The worst part is hating myself...

I am new here, and this is my first post...  I have a wonderful, beautiful, adorable son named Caleb.  He's 2, and although he is definitely 2, I love him more than life itself!  Here's the problem...

I have always wanted a little girl to share a close relationship like I have with my mother.  I remember telling everyone when I was pg w/ Caleb that it was a girl -even though in my heart I knew it wasn't true.  (I just hoped maybe if I said it enough it would come true!)  U/S day came and as soon as they put it to my stomach it was OBVIOUS Caleb was in there!  I remember laying there crying - as queitly as I could while we continued w/ the u/s.  I was so embarrassed!  I was disappointed, but I finally got to where I was glad to just have him in there - healthy and strong.  I wouldn't trade him for the world.

Now I'm pregnant again.  I decided to try BGM because I felt that if it is another boy I want to know - deal with it - and get to enjoy my u/s this time!  I didn't want to have to watch through embarrassed tears again.  Well, I got my results yesterday and, indeed, it says boy.  Shock was the first feeling... I've felt like this one was a girl from the first moment.  (still do kind of!)  I'm sad, mad, disappointed, etc.  And the worst part is how much I hate myself for feeing this way!  After having lost our 2nd pregnancy, you would think I would be happy just to have a healthy baby in there!  But it's not how I feel.  I pray and pray for God just to let me be content (I've prayed that from the beginning)... still waiting...

I'm glad to find a place like this.  Where others understand.  I'm too terrified and embarrassed to tell any of my friends how I feel.  I'm glad to have women like you.  Thanks for letting me vent.

~Carey

Hi!  I understand your situation.  I am so happy to be pregnant with a healthy baby.  I also have a 2 year old son, and I was hoping to give hime a brother.  Of course at my u/s they couldn't get a good shot but the technician is leaning towards a girl.  I thought I didn't care but I've been bawling ever since. Of course my friends are all congratulating me and confirming that it's probably a girl and I can't even restrain myself anymore. I wish I hadn't known, and now I know why people don't find out.  I'm crushed.  I really thought this was another boy.  I know how ridiculous and bratty I must sound and I feel like a total jerk.

Tiffany

You girls are being way too hard on yourselves.  It's totally normal to have the feelings you are having, this site is evidence of that.  Everyone here has felt a similar feeling.  I wish sooo much that I could change myself and my feelings and just be happy to be a mother of all boys.  It's certainly not that we all do not love and adore the children that we have or are going to have.  It's just so hard to not have control over something that you desire so desperately.  And to watch others- friends and family- seemingly get what they want.  I promise though, it does get easier, and eventually you will hopefully get your daugher or son that you desire.  And don't forget that gender mentor is often wrong, I will be hoping it is for you!! 

Claire

I just wanted you to know that I thought I was pregnant with a baby girl when I first found out.  I took the BGM test at 9 weeks after my first u/s and it said BOY. I was shocked, but accepted the fact I would not be having a girl after all. Imagine my surprise at my 20 week u/s when the doctor said I was having a baby girl. I did not believe him and had a 3D u/s at 30 weeks...clearly a girl. I delivered Hailey Rilynn on the 5th of this month and she is 100% all girl. Do not believe BGM, trust your u/s results only!!! If you have any questions, email me or view the CNN link that did the report on me and several others on this site who were told one gender by BGM but had a baby of the opposite sex.  The BGM test is nothing more than a scam...check out the graph on this site under Baby Gender Mentor---the 1st post on the board-- that show how many of us were told one gender but had a baby of the opposite gender.

Hugs,

Raylene

Realtormom,

I did see that graph - and read SEVERAL of the posts about BGM and the ladies who have has incorrect results.  As a matter of fact, that's how I found this site... I got my results in, and was in such disbelief that I thought I might want to do a little research on it.  (I know... I did things a little backwards!  Should have researched first!  But w/ that "99.9%" accuracy rate...)  At any rate.  I'm afraid to "get my hopes up" after reading all of the wrong that has been done from BGM.  Granted, I still WANT a girl more than anything, I figure I can't dwell on the maybe factor.  Does that make sense?  Believe me - I'm still praying... Praying that God blesses me with a girl (if meant to be) and that either way I'm content with both my pregnancy and what the outcome is.  I'm just glad to have this website now - a place where people understand.  Goodness knows no one else does!  Thanks for your reply!  I truly appreciate it! 

Best wishes! 

AND CONGRATS ON YOUR BABY GIRL!

Just forget you even took the bgm test and keep reading and posting here until you get your u/s. It really does help. I took the test in feb at 6 wks  and it told me boy too, I was in so much shock just like you b/cause I really expected it to say girl, after finding this site and talking to so many other women about the test being wrong ALOT( especially if you already have a son)Its help to calm be down and give me hope until my u/s which is May 8th I cant wait. So just enjoy the advice, enjoy your pregnancy and Welcome!!! Keep us posted of course! Its so fun here! like you can make a hundred new friends with women you ll probably never even meet. It s great to see how women can come together end encourage on another!  Good Luck  Tiffany Hanks

Calebzmom: Thanks for the reply! I know exactly how you feel about not getting your hopes up for a DD. I REALLY wanted a DD because I knew my husband and I were only going to have 2 children, and I already had a DS.  I did my research backwards too...faced depression & eventually accepted the fact I was having a DS after the BGM test...bonded with "him" for 12 weeks, only to be shocked at week 20 that it was a DD & then finding this site...looking for others who had also gotten conflicting results...not really believing I truly had a DD...too afraid to believe it....until week 30....then feeling really emotionally confused as I had already "come to grips with the reality I would not be having the DD I always wanted." I then had to deal with the "loss" of the DS I had accepted and started bonding with & dreaming about. I prayed for a DD too--up until I took the BGM test...and ended up having a harder time bonding with the DD at first b/c of the whole BGM thing! Strange...I know! Just REMEMBER that God has the best sibling planned for Caleb and that is what really counts the most! Please keep me updated & let us know when you find out. I hope you get the gender you are wanting, but please just forget you ever took the BGM test...as nothing good can come of it & please join the lawsuit against the company...you paid for 99% accuracy and you didn't get it. All people who bought the test are elligable. Go to www.babygenderinvestigation.com to find out more.

Again, Best wishes & pink dust for a DD,

Raylene aka Realtormom

I am so sorry to see another woman going throught the BGM dissapointment.  i know how depressed you must feel.  I was there myself.  I was told boy (three times) by BGM.  Then they told me I would be having a baby with ambiguious Genitalia.  I gave birth to a girl that has 100% normal chromosomes.  They were checked before birth by amnio and after birth.  So, just believe that God is giving you the baby he knows you need to have.  Dont be down on yourself.  There is nothing you could do different.  I wish you lots of luck and pink baby dust!!!

Melissa,

Thank so much.  I know God is giving me what I need.  It's just so hard to let go and let God sometimes.  That dad-gum human nature wants to do it all, you know?  I just pray for contentment every day.  And I try SO HARD not to get my hopes up after reading all of the BGM horror stories.  It seems like SO MANY said boy and ended up girl.  But I don't want that to make me get my hopes up.  I guess what I'm trying to do right now is wrap my brain around the fact that this probably is a little boy and Caleb will have a little brother.  That way - when we go in for our u/s (whenever that will be) - I will be excited to just see my baby.  And - if it happens to be a little girl, I will be watching yet another u/s through tears.  Only these would be tears of absolute joy and amazement! 

Thanks to you all for your support and positive thoughts.  It helps more than you know.

~Carey

Sorry new girl here...what is a BGM??

 

Haley

Carey,
All the feelings you described about your u/s with your son mirror what I was feeling with my son's U/S (now age 2).  I don't think I'd ever considered that he might not be a girl, because that's just what I wanted.  Now we're talking about TTC #2 and I am totally worried about it because I'm so worried about never having a daughter.  I have thought something was wrong with me - and am so glad to have found this site.  Today a good friend of mine found out she was expecting a girl and while I'm happy for her, I'm finding myself back in the middle of a big funk - this always happens when i get news of a new baby girl on the way.  I hope you're doing okay.    I just wanted to let you know that I understand how you're feeling.

The BGM definitely gets a bad rep....so try not to let it shatter your dreams just yet.  I know its hard.  :(  Your u/s should be coming up soon, right???  Keep us posted!

Fiona

Fiona,

Glad you have found comfort here - I know I have.  Yes, I had my u/s, and Wang got the coin toss right for me.  We are having another little boy.  His name is William Connor - will go by Connor.  Although I didn't get the girl I was praying for, I did, in fact, get the peace I prayed for.  It was amazing.  I was terrified at u/s time, but - believe it or not - a calm came over me as it started, and all of a sudden, I just knew it was going to be another boy.  I didn't cry this time.  I actually got to enjoy watching my baby kick the dickens out of my bladder!  Now - don't get me wrong - a few days later, when I was alone, I did have a good cry.  I'm getting used to the idea slowly but surely.  And I am realizing more and more each day that it is OK to feel the way I do.  I know I will love him when I meet him - even if the next few months of anticipation are tough.  I understand totally about your feelings about your friend.  My great friend is due 7 days after me, and her u/s was this week.  I was terrified.  I cried more worrying that she would have a girl than the fact that I was not having one!  You know - like it would be rubbed in my face, so to speak.  I was blessed, however, in that she is also having a boy.  I think it has actually help me start to wrap my heart around Connor... knowing he already has a friend.  I feel for you, Fiona, and I wish I could offer some fabulous advice.  But, in fact, I can't.  I can only take this one day at a time and hope that you will find a sense of peace like I have.  That's the only thing I knew to do - pray for peace.  Give it try.  I hope it helps.  Good luck - and let me know what you decide about TTC #2!

~Carey

Oh - one more thing that helps...

Caleb (he's 2 1/2) tells me all the time, "Thank you for my brother Connor, Mommy."

I have to admit... that does melt my heart! 

I think you have come to the right place! All the ladies here are very understanding and share many of your feelings. I have 2 littel girls, and with the 2nd was told at the U/S it was a boy. I was ecstatic because I wanted a boy, and long story short I gave birth to 100% girl. I was crushed. It was very hard for me to accept since I already had a little girl. I only grew up with brothers and I never saw myself having girls, and to have 2 has been this bizarre reality I have learned to come to grips with. We are trying for a boy, with the shettles method, hopefully this fall and I am just so nervous I don't know if I want to try. I have heard all the sayings to of " Well just be glad you baby is healthy" and I know all that but something inside of me feels horrible because I want a son.

My husband and I had already known we wanted 4 kids, but in my heart I don't know if I want 4 girls. It's a horrible feeling, and know I would love them no matter what, but it's like my husband has this special relationship with my daughters, the whole Daddy-daughter bond, and while I love my girls I would love a Mother-son bond.

Anyway, good luck with your pregnancy and don't feel guilty for your feelings. I do and I feel more normal coming here and reading that other women like me share the same thoughts!!!