What to do...what to do....

 My heart lies in adoption, I think I have established that here before. LOL I still want to adopt for then anything...but now my biological clock has started to tick away again. My youngest just turned 1 yr old and has slowly weaned from breastfeeding so that now he's done breastfeeding. He doesn't need me anymore. *sniff* Now that has happened its like my body has kicked in the instincts to return to fertility. Of course I have the Mirena IUD so that's not an option. haha

But I talked with Dh and he said its up to me. LOL Love it! So my plan is to get my AAS degree which will take two years and in the mean time I can work on my weight. I have about 40 lbs to lose until I'm within the healthy weight range. Uggh That just seems so impossible. :(  Also, it would give a nice age gap between my baby and the next one.

THAT SAID...I still really want to adopt. Each baby I have puts me that much further away from adopting. However, adopting internationally is totally out of the questions in two years time. I'd love to start the foster care program in two years and start the wait for a child to adopt but I don't know if we'd qualify.


We don't make a lot of money and things are tight...yet we still can afford sports, music lessons, and other fun things. However because of our large family and DH's minimal income - we qualify for services such as free medical insurance for the boys, etc. I just don't know if we'd "qualify" to be a foster family at this time, or even considered for adoption? It seems the social workers pick the families they feel is best suited for a child and perhaps we aren't best suited because of our current large family and minimal income? I just don't know.  Dh is curently going to school and planning to enter the nursing program (He has 16 yrs experience as a CNA so it seems like the most logical next step to earn more income!)  and so we won't always be living on a minimal income. However we have NO clue when he'll be able to start the nursing program since his current job situation is very tricky - he does private home health care for an elderly man and he's promised to stay until the man passes on. He can't go to nursing school while working full time and we have no clue when this job will "be over". uggh Tough situation...

As of right now, we have the space in the house - currently we have one room my brother is using temporarily and another room DH is using as his office. Another consideration - I have heard that its easier to adopt if you are a foster family first because typically foster families get the first choice of adoption if that child they are fostering becomes free to adopt. If we were an adoption only family, it may take a long time and it'd be much harder to specify a girl in the age range we want. 

THAT said...if we were to licensed as foster parents, I would not specify only girls because obviously we are an ideal candidate for a boy foster child also. I wonder if we could specify free to foster either gender but would prefer to be considered for girls in need of long term care/possible adoption?

I just know that in two years I'm going to want to do something...if fostering is not going to be applicable to us at that time then I'll want to get PG again. And then - could six kids be "too much" for the foster care system after that?

Thanks!!!!

Unfortunately family size will be a problem you will run into. Most states have a 6 kid rule (some are 5), so you should look into that.

Follow your heart. Adoption is long and hard and you have to really set your heart to do it or it just won't work. having bio kids is easier if you are fertile, but how will you feel if it is another boy and then the door is shut on foster/adopt.

It is a hard decision, good luck!

 Oh dear - lost my whole reply. I've been having that happen a lot here lately. :(

Anyway I found out through some digging that yes, for foster care six children in the home is max. So we could apply in a couple years, if we dont' qualify then that door will be closed. :( Then we will TTC again. I'm 28 and DH is 34...we aren't super young, but we aren't nearing the end of our childbearing years just quite yet either.

OR - if I'm understanding right, adopting a foster child does not require you to be a foster parent - is that correct? If you are adopting a child that has parental rights terminated and is just waitng for an adoptive family? And in that case, our children amount does not matter - is that correct thinking? I couldn't find anything on adopting in the US and max number of children allowed.

Or option three - some countries do not have limits on children in the home, however they are very few and that could change. Isn't Ethopia pretty much the only one right now? I keep seeing these very large families adopting...there has to be a way. So we could TTC in two years and then when DH starts his career finally then we can adopt internationally then if the US isn't working out.
Oh and I also posted that I don't care so much about another boy, but I do know that I can't (DH won't let me LOL) have as many children as I want until I have a daughter or two. LOL Thankfully I love my boys, and I'd LOVE ten boys. I just want a daughter somewhere in there also.
It doesnt' help when people like to tell me stories of all the families they know who have many many boys. Just last night I heard about a family with ten boys and finally a girl, and then another family with fourteen boys and no girls. Could you imagine ten to fourteen children of all the same gender! Wow. What are the odds?

Thanks again for all your info. :)

snipsnsnailsx5:

OR - if I'm understanding right, adopting a foster child does not require you to be a foster parent - is that correct? If you are adopting a child that has parental rights terminated and is just waitng for an adoptive family? And in that case, our children amount does not matter - is that correct thinking? I couldn't find anything on adopting in the US and max number of children allowed.

Or option three - some countries do not have limits on children in the home, however they are very few and that could change. Isn't Ethopia pretty much the only one right now? I keep seeing these very large families adopting...there has to be a way. So we could TTC in two years and then when DH starts his career finally then we can adopt internationally then if the US isn't working out.
Oh and I also posted that I don't care so much about another boy, but I do know that I can't (DH won't let me LOL) have as many children as I want until I have a daughter or two. LOL Thankfully I love my boys, and I'd LOVE ten boys. I just want a daughter somewhere in there also.
It doesnt' help when people like to tell me stories of all the families they know who have many many boys. Just last night I heard about a family with ten boys and finally a girl, and then another family with fourteen boys and no girls. Could you imagine ten to fourteen children of all the same gender! Wow. What are the odds?

To adopt a foster child, you must be a foster parent, unless you go out of state. Then you need a private homestudy. However, you have to be ready for way older, sibling sets, & major special needs (mostly behavioral and emotional). Also, they like to see that you are a foster parent in your state, they will always give those first "dibs". Adopting out of state is hard, possible but very hard.

I really do suggest you become a FP first...

If you are ready to try and try again for a girl, then go for it! You really never know, although I, like you, have heard of families who have many many kids before they have their girl.