Unable to find situations like mine... feeling lost and sad

I am sorry you are suffering through GD. I think it is amazingly wonderful that you hoped to give your son a brother. Time and time again, almost 100% of the time its always people who have a pp and posting about wanting a sister for their dd. Even when the ds is the 2nd child and getting another boy would mean a brother closer in age for the ds. IMO, giving your son a brother is just as wonderful. But it is never like that here, and I always find it annoying and sad for the son. Hope with some time the GD fades for you.

I'm in a similar situation, except that I'm weeks away from having another boy. I have DS, DD and now DS2. It was a one time "oops" and while we were excited to have a third child, I had hoped so hard to have another girl. Only a few more weeks until we meet him and while I'm excited for him, I'm also sad (actually very sad) he isn't the daughter I had been hoping for. I feel awful for having this guilt and preference, but I've always wanted girls. Plus, I'm having a third c-section, and for me, that's it. I can't go through four c-sections - so very very likely this little guy will be our last. Anyway, I'm excited DS will have a brother, even thought they'll be almost five years apart. And right now, all around me, it seems like everyone is having a girl. Or their second girl, or third! I know mom's of boys are sick of hearing about being sad over having another boy, but that's what this board is for, dealing with our GD in whatever form it takes on. I have no doubt that once he's here it will be wonderful and I'll be so thrilled with him - and we've picked out a beautiful name, are making a lovely space for him, I'm making him things, all things I did for my other two children, but my heart just feels sad. Maybe more sad over the fact that I even had a preference. TIme will help, mama. Congrats on your baby girl, I know you'll come to be excited about her very soon. I agree, you get what you need. Right?

I understand because while I am not in the exact situation, I always wanted two boys and a girl.  If I had a boy and a girl like you, I'd really want my third to be a boy too.  Are you definitely done having kids?  I didnt' read all the posts but you could always have a boy for your fourth and then you'd have two and two!

Thank you GlutenFreeGal for the encouragement regarding sisters.  Things are getting a bit better a week out from the news.  I still have twinges of sadness, but not nearly as all consuming.

 Thank you wincha123, I guess I am just very worried about competition and feelings of jealousy and so on and so on.  The thought of two girls actually scares me, not because it is bad, but because I feel like I could fail at it, if that makes sense.  I hope I can do it.  I'm glad you are having a positive experience with it.

 Thank you prettyinpink18.  I guess I have always just loved the idea of brothers.  Even as a little girl I never ONCE wanted a sister (I was an only child), but I always wanted brothers.  It just makes me sad knowing my son won't have that, and I won't get to buy any of those sweet baby boy things (the first time around I got so many hand me downs and gifts, I didn't really get to shop).  I just wanted that experience once again :(

 Dreamsofisis, I think like you I am even maybe more sad that I have a strong preference.  It makes me feel horrible, like what is wrong with me.  Isn't a mother just supposed to be happy no matter what.  It had made doubt myself and have all sorts of questions that I wish I never had to find the answers to.  I am sorry you are going through GD too, and hope it all fades immediately when you meet your new little boy.  Thank you for listening.

 WIldwooddays, I think most likely (like 99%) we are done.  Mostly for financial reasons, but also because honestly, you can't gaurantee gender, and I do not know how I could handle taking that gamble :(

prettyinpink18:

I am sorry you are suffering through GD. I think it is amazingly wonderful that you hoped to give your son a brother. Time and time again, almost 100% of the time its always people who have a pp and posting about wanting a sister for their dd. Even when the ds is the 2nd child and getting another boy would mean a brother closer in age for the ds. IMO, giving your son a brother is just as wonderful. But it is never like that here, and I always find it annoying and sad for the son. Hope with some time the GD fades for you.

 

this is exactly right. everyone wants to give dd a sister but hardly anyone ever wants to give ds a brother. its very sweet and i love reading stories like this. girls can be sweet together soon. with 5 girls there is always a friend to play barbies or something although it usually ends with she stole my barbies dress or something. i would often get so jealous of my nephews playing together hit each other with a nerf bat then be best friends again all in 5 mins. meanwhile my girls are still bickering. i would love to give this baby boy a brother one day but i think im all babied out. 6 children all under the age of 12 is alot of work. plus im running out of room and money.

I am in a very similar situation except that I had a son and then a daughter and I am now having another son. I REALLY wanted my 3rd to be a girl and everything I imagined as my perfect family had my TWO little girls, not just one. I find myself daydreaming about how it could have been...two girls to be best friends, my daughter to have what I never did (a sister), reusing all of those adorable little clothes, dresses, and bows, and just having another baby girl in my life. I never imagined my life with two sons...I imagined one of each or one boy and then two girls. I walk by the baby girl clothes and just wish I was able to purchase them for my little Emma, but instead have to settle for the not so cute boy clothes. I also imagined my baby girls sharing a room (since we are out of space too) and playing dress-up and with their dolls. I am sad that my daughter will never have a girl to bond with other than me. I guess we will have each other's dream! I will tell you this though....I had an ultrasound this weekend (one I paid for, 3D and all) and my little guy was adorable! He looks so much like my daughter and my son and I am just so in love with him. I still think about the little girl I won't have, but I am now excited for my sweet baby boy to join us in July and as long as he is healthy I know my new perfect idea of a family will be boy girl boy instead of what I thought I wanted.

SadOne:

Ironically, I am scared of having a tom boy, my daughter is so girl and we really bond over that, even though tom boy might be more balancing, would it make it even harder for me to bond with her?  Will she some ohow know how I felt before she was born and resent me.  I feel like I am damaging her before she is even here by feeling sad about all of this.  Maybe talking to her would help, I just feel bad even admitting these feelings to her.  I don't ever want her to knwo I felt this way.  I feel so bad that I haven't been as excited for her (before I even know the gender) as I was for the other two.  Sorry to ramble, my heart is just SO heavey with all of this guilt and sadness.

Hello SadOne,

GD is not just Gender Disapointment,  It is the loss of a Gender Dream.  Many women have Gender Dreams for there perfect family make up and GD hits when that does not happen. 

 I had my GD when I found out I was having a DD.  Funny enough for me I was a tomboy who was worried about having a princess.  I got my DD and to be honest she is half princess and I LOVE it.  She is her own wonderful person who has some likes that I do.  Batman and video games and some of her own dance class, pink, and a princess.  And I love her for it.  Your new little DD will be her own little person and I have no doubt that you will love her for her.

Dont feel bad or upset over your GD.  Emotions are hard enough to control when pregnant.  To make yourself feel worse for this will not help.  Just remind yourself that you are human.  And that there is a very good chance that the moment you meet your little one that it will be love at first sight.  For me with my DD that was the way it was I had GD till the day I met her.  I know it will be for my new little one also.  For my little man coming I do not have GD more of a third baby holy ship....... I am doing this again..........at 35...............am I CRAZY.  No matter how scared, nervous, and doubt I feel, I know once I meet him I will be in love for a third time.

When my second daughter was born, I had gotten over my GD and loved the idea that they are going to be sisters.  But at the same time, in the beginning I did worry that this new baby will take away the attention of my first daughter.  At one point, I even thought, I hope this baby will be just as pretty but not prettier than my first daughter!  And our pediatrican gave us a great tip since he has two daughters too.  He told us that whenever we have guests over to see the new baby, tell my guests to be excited to see my first daugther and congratulate her on being the big sister before even going to the new baby (since babies don't really know what is going on anyway but my first daugther will know!) and have my first daugther introduce the new baby to all the guests!  And it was great, my first daughter LOVED the attention and LOVED showing off her brand new sister to everyone!  After seeing how much my first daughter enjoy having her new baby sister, I finally was at eased.  My first daughter is just like me, a very girly girl.  My second daughter is half girly and half not so girly.  My second daughter loves princesses and Disney and baby dolls and teddy bears but her favorite color is blue and she wants everything Toy Story and plays with legos and trains and cars too!  I just love that, every kid really do have their own personality!  And as a mom, you will just love whatever personality that is, because it is so unique to that one child.  So hang in there, once your baby is here, you will be fine, our maternal instinct kicks in. :)