GD has destroyed my marriage

Well ladies. Many of you will know that I have been suffering from GD and that my DH would not contemplate having another child never mind about trying to sway. Well, this week has been awful. DH went away Sunday for a few days to think things through and he came home last night and confirmed my fears ... He does not love me anymore and he has left me. i am beyond devastated. My GD has played a major part in all of this. I have driven him away. The irony is that I was coming to terms with never having another child but it has come too late.

[:'(] omg im so sorry. will he agree to go to counseling with you, for the sake of your family?  maybe if you two went to talk with someone? praying for you and your family. hugs

So very sorry. I really hope he may consider going for some help so you two can get through this.

I wish there was some possibility of working through this but he is definite that it is over. He doesn't love me and he has been so unhappy for so long that he cannot see how it could ever work. He is adamant that he is going to be around lots for the boys and we are going to be friends. We are going to go ahead with the holiday abroad that we have had booked for almost a year now - we go in just over a week. It is going to be tough but I am going to go through with it for the sake of my boys but it has been made clear that we are going as parents and friends and nothing more. I have heard it said on this site hat GD is a monster but it truly is.

mykidseyessparkle:

I have heard it said on this site hat GD is a monster but it truly is.

It breaks my heart to read your posts on this thread. I'm concerned that you are taking this situation entirely on your shoulders for your GD experience. I don't know your entire situation, have not been a witness to your life, but I do know that a marriage ending is usually not completely on one person's shoulders.  In most instances (I did not say ALL fellow readers), a marriage's success or failure relies on both participants. So, please don't feel you should bear the burden of this as your responsibility alone. Sending prayers your way.

JCG2002:

In most instances (I did not say ALL fellow readers), a marriage's success or failure relies on both participants. So, please don't feel you should bear the burden of this as your responsibility alone. Sending prayers your way.

I agree with this....I also don't know your entire situation, but for dh to end your marriage over your gd? Maybe theres other things going through his head than he has admitted, and this is why he needs to agree to counselling..It's not fair to you and the boys otherwise. Please don't take complete ownership of the marriage breakdown..As JCG said, it takes two to make a marriage work..

Sending hugs to you, and hoping everything turns out ok for you all..Stay strong..

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I am so sorry to hear this. Your in my thoughts.

I really hate to hear this because you have always been so encouraging and helpful to me. My prayers are with you and your family.

Oh, I am so sorry to hear this! He won't go to counselling with you first to try to work through it? Does he say he wants to leave because he feels pressured to have another child and doesn't want to? It seems there would be more he's having trouble with to cause him to want to do something as drastic as divorce. I pray everything turns out for your family, saying a prayer for you right now!

what if you send him a longer letter and explaining all about gender disappointment ( does he know how much GD has influenced on you), and then at the end of the letter try to suggest if you go to some counselling in order to may be find the help for your relationship.

May be there still something you can do.

I'm so sorry for you. I was lucky enough to have an understanding DH, but I know that GD can be so consuming that it takes over your life. I just hope that your DH can come around to the idea of counselling so you 2 can try to work things out. And maybe if he is not up for that you could have some counselling for your GD, and then your DH could perhaps see you are trying to move on from it?

Thank you so much everybody for your thoughts and especially your prayers. GD of course is not the sole cause of this situation - there are other things of course - both of our jobs are onerous, we haven't spent enough time together as a couple - very telling is the fact that we went to a wedding without the children and stayed overnight. The first time we had ever done this. We had a fantastic time and dh admitted today that all of his feelings of woe went away whilst we were away but came back as soon as we returned home to our real/everyday lives. That was a month or so ago. He says it is over and there is no going back . He will not go to counselling as he does not see how that wouldnhelp. Particularly now he has made his decision. GD is a big factor in leading him to lose his love for me I know that. I have been a nightmare to live with and have tried every trick in the book to make him change his mind - subconsciously most of the time but looking back on it it I can see the pressure I was putting on our relationship. The ironic thing is that I was starting to come to terms with him not wanting another child and actually see the positives in sticking to just the two - our two amazing boys. I told dh this last night and he put his head in his hands ... It is too late to change anything or to save our marriage. I had lost my baby weight and was starting to look and feel like my old self. It is amazing that my GD has now completely gone .... I guess I have gone into major motherly protection for my boys and now I have lost my marriage and the family set up that I wanted for them I can absolutely see that that was enough. Yes I don't have the daughter but now i don't have all of the wonderful things that I had before. Its a cliche but I really couldn't see whatbI had until I have lost it.

I'm sorry, but I'm sure you will make it. If yout husband does not want to try for a daughter it's maybe better. I'm pregnant with my fourth son and am now convinced my husband can't make girls. I know you are hurting right now and you have to give yourself time, but I have heard of many women who had boys from one hubby and then got re-married and had one or more daughters from a new spouse. I know right now you cannot even think about it, but maybe it can give you a sparkle of hope for the future. Don't give your husband the chance to make you feel bad...because then he should feel bad for not giving you a daughter even if it's out of his control, but so is GD. He should not blame you for GD.....you don't have those feelings under control just like he can't control if an X or Y sperm reaches your egg. Hugs!!!

It's wonderful that you came to terms with having 2 boys and don't feel GD right now. I hope it will never ever come back. Please don't blame yourself though for the marriage being over and please don't let your husband take advantage of your guilty feelings. I don't know you and your situation, but I know a lot of men put that guilt on their wifes and then one day your boys might blame you for everything as well. Please take care of yourself and focus on yourself liking who you are. You don't need to look good for your husband or anybody....just for yourself. I once tried to win back my ex and it took a lot out of me and I lost myself. I did everything for him and he took advantage of me. I don't want anybody to go through that.

wantaninaisback:

I'm sorry, but I'm sure you will make it. If yout husband does not want to try for a daughter it's maybe better. I'm pregnant with my fourth son and am now convinced my husband can't make girls. I know you are hurting right now and you have to give yourself time, but I have heard of many women who had boys from one hubby and then got re-married and had one or more daughters from a new spouse. I know right now you cannot even think about it, but maybe it can give you a sparkle of hope for the future. Don't give your husband the chance to make you feel bad...because then he should feel bad for not giving you a daughter even if it's out of his control, but so is GD. He should not blame you for GD.....you don't have those feelings under control just like he can't control if an X or Y sperm reaches your egg. Hugs!!!

No offense but I think the last thing she wants to hear is her hubby getting re- married and possibly having a daughter with someone else! She isn't the only one suffering. Her husband and especially her children are all gonna be going through a difficult time. I can't imagine the pain their both going through knowing that it's really over. I don't have kids yet and so I can't say I understand GD but...I'm seeing it is an ugly monster. She didn't choose to feel this way hell nobody did. To the OP I am keeping you and your family in prayer. I know your kids are the ones that are gonna have the hardest time understanding mommy and daddy aren't living together. Just remember whatever you do make sure it's best for your kids. I know it's gonna be a tough road but you have us here for support. It just breaks my heart for you and your family. I pray the lord comforts you during this hard time. 