Can you understand the other side's point of view, or not?

Chachamama:

People who are devastated to have even 1 boy or 1 girl, I don't understand.

Key word being "devastated." I can understand a little disappointment if it's not your DG but not devastation.

What I understand the least, however, is *never* being able to move on no matter what your family make-up. That's what I don't get. At some point, it becomes time to move forward with life.

Or are you able to just understand that different people have different preferences, this is more my idea of thinking

 

i wouldnt trade my girls in with boys i would just love one boy to add to my family thats all. i dont understand people that want only one gander family,

Like a lot of other posters, I too find it really weird when someone only wants one gender and does not want the opposite. I always wanted to be a boy mom, but I also always wanted a daughter in the end. I had her first and had gd, not because I didn't want her, but because it was not the order I wanted and I was afraid I would never have a ds. I think women who are hell bent against having one gender must have an underlying issue as to why that is. But then again, we are all different.

Beebs$:

What I understand the least, however, is *never* being able to move on no matter what your family make-up. That's what I don't get. At some point, it becomes time to move forward with life.

Absolutely agree with this.  My heart really goes out to those moms and dads who live their whole life with an intense disappointment with their family make-up... once I've moved past the point in our life where DH & I having kids, I don't think I'll give much thought to the genders of my children.  It will be what it is, and I'll be happy to raise those children.

I do kind of have a hard time understanding why someone would be upset about having a girl. I sympathize with them for feeling bad, I am sorry that they are hurting, I just can't personally understand it.

 That said I am one of those women that is only wanting a girl, and my preference is strong enough that I am terrified to TTC - but that is because I want to have only one child. I would be very disappointed, I believe, to have a boy as my first, because it would mean either living my life without a daughter (something I don't think I could bear), or having to have a second child (if I can't find clinic to do PGD for only child and end up with a boy) when I feel an only child is best for me for serious personal reasons. If I wanted several children I would not feel strongly about having only girls, as long as at least one of my children was a girl, though I think I'd still have a slight preference to have more girls than boys, because I feel more suited to parenting girls - I have a niece, but no nephews, most of my childcare experience has been with girls, etc. Maybe some of those who didn't want a boy or a girl at all, don't want one because they don't know if they will have more children and it's maybe their only chance at their DG.... I know some of those people have a large family, but not all do...

I am one of those moms who only wanted girls and was devastated when I found out I am pregnant with a boy. I have an amazing father and husband, and my preference does not arise out of having any issues with men. I grew up with one sister, we are both amazingly close to out mom, and I completely relate to all things girly, and do not relate at all to typical boy things. I just feel no connection to little boys, even my friends' sons. I have no desire to live as a boy mom. However, it has nothing to do with my experiences with men -- my father and I are close, and my relationship with my husband is great. I do have a hard time understanding those who don't want girls or who desperately want boys, but on the other hand, I *do* understand the pain of not getting a DG, so I empathize on that level.

I can understand any form of GD...but just dont understand the "bashing" part

outnumberedx3:

I can understand the women who have a bunch of girls and want a boy just as much as the ones who have a bunch of boys and want a girl (like me). The ones I'm kind of on are those who only want 1 gender - all boys or all girls. I think because I want BOTH gender so badly my brain can't grasp why anyone would only want 1 gender lol. Nothing against them it's just something I have never experienced so I don't "get it" like I "get" wanting the opposite gender. If that makes sense.

This is exactly how I feel..

Girls Only:

outnumberedx3:

I can understand the women who have a bunch of girls and want a boy just as much as the ones who have a bunch of boys and want a girl (like me). The ones I'm kind of on are those who only want 1 gender - all boys or all girls. I think because I want BOTH gender so badly my brain can't grasp why anyone would only want 1 gender lol. Nothing against them it's just something I have never experienced so I don't "get it" like I "get" wanting the opposite gender. If that makes sense.

This is exactly how I feel..

 

I have to admit I do agree this does get to me as well..But I try not to judge, I know everyone's story is so different and usually when people explain the story behind their fear of a certain gender I do get it.

It's just hard for me to see it sometimes cos I do view girls and boys fairly equally, they both have their pro's and con's so to speak, and I've found out through friends having girls that they are pretty much the same as babies.

I have said before I am uber greedy and was desperate for both. If I had a girl first I prob would have been desperate for a boy-I'll never know so I cant comment 100%. 

I think it's a shame that people do fear a gender sometimes. I know it's sometimes to a horrid experiences (abuse etc), but I have read posts about it being 'just not what people pictured' or that they 'dont get' a gender. I think I dont 'get kids' full stop sometimes! And I have no expectation that I will 'get' this little girl just cos she's female (and I am quite girly but so's my mum and she DID NOT 'get' me!).

I understand about the loss of a dream I wanted GIRL, BOY... and just letting go of having an older girl is hard-even though I also view it as crazy!...

I do struggle when people have 3 or 4 of one gender ONLY want that gender they have and then have an 'opposite' and hate it! I mean , my brain says 'you've been lucky enough to get three or four in a row of a DG but your gutted that the 3rd of 4th isn't!'...That's really hard for me as I think having three of exactly what you want is very very lucky indeed and surely one would have to see that having another in a row of exactly what you want is unusual? 

I'm sure people have great reasons that if explained i'd get, but I have been very confused about it in the past...would love to experiences of this as I'd love to understand it more. I dont want to judge!

x

Yes, I can see it. ALL my friends had girls and wanted a boy. I was the only one with a boy. I was great with that but I wanted a girl for number two. That's when my GD set in.

My very close friend has three girls and suffers from GD. So I get it.

 

Tamara:

sephora:

dinkiedoo:

I'm like that too - if someone really has four or five of one gender and seems thrilled, tbh I always assume they are covering well

 

 

not always. I could have 4 sons and be completely completed :) 

ya but you do care a little about gender right?

there are people in rl who really dont care.  I dont get that

 

yeah I do care about gender. I don't want any girls. I don't want a balanced family. I just want all sons.  It will be hard probably, but two sons would make me soooo happy :) I guess Im one of these crazy one gender obsessed girls ;) But I would NEVER complain if I had three or four sons and then suddenly a girl popped up. I don't think I'd have that many kids, but If that did happen, I wouldnt complain at all. I'd feel blessed with the children I have and that I got so much of my DG.

 I can get people who don't care at all about gender. And I'm so envious of them. 

LynnSB:

Like a lot of other posters, I too find it really weird when someone only wants one gender and does not want the opposite. I think women who are hell bent against having one gender must have an underlying issue as to why that is. But then again, we are all different.

I must be pretty weird then .  Before having babies, I had a strong preference for a one-gender family.  It didn't matter too much the gender, although I loved the idea of loads of little boys running around!  When DD1 was born I really wanted another girl to follow.  I would absolutely not have been disappointed if I had a boy in the mix but I'm pretty thrilled with my 3 girls.  I always see one-gender families and think they're pretty special.

 That said, I can understand the burning desire for a boy or a girl, but NOT the fear/dislike etc of a particular gender.

Yes I can.  Before I had my boys I would have said my ideal family make-up was all girls.  I had no desire for a boy.  My children changed my perception of boys completely.  While I may not *want* to understand someone who does not want boys/girls, I do.  I have a friend with a young daughter who told me a while ago that she had badly wanted a boy, her own mum had to give her a pep talk on the benefits of having a a girl as she was disappointed.  And I found out only this weekend that my dad had been desperate for his first child to be a girl, he actively did not want a boy (luckily he got what he wanted though lol).  I had always assumed men were all desperate for sons.  It gives me a sense of perspective to hear about people with different GD than mine.

No, I don't find it difficult at all. I feel like we are one and the same really. We both desperatly want the opposite of what we have. I want the boy they have and they want the girl i have. We are both feeling the same GD feelings, hopes and desires. So I can totally relate and feel we are all in the same boat of no control of what we have/get.

I can understand an all boy Mum wanting a girl, or an all girl Mum wanting a boy. I can also understand a Mum with mixed genders having a preference for the next.

What I don't understand is how a Mum can be devestated having a gender when she already has both. More often than not on these boards a Mum has a boy and a girl and wants another girl and is devestated to find it is another boy. I understand a preference but I get sad for her boy that she felt so strongly toward the girl that she only wanted another girl so strongly. I know we aren't supposed to say it but I do think at least you got your DG once. I normally close these threads without reply and don't open them again as they flare up my own GD. I know they have a right to be here and get support but it is not something I can read twice.