missing someone?

Hi all....

 im very new to this, this is my first post...so please forgive me if this is in worng section.

 i just wanted to see if there was anyone in the same boat as me...I have two gorgeous girls, however i cant shake the feeling that there is always someone missing. Like there is someone else  that should be in the car, at the dinner table, in the pram! Ever since dd2 was born i have ached for another one. My DH on the other hand is the complete oposite. He is 100% sure that our family is done, and no matter how many times i try and talk to him about me wanting another, he tells me that im being selfish and need to be happy with the two we have. I know that his major reason for not wanting another baby is money, but i believe that if he truly wanted another baby, we could make it happen/work.

 I guess what im trying to say is has/does anoyone else feel like this? how did you overcome it? i have been really considering going to a counselor to see if this could help these feelings go away..but i question, will they ever?

I also wanted to leave with this thought. I dont believe that i have ever suffered from GD, but could i feel like someone is missing because i never got my 'son'?

Thanks for those who got this far......

I used to feel EXACTLY the same way until we decided to try one more time for a girl after two boys.

I couldn't fight that feeling of 'there's something stopping me from saying no more children' because I really wanted to see if we might have a girl! I couldn't shake that feeling of 'if we never try then we will never know' but today I am sitting here writing to you with a baby girl due in October! We did make every effort to try for a girl using a certain method to give us the best possible outcome and this meant that we could say that we tried and not left it to fate. I know that having another boy would have been wonderful and I made sure I felt this way before trying again. But I promissed that I would allow myself to feel sadness if we didn't have a girl as I knew that we would never experience what it would be like to have a daughter and this would probably always bring some sadness in the future.

Your husband is correct.....they are expensive and we had the same concerns, but we decided that we would find a way to cope.

I found so much comfort by reading through forums of others that were just like me as it made me feel like I wasn't crazy. So many women feel the same emotions.

It took a whilefor us to decide that we would try again but we made sure that we BOTH felt happy about the what ever it was that we decided to do.

I hope you can come to a mutual understanding in the end

 

thank you so much for your reply....

 

i really hope we come to a mutual decision, hopefully in the not too near future

i realise that who knows what could happen in the future...but i think its more the idea that i cant have the answer that i want. I try everyday to put it behind me, but it really eates me up. I guess my biggest problem iis that he doesnt seem to understand these feelings and im not sure if he ever will????

well for future...

thanks for listening to my rant

Welcome! I felt exactly the way you feel. I ached for the daughter I didn't have, and everywhere we went, even on wonderful family vacations I felt like someone was missing. My husband was very happy to stop at two, and it took a long time for him to decide that three would be okay. I don't know how old your daughters are, but our sons were 7 and 4 by the time we made the decision to go for #3. I was a little worried that my husband would resent me for pushing for this, but he is absolutely smitten with this baby, and I see a maturity in his parenting this time around that is really beautiful.

I think a counselor is a good idea, especially if you can get your husband to go with you. We did not go to counseling over this issue, but have over something else, and it really helped us to understand each other. 

I hope your husband will change his mind!

thank you for your experiences.....stories like yours does give me hope that maybe one day he will change his mind. My daughters are 2 and 10months so i know i still have a bit of time onmy hands. I just know that i need to focus on other things and maybe give him some time to come around.

 

Thank you for your kind words

I still feel like someone is missing!! I even tell people I have 6 sons and a daughter or 7 kids.... CRAZY because I am done like yesterdays dinner. I make cereal for an extra kid and don't realize it till I put all the bowls on the table, I am always searching for that other "kid" when I am counting heads and then shake my head and say no wait I got them all. I was like this before, before I got pg with another child but dh is fixed (MY CHOICE, well and he finally agreed) and has been since a few weeks after finding out I was SURPRISE pg with #6.... I am thinking maybe it is my dog I am counting in with the rest of them LOL well he is male, and I do consider him my furry son and he is the "youngest" he is 8months old hehe

 Oh, thank you for posting that!

I have this irrational desire for 1 more baby (boy actually  ), but thinking rationaly it all comes to:  why on Earth would I want another baby? The 4 of us live in harmony and we are happy little family. Would it be too much for me to handle one more? I think it would....

Then of course there is money issue and quality of life you can provide for your kids....

But then I come back to the beginning: I just have this irrational desire for baby boy and there I go in circles....  BTW, my hubby thinks we're done having kids

Hi ladies sorry dont get the chance to come on net as much as i would like...but thank you all for your lovely thoughts/words. I am glad iam not alone

 

today i took the girls swimming and there was a mum there that has two girls the same age apart as mine and she has just had a bubba boy i kept thinking....ohhh i wish that was me [:'(] i just cant shake this feeling....it haunts me every day...my heart literally aches.!!!

 no changes for my DH thoughts...his still stuck in the two is enough world....NOT FAIR

 

Thanks for listening to my babble

 

 Yea, so normal.  We would all be sitting at the dinner table and I kept feeling likeI had to go get the baby out of the crib, even though she was sitting in her high chair.  That was before I got pg, so I'm feeling much better. LOL.  Now at least I'm not looking for my non-existant baby, I know where she is, haha.  And hoping that she's a she, so I can be DONE!

I'm right with you there, feeling so much pain every day I come close to tears at the sight of our friends with their baby boys (we have 4 girls). DH is ADAMANT that we are done and is really dismissive in a very non-nice way about my gd... are you still out there?

hi yep still out here :) no news here really..........i decided to go back to school....this has helped distract my thoughts from another baby (they are still there though...deep down). Its good to hear that iam not alone...thank you for your post! 4 Girls is lovely (i have three sisters and loved growing up with them). iam sorry to hear that your hubby is dismissive of your gd. I have also spoke to my husband about this a few times this year and he still agrees very strongly against it...makes me sad :( Heres to hoping our hubby's change their minds!!!

I felt that way before ds3 and now that he is 6 months old I still feel like 1 more is missing but I know we are done.   I hope your hubby changes his mind