2 ww, causal observation

Hi Ladies! First thank you for all of your support and kind words. I'm still in limbo at this point. Over the weekend I lost what I am pretty sure was the bleed I had. As for the rest of the impending miscarriage ~ nothing. I go again to my ob for yet another ultrasound tomorrow. I hate that I cannot get closure at this point and I really want to get started on my recovery and next cycle. Short of divine intervention, nothing has changed in weeks.

Yes, I'm still going with Mass General, though I am calling around. Rhode Island's Women and Infants has a great rep too, but don't know if they do PGD. I really just want to get to the bottom of it all. I am also researching everything to possibly increase my egg quality. Seems hopeful from what other women post as their experiences while on supplements.

As for me, I've been living in a world of 70 degree weather, birds chirping, kids out playing and just when all seems right in the world, I get the "oh yeah, I'm just waiting to lose my twin boys" and reality hits me so hard again all I can do is cry. It totally sucks :( I will continue to post here, everyone has been great, but maybe not so often; I'm still in denial and trying not to let depression sneak in. Of course yesterday, while walking in to CVS I walk in right behind a very happy grandma toting her two newborn baby twin grandsons. That one hurt ~ a lot!

I hope everyone is doing well themselves, and please keep in touch!!! I hope to post better progress along the way for this next journey if I can ever get it started.

Oh hun don't know what to say or find the right words. It's really shit! Big hugs for you!xxx

 I'm so sorry Tinks I know that must have hurt a LOT. Being in limbo is the absolute worst, I remember with 2 of my losses my body kept hanging onto the PG's. BIG BIG HUGS and please don't give up!!!!!! You'll get your boys, you will!

So So sorry Tinks, life its just so unfair! I hope you are doing well mentally and physically, I can't even imagine what you are going through, thinking of you..

 

 

Well, here we are, week 11 and nothing. Physically I'm doing fine, with the exception of the occasional cramps. Nothing productive though. :( I am meeting this week with Women and Infants in Rhodey to discuss a d&c only for the reasons that a) I want to test the tissue to try to determine what went wrong and b) I really need to get on with my life and learn how to have a better cycle.

I used to say I never saw my last miscarriage coming (and I didn't) and that this would be "the cycle" where I'd get my healthy twin boys, but wow, was I wrong! I never saw this happening either!!!

I was given my records to bring to W&I and I now know that my "bleed" was actually a subchorionic hematoma which can be the cause for up to 50% of miscarriages. Why no one told me this is pissing me off! Just another thing to be sure of for our next cycle.

I spoke last week with a genetic counselor at W&I and I got a much better vibe talking to her than MG. I will have my consultations with both and make the decision next month on who to go with. My OB uses W&I and I'm leaning now more towards them just after my conversation. I am allowing myself and hubby no less than 120 days to improve ourselves for a better cycle. I'm reading up on everything that *may help. My OB insists there's no concrete findings in all the fertility supplements out there, but I am having a hard time not accepting there's some truth to them after the women I've been talking to that have taken supplements and have gone on to have healthy babies.

Mentally, I still have my lost moments, but I'm getting better about it. I think I will feel so much better once I have my closure on this cycle.

Thinks you are so brave! I hope you can move on very soon. Hugs!

Tinks you are very strong and brave! I am rooting for you!

Well, it's officially over for me this cycle. I had my d & c Thursday and am on bed rest due to hemorrhaging. The pain has been unreal, this haas been the pregnancy from Hell! What started out so well ended horribly. Best I can hope now is that they can grab enough dna to determine what went wrong. I am reading up on all supplements and foods to take that may improve eggs, please let me know any advice and successes! Everyone has been great here, thank you for your support, it really means a lot. 90 to 150 days to improve seems like a lifetime to wait now. Good luck to everyone and healthy babies! We meet in 3 weeks with the hospital here to start fresh, that will make the time go by quicker! Lots of tests in our future. No more clinics fir us, experts only! Choulu- I'm approved for 3 cycles with my insurance company and even more through hubby's (though my coverage is better) In MA so I also have the option to drop my insurance (expensive) and take out secondary insurance on just me and only for the months I need it buying me more cycles.

Tinksmagic I'm so very sorry and I hope you get well soon. You are so brave and I know for sure you will succeed one day! Hugs!

First BIG BIG HUGS Tinks! I've had a few D&C's myself and know how that can be. I hope you're able to get some answers!! Ok so as you know I haven't cycled (yet) so I can't offer you btdt advice, but would you be open to putting back more than 2 embryos (if you have more than 2 good xy's)? I know that's a hot topic on here so please no one flame me. But honestly that's what I would do. Sorry in advance if you have already done this before or discussed it!

Also, I read up a lot on Chinese medicine when I was going through my losses (I've had 4). Here are some books I REALLY recommend reading:

 

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0316159212/ref=pd_lpo_k2_dp_sr_1?pf_rd_p=486539851&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=0316172294&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=10DBX62AMA1FN0Y3M6GB

 

http://www.amazon.com/Inconceivable-Womans-Triumph-Despair-Statistics/dp/0767908201/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1333290295&sr=1-1

 

GL Tinks, I'm sending you all the sticky blue dust I have!!!!!!!! So glad to hear you're not giving up!! :) It'll happen!!

LOL, Saggy :) I hope you DO get your pink, or can borrow one of mine whenever you want!!!

I am interested in the books, I keep seeing references to them everywhere. Yes, we would put back as many as we have available that are normal, but each time we only had 2 (I'm kicking myself for not just testing gender....) Bad part to using Mass General, they won't do gender, but I'm going to argue that only my boys have been good, the girls were never viable. Worst case, and this is an extreme worst case, we only use them to complete all testing for problems then use a clinic with this found info and weed through for boys again. Then again, Women and Infants may be different which is why I'm interviewing both hospitals.

I'm hoping to get my dna test results back today on my sacs, but in the meantime, hubby and I have completely changed US! Supplements and eating for pregnancy for both of us for the next 6 months before we try again. That and we start working with the hospital in 2 weeks. We'll get our boys!!! I am determined! I CANNOT accept "old eggs" as the problem, not when I can get to baby stage. I'm now thinking it's my white blood cells attacking them, the way they did my thyroid, but we'll get all of that tested. I am going to be 100% involved this cycle and the pain in the butt to whomever we cycle with.

tinksmagic:

LOL, Saggy :) I hope you DO get your pink, or can borrow one of mine whenever you want!!!

I am interested in the books, I keep seeing references to them everywhere. Yes, we would put back as many as we have available that are normal, but each time we only had 2 (I'm kicking myself for not just testing gender....) Bad part to using Mass General, they won't do gender, but I'm going to argue that only my boys have been good, the girls were never viable. Worst case, and this is an extreme worst case, we only use them to complete all testing for problems then use a clinic with this found info and weed through for boys again. Then again, Women and Infants may be different which is why I'm interviewing both hospitals.

I'm hoping to get my dna test results back today on my sacs, but in the meantime, hubby and I have completely changed US! Supplements and eating for pregnancy for both of us for the next 6 months before we try again. That and we start working with the hospital in 2 weeks. We'll get our boys!!! I am determined! I CANNOT accept "old eggs" as the problem, not when I can get to baby stage. I'm now thinking it's my white blood cells attacking them, the way they did my thyroid, but we'll get all of that tested. I am going to be 100% involved this cycle and the pain in the butt to whomever we cycle with.

You GO Tinks!!!!!!!! I'm so proud of you for not giving up, I have no doubt you'll be posting about your sticky boys before too long! 

Have you tried wheatgrass shots? Please check out those books! I'd send you my copies but I sent them to someone else a year or so ago.

Tinks can I ask how you're paying for the cycles? I'm in the process right now of trying to figure out how the heck I am gonna pay for it! :)

 

Hi I'm sorry for your loss and heartbreaking cycle. I am in MA also and used Women and Infants to conceive my first son (IUI #4). Years later I also did 6 additional IUI's and 5 of my 6 IVF cycles at W&I trying to conceive child #3. I wanted to let you know that in my experience they do not do pgd for any other reason than to prevent a genetic condition. I hope you heal and can find the right next step for you and your family and that soon your dreams come true. Starr

Tinks I am SO sorry you had to go through this, what you went through is so much harder than a BFN, I can't even imagine... but you have such a great attitude..

 Did you get the results back on the testing, I am curious...

Janet

I'm a stubborn one for sure, lol, I waited 7 years, I won't give up!!! I'm a mum on a mission!

Starry, thank you for letting me know about W&I, I figured they wouldn't tell me gender, but if we can't argue our case that our boys were always stronger than the girls we had to keep discarding, maybe... worst case, we at least find out what the problem is, pinpoint it, then go back to (against my will) Boston IVF with this information (unless I can find another clinic that does for gender) and tell them exactly what needs to be done. I'm taking over!!! My body, my boys, my rules!

Haveblue~ Thank you, I am going to order the books myself so I can mark them up for notes. :) As for paying for this.... first cycle I borrowed against my 401k at work (paid it back) and second cycle we used our tax refund from last year. We budgeted for this both times. My insurance covers IVF (but not PGD) 100% and hubby's insurance covers 80%. Needless to say, we used my insurance so there was only a few $$$ (thousands) out of pocket. Our third cycle we'll use money from the sale of our house. We're listing in a few weeks. As cool as our house is, it's not one to grow old in and we're already feeling the affects of there being a crazy amount of stairs (27 just to get IN the house, 15 between levels), no bathroom on the living level (bad for when your preggers!) and we're going to run short of bedrooms and space once we do have our boys. It was fine with 2 kids, now fine with 2 girls, but with 2 boys, there's no chance of putting the girls together, lol. I'll be minus a daughter if I do :) I haven't tried the wheatgrass shots yet, have to find one to try. The super greens does have it in it for now.

I gotta say it's been easy doing the whole healthy thing, but the changes are messing up my system! I've been told it balances out after a few weeks, but geez!!!! I look like a greasy teenager!!! UGH!!! LOL

Jany, no test results yet. Pooh!!! Hopefully this week. I have to go in for blood work, and follow up, I can't stop bleeding after the d&c, despite taking pills to curb it, I've already had 3 bouts of hemorrhaging.