he trusted me with the ovulation thing. I was SO sure we were good. ALL my fertile signs had gone away.. for like almost 3 days!!  ANY other month, I have ovulated and THEN my fertile signs went away.. not after!  That's why I honestly thought we were good! Why did my body have to trick me now?  :/

Abortion is OUT of the question. I would do adoption before I would do abortion.. but even then - I don't think I can give my baby up!!  

hi. i pretty much went thru the same just before christmas. i was on the mini pill an my periods were quite regular so i panicked when i didnt come on. i did a pregnancy test an it was confirmed i was pregnant with number 4!we had said no more 2 an a half years ago when ds3 was born. we have a dd who is 6 an a ds2 who is almost 5. we were just starting to get some "us" time back with the older 2 being in full time education an ds3 goin to a playgroup 1 an a half days a week. i could work more an help provide more money as we struggled for years. when i told dh he said "i dont want it" an basically said hed resent me if i had it. i felt so alone. i couldnt tell anyone in case i did have an abortion but i just knew that i couldnt do it. dh may of resented me but could i live with myself if i ever did go thru with the abortion. we skirted around the issue for a week an i broke down to my mom an admitted what was wrong. she said shed be upset if i had an abortion but it was my decision. when we found out we were expecting dd wed only been together 8 months,no house,not much money either an we were over the moon. which is why i couldnt understand why dh wanted me to hav abortion with this one. we are married now,own house an better financially. anyway in the end i rralised i would never get over an abortion so told him i was gonna have this baby an i really dont want to do it alone but if i had to i would. he wasnt happy cos basically i was saying that he has no say in the matter but he understood that an abortion would be hard on me an im the kind of person that would never get over it. im 15 weeks pregnant now an.we are both excited about having a new baby in the house. i hope your dh comes round. i know you still hav a relatively newborn baby but i think its meant to be! an abortion is such a huge decision that u could regret forever.

 Well, he has now accepted that I am not having an abortion. Lol  We have been texting back and forth all morning (since he is at work)

I told him that I wouldn't get one, and said that if he didn't want to deal with it then I would leave. I basically said I would start packing my shit today and he sent me a text that said " we deal with this together, stop talking crazy shit like that"

at least getting that text made me feel somewhat better. I am just gonna let him have time to deal with it.. and let it sink in I guess.

But, OMG.. we have to tell his family and they are gonna FLIP!  They flipped about DS3.. we had to play him off as an oops (even though he was planned)   they didn't want us to have anymore kids.. since DH has two kids from previous marriage.. but who cares, right?  It's OUR life, not theirs!!  Ughh.. 

My family is gonna be shocked but okay with it. In my family there is nothing but grandsons so hopefully this is granddaughter #1.. if not it's grandson #7

this baby makes #6 for DH!!  and #4 for me/us!   So, I am def getting tubes tied or he is getting snipped. Lol

adelefrost:

hi. i pretty much went thru the same just before christmas. i was on the mini pill an my periods were quite regular so i panicked when i didnt come on. i did a pregnancy test an it was confirmed i was pregnant with number 4!we had said no more 2 an a half years ago when ds3 was born. we have a dd who is 6 an a ds2 who is almost 5. we were just starting to get some "us" time back with the older 2 being in full time education an ds3 goin to a playgroup 1 an a half days a week. i could work more an help provide more money as we struggled for years. when i told dh he said "i dont want it" an basically said hed resent me if i had it. i felt so alone. i couldnt tell anyone in case i did have an abortion but i just knew that i couldnt do it. dh may of resented me but could i live with myself if i ever did go thru with the abortion. we skirted around the issue for a week an i broke down to my mom an admitted what was wrong. she said shed be upset if i had an abortion but it was my decision. when we found out we were expecting dd wed only been together 8 months,no house,not much money either an we were over the moon. which is why i couldnt understand why dh wanted me to hav abortion with this one. we are married now,own house an better financially. anyway in the end i rralised i would never get over an abortion so told him i was gonna have this baby an i really dont want to do it alone but if i had to i would. he wasnt happy cos basically i was saying that he has no say in the matter but he understood that an abortion would be hard on me an im the kind of person that would never get over it. im 15 weeks pregnant now an.we are both excited about having a new baby in the house. i hope your dh comes round. i know you still hav a relatively newborn baby but i think its meant to be! an abortion is such a huge decision that u could regret forever.

 

Wow!  That def sounds just like what I am going through now. Thanks for sharing your story. It only further confirms my decision to keep the baby and NOT have an abortion. I know now I would regret and probably resent him for asking/having me do it. I didn't get pregnant ALL by myself. It takes TWO people. I told him I might have even gotten pregnant from the times he "pulled out".. we have successfully used the withdrawl method out entire marriage and I have only been pregnant when we wanted to be (mnus this one) but I know the withdrawl methos isn't 100%.. NOTHING is!!  

Congrats on your baby! Do you have any clues as to what you are having?  

SSW_Mommy:

maybe you can bargain with your DH, that if he respects your feelings and your wishes to go through with the pregnancy that you will get your tubes tied after the fact? I dont know how much of an option that is for you but if he is adamant on not wanting any more babies maybe it's the only way you can get him to warm up to the idea.

At least then he'll know after this one there is absolutely NO MORE oppsies or anything, and he will not have to worry - It is not right for any man to push abortion on a woman, wife or not - bottom line is that it's YOUR body and if you aren't comfortable with the idea he will either have to get used to it or hit the road.

 

I told him he is gonna go get snipped OR I will ask for a C section so they can tie my tubes afterwards..  He is still pretty upset but it's better than it was last night. He wouldn't even talk to me, and I slept upstairs on the couch. 

 

DreamingofXX:

adelefrost:

hi. i pretty much went thru the same just before christmas. i was on the mini pill an my periods were quite regular so i panicked when i didnt come on. i did a pregnancy test an it was confirmed i was pregnant with number 4!we had said no more 2 an a half years ago when ds3 was born. we have a dd who is 6 an a ds2 who is almost 5. we were just starting to get some "us" time back with the older 2 being in full time education an ds3 goin to a playgroup 1 an a half days a week. i could work more an help provide more money as we struggled for years. when i told dh he said "i dont want it" an basically said hed resent me if i had it. i felt so alone. i couldnt tell anyone in case i did have an abortion but i just knew that i couldnt do it. dh may of resented me but could i live with myself if i ever did go thru with the abortion. we skirted around the issue for a week an i broke down to my mom an admitted what was wrong. she said shed be upset if i had an abortion but it was my decision. when we found out we were expecting dd wed only been together 8 months,no house,not much money either an we were over the moon. which is why i couldnt understand why dh wanted me to hav abortion with this one. we are married now,own house an better financially. anyway in the end i rralised i would never get over an abortion so told him i was gonna have this baby an i really dont want to do it alone but if i had to i would. he wasnt happy cos basically i was saying that he has no say in the matter but he understood that an abortion would be hard on me an im the kind of person that would never get over it. im 15 weeks pregnant now an.we are both excited about having a new baby in the house. i hope your dh comes round. i know you still hav a relatively newborn baby but i think its meant to be! an abortion is such a huge decision that u could regret forever.

 

Wow!  That def sounds just like what I am going through now. Thanks for sharing your story. It only further confirms my decision to keep the baby and NOT have an abortion. I know now I would regret and probably resent him for asking/having me do it. I didn't get pregnant ALL by myself. It takes TWO people. I told him I might have even gotten pregnant from the times he "pulled out".. we have successfully used the withdrawl method out entire marriage and I have only been pregnant when we wanted to be (mnus this one) but I know the withdrawl methos isn't 100%.. NOTHING is!!  

Congrats on your baby! Do you have any clues as to what you are having?  

im glad youve decided to not go through with it. it does take 2 an its your body. i think you can get through anything if you talk it over. if id of talked to dh sooner i wouldnt hav been so upset for a whole week before telling him what i already knew,that i didnt want an abortion. thanks for your congrats. i have my 20 week scan on 10th april. we werent goin to find out the sex but lets face it with 3 kids already we need to be organised. part of me thinks its another boy but id love a girl for my dd. shed love a little sister. whatever it is tho itll be loved :) what would you like??

So sorry you are going through this.. seems like it would be very hard :( Right after a baby your hormones are all out of whack. I have a friend who got pregnant 6 weeks after to the day.. Everytime I'm pregnant I think of her and just am amazed at how she went through back to back pregnancies like that. I think your DH was just in shock. I mean you just had a planned 3rd baby and he was obviously on board for that.. I doubt he seriously expected you to, or even wanted you to have an abortion.. I think he's just shocked and overwhelmed and wished it wasn't happening... but thankfully pregnancy takes a loooong time! So he will have almost a year to warm up to it. I just feel bad for you having a newborn, 2 others, and he will not be there to help :( I think having your tubes tied, or him snipped is a good idea so you don't have to worry anymore. I've been on the fence if one of us should do that if we have a 4th just so there is no risk.. it seems so definite, but then again if you have 4 kids, and finances are tight etc then atleast you know you are safe. I know you must feel so overwhelmed, but this is so exciting! Something about an opps baby seems so much more exciting then a planned baby in some ways.. just such a wow.. meant to be kind of feeling. This little one came to you all on his/her own. And just think how close your youngest 2 will be.. they will be best of friends! I really hope it's your little girl, but if it's another boy the 2 brothers especially will just have a blast growing up together for sure. Hang in there.. I'm sure things are so stressful right now, but it will get better!!!

Good for you dreaming! My first two were oppsies, the first when I was 16. There was so much pressure to have an abortion from my bf and his mom. An appointment was made...scariest moment of my life. Then my parents found out and my dad said that that baby is his grandchild, and if I had an abortion he would never speak to me again. My son will be 7 in June. He is incredible. And to think I came so close to "getting rid of him". I'm so happy for your decision and I can promise you that in A year from now when your looking at your baby you couldn't imagine life any other way!

 I just got something funny to say. I showed my sister this thread and was showing her how awesome and supportive ya'll ladies are.. and she was laughing at the DH part.. 

SO, i explained to her that DH stood for "Dear Husband"  and she laughed!   She thought I meant DICKHEAD!  DH!   LMAO!

I cracked up at that one!   Just had to share that real quick! 

Thanks ladies for all your support and kind words. DH and I are gonna get through this.. together!  :)   I will def let you know when I get an u/s and hopefully I will get a good nub shot so we call all "Nub-sess"!  LOL

You need to update your picture with baby in it and then have the expectatnat baby too. lol.  when are you due?   You may be high risk as you just had a baby 11 weeks ago

Glad he has come round :) tbh I think he sounds like a typical man (or maybe just like my dh lol) sounds like he was very scared and looking for some one to blame (so blamed you) even though he knew he should've been more responsible. I have to say I don't actually believe in oops babies unless they are conceived while on some sort of contraception.. If not I see it as a - ooops but ah well we took the risk ;) So praying this is you DD, do you think you'll be alright if this is another boy? Crazy how close their age gaps will be, they'll be do close :)

sounds like you are in the same boat i was with number 3. dh said if its  girl i don't want it. it had better be a boy! like i had any control over gender. he got snipped the week after my pos pregnancy test. i was ok with it because dd2 was conceived the day before he left for an 18 month deployment. omg it sucked! nobody came. my neighbors watched dd1 and i took a cab to the hospital. a nurse held my hand while i gave birth. i had no family with me. no visitors. i couldn't wait to get out of there. people with balloons and big congrats and kids so excited to welcome a new baby. hopefully everyone will come around and support you. right now i have zero support so im looking to home birth or a birthing center so dh can be with me.

   ruby asked an intresting question.. wil you be ok if this baby is another boy? i was so convinced i was having dd8, im still in shock i was wrong.