As some of you know, i am expecting my 3rd boy. I was very down many many days, and i doubt this gender dissapointment will ever go away completely....there are better days, but still, many days i can not cope. I dont understand why i do not have "luck". Between 3 of my pregnancies, why none of it were a girl...i found this unlucky. I know so well that the happiest thing is a healthy child, I know this very good, as my second boy was born with lifetime health defect, and when he was born, i really was aware how gratful one can be every time the child is born healthy..... but still i cannnot help the wish for the daughter stayed in me so deeply, and when realising this will probably never happen, it broke me completely.
I notice many people, who have more luck. They have for example a girl and a boy, 2 girls and a boy, 1 boy 2 girls, or sorts of combinations of mixed families....why me only boys...i can not stand this. I can not bear this... I keep asking myself what did i do wrong, that destiny or god gives me "this punishement". I know racionally this is not like this in "God's head and heart" but i can not shake off this though that poisons my heart.
I know that each person has its own way, of suffering too...i just cant understand some clues about why these things are happening. On this forums I met many mommas who so long for a girl after a row of boys, or so long for a boy after a row of girls....why this simply doesnt happen. Is this meant to be? I dont know.... I just know I am too sad, i do not expect this child with joy, I am afraid he is not gonna be healthy at all, and i am afraid i will be unlucky because of that for the reat of my life. My dream of daughter is gone, and I feel like somebody died, and theres nothing that can bring this girl to me. Well I was thinking about adoption, I am also doing some research when i have a little time. There are days when i believe in this, but then I realise my life will be so exhausting with 3 boys, very few gap in between them, my age is high already, and I doubt I will ever collect more energy for that adoption process that is highly challenging to overcome, and come to a daughter.
I feel like i am in a big dark hole, from where the sun is only a dream....thanks for reading anyway.....