I''ll be expecting my first baby on 3rd october 2010. Just as the title says above, as a fellow October buddy, i may need all your support, prayers and courage to go through this first pregnancy (with a GD!). DH and I were expecting for a girl, but I was told in my 22 week scan that my baby would be a boy (doctor pointed out a scrotum - which to me does not look bulbous enough to me and a penis which somehow looks strange, but anyhow, i was so sure it wasn't a girl because nothing looks girly there, ie , no three lines, labia folds, etc - also i went to a highly reputable clinic which i doubt they'd make a guess based on a very basic anatomy but i will get it checked again during my OB visit next time). Actually i don't want to believe on OWT, but the way i am carrying has also convinced me that it is a baby boy. I carry small, all belly and looks a bit pointy with hips still slim. I don't gain much weight up till this stage now.
DH and I went crazy over girl things in first 4 months of pregnancy and was soooo hoping for a baby girl (no girls have been born in DH's side for 3 generations!) we excitedly and eagerly picked girls names, but when we found out it was a boy, we both quite shattered and i've even had a lot of cries since then. This morning the first thing i did when i woke up was crying! As soon as i opened my eyes i felt like i only wanted to live in 'dream' world where i could be told i would be having a girl. To make things worse, DH's cousin husband who's also due in Oct with their first baby is expecting a girl. My heart is crushed and feels God has forgotten about us and i feel that my baby girl has been stolen. :( . I realise nothing could change what's already baking in the oven now, and all i could ask from God is the strength to go through this pregnancy until the end and deliver a healthy baby!
My best friend assures me that it is not a bad thing for not having a girl yet, she said God is already very kind to give me a baby (whereas other people are struggling to conceive). I guess my desire for a baby girl comes after i became pregnant, maybe it's just motherly instinct / desire to nurse and raise a daughter (just like between me and my mom). As much as my heart hurts for 'losing' a baby girl this time, but i've realised how beautiful it is to become a mother and makes me appreciate all mothers around the world. Therefore, I want to live this life in a positive manner and (secretly) hope for some pink dust to come in the future.
Sorry for the long speech, but i appreciate it if you would like to send me your support and courage