Question

As I sit here and enjoy my new baby, I keep asking myself will I be ok if I never had a son?  I desperately wanted a son with my recent pregnancy.  Now that I had her I feel great about her and I feel a lot better about being a mom of 2 girls (btw something that I dreaded all of my life).  I would like to try again in 2011 to conceive a boy but I ask myself what if I don’t get a boy next time or what something happens whereas I can’t have another kid.  Will I be ok with never having a son (something I so desperately wanted)?  So my question is to other moms out there, will you be ok with never having the son or daughter that you always wanted? 

you are verbalizing the feelings that I fully expect to have in just a few weeks myself!   I DO think that I will want to experience both, but being on the 'still gestating' side of things brings a different perspective than I'd have if he were actually here.

i'm going to reply to this again in a few weeks and hopefully have more to say!  we should discuss this more!

I just want to give my experience and my honest opinion with my family.  I loved my two DD's even though I craved a son. I hate being pregnant and wasn't all that infatuated with baby's.  But I knew that I wanted a baby boy more than anything, and I know to this day that I would try again if I didn't have my boy this time.  Just my experience and my opinion.  Good Luck with your soul searching.

Thank you ladies.  I have put in my head that if I don’t have a son than I can accept it.  All we can do is try.  There is a 50/50 chance and it’s just the luck of the draw.

I thought I would be okay without a daughter and because of that I have let WAY to many years pass me by.  I am 38 (soon to be 39) and I am starting to absolutely panic at the thought of truly never having a daugther.  I have two sons but was too afraid to have another baby for fear of another boy.  I wish I could have all of those years back to try...more than once if needed.  Four kids would be my absolute limit though! 

For me GD really flares up during ttc and pregnancy.

 I am happy with my 2 girls love seeing how close they are and how they are so different from each other. Usually it is only when I am thinking of trying, ttc or pregnancy that it really bothers me.

In saying that with both girls I knew that I would  have the chance to have more children. Not sure how I would feel if I was all done (will be after this one) and still had all girls and no boy.

I guess my answer doesn't really count, but......i was at peace with not having another daughter after trying and having 3 boys. I had my tubes tied after the 3rd boy. But life changed and i found myself in a new marriage and learned of Microsort. Thing is, my daughter was the one that desperately wanted a sister. She used to cry and cry at the age of 5 for a sister. So i kept trying. Anywho's she is 12 in two weeks and i am finally giving her her sister in July, but i do wish they were closer in age.....b/c when Ella is 6 Meg will be leaving the house:( I would have been fine and my daughter would have been fine, she loves her brothers so much and is a second mommy! But i do feel so blessed to be having another daughter and not just that, but with the love of my life (my hubby of 3 years in April=) 5 is our perfect #

I have 3 boys, I have wanted a girl since I was a little girl myself, I never thought myself as just a boys mum but here I am. I will NEVER be ok with not having a daughter, I will TTC a girl at the beginning of 2011. I had terrible GD with all my pregnancy and I would do anything to make my dream come true.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

 

mydominicanbaby:

will you be ok with never having the son or daughter that you always wanted? 

For me, I dont think I ever will be ok. That being said, like you I have completely accepted what I have (4 boys), and I love it, something that I dreaded all of my life too. I remember a project we done in science at school, boys and girls had to pair up and tear up pieces of paper, all of the girls had to write x on all of theirs and fold them up and put them in a pot, the boys had to write x on half of them and y on the other half and put them in a seperate pot. We then had to pick a piece out each and see what we got, me and my partner got 5 boys.  remember thinking this better not happen in real life. Well im nearly there, lol. But I dont think I will ever be ok with no girl.

I feel that in time I will except that I will never have a daughter, I do hope I might get a grandaughter in a few years though, lol I will always wonder what my daughter would of looked like though

I know that I will be okay, so to speak. I also know that I will never feel complete. Or get over the fact that I will never have the opportunity to raise a boy or my girls will never have a brother. Deep inside I know that it will haunt me. I still can't believe that my destiny is to have 3 dd's. I love this #3 in my belly and have always accepted she is a she. I am just secretly pained, every baby announcement, every commercial, every time I hear the word son. I don't ever see that completely going away. I am prepared to have to carry this sadnesss with me forever. 3 is all we can possibly care for, so this is it. I will have 3 daughters. I will be a girl scout mom 3 times. I will shop for prom and wedding dresses 3 times. I will never get to see the other side. My DH will always feel like the odd man out.

 Life will go on and our girls will continue to bring us joy and make us proud. It isn't the worst thing that could happen. In reality, I am SOOO fortunate and blessed. So I will suck it up and move on. All the time keeping this GD to myself. (and you all of course!)

I think that we will all be ok. 

I always look at my mom.  She has 2 daughters and really, really, really wanted a boy, like you.  And for some pretty deep reasons too: her biological father was never in the picture, her adopted dad was an alcoholic and her brothers were all losers.  I think she wanted to "raise" a good man. 

Her and my dad were crushed when my sister came out. 

She never went on to have her son but her oldest daughter (me ) gave her 3 grandsons whom she ADORES.  She is having so much fun with them,.  Seriously, she's enjoying it more than being a mom.  It's ALL about the fun stuff.  She doesn't have to do the awful part of parenting (the drudgery of the every day routine, the disciplining, the refereeing between siblings, potty training, time outs, etc.)  It's nothing but pure joy. (I know this is something that you probably don't want to hear right now though.) 

Life always has a way of working out, but often it's just not how we imagined.

Bowlofcherries:

I thought I would be okay without a daughter and because of that I have let WAY to many years pass me by...I am starting to absolutely panic at the thought of truly never having a daugther.  I have two sons but was too afraid to have another baby for fear of another boy.  I wish I could have all of those years back to try...more than once if needed.  Four kids would be my absolute limit though! 

This is me - exactly!  I am 34 - inching closer to "advanced maternal age", so these thoughts are starting to creep into my mind.  That, and the fact that now my sisters are having their first children.  I don't think I ever completely convinced myself that I would be ok without a daughter, but the thought of having another boy just completely stopped me from trying again.  Now I'm starting to think the risk would be worth it - it would be fun to have a baby in the house again.  I hated being pg though, and could my body handle it now that I am older?  My pregnancies were not fun when I was in my early 20's, how would it be in my 30's?  What about the age gap there would be between a new baby and my boys?  And if I did end up with another boy, would I regret it?  I know my INITIAL response to hearing "boy" again would be - WTF was I thinking?!   I would love the baby regardless, but would I end up MORE bitter than I am now?  On the flip side, I could have a daughter and then all of the bitterness/resentment/jealousy would be gone.  THAT would be totally worth the risk, but these are the question I have to ask myself and I can't answer any of them.

Wow all of you ladies said something that reminded me of my situation.   Mimosa 75- I plan to start at the end of 2011.  I just can’t stop until I try at least one more time.  Hoping 3 times a charm and the boy will magically appear.  I am scared a heck though.  I had terrible GD with my recent baby while I was pregnant and I don’t want to go through that again. I look at her now and I feel awful for all the bad feelings I had about her.  I am so afraid but I just can’t give up. Millie- you sound like me.  I am really hoping that both of my daughters will give me 2 or 3 grandsons each if I am never able to give them a brother.  Although I know that probably wont happen.  My mom had 3 girls I was hoping to give her more grandsons but gave her more girls to love.  LOL!  My 1^st daughter’s paternal grandmother came to visit us last week and she had 3 boys.  I was talking to her and she said I desperately wanted my last son to be a girl, now she has 5 granddaughters and 1 grandson.  She said I wanted a girl so bad now I got all of these granddaughters and they won’t stop coming.  LOL!  We laughed so hard about it.  Ynotme- I love your profile name because that’s how I feel.  LOL!  Ynotme to get my PP.  I feel the same, I am ok however I still get a little touch of GD and sadness when I see people that were pregnant around the same time as me have a little boy and announce their son.  I was writing in DD#2 baby book today and it asked her sisters name and when I got to the part for her brothers name I quickly turned the page.  I do a lot of online shopping for her as well because the stores still hurt a little to see the blue stuff.  But my GD has subsided a lot and like you I keep it to myself and enjoy my girls.  They didn’t ask to be here.   

BeebsNBubbs- I think she wanted to "raise" a good man.  That’s how I felt.  I just wanted to raise a good boy into a good man and see what it was like to have a little boy around.  I grew up in a house full of girls.

 

 I will never be okay with it, but at this point in my life I am trying to make decisions with everyone's best interests in mind. I don't think I have the personal capacity to raise more than 3 children. I am overextended as it is, and even if I got my DD for #4 I don't think my GD would go away, because I would be too tired and stressed to enjoy her. I really envy mothers of 3 or 4 or 5 boys who can take everything in a stride and be good parents to that many children, I just know that I don't have that in me. I am working towards accepting the fact that this is it for me, and my fate is already sealed. I am not religious, so for me it just feels like dumb luck. I don't believe there was a plan for me or anything like that. I still shake my head and think, how is it possible that I am really staring baby #3 in the face and don't have a daugher yet? ME? all I ever wanted was one daughter.