So depressed, will it ever go away? :'(

So yesterday i had a gender scan at 16+5 weeks. Where i was told he was 80% sure i was having my 4th boy!!

If i don't think about it then im fine, but i find myself thinking about more then i dont. Im almost out of tears. I hate myself for feeling this way, and i feel so sorry for my poor little baby boy. It's not that i hate him for being a him, i love him with all my heart. But why couldn't he have been a she. It's not even the fact that his a boy, it's the fact that im most likely NEVER going to have that daughter.

My cousin who lives over the road from me had her little girl today, im really happy for her. I went out to get a gift for the baby. As i was looking at all the beautiful summer dresses, i started to cry that i should be buying them for my baby. I turned to see the boys section, i hate boys clothes so much!! In the end i couldn't bring myself to buy anything for my cousins baby. How selfish am i?

I just feel really crap, and a terrible mother. All i do is cry and OH thinks i blame him, but i honestly dont!! Nothing good ever happens to us. What a really hard dumb by thing to say. Cause i know im luckier then some people. I am so greatful to have 4 healthy and beautiful sons, but it doesn't stop the hurt.

All im hearing at the minute is 'never mind, theres nothing wrong with 4 boys', 'you should count yourself lucky', 'i dont know why you went in for another, you must of know it would be another boy', 'healthy is all that matters', 'you should never say your dissapointed, your being very silly'.

There probably right, but i can't help the way i feel. I wish i didn't want a girl but i do!! I cant wait to meet my son, and i know i'll love him with all my heart. But the need for a girl is never going to leave me, but when do you stop, when do you tell your self that enough is enough. It's never going to happen?? Im already begging OH to try one more time. I really hate myself right now!!

For starters, I personally think that 16 weeks might be a bit early to be too sure on an ultrasound if the baby is a girl or a boy but with that being said to brace your heart I would just assume boy at this point.   I'm so sorry that you are hearing boy again, I truely feel your pain.  I found out we are having our third boy a month ago and I'm still crying daily. 

Don't you just want to smack people.  I am also sick of the stupid "oh boys are fun", "I'm mad at you for feeling this way do you know how many people can't even have kids" "your lucky that the baby is healthy".  And my all time favorite the one's who BLAME you because how could you be soooo stupid to think you would get your desired gender this time around.  GD is a terrible place because NO ONE knows how you feel because they didn't experience it.   So you suffer in silence.  You cry in closets.  You wish you could have a crystal ball to see what your life would look like in 10 years, 20 years, 30 years.  Will I get over this and be happy or should I go for another kid because I will NEVER get over it? 

Four and a half years into GD and I can recognize a fellow GD suffer in a heartbeat.  A lady down the street was telling me how she was the only girl out of five kids and then went on to tell me that it got worse she ended up having 3 boys and now she is the grandmother to two boys.  She made light of it by saying that "obviously God didn't think I could get along with females" but I knew she was a member of the elite GD sisterhood. 

Now I told my friend how I felt and she said probably the most reassuring thing to me lately.  Her sister in law is a Heroine addict and had a kid and when I told her that I was a terrible mother she told me "sweetie until you tell me that your a drug addict I don't think you qualify as a bad mother, your just a disappointed mother and once the hormones are gone you will be just fine"....  So Your NOT a bad mother!!!!!

As for me, I'm stuck watching all my sister in laws give birth to girls while I keep giving birth to boys.  So I am with you that it sometimes just seems like fate keeps throwing me lemons.   I have never won a darn stinking thing my whole life!  So off to try to make some lemonaid with those lemons....... 

 I truely think the worst with GD is other people! If they just could keep their mouth shut, we would all be better! I just read on FB, my dear friend saying she is done having kids and the first reply read "but don't you want a girl?" Hell how can someone be so stupid were are the guarantees we get the sex we want???

 I told everyone I wanted a third boy for my last one as the comments got ridicilous!! 

 I agree with a pp 16+5 is a wee bit early for a scan, did you go in early with your other children too? 4 boys will be very special, you will be princess of the castle ;-) and 4 grown sons will be wonderful, is this your last child?

So sorry you didn't hear and yes people getting what YOU want and living so close too makes you really feel it. I was on Facebook yesterday and the boy i love  (and inspiration of my username), well his Auntie was congratulating someone on their pregnancy and i noticed she said "bet you want another girl", don't know any of the people personally but folk do seem to be saying that a lot. Anyway if i ever do have her Nephews baby someday i do, i will say "NO"!!! ha ha. It's so adorable you said you will love him so much and you're right-you will , he's going to be amazing and i hope one day you can complete your family with a , all the best and throw some of that blue dust my way!!!!. Congratulations

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WOW,

Thank you for the lovely replys. I half expected to have some really nasty ones!! Thats why it's taken so long for me to reply, i was scared lol oh and them bloody monkeys!!

I totally agree with you all on the bit of others commenting, i've had so many comments over the last few days. One 'friend' said to me yesterday, 'your never having a 4th boy, you poor thing'. I could scream! I don't know why i should be made to feel bad about having 4 boys!! Comments like that just set me off again!! I do feel as though im getting ever so slightly better day by day but night times are really hard for me, esp when the boys have been put to bed. I get too much time to think and cry.

Bless my mom, she is trying to get me to be excited. She's bought him loads of cute knitted outfits. I just can't bring myself to buy things yet thou, i think secretly im holding out for my 20 week scan in 3 weeks. Hoping that it was too early and he made a mistake, and im going to hear girl. How stupid. I know it's a boy, because i seen the triangle between his legs. There was no sight of 3 lines :(

I think i could get OH to try again, but i don't know if i could. It frightens me to think i could end up with 5 boys if not more. I really shouldn't be thinking this way, i have an unborn healthy baby in my tummy and im thinking about trying for another one. I should enjoy the baby im about to have, and be happy with what i have!! There are people who cant have babys, or lose there babys. Im so selfish i know. I love my boys more then anythink in the world, i would die for them. I am so happy i have each and every one of them. I just wish i knew if im ever going to get a girl, even if it was in 10 years time atleast i'd know then.

When i found out my 3rd baby was a boy, i cried and i was sad but it only lasted a day. This time seems to be much worse!!

Here is the potty shot. definitely a boy??

I tried to send you a message yesterday but those monkeys ate it. I found out I'm expecting my third boy a couple of weeks ago. I took it better than I expected but it's still hard, as you say, it's not about getting a son, it's about not getting a daughter. I'm honestly not sure about that potty shot. I've never got a potty shot at my gender scans and that suits me because I would over analyse it and convinced myself it could be wrong. My tech was very sure though, at 16 weeks + 3 and double checked for me so I think it your tech is only 80% then he wasn't completely convinced or isn't very sure of his ability (either is not exactly going to help you at the moment until you know for sure). Personally I would ask to be rescanned for free. Most private places would offer this automatically if they are not 100%, the lady that did my scan said straightaway that it was a bit on the early side so if she had any doubt (she didn't!) she would get me back in again.

I was thinking last night, I don't want to have any more children for a while after this little one is born. I just want to enjoy my three boys (though I'm still young so I'm not saying never, I'd like to try again in a few years and maybe try swaying hardcore for girl) and then I had these two dreams where I got a girl, one after my three boys and the other on my 6th go (we will not  keep going til then!). I don't know if it is a sign that I will get my girl eventually if I'm patient or maybe it's just a dream. I'm like you, I couldn't just keep going on having children indefinitely. I've always wanted five but I think maybe four is our limit in terms of space and finances. My friend has four boys btw and they are the sweetest. She has always been really positive about it. I think she'd have liked a girl but I'd have been very surprised if she'd had GD, she always does so much with her boys and seems so thrilled and proud of them. I think four boys is really special (if it is four boys and you don't know for sure!). GL hun xxx

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southernbelle2217:

Yesterday I found out that we're having our third boy. I am so depressed. I can't do anything but cry. I really didn't think I would be this way. Last November I had a missed miscarriage. We wanted to try again using tactics to make a girl but when my AF wouldn't regulate we gave up. Of course then I ended up pregnant. I "just knew" that since god gave us another baby that it would be the girl I've prayed for. I feel like god just likes to pick on me. My mom was never around & the grandmother who raised me got Alzheimers about 8 years ago & passed last May. I just wanted to have a mother-daughter relationship like I've always wanted & now I'll never have it. I wish god would have given this baby to someone else. I just don't even want him anymore. Boys are disgusting, ungrateful creatures. & it make things worse I feel like a HORRIBLE person for feeling this way. It's not fair. I've always tried to do right by people, serve god & I ask for one thing but nope. I feel like god is just a cruel being who just likes to pick on me. The worst part is is that I blame my husband. Not only does his sperm choose what kind of baby we have but after my miscarriage he kept telling me "I wish you'd just get pregnant so you'll quit being sad". Backfired on him huh? I just know that when all the boys get older they'll want to hang out with dad & I'll be alone. I would rather not have anymore kids than to have another boy. What makes it worse is having to hear what other people will say, especially my mother in law. She had two boys & ever since I found out I was pregnant she tells anyone that will listen that she never had a third b/c she just knew she'd have a boy. I planned a gender reveal party so not only do I have to tell people in public but I'm going to have to listen to them tell me how sorry they are.  It's so messed up that god would give me another baby, knowing it would turn out like this. This baby deserves better than me. I feel so hopeless :( I don't want this life :(

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I didn't say anything different than you ladies did. I just didn't put it so eloquently.