"But its Healthy..." VENT of heart break.

If I have to hear "But its healthy.." One more time, I will most likely snap. Scream, cry, kick and throw a large child like tantrum. We tried gender swaying our last little one. Im currently 21 weeks... and after 3 girls, this will be number girl number 4. I do have a son, from my previous marriage, but my dear Husband now has only produced girls... When we have told people the gender of our children the first response is "but its healthy". Yes, yes we have 3 beautiful healthy girl, but its heart breaking not having a healthy boy..... Most people who dont understand, have one of each ... They have 2 children and the option of having more is there. This will be baby number 5 for us, and trying again almost seems like it would be in vain. We DO love our family, our girls and couldn't imagine a life without them, but we had hoped to have a life that included a son to share together.

I completely completely completely understand. This is girl number 3 on her way. All I can tell you is what I try to tell myself. There is a reason why you are having girls. Maybe you couldnt handle a boy. Maybe your girls will have an amazing sister bond. I come from a family where its only my two sisters and myself, no brothers. we loved it. We could always rely on each other and we are very intimate with our conversations. My husband only has a sister and they hardly bond or talk. Maybe its excuses to make me feel better so I hope it helps you. A dose of patience and acceptance sent your way.

Thank you so much.... We have a boy, my son..... who he loves dearly. he had hoped for his own son. I keep trying to tell myself the same thing, its for a reason. Maybe one I dont understand, but there is a reason.

I heard "just thank God he is healthy" ALOT w./ds2 & ds3.  It gets old and its not what you want to hear. Just focus on the bond your girls will have growing up. I only had a brother growing up and til this day I wished I had a sister.  I looove watching my boys special bond and they share so much in common.  Is hi tech an option?

i hear you.. lots of girls here as well. i was hoping for a boy so many times. i won't say at least its healthy since you know that but i will say... at least you can save money by not having to buy new clothes. that was what my sister kept telling me.

I want a son badly. My DH has a son from a previous marriage and doesn't understand the hurt I have. He is supportive towards me but I know he will never understand what it feels like to long for a certain gender when he got his try one and try two. He got the son he wanted first then the daughter he wanted second. Perfect. I heard with my 3rd DD the same thing "she's healthy, r its a baby who cares" well I CARE that's what.

When I was preggo with DD#3 I got so sick of the stupid comments like "your POOR husband" or "at least she's healthy" "are you going to try for a boy?" that now I make it a point to make a big deal when someone has a 3rd or 4th of the same gender, especially when they have GD.

I have a SIL who just found out she's having DD3 and our family (in-laws for both of us) is just cruel to us. They want boys and 3 of us SILs can only produce girls. Our SIL who has GB was so rude to GGG-SIL on FB when she announced she was having DD3 that I was very nasty to her on FB.

I go overboard and tell people off when they make rude comments about so many of the same gender. Its unnecessary and they should just be happy that "at least she's healthy"!! Right???

Its like a hall of broken records. Everyone repeats the same thing.

 I hated that when people would tell me "At least she is healthy," with DD2 and DD3, the "are you going to try for a boy?", you should stop while your ahead, your poor husband in a house of pink, better start saving now weddings aren't cheap, etc.

 

All I wanted to do was scream when ever anyone talked to me about what I had.  I love my girls, but I always really wanted all boys.

I'm on the opposite side of the fence... wishing i could've had just one girl. it's obviously not in the cards for me and my hubby. Some days I feel quite happy about it (like I've come to terms with it)... especially days buying toys (I prefer boys toys... and yes I'm doing christmas and bday shopping cos my faimly is all around xmas)... but then I go out looking for boys clothes and it puts me back down in the dumps. Then i hear people are getting girls... or worse, they are getting their pigeon pair... and I feel like I'm the only one having a boy atm... when I was the one so desperately wanting a girl. I was the one who made all the sacrafises to ttc girl. I'm  the one taking care of my body and my baby... and "you" (being someone who has just had a girl) smoked and drank through your whole pregnancy!

Then I'm into handmade crafts... and all the sellers on facebook predominately do GIRL stuff... ARGGGG... it drives me up the wall seeing all this beautiful stuff they make and I can't buy any of it for my precious daughter.

I've even planned a fairy party for my birthday for next year... so i can still do the girly things... it will just be with a bunch of adults! :P

I have a couple of friends who have only had girls... and they ache for a boy too... they love their girls so much and wouldn't change them.... but they still have a desire for a boy. I said to one of them.... well I'll have a fairy party for my birthday next year... and you can have a pirate party for yours! She laughed at this.

I never thought I'd have the guilt though... you know how you would assume that fathers want a son?... well DH doesn't vocalise his desire... in fact he's only said that he's sad for me... so I guess that helps. But at a wedding last weekend there was this little brunette girl... she's not quite one yet... and my DH was absolutely smittened with her... I've seen this look on his face a couple of times now when it comes to little girls... and it's like he turns to mush. lol. I cried last weekend when I saw the look on his face. I felt so bad and guilty. I wouldn't change this boy now that he's coming... but it would've been nice to have one girl.

And I agree... people say "so longs it's healthy" as they don't know what else to say, esp when they know you had hopes of getting the opposite gender. Gees... we all hope for a healthy baby first... the gender is just another thing that we think about, and dream about... and when that dream  is cut off... it hurts... and it's something you need to deal with in your own way.

Find things that make you happy... if it means buying a few boy toys for your girls... why the hell not? Girls play soccer, girls play in the mud, girls like cars. my DS2 occasionally walks around with a life-like baby doll I made (when I was preg with him)... who cares.

I want to do the tea party's with my daughter... and dressups... but as it's never gonna happen I am  resorting to making my friends dressup and have teaparties (with alcohol in the tea cups! :P). lol... and definately a fairy party!

 

 

So sorry that you're struggling.  I wish people would just not comment about gender period.  It just made me feel worse no matter what they would say.  With my 4th son I really fell apart and was so upset that I would never have my little girl.  And my best friend was due to have her 1st girl after 2 boys a month before me, and it really stung.  Then when her daughter was still born it really did wake me up to the fact that I loved my baby and would be devastated if he died.  For me that was a huge blessing and I was able to really come a long way with my GD before he was born a month later.  I still struggled after that, but it was helpful for me to realize that having a healthy baby really is a blessing, and not garanteed.  I am now 99% over my GD, my 4th son is almost 2, but I will say I have worked really hard to move on.  I've spent two years praying, and doing everything I can to look at the positive side and stop the negative talk in my head about it. 

GD is so sad on both sides of the fence. My Husbands aches to have a boy, someone to carry on his name. He tries so desperately to act tough when disappointment comes time and time again. I know its killing him. Now the 4th time, he finally shared some of that frustration. I feel for all of you desperately wanting PINK... and only have BLUE. Yes, our daughters can play sports but they cant replace what is missing in my husbands eyes. I think *if* we should have another baby, we wont find out the gender, until the birth, it hurts so much wanting, praying, trying different methods with the SAME outcome.... Not knowing is better than the pain of knowing causes. Plus, I dont think I can handle another disappointment.