The Compromise

Wishing you lots of luck, whichever way the future goes! :)

SadDad,

 I think is an AWESOME plan and way to take your wife's wishes in account by giving her a shot to carry a son. I love the plan, and I really do hope baby #2 is the boy you desire. If it's not, and it's a second DD, what a gift to give to your current daughter, and then I believe that boy you'd adopt 2-3 years down the road from DD2 (if that's what you end up having) will be meant to be with YOUR family.

I think the plan is a huge win-win. Good luck, keep saving money, and enjoy your baby daughter Natalie!!

The Compromise?

We talked today on our way home from church about the idea of continuing to save for adoption (we have roughly $5,000 saved, so far), while trying to concieve again in 2-3 years. If we have our own son, then we'll have a sweet extra savings account to play with. If we have another girl, we will have quite a bit saved to actually adopt 2-3-5 years after baby girl #2.

I think this is a very good plan.  You already have $5,000 saved, which is really awesome!  I know you've been on this site long enough to know about swaying, but you should consider swaying for a boy when you conceive next, even if it increases your odds by 1%, that is something.

Here are direct links to those forums/information for boy swaying:

General Swaying Forum: http://www.in-gender.com/cs/forums/15.aspx

Trying to Conceive a Boy FAQ and Supplements: http://www.in-gender.com/cs/forums/t/3585.aspx

Trying to Conceive a Boy and Girl Ebook (written by our own Tamara) - http://www.in-gender.com/cs/forums/t/151760.aspx

cowbell:

I'm new to your story. But I was wondering why you choose to save for adoption instead of pgd?

3 Reasons:

1. Moral. My wife would go crazy thinking about what to do with "unwanted" fertilized eggs.

2. $$$ I think my years and years of savings should go to a child that actually exists rather than a procedure that may not work.

3. Poor success rate and stress/travel.

These are our personal reasons, so please don't think I'm downing the families that do choose the PGD route. I know adoption is not perfect either, but it seems more concrete and it is not important to me to have only "MY OWN" children. We will make him our own.

SadDad:

cowbell:

I'm new to your story. But I was wondering why you choose to save for adoption instead of pgd?

3 Reasons:

1. Moral. My wife would go crazy thinking about what to do with "unwanted" fertilized eggs.

2. $$$ I think my years and years of savings should go to a child that actually exists rather than a procedure that may not work.

3. Poor success rate and stress/travel.

These are our personal reasons, so please don't think I'm downing the families that do choose the PGD route. I know adoption is not perfect either, but it seems more concrete and it is not important to me to have only "MY OWN" children. We will make him our own.

You sound like a great husband with a good head on his shoulders.  Good luck on your journey and I'm looking forward to tagging along for the ride and seeing what's in store for your family.

I remember reading your past posts, and I think this compromise sounds perfect. It sounds like you and your wife are in a good place and like you have a good plan to meet both of your needs. I hope your son finds his was to you in the way that is meant to be, whether through your next pregnancy or through adoption. If your daughter ends up with a sister in between, that's good too. I was in a similar place (except yearning for a daughter), but I realize now how wonderful it is to have two of the same gender first.

Thank you for all of the heartfelt comments; I greatly appreciate all of them. The funny part is we are in no position to even think about baby #2 or #3 or whatever until one or both of us switch careers or find jobs in our fields that pay better. I just need to have some sort of plan, I guess. We're relatively young so anything can happen (I'll be 26 this year). I know we will both be so very nervous and anxious about the gender of baby #2 but I believe it would be better if we didn't find out until birth. It is a long road ahead. Especially since now she is fretting about the possiblity of having twins and destroying our "compromise." (she is an identical twin and my grandfather is also an identical twin, if any of that matters)

Natalie is wonderful, I freely admit this, but I really do not believe that my GD will completely go away until I hold Jensen for the first time.

Thank you to all of you ladies. May you find happiness. I hope to share news with you in the coming years.